Zack Has a Way of Making Me Crazy...

Some times I wonder: Who is managing this relationship? Mistress or slave?
Earlier I posted about the challenges of not being able to see Zack and having to keep My lust for him pushed way back into the recesses of My mind. I had been pretty successful and then, along comes Zack, with a few well chosen words and the obsession begins anew. He knows how to work Me.

Another Weekend...

 Zack says he gets disorientated when we have not had enough opportunity to spend time together. I have a similar effect - except that the longer I go without being with him the more depressed I get. Lets see if I can explain it.

My past sexual experiences have been far less than satisfactory. Being married to a man who only had fulfilling his own needs in mind, I became very successful at not letting myself become aroused, to simply "turn off" - who wants to be highly aroused, ready for that "head explosion" and then have your partner roll over and go to sleep because he's done? You just don't respond. You lay there, let it happen, and then go to sleep yourself.

There are times lately, when I feel myself going back into that - I think it becomes an automatic response of self preservation.  It has nothing to do with Zack's ability to fulfill my every sexual need - he is amazing at what he does. I have NEVER been left dissatisfied when I have been with him. I don't expect I ever will be.

Being disconnected has its price. When I know I am not able to see Zack, I simply "shut off" the arousal switch. I don't think there is anything worse than being aroused, wanting him so badly and then not being able to make it happen. That has occurred, often is seems, lately (probably not as often as it feels like) - through no fault of his or mine. It is what it is. But as you can tell, the separation takes it's toll on us both. "Switching off" doesn't always work, though. Then Zack gets a very forceful telephone message about my need.

I promised Zack I would write him an erotic blog post today. I'll try, but I hope he understands that I am feeling a little less than sexual these days. I need him to get my groove back.

Yes, I have asked Zack to come with me tomorrow for a hike. He needs that more than anything. He needs to get away from work, from home. Nothing in more invigorating and beneficial that getting out into nature. Nothing, except getting out into nature with me. You see, Zack thinks going for a walk in the woods would be boring.

He doesn't know the surpises I could spring on him. Like being tied to a tree, while I suck on that gorgeous big cock of his. I like taking it way into the back of my throat. I love teasing him this way. Of course, he would not be allowed to cum - that is forbidden. Or, laying the blanket out in a clearing and fucking his face - I could sure use that orgasm right now. I LOVE fucking that perfectly fuckable face of his. Or maybe, he would get one of the new butt plugs shoved in his ass to wear while we walk. He needs that kind of training anyway, maybe tomorrow will be day 1.

Or maybe I will bring his collar and leash, and lead him down the garden path, so to speak. Of course, there will be people around - they will see what a wonderfully obedient slave I have. I could simply park the fuckmobile in the trees and use him in the back seat in every way that comes to mind. Or, maybe I would make him sit in the front seat and listen to me pleasure myself in the backseat - listening and so wishing it was him making me feel sooooo good. No, boring is never what you will experience when you are with me, Zack, darling. You should know better - and perhaps I will bring my crop just to remind you.

Sarah and perfection

I know Sarah likes to be good at everything she does. And she's exceptionally good, outstanding, pretty close to perfect. She's like this at work, with kids, and with her slave.

She demonstrated that this week when I was very rattled at work. I wasn't able to see her, and she accepted this without any rancour. I wish I had her inner strength.

I'm feeling disoriented right now because it's been too long since I've seen Sarah. Things have been too busy at work. When I don't see Sarah for a while, I lose my bearings. I need her firm discipline and Domination to keep me centred.

She wants to walk in the woods tomorrow. I just want her to fuck me and fuse with me and take control and help me escape from all the stress.

I love her crop so much. I ache to see her in her boots. I want her to suck my cock but order me not to cum. I want her to fuck me hard and order me not to cum. I want her to ram my face into her pussy and just feel like she can cum all over me.

I love being Sarah's slave. It's the perfect escape. I miss Sarah more than she knows.

Zack

Making Choices...

It is amazing how a change in environment can change one's perspective. Escaping from the oppression I seem to live under allows me to feel stronger, to BE stronger. Once again I am reminded that when I am not in control I am not happy. I am now back in control and making decisions.
Today I am exploring My options- I am looking for My own place, a place I can call "dungeon", a place where I AM the Mistress, where I control everything that goes on there. I have informed Zack that if he is very good, I may hang his collar by the door - next to My crop and whatever else I have in the discipline dept. It will be exciting to have a home for My toys. It is exciting to anticipate the activities that I may engage in there. Zack has offered up many scenarios and there once was a time when I would have vehemently not entertained any of them.

But Zack is My slave, he belongs to Me and his goal is to meet My needs, satisfy My desires. It is enticing to Me that he throws out ideas and scenarios to consider. It is almost as if he lurks in the deep recesses of My mind, seeking out the fantasies there that I have not yet even dreamed of. I look forward to exploring new pleasures with My slave - he truly is a slut, My slut, and I know he is as eager for the experiences as I am!
First things first, however - setting the stage. The place I am looking at today is very near where Zack lives. I find it exciting to anticipate him being at home or work (which is also near by) and wondering if I am there - and if I am, what I'm doing and with whom? I mean, who says you can only have 1 slave anyway??

Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

Limbo....

And I don't mean the dance...

It's ironic how "Life" gets in the way of what we want the most. "Life" pushes us along, until we come to a crossroad - then, we have to choose. At least, we are supposed to chose, we should chose if we are moral, ethical, trusted elements in the lives of others.

2 years ago, I met Zack - Life had brought me to a crossroad of sorts. There was a strange twist in that road - it actually didn't go one way or another, there was a third "option" - 2 paths that ran side by side - parallel to each other. Very different paths, but close enough together, with very few obstacles that could prevent me from being on either path on any given day. 2 paths close enough together that I could easily hop from one to the other, with no one the wiser, no one watching.

What I have been unaware of was that someone WAS watching - not sure of what I was doing, but aware that the other path existed, and that perhaps I WAS jumping back and forth. Now, the "watcher" has chosen to reveal themselves, has come forward and demands I chose one path or the other. I suppose it all was just a matter of time.

Now, I am expected to behave in a manner that those who live on the oldest path want & expect. Now, crossing from 1 path to the other is more of a challenge. The situation is not insurmountable - I can make a choice. I can leave the path where Zack is and continue on the old path. (although, leaving Zack is certainly not much of an option) I can create another path, my own path, that runs along side Zack's - a path I can stray off of whenever I want without anyone watching, scrutinizing me.  Or I can find a new path, separate yet again from the others. I can chose a path where I am alone. The choices are many. The choices now seem impossible. I'm afraid none will lead to my happiness.

I am worried about Zack. He is travelling the same parallel paths - one with me and the other with his day to day life. He is very cautious, but is he cautious enough?  Is anyone watching him as well? I don't believe that is a risk I want to take, or one he should take - I would give my life to protect his. I haven't been able to talk to him about this. I don't know how he is feeling right now. All I know is I worry about him constantly for many reasons. I can not put his well-being at risk. I would die first.

I love you Zack.
Out of everything we have been through,  everything we have experienced, that is the most important thing I can tell you. To me, nothing else matters.

In Answer to Zack's Questions...

Zack asked several questions last Wednesday. Zack asks lots of questions - he keeps Me on my toes!

Zack asks:

Does Sarah get off sexually at the thought of two men together?

In reality, this isn't something I have contemplated. At one point in My life, the answer would have been yes. I don't think now it would be the fact that it was 2 men that I would "get off on" (how totally eloquent, Zack!) - I believe that what turns Me on is the passion between 2 people - and this isn't anything you see in porn videos - they are so fake, so totally asexual from my perspective. Just plain fucking - without any substance behind it - if that makes any sense.

Does she ever watch gay male porn and masturbate to it?
See above - I have watched gay porn, and yes, early on, it did turn me on enough to masturbate - but the fakeness of it all does nothing for me now. I rarely watch any porn anymore. I am curious about watching 2 people fucking, though.. but the real thing - lust, passion, urgency - not the fake shit.

Does she want to see a man suck my big hard cock?
I'm pretty sure that your big hard cock is going to be owned solely by Me. I am a very possessive woman - I doubt I will ever want to share the taste of you with anyone else. But, I have learned to "never say never" so, who knows???? I think, though, I want to be the ONLY one turning you on - and i could be wrong, but having your cock sucked - by anyone - would have to be a "turn on". Again, I am far too possessive.

Would she enjoy watching this as she fucks my face?
What I enjoy watching when I fuck your gorgeous face is your gorgeous face.
 
At the end of the day, I am not sure I will ever share you with anyone. My property is MY property. I never learned to share as a child, I doubt I will be very good at sharing as a Mistress.
 
W/we'll see...

The End of a VERY Long Week...

Zack asks a lot of questions. He has a lot of things going on in his head, and seems to need to know everything that is going on in Mine as well, even before I do.

When I read his latest blog post (his assignment which was due today), I wrote him with a simple "WOW!" I think he thought it was the content that got me fired up. It was, in a way, but what fired me up was that he was pulling out stuff he has hidden away for a long time. I think this is monumental. Zack is an amazing man - extremely intelligent, very talented, more sensitive to people's plights or feelings than anyone I have ever met. He gives everything he can give to everyone without a single though to himself - and regardless of what the impact might be on him.

We are alike in many ways and one of them is an intense sense of insecurity. Through my association with Zack, my love, my experiences for and with him, I am learning to believe in Myself, to believe in my own talents, and my strength. He has become my rock, when I need him to lean on, I can count on him to be there. I can not begin to thank him enough for that, and for saving Me.

I owe it to him to try to do the same for him. He needs to believe in himself, he needs to learn to love himself, he needs to know that he is good, pure, kind. I want him to love himself as much as I love him. I am confident I can help him do this. I am no shrink, but I do believe that if we love ourselves, we can handle anything that comes at us. It isn't easy, especially for people like Zack and I. What is so great about U/us is that W/we know W/we can count on the other to boost U/us up when W/we need it. I needed that this week. I was definitely not in My comfort zone, I was not in control of what was happening to, and around, Me. I needed My slave, My slut, My whore (he loves it when I call him that! <vbg>) - I needed MY Zack - and he was there. He has no idea how much that meant to Me, but I will make sure he knows soon.

Zack's response to my assignment was better than he knows. What he doesn't know is that I am going to demand more of that - going into the deep recesses of his mind and pulling out the "monsters" he has hidden there. We all have them, I have them as well. Mine lie not far beneath the surface - I can sense them lurking there, like sea monsters swimming around in the black deep water - looking for the chance to consume Me, and everyone around Me. I am not at a point where I can fish them out and expose them to the light. I don't have enough confidence in Myself or My relationships to do that. I can not trust anyone with them yet. Perhaps I never will, but I know that if I ever do, it will be Zack who will be there for me. He already knows the "smaller" ones - it's those huge, all consuming monsters with the big teeth that will take some time to extricate - if they ever can be. We'll see.

But my focus is Zack. I believe he is in the same spot as I am. Still not quite sure what he wants to share, what he can trust me with. His first assignment was beautifully completed.

What I was looking for was for him to tell me how he felt about what I proposed to do with him at some point in our M/s Relationship. What he gave me was not only a complete outpouring of loyalty and submission to Me, but he admitted to and brought out thoughts in his subconscious that he had buried a long time ago, thoughts that shamed him. In doing that he laid himself over to me - he opened himself up to either being eviscerated by the vicious cougar as he showed his perceived " weaknesses" or to a loving, compassionate, protective Mother who would always want and keep him safe, loved and accepted no matter what. He got - and always will get - Mother.

Zack, it wasn't the content that moved Me, that caused that "WOW" reaction.  It was your pure, child-like adoration, genuine love and trust that you gave Me in your response. I accept your gift and will always protect it and hold it close to My heart.

I love you, Zack, I love you with the very core of My existence. NOTHING is ever going to change that, or take that from us. NOTHING. I promise you this with everything that is in me.


(Enough of the sugar and mush- My next posts will get down to what Mistress is planning for Her very obedience slave whore - stay tuned!)

Sarah's directing this show

Sarah seemed so sedate and reasonable in her last post. But I can tell you that when I heard her phone message after reading my last post, she sure sounded aroused. I think it made her soaking wet, which is a good thing.

Sarah is discovering herself. She knows I love her, which has given her the confidence to own her Dominance and incorporate it into her being. I believe this is giving her a new zest for life.

Her reaction to my last post makes me wonder about a few things.

Does Sarah get off sexually at the thought of two men together?

Does she ever watch gay male porn and masturbate to it?

Does she want to see a man suck my big hard cock?

Would she enjoy watching this as she fucks my face?

When I write these things, I am contemplating all of this with her in mind, directing the show, ordering me as her slut.

Sarah is the sexiest woman on the planet. I think regular readers of this blog already know this.

Zack

The Psychology of It All...

Zack's last post was very revealing, athough he may not realize it. You may remember, that I am new to not only this "lifestyle", but these insights about myself as well. Learning more about myself is what has allowed me to develop the strength in me that Zack so readily accepts and longs for. My goal is to faciliate Zack's own discovery into himself - not only discovery but self acceptance as well. He so needs to learn to love himself as much I love him.

Mistress and the last email

I woke up early to see a message from Mistress in my private email account. She informed me that she wants to watch me suck cock....actually, she wants to order me to suck cock and she will teach me how to take it in the back of my throat.

After the man ejaculates and leaves, I am to go to the shower. There she will pee on me to show me that she is the alpha bitch.

The act of sucking cock worries me a little, but the thought of being forced to do this to please Sarah is indescribably erotic, perhaps because for me, it's forbidden. If I'm tied up, restrained, and forced to do this -- with no ability to resist -- it could be interesting. I am going to sound needy right now. But I really feel like I need Sarah's presence now, and if we do that.

I could also imagine the possibility of being ordered to pull out my cock and feeding it to another male slut on Sarah's instructions. But she may not want me to do that. For the first time, I'm wondering what it would be like to be ordered to do this. .... but only if it is something Sarah desires. I am her slut.

I enjoy writing these posts knowing that Sarah and others are reading them. I love Sarah. I love her so much that she could order a man to masturbate on my face, ejaculating his semen on my cheeks and chin, and I would accept this as a sign of my devotion to Mistress -- if this is what SHE desires.

It's all about pleasing her. My pleasure comes from pleasing her. I think this is why I love it so much when she fucks my face.

I can tell that it turns her on to have complete control in this way. She feels my devotion, but she also is in her natural state when she's force-fucking my face. Maybe one day she'll find a female slut who needs to fuck a face, and offer mine up. I probably wouldn't even know it, because she covers me with a blindfold.

Then again, I would probably figure it out because no one could taste as sweet as Sarah.

Zack

Sarah's slut

I'm Sarah's slave-slut and it's hard to think of anything more enjoyable than being forced to please her orally. She knows she can face-fuck me whenever she likes because I'm a cheap whore for her.

If anyone is reading this blog and has any ideas about how I can be an even better whore, please feel free to make any suggestions. Is there anything you would like me to do for Sarah?

Zack

Tasks and Success...

It has been a challenging day, not at all the way I would have liked it to be. The saving grace is Zack. Zack is my rock. I know I can rely on him. I trust him. Always.

He was quite prompt in completing his instructions, and he did very well. If I were a teacher, I would give him an 90% on this assignment. I beleive the only part he missed out was how he would feel if he changed his mind about the scene and I shut it down and just left.

But that part is minor, mainly because I doubt it would happen.

The new toy has arrived. I will get a picture of it and post it here soon. The next step in Zack's training is coming...

Sarah's sadness

Sarah is feeling very sad because of events in her personal life. I'm wishing her the very best. If you don't hear from her for a while, this is the reason.

Zack

Sarah's orders

Sarah,

I’ve been thinking a lot about what you’ve written about fucking me in the ass with your toy. It’s both frightening and highly erotic and intimate.

You know that I’ve never had my ass played with before. It’s not something that comes easily to me.

But there was one brief period in my life when I had fantasies about being fucked in the ass. I was living with a miserable woman. I moved out for a month into a room where I was all by myself. This was about 15 years ago.

For some reason at that time, I would sometimes fantasize about being fucked by a man in the ass. Maybe it was a brief flirtation of switching to the other team, as they say. I don’t know. I never acted on that, but I did masturbate a couple of times in this position.

I do know that at that time, I was very distraught by the relationship I was in. I returned to that relationship and those fleeting thoughts vanished. Maybe there’s a part of me that has been buried in my unconscious…a forbidden part of myself that I refused to acknowledge.

Sexuality is a mysterious thing. Sometimes, I wonder if humans move up and down. Kinsey suggested this.

You know my primary desire is most definitely women. But you wanted honesty. I had another moment like this when I was very young. I was training an obviously gay man to fill in for me at my job. For some reason, I suddenly felt very aroused, went to the washroom and masturbated. Those feelings went dormant.

But I felt a similar sexual jolt not long ago when you mentioned your fantasy about having your husband suck cock. I revealed this to you. I could imagine being forced by you to suck cock on demand for you if it pleased you and this is what YOU wanted as my Mistress.

I would prefer that if this occurred, the cock was covered with a condom because I’m petrified of diseases. I don’t think I could handle being fucked by a man. It’s not something I fantasize about. I don’t even fantasize about sucking cock. But I love being your complete slave and slut, and I would do this for you—particularly if you had me under your complete control, tied up, and bound, so I had no choice in the matter. But I would need to hear your voice, be assured that you were in control. Otherwise, it’s far too frightening, uncomfortable, and foreign.

I need you to be with me if we ever go down that road. And I don’t need to go down that road, either.

If you fuck me, I would like you to do that in exactly the way you described. I’m still very squeamish about having this cavity invaded. I can’t even bring myself to have a prostate examination, let alone do this. But I feel such a deep, intimate connection with you, Sarah, that I'm willing to try. I love you. I have a deep need to please you. I can imagine you calling me a slut, using your crop on my ass, telling me that I’m your prisoner, your slave, your whore, and then taking me slowly, giving me a chance to say no.

I like the thought of this with you because I feel it would deepen our connection. But I very much doubt I’ll like it as much as you fucking me in the conventional way. I’m willing to try, though.

In this whole area of BDSM, I think one of my favourites is when you tie me up, bind me, and force-feed me your pussy. This way, I experience the euphoria that comes with your orgasm, Sarah. Your orgasms are what drive me sexually. If I don't think you're experiencing this pleasure, it has no interest for me.

You mentioned in your dream that you were highly aroused by fucking me. This is a major reason why I want to try this. For me, it's all about your pleasure. If you don't experience a sexual high, then I want to try something else that will give you a sexual high.

I think you get high on sexual power, having this power, this control. Fucking me in this way could reinforce these erotic feelings for you. I have a hunch, though, that ordering me to suck cock might have a greater effect on you. I don't know. It's just a hunch.

I hope I have fulfilled your instructions, my love.

Zack

I need Sarah

I need Sarah's punishment.
I need Sarah's taste.
I need Sarah's crop.
I need Sarah's collar.
I need Sarah's leash.
I need Sarah's control.
I need Sarah's anger.
I need Sarah's orgasm.
I need Sarah's love.

Regarding Sarah's earlier post

I only want to be trained to be Sarah's submissive. I do not want to be trained, let go, and then left with anyone else. I'm Sarah's slut. I want to be used by Sarah. If my mouth pleases another Mistress, I want this only to occur with Sarah's instructions. There is no point doing this without Sarah's loving guidance.

Zack.

Sarah's last post

I will be gladly responding in detail to Sarah's post. This will occur by September 2. Now is not the best time to do it, so I am going to write down other thoughts and feelings swirling around inside me.

Sarah has become much more assertive and more Dominant. She is finding her true self. I feel this is making her less dependent on me to help complete her life because she is finding this wholeness within herself. On the one hand, I'm glad that our trust has helped her get to this point. She can be a Dominant Bitch, when she's feeling this way, and she won't be judged for this. She can slap my ass, push my face into the carpet, force me to lick her pussy and yes, maybe even pee on me. I will love her.

I know she is also going to own and fuck my ass. Sarah is changing right before my eyes and the eyes of everyone reading this blog. This is a good thing. We should all strive for authenticity.

But I will confess that there will be times when I miss the Sarah who had a needy side, and who needed me in her life. Maybe that made me feel more useful in my way.

We all grow and evolve. She's at a point in her life where she must express this Dominant side of her being, which has always been there. I'm lucky she has chosen me as her slut, because she is loving. She doesn't want to hurt people.

But Sarah is recognizing within herself that she has discovered there is something very erotic about administering pain in a safe way. I can imagine that this new Sarah is very capable of collecting other sluts if I don't please her, whereas the old Sarah wouldn't do this. This keeps me on edge and makes me feel less secure.

I'm looking forward to Sarah fucking my ass. Maybe this will help convince her that I deeply want to be her slave. Sometimes, I'm not sure she truly comprehends this desire of mine to be her slut slave-whore.

I love you Sarah.

Zack

Zack's first "Public" Display of Reverence for his Mistress....

I was just laying here in bed, reading Zack's recent posts, thinking about his training. Something I have asked him to do in the past has not yet come to be. I'm now hoping that giving him instruction here will "force" him to comply. He's a smart man, he has a way with words, let's see if he can find the words I am looking for. This should be easy - but when I ask him to express his true feelings, he manages to change the subject.

Zack, by the end of this week - Sept 2, 2011, I want to read a detailed description of your inner most thoughts and feelings about getting your ass fucked by me - in about the way I described in an earlier post. I want to hear what you think it is going to be like, (the thrashing you are going to get first) what it is going to feel like, and how you are going to feel being dominated in that way and knowing you have no choice in the matter. Will you feel humiliated? I want to read if this has been something you have fantasized about in the past. I want to know if you are afraid of loving it so much you won't be able to get enough. I want our readers to learn what you are afraid of. And I want them to know how you will feel if you disappoint me and I end the play session right then and there.

I will know if you write a snow job, so you better write this from your heart. Our readers will be waiting..and then they will be voting on my little poll...

Ciao, Baby

The Journey..

I enjoy writing my thoughts down here on this blog. Doing so allows me to reflect on the past, the present and the future. I feel myself getting stronger, less "what will he/she/they think?" It isn't so much that I don't care, but that my entire life doesn't hang in the balance as a result. This applies to Zack as well. That doesn't mean that if I lost him out of my life I wouldn't care, it doesn't mean I wouldn't be heart broken, but it does mean that I know I would be able to pick myself up rather quickly and move on.

I have experienced many losses in my life. They didn't kill me. and you know what they say "That which doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger"  Perhaps they help you develop a shell, an armour that gets you to a point where you don't give a fuck about anything. Perhaps recent events in my life have given me that "who gives a fuck?" attitude, I don't know. What I do know is "who gives a fuck?" protects you from pain. There is nothing sensual or sexual about the pain of lost relationships.

That is where I am at right now. This is actually going to benefit Zack in many ways - his training will become more structured and effective. My instruction and expectations are going to become more clear. This alone will give him a better opportunity for success, if he wants it. He won't feel so much pressure from me - although his success or failure is very important to me, it will be more important to him. His success will garner him many rewards. His success will feed my need to be perfect. We both win.

Zack already told you that we are not in a position to be public about our relationship - and not just the M/s one, but any and all connection of any kind must be kept under wraps. This in itself is unfortunate. Nothing would delight me more than to show up at Zack's office, his personalized collar and leash in hand and announce that it is time for me to take my slave for a walk, buckle on his collar and then lead him out. I know the idea of this not only excites Zack, but also would cause him significant anxiety - mainly because he knows now not to put anything past me. :-) One thing Zack knows is that he shouldn't ever dare me to do anything because I can never pass up a dare. Like the expression "be careful what you wish for", Zack needs to be careful of what he dares me to do because  I definitely have a very naughty side to me.

Right now, I own Zack. But I know not to be complacent about this either.  I am fully aware that the circumstances could change on a dime. I know that I could get a call tomorrow from him saying he is moving to, say, Paris, New York, or anywhere. I hope I am not training him for some other Mistress somewhere else, but if that were the case, I will be proud that I have trained him to be the very best slave ever.

I love you Zack.

The Power I Have...

I see My little slut has been posting. I like it when I am able to distract him from his work. I know his work suffers, but it is just another way he is able to show the power I have over him - even subconsciously. He is trying to learn, he is trying to figure out what he needs to do to please me - sadly for him, I am a bit of a moving target. I will admit, I do it a little on purpose - I like keeping him off balance.

Zack does have a little petulance in him - he can get like a little boy having a temper tantrum, especially when he gets stressed. I've let it go in the past, I've even felt bad about it, because I do understand, and this is the little boy part of him I love so much. But those days will come to an end soon. A good Mistress/Mother has to provide guidance and correction. Zack gets overwhelmed with life sometimes - I will teach him how to manage it better. I only want the very best for him, and when he is able to handle the day to day shit better, he will be happier - as a productive employee and as a slave.

A bitchier Sarah is busting out of her cocoon, but she will still be very very loving - Zack doesn't have to worry.