I don't know what is happening. Suddenly, I am feeling... well, I am not sure what I am feeling, except a heightened consciousness of Zack. Sure, I have had him in My mind night and day for the past 27 months (and one would think that the excitement, passion and sheer lust wold have worn off or at least diminished by now) but this is new. I hear his voice in My sleep - loud enough to wake Me up, My skin feels his touch long after we have parted, I can still feel his cock buried deep inside Me from yesterday. Suddenly, I WANT this man more than I ever thought possible. My lust for him is insatiable.
Perhaps this is in anticipation of what is to come, a response to the new level our relationship has arrived at. I can feel the Dom coming out in Me - not only with Zack, but in other aspects of My life as well. The feeling is strongest around Zack, but that strength lingers and is now becoming part of who I am at work and in My home life as well.
I've seen a change in Zack. I suspect he is going through an "awakening" of his own. He is giving himself over to me in a greater capacity than before. He is allowing it to become a part of him. I feel that, I sense the desire in him, and I know that he wants and NEEDS this as much as I do.
We are hoping to get some '"play" time next Thursday. I've told Zack that play is going to be more intense, more experiential than ever before. He knows he is going to be disciplined for his indiscretions the last time we were together - selfishly orgasming while I deliriously fucked his face. I am also bringing out the hot wax again - this time I will be better prepared so it won't be so messy in the room (wax flakes EVERYWHERE!! LOL). He will not only feel the burn of the spanking he is going to get but the hot wax on his ass that will follow. Those endorphins should be flowing strong by then. He is going to get fucked every way I can think of. And at some point in the day he will be baptised by My hot urine. Something about this, doing this to him and for the both of us goes directly to the core of My being, the very most primal part. Yesterday, Zack and I got together for a visit. Can I tell you that just being in his presence causes Me to feel things I had no idea was inside me. I had told him earlier in the week that the next time we play, he will experience My ownership in a new way - he was going to feel the heat of my urine raining on him. We were kissing and he whispered in my ear "I want that, I want you to pee on me. You want to do it, you want it as well, so what is holding us back?" The answer? Nothing, nothing but time and opportunity. His question sent a rush through My body, My mind spun. That was when I ordered him into the back seat of the car - I needed to fuck him right then and there. I needed to settle the rush in my head. I orgasmed almost immediately. It did little to minimize the arousal, the lust, the intense passion I was feeling. I'm doomed. I love it.
I am being consumed. I like it. I welcome it. I am excited for what is to come.
Saturday, 29 October 2011
Wednesday, 26 October 2011
Reflections...
While I drive to work my mind is always in action. This morning, after listening to Brian Melo's song "Anywhere But Here", I had to reflect on my current situation. I no longer feel regret over the last 20 or so years of my marriage, I just wish it were over. For a number of reasons, it can't be, so here I am - listening to a song I can easily relate to; my future is anywhere but here.
Which leads me to Zack and our relationship. I had never had an affair before, there has never been anyone else in my life but my husband. But there came a point in my life when I was examining everything in it, and along came Zack.
Which leads me to Zack and our relationship. I had never had an affair before, there has never been anyone else in my life but my husband. But there came a point in my life when I was examining everything in it, and along came Zack.
Monday, 24 October 2011
I Can't Sleep...
Thoughts of my meeting with Zack yesterday afternoon are filling My mind, making it impossible to sleep.
Every encounter seems to open another door for us to step through. Yesterday I saw (on his face) and heard (in his voice as well as in his words) how much Zack wants My Domination, NEEDS My Domination, and I realize how much I need to Dominate him. He is quite right - My confidence in this IS deepening with every date we have. What is curious, and I think unique to us, is that I don't have these feelings, this need, for anyone else. I have a husband whom I suspect just might welcome a certain level of sexual dominance from Me, yet I have no interest there. Zack tells Me the same- that he only feels this way with Me. He only want ME as his Mistress.
Every encounter seems to open another door for us to step through. Yesterday I saw (on his face) and heard (in his voice as well as in his words) how much Zack wants My Domination, NEEDS My Domination, and I realize how much I need to Dominate him. He is quite right - My confidence in this IS deepening with every date we have. What is curious, and I think unique to us, is that I don't have these feelings, this need, for anyone else. I have a husband whom I suspect just might welcome a certain level of sexual dominance from Me, yet I have no interest there. Zack tells Me the same- that he only feels this way with Me. He only want ME as his Mistress.
Sunday, 23 October 2011
Zack, Zack, Zack....
My darling, I do not want you to feel any insecurities. When I say "time will tell" it simply means that over time we will see how things evolve. Nothing more than that.
I PROMISE TO NEVER LET YOU DOWN. I WILL NOT DISRUPT YOUR LIFE. That would hurt you and that is the very last thing I want to do. We will work around the obstacles so that we both get what we want and need from this relationship.
Each time we are together we seem to make a new discovery about each other. Today was no different. I needed you so desperately today - My almost instant orgasm when your beautiful, huge cock slid inside Me was clear evidence of how much. Even I was caught off guard by it.
We both want more in this relationship. You are ready to surrender yourself to Me. I am ready to take us both to greater heights in this relationship. Our only stumbling block will be time and opportunity. I hope we can work around our limitations because I want to play with you - I want to do it all, experience it all, but I do not want to rush you. I want to build you up to these experiences so that not only can you look forward to them, but you can get extreme pleasure from them as well.
I do not take you or this relationship for granted. It is serious to Me, and you are the most important person in my life. Your joy and happiness is paramount in My mind.
I love you.
Sarah
I PROMISE TO NEVER LET YOU DOWN. I WILL NOT DISRUPT YOUR LIFE. That would hurt you and that is the very last thing I want to do. We will work around the obstacles so that we both get what we want and need from this relationship.
Each time we are together we seem to make a new discovery about each other. Today was no different. I needed you so desperately today - My almost instant orgasm when your beautiful, huge cock slid inside Me was clear evidence of how much. Even I was caught off guard by it.
We both want more in this relationship. You are ready to surrender yourself to Me. I am ready to take us both to greater heights in this relationship. Our only stumbling block will be time and opportunity. I hope we can work around our limitations because I want to play with you - I want to do it all, experience it all, but I do not want to rush you. I want to build you up to these experiences so that not only can you look forward to them, but you can get extreme pleasure from them as well.
I do not take you or this relationship for granted. It is serious to Me, and you are the most important person in my life. Your joy and happiness is paramount in My mind.
I love you.
Sarah
response to Sarah's last post on structure
This note of Sarah's offered me insights that I hadn't considered. I feel Sarah's desire to Dominate more fully, more completely, and more frequently. Consciously, I welcome this.
Perhaps Sarah is right about some unconscious resistance. But if it is unconscious, it's invisible to me. I have always had some resistance to authority. Maybe it's because authority figures have often let me down. I don't feel that Sarah will let me down, but I do worry when I see her write words like "time will tell". It heightens my insecurity somewhat.
We both know that I could fall into 24/7 servitude, which would thoroughly disrupt my life. I definitely have this in me. Sarah knows this, too.
Zack
Perhaps Sarah is right about some unconscious resistance. But if it is unconscious, it's invisible to me. I have always had some resistance to authority. Maybe it's because authority figures have often let me down. I don't feel that Sarah will let me down, but I do worry when I see her write words like "time will tell". It heightens my insecurity somewhat.
We both know that I could fall into 24/7 servitude, which would thoroughly disrupt my life. I definitely have this in me. Sarah knows this, too.
Zack
Sarah is my true Mistress. My Mistress always knows what is best for me, even when I don’t or might not agree. Because she is my Mistress it is my duty and desire to be her perfect slave, to follow all of her orders and instructions without question and to do everything in my power to please her. My Mistress brings balance and fulfillment to my life; without her I am no longer whole.
This is my mantra. I must never forget it. Mistress owns me in all ways, including my mouth.
She can use my mouth whenever she likes. I'm so happy to know that she is really coming to a point where she loves fucking my face.
She still doesn't get how much I enjoy that. The first time she did it was like a dream come true. It's what I've always desired --- being used like a cheap slut.
She can do whatever she wants with me.
Zack
This is my mantra. I must never forget it. Mistress owns me in all ways, including my mouth.
She can use my mouth whenever she likes. I'm so happy to know that she is really coming to a point where she loves fucking my face.
She still doesn't get how much I enjoy that. The first time she did it was like a dream come true. It's what I've always desired --- being used like a cheap slut.
She can do whatever she wants with me.
Zack
Sarah's confidence level
I feel that Sarah is becoming increasingly confident and sure of herself. She has always had this quality, but it's becoming even more apparent to me.
She's growing into her role as a 24/7 Dominant. It really is a major part of her being, and one that she wasn't fully aware of in the past.
I find myself extremely attracted to her inner strength and this self-assurance she carries with her. Her career has taken off in recent years. I think this is related to the way others see her.
Sarah commands respect. She deserves respect. And when she's feeling a bit cranky, I hope that she feels comfortable driving over to my work area, ordering me to join her in the fuckmobile, and forcing me to service her orally. A good slave does what he's told.
I want to be Sarah's good slave. I don't always succeed. But this is what makes me feel complete.
Zack
She's growing into her role as a 24/7 Dominant. It really is a major part of her being, and one that she wasn't fully aware of in the past.
I find myself extremely attracted to her inner strength and this self-assurance she carries with her. Her career has taken off in recent years. I think this is related to the way others see her.
Sarah commands respect. She deserves respect. And when she's feeling a bit cranky, I hope that she feels comfortable driving over to my work area, ordering me to join her in the fuckmobile, and forcing me to service her orally. A good slave does what he's told.
I want to be Sarah's good slave. I don't always succeed. But this is what makes me feel complete.
Zack
Sarah, Zack and Structure..
It's like "Structure" has become our problem child. To hear Zack talk, you would have thought I was trying to pack him up into a nice tight box, and that is ridiculous. I am as unstructured as the he is, maybe even more so if I allowed it. This is the little boy in him - pushing back at an authority figure trying to control him - wanting it, but not wanting it all at the same time. Again, he doesn't understand that I DO know what is best for him and again, I can't help but feel that he is not yet into this 100%. that, or he is simply confused about my expectations. I do not doubt that he loves Me, that he needs Me, that he wants My Dominance, I just think he hasn't gotten to a point of total acceptance - not yet. His subconscious is doing the "push back".
Sarah and structure
Sarah believes I need structure, but I don't think she's aware that I've never had structure in my life. I basically raised myself, and the whole notion of having a structured, planned life is a very foreign concept.
I know she is trying to introduce structure because she knows it's best for me. I think she wants to structure my diet as well.
Then when I don't respond well to this, she feels I'm somehow disrespecting her.
I'm not sure that Sarah fully comprehends why I have such trouble with structure. I hope she never confuses this difficulty I have with a lack of love for her, because there is no lack of love.
I adore Sarah. I adore the way she looks at me. I adore her wild side. She's unpredictable. I need her control in my life. Without it, I'm lost at sea.
Zack
Sunday, 16 October 2011
Structure is a Struggle...
I gave Zack a task. I thought it would be fairly simple: he was to memorize a few statements I prepared for him and repeat them to himself every time he is in the shower. I told him that the next time I saw him, he would be required to repeat it to me.
5 days later we got together to play. At a moment I knew he wouldn't be on guard, I asked the question.
He looked at me rather sheepishly and said, in his little boy voice "I think I'm going to be punished". He hadn't followed the instructions he had been given.
I was actually surprised at how this made me feel. I thought I would feel it was no big deal, but instead I was very disappointed. I took it very personally, even though I know Zack was not acting out of a lack of respect. I knew he had a bad week going on, but in hindsight, I felt my attempt to bring some structure to his life had been discarded. He had told me that "structure" makes him anxious, and this felt like pushback.
Disappointing me was very upsetting to zack. His distress almost broke my heart. How could I be upset? I forgave him, but he needs to understand that I DO know what is best for him and when I give him instructions they are given with careful consideration with his life and work, but I do expect them to be followed.
Sent from my BlackBerry
5 days later we got together to play. At a moment I knew he wouldn't be on guard, I asked the question.
He looked at me rather sheepishly and said, in his little boy voice "I think I'm going to be punished". He hadn't followed the instructions he had been given.
I was actually surprised at how this made me feel. I thought I would feel it was no big deal, but instead I was very disappointed. I took it very personally, even though I know Zack was not acting out of a lack of respect. I knew he had a bad week going on, but in hindsight, I felt my attempt to bring some structure to his life had been discarded. He had told me that "structure" makes him anxious, and this felt like pushback.
Disappointing me was very upsetting to zack. His distress almost broke my heart. How could I be upset? I forgave him, but he needs to understand that I DO know what is best for him and when I give him instructions they are given with careful consideration with his life and work, but I do expect them to be followed.
Sent from my BlackBerry
Monday, 10 October 2011
It's All About Structure...
Zack needs structure in his life. He does better when he knows what is expected of him and how he can be successful. I have to admit, I have not been very good at providing that. Zack has 3 components in his life - home, work and me. None of us have given him what he needs to make him feel whole. I am going to put processes in place that will give Zack the "structure" he needs. I am sure that if he feels sure and grounded in one life component, he will cope better in all of them. I guess I will have to wait and see.
I am going to give Zack some "rules", some direction that will be standardized in our relationship. It is going to be hard at first, for both of us, but it will be better in the end.
When I get these rules in place I will have Zack post about it here.
Keep your fingers crossed!
Sent from my BlackBerry
Progress...
I'm new to this role of Mistress. When I started this blog, it was because I wanted to share my experience of coming to this revelation of not only who I am but who Zack is as well. This hasn't been easy.
I read everything I can - I am only happy when I am 100% successful- and that success is determined by my standards, not anyone else's. For ME, doing "my best" is not good enough, ever. When I go into something new, I will devour as much information as I can about the subject. I can't tell you the amounts I have spent on books, classes etc in my life as I went from one thing to the next - starting an aquarium, getting a dog, taking up embroidery, knitting, ceramics - it doesn't matter. And now, I find myself HERE, a self proclaimed Mistress to My boyfriend. It is no surprise that I have spent many hours on the internet researching the lifestyle, the ins and out of being the "M" in an M/s relationship. (I'm grateful for the internet - I don't have to buy books! The money I save buys me equipment instead lol Thanks, Steve Jobs!) What I found in my readings is that there are no rules, there are no instructions on how to be a perfect Mistress. I really hope that others new to this lifestyle stumble across this blog and learn from my experience.
I was reading a forum the other day and one topic that I read was about the existence of Mistress blogs. There seems to be an abundance of Master blogs, but few Mistress ones. The reason for that seems to be based in the societal attitude that women are still the weaker sex, and that a Mistress blog might expose a "weakness" in her.
Well, I believe the opposite to be true: as I write here, I am able to sort my thoughts and ideas. I find this blog makes me stronger in my role, but also allows me to demonstrate my "softer" side as well. A Mistress is the best of both worlds. She is strong, in control, sure of what she wants and demands those wants be delivered. She is also kind, loving, caring and forgiving. She is very intuitive to the feelings and needs of her slave without being taken advantage of. She makes sure her slave knows his place, that he is clear on the rules. Her primary goal is to improve not only her own life, but the life of her slave as well - mutual pleasure and happiness.
I'm getting there. My discussions with Zack have given me something to think about, and have enhanced my learning.
Something tells me Zack is a very lucky slave.
Sent from my BlackBerry
Sunday, 9 October 2011
Sarah's absence
I can't phone or email Sarah now and I'm missing her presence.
I hope she fucks me this week. I want to feel her demands.
I hope she fucks me this week. I want to feel her demands.
I've been hard for Sarah all weekend. Yesterday, we discussed more intimate issues, including the topic of her post below.
The better I get to know Sarah, the more it's dawning upon me that she has the capacity to be a very demanding Mistress. This would surprise people who know her, because she is also incredibly sweet and loving.
She worries that if she gives a voice to this demanding side of her that she will lose me. I don't believe that will happen. We are two sides of the same coin.
She let it slip that in her readings, she has learned of Mistresses who sometimes make their slaves remain naked in the home. The thought of being ordered to remain naked for Sarah in this way does turn me on.
For Sarah, control is an aphrodisiac. I like giving her more control because it heightens her pleasure. I'm hoping that one day, I will have the privilege of wearing her leash in public.
She has indicated that she will be giving me instructions. I look forward to this.
I also want her to urinate on me. It will show her in a very authentic way that she has control, more than she realized. When I'm Sarah's slut, I feel like I've come home. I am closer to my true self, the true self that I can't reveal in the workplace.
I'm also so happy that Sarah likes my big cock. I want her to consider this as her possession.
Zack
The better I get to know Sarah, the more it's dawning upon me that she has the capacity to be a very demanding Mistress. This would surprise people who know her, because she is also incredibly sweet and loving.
She worries that if she gives a voice to this demanding side of her that she will lose me. I don't believe that will happen. We are two sides of the same coin.
She let it slip that in her readings, she has learned of Mistresses who sometimes make their slaves remain naked in the home. The thought of being ordered to remain naked for Sarah in this way does turn me on.
For Sarah, control is an aphrodisiac. I like giving her more control because it heightens her pleasure. I'm hoping that one day, I will have the privilege of wearing her leash in public.
She has indicated that she will be giving me instructions. I look forward to this.
I also want her to urinate on me. It will show her in a very authentic way that she has control, more than she realized. When I'm Sarah's slut, I feel like I've come home. I am closer to my true self, the true self that I can't reveal in the workplace.
I'm also so happy that Sarah likes my big cock. I want her to consider this as her possession.
Zack
Saturday, 8 October 2011
Well, Here Goes Nothing...
First of all, if there is anyone out there reading our blog, would you mind posting a comment now and then? Especially if there are any Dominants reading this: This is an open invitation for You to come here and dominate Zack - tell him what You would do with him if he were Your slave. He would LOVE that.
And, if there are any of you wormish-like subs reading, well, I am sure he wouldn't mind hearing from you either. That is the one disappointment about this blog for him - I personally don't give a damn if you comment or not, but he is a very needy boy. he doesn't think he is an exhibitionist, but he is - he likes the thrill of fucking in the car and risking getting caught, he loved Me giving him orders in the coffee shot and he loved Me kissing him in public - just grabbing his hair, pulling him to Me and kissing him. Zack truly is a slut, that is for sure. This blog is in public domain, and it excites him to know others in this world are reading about him. So, again, I invite you to come here and let him know what you think, you can even share with him how you might serve me if you were My slave. Now, let's get to the issue at hand, shall we?
It hasn't been a very good week for Me. Being a person who needs control to survive, any loss is huge. These are the times I need Zack. These are the times I wish I had a 24/7 slave - because managing the other aspects of My life where I am not the one in control would be so much easier. Just as a professional Dom will tell you that their clients are usually high power men who need that opportunity to completely submit for a few hours, that is the way it is for Me. When I am not feeling as much control as I like to have in the rest of my life, I need My slave. Until recently, that was possible - I could call him, order him to get his ass into My car immediately and he would be there. But that isn't the case right now - his work has become very demanding and I am not going to compromise his work by ordering him away from it. I can assure you, and him, that if I had gotten him into a bed yesterday, he would have left with a very sore & red ass, rug burns on his knees, and much much hornier than when he arrived. he may have even lost some of his hair to My fist. That was the state I was in. Ironically, he would have loved it.
We e-mailed for a while this morning and he managed to take the edge off, but the need remains. We have chatted quite a bit today, and I asked him some pretty specific questions. It's was good, and as a result, I am feeling much better, more like I can handle whatever comes at me right now. We'll have to see what tomorrow brings, I guess.
So, this morning, Zack asked if I had ever thought of peeing on him. he;s asked that question before. I have to admit, the idea gives Me a rush, although I am not sure why. Then he asked me to describe how I thought it would feel urinating on him in the shower. I've had to think about that.
I've been considering this alot today. Obviously, it is something he has thought about, and as is My norm, I went to a sub site to see if I could get some insights. Zack can only guess how he will feel, so I wanted to see what the experience was like for other subs the first time. The sites have proven to be quite enlightening with many perspectives, but at the end of it all, this was something that both Mistress and slave get pleasure out of. There are many different reasons why, but they don't matter. The end result matters.
So, now I have considered how it might make Me feel. The idea is not completely strange to Me, but I do wonder if the intended impact is attainable. Regardless, I think this would be something, an act, that would truly make him MY slave. Regardless of anything else in his life, it would be my "mark" that he would carry with him. I can imagine him - laying in the tub. he would be cold, no doubt, and I expect a bit apprehensive. (I won't go into how I get him there, I will leave that to him, because after our next session he will be required to post here; and even though he knows its coming, he won't know when it's coming.) I would be standing over him, towering over him, actually. I would reach down, and grab him by the hair (have I mentioned how much I like dragging him around by the hair??) and make him look into My eyes. then I would ask him "WHO owns you??"
And we know what his answer better be, now don't we?
And, if there are any of you wormish-like subs reading, well, I am sure he wouldn't mind hearing from you either. That is the one disappointment about this blog for him - I personally don't give a damn if you comment or not, but he is a very needy boy. he doesn't think he is an exhibitionist, but he is - he likes the thrill of fucking in the car and risking getting caught, he loved Me giving him orders in the coffee shot and he loved Me kissing him in public - just grabbing his hair, pulling him to Me and kissing him. Zack truly is a slut, that is for sure. This blog is in public domain, and it excites him to know others in this world are reading about him. So, again, I invite you to come here and let him know what you think, you can even share with him how you might serve me if you were My slave. Now, let's get to the issue at hand, shall we?
It hasn't been a very good week for Me. Being a person who needs control to survive, any loss is huge. These are the times I need Zack. These are the times I wish I had a 24/7 slave - because managing the other aspects of My life where I am not the one in control would be so much easier. Just as a professional Dom will tell you that their clients are usually high power men who need that opportunity to completely submit for a few hours, that is the way it is for Me. When I am not feeling as much control as I like to have in the rest of my life, I need My slave. Until recently, that was possible - I could call him, order him to get his ass into My car immediately and he would be there. But that isn't the case right now - his work has become very demanding and I am not going to compromise his work by ordering him away from it. I can assure you, and him, that if I had gotten him into a bed yesterday, he would have left with a very sore & red ass, rug burns on his knees, and much much hornier than when he arrived. he may have even lost some of his hair to My fist. That was the state I was in. Ironically, he would have loved it.
We e-mailed for a while this morning and he managed to take the edge off, but the need remains. We have chatted quite a bit today, and I asked him some pretty specific questions. It's was good, and as a result, I am feeling much better, more like I can handle whatever comes at me right now. We'll have to see what tomorrow brings, I guess.
So, this morning, Zack asked if I had ever thought of peeing on him. he;s asked that question before. I have to admit, the idea gives Me a rush, although I am not sure why. Then he asked me to describe how I thought it would feel urinating on him in the shower. I've had to think about that.
I've been considering this alot today. Obviously, it is something he has thought about, and as is My norm, I went to a sub site to see if I could get some insights. Zack can only guess how he will feel, so I wanted to see what the experience was like for other subs the first time. The sites have proven to be quite enlightening with many perspectives, but at the end of it all, this was something that both Mistress and slave get pleasure out of. There are many different reasons why, but they don't matter. The end result matters.
So, now I have considered how it might make Me feel. The idea is not completely strange to Me, but I do wonder if the intended impact is attainable. Regardless, I think this would be something, an act, that would truly make him MY slave. Regardless of anything else in his life, it would be my "mark" that he would carry with him. I can imagine him - laying in the tub. he would be cold, no doubt, and I expect a bit apprehensive. (I won't go into how I get him there, I will leave that to him, because after our next session he will be required to post here; and even though he knows its coming, he won't know when it's coming.) I would be standing over him, towering over him, actually. I would reach down, and grab him by the hair (have I mentioned how much I like dragging him around by the hair??) and make him look into My eyes. then I would ask him "WHO owns you??"
And we know what his answer better be, now don't we?
I think the experience will be a powerful one. Zack likens it to a baptism; I suppose it is. He is being re-born, he is morphing into what he is supposed to be, what he has been all along and denied. he will be whole at last. And Me? I will have attained total control over him, I will truly own him, he will be all mine. After this, he will never be free of me. he will always be My slave. Glorious.
Friday, 30 September 2011
Musings...
I'm in the hotel room. The sun is coming up and there is a beautiful view from the 10th floor.
It feels good laying here in this bed where Zack and I spent several hours yesterday. I can smell him on the pillows; his scent is like an aphrodisiac to me.
I loved being with him yesterday. The coffee shop was fun- I'm a bit of an exhibitionist and I took great pleasure in ordering him to sit and where, as I bought coffee. When I sat down, I asked him if he had eaten. I knew the answer - he hadn't . I also knew that he wanted to be out of there and in bed here with Me. But, as we know, this is not about what he wants, now is it??
I pulled a sandwich out of my bag that I had bought him and ordered him to eat. I guess I sounded like I meant it because he ate without arguing with Me about it. Another first. I might just be making progress with this guy.
My dream is to get him away where we are strangers and publicly be his Mistress, he as my slave. I want him to wear the collar in public- I want to humiliate him in public - if showing the world that I own him, that he is My slave, that he can only do what I allow him to do is humiliating. Somehow, I don't think it would be for Zack. I fantasize a lot about that.
I made him beg to wear the collar yesterday. I actually had him doing a lot of begging - that was fun! My favourite though is not letting him cum. That is an indescribable feeling - that he would do everything in his power to comply. I love saying the words that take him immediately to the edge " Mother wants to fuck her slutty son". He truly is a slut. He will do anything to get fucked - and the more he trusts Me, the further I can push him.
I worry, though, that I might not be creative enough to keep him interested. He is constantly asking for "more". I don't think people appreciate or comprehend how much work actually goes into an M/s play session. Contrary to popular belief, it isn't spontaneous. And then, there are the times when I just want us to be us. It is important to Me that Zack gets from Me what he needs, what he desires. Nothing takes priority over him. I hope I am good enough to keep him coming back for more.
Sent from my BlackBerry
At Long Last....
W/we've been away from here for a while. All is well, W/we have just been very busy - life always has a way of getting in the way of what W/we want most. But today, "life" got pushed aside for awhile.
Zack and I spent an entire afternoon together - doing what W/we like to do best - fucking. Oh, certainly, W/we talked, and W/we laughed, and Zack actually slept a little (he really needed that!) but mostly W/we fucked. And at the end of it all, W/we both had a "head explosion". I was lucky enough to have 2.
I'm still trying to figure out this whole Dominance thing. I've read everything I can, twice. I know what a Domme is SUPPOSED to act like. I know what is expected. But what I am learning is that this stuff is only useful in teaching you about this lifestyle - and just as everyone has a different perspective of what "lifestyle" means to them, I am just figuring out what being a Domme means to me.
I love Dominating Zack. I love being in control of the situation and in control of him. I absolutely love the look he gets on his face when I order him around - this is when his little boy self comes out, and sheer adoration shines out of his eyes. It turns Me on.
I had him meet me at a coffee shop yesterday and as we sat there I made him do a little begging - I made him beg me to give him a hotel room key and I made him tell Me exactly what he wants from his Mistress. The more he said, the more turned on I became. Without even a thought, I reached out, grabbed him by the hair and pulled him to me and kissed him. Yes, right there - in the front of the coffee shop, visible from the busy street, and in front of everyone. Zack impressed me. The "old" Zack would have probably fainted dead away in sheer panic if I had done that before. LOL. He just got a stupid grin on his face and asked me to do it again!
When W/we were finally naked and in bed, I at last had him exactly where I wanted him - under Me. I LOVE being on top of him, his cock buried deep inside me, and watching him work so hard not to come, I love moving, and saying the things that I know make him crazy; I love bringing him to the absolute edge, backing off, only to take him back to the edge again. THAT is control and I love that Zack gives me that. And he does that for Me.
But there are a few things I am struggling with, and I figured some things out yesterday. First of all, BDSM has 4 very different components. A successful relationship does not have to include all of those components. Now, I am pretty sure, that if I were a professional Dominatrix, with my own dungeon, I would have absolutely no problem delivering all kinds of pain and humiliation to my clients. I'm pretty sure I could get to be very good at flogging some sub who desperately wanted and needed that. I do believe I have it in me.
Yesterday, I inflicted pain on Zack. I have said before I like to bite, not hard, but hard enough. Zack has probably the most sensitive nipples anyone could ever have. Something about that fascinates me. For some reason, I feel challenged by that and it excites Me to take on the challenge of controlling him that way; the idea of bringing him to his knees by biting, pinching and squeezing those tender nipples causes the heat to rise in Me. It fucking turns Me on.
He is such a fucking pussy about those nipples. And the more he whines and cries about it, the greater the pleasure I seem to get. lol. Sorry, Zack, I suspect those nipples are going to take a lot of the heat in the future.
I got the crop out as well yesterday, and gave him a pretty good paddling. Now, this is the confusing part. I didn't enjoy it. I have absolutely no idea why. Zack's response was the same as when I was twisting those poor nipples of his, and yet My response was not the same. I have all kinds of thoughts about this, and it truly confuses me but I have to think about it some more, to sort it out in My mind. I do think, however, I would enjoy more of the hot wax play. W/we didn't do that yesterday, but I have a feeling I would enjoy that more. I am not sure it would be a turn on for me though.
One thing I do know, if Zack can't handle the pain from his nipples when I play with them, he sure isn't going to be able to handle me fucking his ass. I don't know if I have the skills it would take to get him past all of his anal hang-ups. I guess we will just have to see.
I didn't restraint him or blindfold him yesterday - I needed to feel his hands on me, his arms around me, I needed to see his face and look into his eyes. I love his face, and I love his eyes. I'm not being corny when I say they truly are the window to his soul. And I know that I am the only one who sees, who knows what lies there. I know Zack. I know who he is and what he needs, even when he doesn't. And I delight in knowing I am the only one who does. I don't think he looks at Me the same way, or sees Me the same way, but that's ok - I'm not sure men are capable of that.
I love you, Zack. More than you could ever possibly know. I am not sure you will ever fully comprehend that.
Zack and I spent an entire afternoon together - doing what W/we like to do best - fucking. Oh, certainly, W/we talked, and W/we laughed, and Zack actually slept a little (he really needed that!) but mostly W/we fucked. And at the end of it all, W/we both had a "head explosion". I was lucky enough to have 2.
I'm still trying to figure out this whole Dominance thing. I've read everything I can, twice. I know what a Domme is SUPPOSED to act like. I know what is expected. But what I am learning is that this stuff is only useful in teaching you about this lifestyle - and just as everyone has a different perspective of what "lifestyle" means to them, I am just figuring out what being a Domme means to me.
I love Dominating Zack. I love being in control of the situation and in control of him. I absolutely love the look he gets on his face when I order him around - this is when his little boy self comes out, and sheer adoration shines out of his eyes. It turns Me on.
I had him meet me at a coffee shop yesterday and as we sat there I made him do a little begging - I made him beg me to give him a hotel room key and I made him tell Me exactly what he wants from his Mistress. The more he said, the more turned on I became. Without even a thought, I reached out, grabbed him by the hair and pulled him to me and kissed him. Yes, right there - in the front of the coffee shop, visible from the busy street, and in front of everyone. Zack impressed me. The "old" Zack would have probably fainted dead away in sheer panic if I had done that before. LOL. He just got a stupid grin on his face and asked me to do it again!
When W/we were finally naked and in bed, I at last had him exactly where I wanted him - under Me. I LOVE being on top of him, his cock buried deep inside me, and watching him work so hard not to come, I love moving, and saying the things that I know make him crazy; I love bringing him to the absolute edge, backing off, only to take him back to the edge again. THAT is control and I love that Zack gives me that. And he does that for Me.
But there are a few things I am struggling with, and I figured some things out yesterday. First of all, BDSM has 4 very different components. A successful relationship does not have to include all of those components. Now, I am pretty sure, that if I were a professional Dominatrix, with my own dungeon, I would have absolutely no problem delivering all kinds of pain and humiliation to my clients. I'm pretty sure I could get to be very good at flogging some sub who desperately wanted and needed that. I do believe I have it in me.
Yesterday, I inflicted pain on Zack. I have said before I like to bite, not hard, but hard enough. Zack has probably the most sensitive nipples anyone could ever have. Something about that fascinates me. For some reason, I feel challenged by that and it excites Me to take on the challenge of controlling him that way; the idea of bringing him to his knees by biting, pinching and squeezing those tender nipples causes the heat to rise in Me. It fucking turns Me on.
He is such a fucking pussy about those nipples. And the more he whines and cries about it, the greater the pleasure I seem to get. lol. Sorry, Zack, I suspect those nipples are going to take a lot of the heat in the future.
I got the crop out as well yesterday, and gave him a pretty good paddling. Now, this is the confusing part. I didn't enjoy it. I have absolutely no idea why. Zack's response was the same as when I was twisting those poor nipples of his, and yet My response was not the same. I have all kinds of thoughts about this, and it truly confuses me but I have to think about it some more, to sort it out in My mind. I do think, however, I would enjoy more of the hot wax play. W/we didn't do that yesterday, but I have a feeling I would enjoy that more. I am not sure it would be a turn on for me though.
One thing I do know, if Zack can't handle the pain from his nipples when I play with them, he sure isn't going to be able to handle me fucking his ass. I don't know if I have the skills it would take to get him past all of his anal hang-ups. I guess we will just have to see.
I didn't restraint him or blindfold him yesterday - I needed to feel his hands on me, his arms around me, I needed to see his face and look into his eyes. I love his face, and I love his eyes. I'm not being corny when I say they truly are the window to his soul. And I know that I am the only one who sees, who knows what lies there. I know Zack. I know who he is and what he needs, even when he doesn't. And I delight in knowing I am the only one who does. I don't think he looks at Me the same way, or sees Me the same way, but that's ok - I'm not sure men are capable of that.
I love you, Zack. More than you could ever possibly know. I am not sure you will ever fully comprehend that.
Saturday, 17 September 2011
Sarah, Sarah, Sarah
Sarah,
I felt terrible about yesterday morning and you know that. There's a part of me that wasn't thrilled with you setting up that profile without talking with me first. I can't control you, nor do I wish to control you. I understand the pain of your life, so it doesn't surprise me intellectually that you would seek more stimulation elsewhere.
And it's true that I'm a total and complete slut. And I was interested in hearing about your correspondence. It does turn me on thinking about you force-feeding me a hard cock, especially if I don't even see the man, and I hear your voice in my ear calling me your whore.
It's just been a tough week and one I never want to repeat.
Zack
I felt terrible about yesterday morning and you know that. There's a part of me that wasn't thrilled with you setting up that profile without talking with me first. I can't control you, nor do I wish to control you. I understand the pain of your life, so it doesn't surprise me intellectually that you would seek more stimulation elsewhere.
And it's true that I'm a total and complete slut. And I was interested in hearing about your correspondence. It does turn me on thinking about you force-feeding me a hard cock, especially if I don't even see the man, and I hear your voice in my ear calling me your whore.
It's just been a tough week and one I never want to repeat.
Zack
Friday, 16 September 2011
Eleven Elements of an M/s Relationship
If this weren't so huge, I'd get a tattoo. I felt a need to re-post these... Enjoy!
First element is HONESTY
Complete and total honesty between the slave and Mistress. Without such honesty, the relationship can not exist in it's fullness; from honesty all things grow.
Second element is TRUST
Trust grows from honesty. Only through the knowledge that the Mistress is, and always will be, completely honest can the slave also give complete trust, and only through the knowledge that the slave is completely honest with Her, can the Mistress trust the slave.
Third Element is RESPECT
Respect for each other grows from the knowledge of complete honesty and the giving of complete trust.
Fourth Element is SUBMISSION
The slave must willfully and completely submit to the Mistress. This he can do because of the trust he has in Her.
Fifth element is POSSESSION
The Mistress fully possesses the slave - his thoughts, mind, body and soul. The slave gives himself completely to the Mistress and the Mistress assumes ownership of the slave. Everything that was his is now Hers to do with as She sees fit.
Sixth element is OBEDIENCE
The slave must always obey the Mistress's every command. He obeys not only because he is owned and possessed but because he desires to please his Mistress in every way he can.
Seventh element is CARING & DEVOTION
The Mistress cares for the slave and will always be devoted to his welfare. The slave must care for the Mistress and be devoted to Her well-being as well. The slave serves, not only out of duty, but also out of his devotion to his Mistress. He must learn Her every desire; Her every whim is to be his life. His destiny is to serve with all of his soul because of this devotion.
Eighth element is PROTECTION
The Mistress assumes the responsibility of complete and utter protection of the slave. He is Her property and as such is to be protected at all times from all harmful influences, be it from another person or society at large.
Ninth element is HONOR
To be a true Mistress, She must have honor in every action She takes, in every thought She thinks. The slave must honor his Mistress and do everything in his power to protect that honor through his own actions, words and thoughts.
Tenth element is FRIENDSHIP
The most lasting relationships are based on friendship while the Mistress Dominates and the slave serves. They must become friends or the relationship is doomed.
Eleventh element is LOVE
If, and only if, all the previous elements have been met, then love can bloom between the Mistress and the slave. This is the greatest of the elements, the most difficult to attain but at the same time the most fragile and strongest. It binds the Mistress to the slave and the slave to the Mistress with an unbreakable bond - the bond of LOVE.
First element is HONESTY
Complete and total honesty between the slave and Mistress. Without such honesty, the relationship can not exist in it's fullness; from honesty all things grow.
Second element is TRUST
Trust grows from honesty. Only through the knowledge that the Mistress is, and always will be, completely honest can the slave also give complete trust, and only through the knowledge that the slave is completely honest with Her, can the Mistress trust the slave.
Third Element is RESPECT
Respect for each other grows from the knowledge of complete honesty and the giving of complete trust.
Fourth Element is SUBMISSION
The slave must willfully and completely submit to the Mistress. This he can do because of the trust he has in Her.
Fifth element is POSSESSION
The Mistress fully possesses the slave - his thoughts, mind, body and soul. The slave gives himself completely to the Mistress and the Mistress assumes ownership of the slave. Everything that was his is now Hers to do with as She sees fit.
Sixth element is OBEDIENCE
The slave must always obey the Mistress's every command. He obeys not only because he is owned and possessed but because he desires to please his Mistress in every way he can.
Seventh element is CARING & DEVOTION
The Mistress cares for the slave and will always be devoted to his welfare. The slave must care for the Mistress and be devoted to Her well-being as well. The slave serves, not only out of duty, but also out of his devotion to his Mistress. He must learn Her every desire; Her every whim is to be his life. His destiny is to serve with all of his soul because of this devotion.
Eighth element is PROTECTION
The Mistress assumes the responsibility of complete and utter protection of the slave. He is Her property and as such is to be protected at all times from all harmful influences, be it from another person or society at large.
Ninth element is HONOR
To be a true Mistress, She must have honor in every action She takes, in every thought She thinks. The slave must honor his Mistress and do everything in his power to protect that honor through his own actions, words and thoughts.
Tenth element is FRIENDSHIP
The most lasting relationships are based on friendship while the Mistress Dominates and the slave serves. They must become friends or the relationship is doomed.
Eleventh element is LOVE
If, and only if, all the previous elements have been met, then love can bloom between the Mistress and the slave. This is the greatest of the elements, the most difficult to attain but at the same time the most fragile and strongest. It binds the Mistress to the slave and the slave to the Mistress with an unbreakable bond - the bond of LOVE.
And the Beat Goes On...
Being of a personality that needs to keep Her mind busy, I did something last weekend, after My encounter in the woods with Zack. I heard about a dating website on the radio on the way home. It peaked My curiosity, so I visited the site when I got home. It was a site for married people looking for "more". Well, being the flirt, the tease that I am, I could not resist, I set up a profile. I made it clear that I was dominant - complete with leather boots, crop and fishnet stockings.
I was rather astonished by the response! Within 24 hr. I had close to 50 messages - asking for more info, sharing of pictures and asking to see Mine. It kind of blew Me away, to be frank. Over 500 men viewed My profile in the next few days, and it did not take long before I had over a 100 requests for more of everything. (There is one irony - one guy, whose site nickname was "Onmyknees" and who was clearly into slavedom and likely the most submissive of the lot, did not reply back - THAT was curious!) Anyway, I shared this info with Zack.
Zack, being the total slut that he is, was all over this like white on rice!! It excites him to think of me dominating someone else, it excites him to think of being in the room while I dominate another man. I think he simply gets off on Me ordering anyone around! lol. Who knows, maybe I will find U/us a plaything on this site. He is encouraging me to be "a professional" - THAT excites him a lot. Who knows what the future holds?? Zack will always be first and foremost in my heart, but sometimes I do wonder if it is enough for Me being only a part time Mistress.
I know I spend way too much time alone - which has a way of getting Me into trouble. What is compounding the problem today is that I had thought I was going to be seeing Zack this morning, but it hasn't worked out that way. My mind understands all the reasons, and although Zack says don't be disappointed, how can I not be? There will be no opportunity to spend any kind of quality time with him for the next couple of weeks, so right now I am not doing so great. I know Zack will be upset when he reads this, because he does not want to be the cause of my disappointment.
I'm sorry Zack, as much as I want to protect you from hurt, I have also promised to be honest. And right now, I'm very disappointed. I'll get over it, and it isn't your fault, it just is what it is.
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