This week was full of Zack. It was great. Although we didn't have huge amounts of time together we did take advantage of what we had. Wednesday was a particularly bad day for me - for any number of reasons. Soon after I got to the apartment, Zack arrived soon after. My bad mood couldn't possibly last very long when that puppy dog face was drooling all over me - if he had a tail he would have been wagging it furiously. And he had the same effect as my own puppies do. We lay on the bed, (much like I do with my puppies at home) and as I stroked his head, I calmed. He listened to my venting and had his usual effect on me.
He came over this morning before work. Again, he lay in the bed with me - I had only woken up a short time before. It wasn't very long before I had that gorgeous cock in my mouth, taking him to the very edge, backing off and then bringing him to the edge again. I love teasing him like that and I have a strong suspicion he loves it as well. But I wanted more.
I got on top of him, held him down and took that cock deep inside me. He moaned - he loves it there. And I love it there as well. And I fucked him. Fucked him like he hasn't been fucked in quite sometime. I actually planned to leave his cock and fuck his face - when I do that I am in total control of him. But damn, it felt so good where I was, it felt so good having that big cock deep in side me as I rode it up and down. And suddenly, I didn't want to fuck him. he was actually doing a very good job holding off his orgasm, but suddenly what I wanted, what I NEEDED, was fusion - that infinitesimal moment when we join as one, when we fuse in that explosive moment together.
As I was peaking, I told him to cum - his immediate response was surprise - Really?" I said yes - and he came. Instantly. I felt his juices flood my insides, and the heat made my head explode. The feeling is quite indescribable.
Now I am out of town for a week. I wonder how Zack is feeling, and I wonder what kind of welcome home I will receive. By the time I get home, my new leather boots should have arrived, as well as the new leather accessories I have ordered. I think I will have to put a picture of those boots on here - just looking at them on line gives me a jolt. Do they ever turn me on. When Zack can spare me a few hours, we are going to have a domination session like nothing else we have experienced - ever. Stay tuned.
Friday, 23 March 2012
Tuesday, 20 March 2012
Where's My Slutty Slave When I Need Him?
It's been a fucking shitty day. No details here, it will only piss me off more. If there were ever a time I needed to take full control over the situation, it's now. I could sure use a session with Zack. He's been asking for me to get rough with him and I could most definitely honor his wish tonight. Stringing him up and wailing on his ass for a while, then cutting him loose and fucking him senseless would do wonders for me.
Alas, I am at home and he is hard at work.
Fuck.
Mistress Sarah
Alas, I am at home and he is hard at work.
Fuck.
Mistress Sarah
Saturday, 17 March 2012
The Best World..
...is the one I share with Zack. Although the rest of my family was well aware of the death of my brother, no one has been as insightful, or as caring as Zack. He knew what I needed, even when I didn't. I do not like to demonstrate any signs of "weakness" regardless of the situation. I did not want Zack to see my tears. I do not cry in front of anyone. But all he had to do was lay down on the bed and hold me, and I knew I was "safe" there in his arms. I knew I would not be judged.
We talked, and somehow I told him things I had never intended to tell him. You see, my parenting skills were never stellar and as one topic lead to another, he learned what I had been like as a mother. That troubles me. Those are weaknesses I do not want him to know about. If my kids have turned out to be great young adults it is most definitely in spite of me, not because of me.
I am not the same person now as I was then. Regardless, I can't help but believe he must think less of me now.
We talked, and somehow I told him things I had never intended to tell him. You see, my parenting skills were never stellar and as one topic lead to another, he learned what I had been like as a mother. That troubles me. Those are weaknesses I do not want him to know about. If my kids have turned out to be great young adults it is most definitely in spite of me, not because of me.
I am not the same person now as I was then. Regardless, I can't help but believe he must think less of me now.
Mistress spoiled her slut
Yesterday was incredible for me. Before work, I dropped by the apartment to visit Mistress. I was prepared to obediently remove all my clothes by the front door and leave them properly folded, and then kneel at the foot of the bed. But I heard her sneezing and, I suspected, crying. This is so unlike Mistress. She's so strong.
It turns out that she had just been informed of a death in the family, someone who was very troubled and whom she hadn't seen in a very long time. She was crying and I knew, as her devoted slave, job one was to comfort her and improve her mood.
I wanted Mistress to share her feelings and some memories, which she did. After a while, that beautiful smile emerged. And as I lay on the bed with her, I felt my arousal grow. I guess it was obvious when my head was nestled between her legs, kissing all around her pussy. She must have sensed my desire because she suddenly declared that she "wanted that cock".
And she unzipped my pants and started taking it in her mouth. Mistress likes teasing me in this way because she has forbidden me to come at these times. She was driving my wild. Eventually, she came to that place where she wanted to fuck my face, which she did so perfectly.
When I'm underneath her in this way, I'm powerless to do anything. Her pussy smothers my face and my tongue, and she grinds over me until she has her orgasm. These orgasms seem to be getting more intense for her as she becomes more and more accustomed to fucking slave's face.
I think it's because in that moment, she feels a strong sense of ownership and control—and that turns her on. There's nothing I can do when she's fucking me this way. I couldn't escape even if I wanted to, and I DON'T WANT TO ESCAPE AT THOSE TIMES.
I feel like I'm serving her like a slave in the court of Cleopatra. It's my destiny.
That wasn't all. I was so aroused by her that I snuck away from work later in the day for a short while. I was on my knees. She didn't seem like she wanted to fuck me at that time. But I asked if I could lie on the bed.
She eventually made the decision to remove all of her clothes except a very sexy bra and she mounted me. I was on the bottom, of course. Sarah fucked me with her wet pussy for a long, long time. For some reason, she thought my cock was bigger in the afternoon. I was just as aroused later in the day as I was in the morning for her.
She teased me, but she was also more Dominant, giving me strict instructions not to come. I could tell that she was serious. When she gets like this, she has a steely look of determination in her eye and her jaw juts forward ever so slightly in a look of aggression.
Her aggression is primal. I know what she is capable of at those times. I like experiencing this from time to time, even though it elicits fear with in me. I like it because it sets firm boundaries for me, as her slave, and centres me. The fear comes from knowing she's serious.
She said she likes it slow, and slow it was, as she fucked me and fucked me and fucked me. I wanted to make Mistress have an orgasm, but this was her show and she was in charge.
Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, she mounted my face. After grinding over my face and my tongue, she had what appeared to me like an explosive orgasm.
Slave had done his job. I felt worthy of her love. I then returned to work.
Zack
It turns out that she had just been informed of a death in the family, someone who was very troubled and whom she hadn't seen in a very long time. She was crying and I knew, as her devoted slave, job one was to comfort her and improve her mood.
I wanted Mistress to share her feelings and some memories, which she did. After a while, that beautiful smile emerged. And as I lay on the bed with her, I felt my arousal grow. I guess it was obvious when my head was nestled between her legs, kissing all around her pussy. She must have sensed my desire because she suddenly declared that she "wanted that cock".
And she unzipped my pants and started taking it in her mouth. Mistress likes teasing me in this way because she has forbidden me to come at these times. She was driving my wild. Eventually, she came to that place where she wanted to fuck my face, which she did so perfectly.
When I'm underneath her in this way, I'm powerless to do anything. Her pussy smothers my face and my tongue, and she grinds over me until she has her orgasm. These orgasms seem to be getting more intense for her as she becomes more and more accustomed to fucking slave's face.
I think it's because in that moment, she feels a strong sense of ownership and control—and that turns her on. There's nothing I can do when she's fucking me this way. I couldn't escape even if I wanted to, and I DON'T WANT TO ESCAPE AT THOSE TIMES.
I feel like I'm serving her like a slave in the court of Cleopatra. It's my destiny.
That wasn't all. I was so aroused by her that I snuck away from work later in the day for a short while. I was on my knees. She didn't seem like she wanted to fuck me at that time. But I asked if I could lie on the bed.
She eventually made the decision to remove all of her clothes except a very sexy bra and she mounted me. I was on the bottom, of course. Sarah fucked me with her wet pussy for a long, long time. For some reason, she thought my cock was bigger in the afternoon. I was just as aroused later in the day as I was in the morning for her.
She teased me, but she was also more Dominant, giving me strict instructions not to come. I could tell that she was serious. When she gets like this, she has a steely look of determination in her eye and her jaw juts forward ever so slightly in a look of aggression.
Her aggression is primal. I know what she is capable of at those times. I like experiencing this from time to time, even though it elicits fear with in me. I like it because it sets firm boundaries for me, as her slave, and centres me. The fear comes from knowing she's serious.
She said she likes it slow, and slow it was, as she fucked me and fucked me and fucked me. I wanted to make Mistress have an orgasm, but this was her show and she was in charge.
Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, she mounted my face. After grinding over my face and my tongue, she had what appeared to me like an explosive orgasm.
Slave had done his job. I felt worthy of her love. I then returned to work.
Zack
Thursday, 15 March 2012
A Good Slave Always Comes in Handy...
I got some bad news this week - a death in my family. The most support I have gotten so far has been from Zack - he wants to do whatever I need to feel better. I've been through this many times before at various times of my life, everyone has. But the first experience or the 10th, you don't get used to it.
I heard often from Zack yesterday - despite the situation, a slut is a slut is a slut. And there is no doubt Zack is a slut of incredible magnitude. A slut who knows how to use his wiles to quickly put me into my Mistress position with him. He reminds me of my dogs at home. They know exactly how to get the Alpha Bitch's, their Mistress's attention regardless of her mood or distractions. They always know how to make me feel better, how to ease any pain I might be experiencing. My dogs are very obedient, attentive and well behaved. And when they are well behaved they always get a treat. Zack is exactly like one of my dogs - he will do whatever he can to get my attention, to bring my mood to a better place, to make me forget whatever it is that is affecting me. And being the cheap whore boy he is, his "treat" goes so much further than a cookie.
I told him I was going to be at the apartment all day today and tomorrow. He asked me if it would be ok if he came for a visit. He just wanted to do anything to make me feel better - hold me, talk, whatever. I told him that I knew that a good deal of fucking is the best therapy for grief. I'm pretty sure that if it was a stern beating that would make me feel better, he would have withstood that for me. He would do anything or nothing. Whatever I want.
I told him he could visit. I had laid down on the bed when I got here (it was very early); I was exhausted. I always totally relax when I am here. I quickly fell asleep. I woke up when he laid down beside me. It felt so great to lay there just snuggling. He had taken his clothes off except for his shorts and T shirt. We snuggled, we talked. Before long I had that cock in my mouth, taking him just to the edge- over and over. I got off the bed and stripped down to pink bra and panties (which I had worn specifically for Zack, btw.) What came next is best described by Zack himself. He just sent me this email about this morning:
He was very effective in getting my attention, he was successful in improving my mood. I do believe he even made the sun shine today for me. My whoring pet got his treat.
You gradually took control of the situation. It unfolded slowly.
I knew when you took my cock in your mouth that I was under your spell.
When you stripped down, stared at me, and left me wondering what was next, I really began moving into an alternate form of consciousness.
You started playing with me....
This intensified when you climbed on top of me. That bra makes your breasts look really, really sexy.
Then you were on top of me. My favourite position. I thought you were going to fuck my face, but you didn't.
You took my cock inside you. You had already told me that I was not allowed to come. But you made me feel so good. It feels so right being inside of you and you know how to move. you really know how to move...
then, you looked at me with more of a look of control. I like how you tell me that you don't care what I want.
I felt you're more Dominant nature surfacing.Then you straddled my chest. I knew what was coming.
I was your slave boy.
You moved on top of my face. I had come home to Mistress. As your arousal increased, I felt like I was a worthy slut for you.Your orgasm as explosive. So intense. I loved how you told me that you owned me as you groaned with pleasure.
I loved how you came all over my tongue.At that moment, I always feel so filled with love for you.
I love you very intensely at those times.
I was in subspace. I had forgotten about everything.
I knew when you took my cock in your mouth that I was under your spell.
When you stripped down, stared at me, and left me wondering what was next, I really began moving into an alternate form of consciousness.
You started playing with me....
This intensified when you climbed on top of me. That bra makes your breasts look really, really sexy.
Then you were on top of me. My favourite position. I thought you were going to fuck my face, but you didn't.
You took my cock inside you. You had already told me that I was not allowed to come. But you made me feel so good. It feels so right being inside of you and you know how to move. you really know how to move...
then, you looked at me with more of a look of control. I like how you tell me that you don't care what I want.
I felt you're more Dominant nature surfacing.Then you straddled my chest. I knew what was coming.
I was your slave boy.
You moved on top of my face. I had come home to Mistress. As your arousal increased, I felt like I was a worthy slut for you.Your orgasm as explosive. So intense. I loved how you told me that you owned me as you groaned with pleasure.
I loved how you came all over my tongue.At that moment, I always feel so filled with love for you.
I love you very intensely at those times.
I was in subspace. I had forgotten about everything.
You truly did own me. You'll always own me
Tuesday, 13 March 2012
Sarah's intuition
Mistress Sarah is really beginning to understand me. I feel our relationship is deepening, our trust is increasing, and we're realizing how truly nonjudgmental each of us is.
I'm very, very lucky to have her in my life.
Zack
I'm very, very lucky to have her in my life.
Zack
Monday, 12 March 2012
Feeding the Whore's Hunger...
I have often said Zack is like a kid in a candy store. I truly don't know if there is anything like his thirst, his hunger, his greed. I believe him when he says he will do anything I ask - as long as I am the one in control of the situation and of him. That demonstrates a trust he has been slow to come to. I suspect we will be able to move along into a deeper M/s relationship more quickly as a result.. I know I want that - more than anything. Zack makes me feel almost invincible. He meets all my needs - my innate need to nurture and my thirst and passion to exercise my nature - Domination. He accepts me for all I am, and all I will become. It is so surreal, and yet, here we are. He repeatedly says he needs my control, my Domination but I do need his submission easily as much - if not more.
Zack has asked me if I think his obsession with this M/s relationship is becoming pathological. Remember the little boy in the candy store? That little boy has always been there, deep inside of Zack, aching for an opportunity to explore that "store", to taste everything, to enjoy being allowed to explore, taste and experience everything without recrimination, without judgement and with only love and support. That is not pathology - that is freedom. For the first time in his life, he is free to explore his inner core, his true self and know that no matter what, he will not be abandoned, he will always be loved. He has that with me.
He is becoming more and more of a slut everyday. I am pretty sure Zack doesn't watch porn, but I do - all kinds. And as a result, I have all kinds of images going on in my mind, all kinds of games to possibly play. Zack seems eager to get that cock into his mouth (and vice versa) for me. This will very likely become another one of those activities he will say he is "forced" to do, but ends up actually begging for it in his head - just so I will be pleased and fuck him every which way but loose afterwards. My whore boy will always get what he wants, when he does what his Mistress wants and pleases her. Always.
But first things first. Before anything else happens, we have to move along to me gaining that level of control over him where I can fuck his ass the way I want so badly. This has to happen because I realise that what I want to eventually happen is me fucking his ass while he sucks another slave's cock. (I say slave because in my ideal scenario, the "toy" will also be forced to submit to this - will be bound and blindfolded during the scene. Once he comes, he will be ordered out so I can finish up with Zack) Just writing that now is mind boggling. 10 months ago, when we discovered this drive within ourselves and for each other, Zack asked me if one day I wanted to put on a strap-on and fuck his ass. Nothing was further from my mind. As a matter of fact, I was positive that this was something I would never want to do. Like they say - never say never. As our relationship evolves, as we learn more and understand each other better, as we learn to trust more fully we both seem to have the capacity to go deeper into the kink.
Our "kink" may never be what is depicted in the XXX rated sites, in the books, in the movies, in the clubs, but it will be ours. It will work for us. It will work for us because we will always be open and honest with each other, we will always discuss each step as it comes up. Whatever we do, we both will understand that we each have agreed on the role of the other. Just like in vanilla relationships, different things work for different people. We will simply be Sarah and Zack - deeply in love and totally committed to each other as Mistress and slave.
Zack has asked me if I think his obsession with this M/s relationship is becoming pathological. Remember the little boy in the candy store? That little boy has always been there, deep inside of Zack, aching for an opportunity to explore that "store", to taste everything, to enjoy being allowed to explore, taste and experience everything without recrimination, without judgement and with only love and support. That is not pathology - that is freedom. For the first time in his life, he is free to explore his inner core, his true self and know that no matter what, he will not be abandoned, he will always be loved. He has that with me.
He is becoming more and more of a slut everyday. I am pretty sure Zack doesn't watch porn, but I do - all kinds. And as a result, I have all kinds of images going on in my mind, all kinds of games to possibly play. Zack seems eager to get that cock into his mouth (and vice versa) for me. This will very likely become another one of those activities he will say he is "forced" to do, but ends up actually begging for it in his head - just so I will be pleased and fuck him every which way but loose afterwards. My whore boy will always get what he wants, when he does what his Mistress wants and pleases her. Always.
But first things first. Before anything else happens, we have to move along to me gaining that level of control over him where I can fuck his ass the way I want so badly. This has to happen because I realise that what I want to eventually happen is me fucking his ass while he sucks another slave's cock. (I say slave because in my ideal scenario, the "toy" will also be forced to submit to this - will be bound and blindfolded during the scene. Once he comes, he will be ordered out so I can finish up with Zack) Just writing that now is mind boggling. 10 months ago, when we discovered this drive within ourselves and for each other, Zack asked me if one day I wanted to put on a strap-on and fuck his ass. Nothing was further from my mind. As a matter of fact, I was positive that this was something I would never want to do. Like they say - never say never. As our relationship evolves, as we learn more and understand each other better, as we learn to trust more fully we both seem to have the capacity to go deeper into the kink.
Our "kink" may never be what is depicted in the XXX rated sites, in the books, in the movies, in the clubs, but it will be ours. It will work for us. It will work for us because we will always be open and honest with each other, we will always discuss each step as it comes up. Whatever we do, we both will understand that we each have agreed on the role of the other. Just like in vanilla relationships, different things work for different people. We will simply be Sarah and Zack - deeply in love and totally committed to each other as Mistress and slave.
Mistress's power
I just stopped emailing Mistress because I have an important job to do...but I'm becoming so addicted and enthralled with her that I just can't pull myself away.
I'm doing this final blog post of the night because I am completely enraptured. She loves control. She's really gotten to me now in ways that she doesn't probably recognize.
I'm smitten. I'm in love. I'm in awe. I'm utterly devoted to Mistress Sarah.
Zack
xoxox
I'm doing this final blog post of the night because I am completely enraptured. She loves control. She's really gotten to me now in ways that she doesn't probably recognize.
I'm smitten. I'm in love. I'm in awe. I'm utterly devoted to Mistress Sarah.
Zack
xoxox
Missing Mistress
I've been thinking a lot about Sarah today.
As she becomes more Dominant, I find that I'm desiring her control even more intensely.
Her last time with me was about as perfect as it could get.
She fucked me intensely and I loved pleasing her by saying I will follow her instructions if she demands me to suck cock for HER.
I love Mistress Sarah, more than ever.
Zack
As she becomes more Dominant, I find that I'm desiring her control even more intensely.
Her last time with me was about as perfect as it could get.
She fucked me intensely and I loved pleasing her by saying I will follow her instructions if she demands me to suck cock for HER.
I love Mistress Sarah, more than ever.
Zack
Sunday, 11 March 2012
The real Sarah
Today, Sarah informed me that she needs Domination more than I need submission. That made me smile.
She also revealed in the post below that it sent her over the moon when I told her that I would suck a man's cock on her orders. I've sensed for a while that she wants to force me to do this. It's something that would give her the feeling of control
When I saw the photo below, at first, I was confused and a bit stunned. But now, when I see the way it's arranged with the woman forcing the slave, it makes my cock hard. I think of Sarah doing this. It makes me happy that Sarah doesn't judge me for this feeling.
Sarah is an incredible Mistress. I love making her orgasm in whatever way she likes.
Zack
She also revealed in the post below that it sent her over the moon when I told her that I would suck a man's cock on her orders. I've sensed for a while that she wants to force me to do this. It's something that would give her the feeling of control
When I saw the photo below, at first, I was confused and a bit stunned. But now, when I see the way it's arranged with the woman forcing the slave, it makes my cock hard. I think of Sarah doing this. It makes me happy that Sarah doesn't judge me for this feeling.
Sarah is an incredible Mistress. I love making her orgasm in whatever way she likes.
Zack
Saturday, 10 March 2012
Zack Truly is a Slut...
Last weekend, Zack and I met for coffee. ok, ok, so the coffee was a ploy. I got him into the fuckmobile, drove to a deserted parking lot, ordered him into the back seat and and forced him to eat my pussy, to please me. It is amusing to say that I forced him to do this, because that slut dies for this, begs to do this, pretending he is being "forced". All I can say is that he is a very lucky slave that I love this as much as he does. The problem is, it's easy to be obedient when you are required to do something you love to do. That does not prove servitude, or demonstrate submission or obedience really. But I'll get back to this thought in a bit.
We had been making plans to spend the afternoon together yesterday. The apartment was a mess with dishes needing to be put away, sweeping and vacuuming to be done, bed to be changed, and laundry was piling up. I told Zack this and he immediately said he would do it, he WANTED to do it. I asked him if he was sure, and he was adamant that he would get it done before Friday. Ok, I trust him to follow through when he says he will do something.
Long story short:
I got to the apartment on Friday morning and nothing had been done. I knew why then just as much as I had known on Sunday that it wouldn't be done. Zack had done what he often does - makes all kinds of promises (in order to please) that he may not be able to follow through on. I decided then and there that he was going to have to learn a lesson from this.
When he arrived at the apartment, I immediately ordered him to take off his coat and get on his knees and elbows. I wanted his face on the floor. He looked at me quizzically "don't take off my clothes?" (I had set up a protocol that when he came into the apt he was to strip naked and then get on his knees before me. I wanted him to understand that this was different, that "something" was about to happen.) I told him no, and he was not to speak until I said he could. When he was in position, I began. Now, I COULD have punished him physically. I could have gotten him naked and used my crop on his ass all afternoon as punishment. But there were 2 things at play - Zack did not need punishment because he had not done this intentionally, and he would not learn anything from it if all of his focus was on the pain, not on the error or the intended correction. I needed him to be solely focused on my voice, my words. He needed to feel the discipline on an emotional and psychological level if he was going to learn anything.
I said " I have been wondering if you got to be sooo successful at your job by saying you would complete certain tasks and then not do them. Somehow I doubt it. So, then I wonder how you expect to be a successful slave if you tell Me you will complete certain tasks and then don't." He began trying to explain, giving me excuses of a stressful week, busy at work etc etc. I told him I was NOT interested in his excuses - I knew exactly why the chores had not been done. It took him sometime to actually grasp what I was trying to teach him. (Men just aren't very smart sometimes) I made him stay in that position and listen to Me as *I* explained this to him. I think he got it, I know he cried. I made him stay there and listen to me as I finished the cleaning. And I hadn't gotten the laundry done because I couldn't make the machines work. As a result, I was still feeling bitchy. I let him stand and he asked if he could do the laundry - when I said yes, his fucking face lit up like a Christmas tree! I rolled my eyes, he's such a boy; we have a long way to go...
The lesson he needed (and still needs to) learn is to realise his own limitations. He wants to please - me, his boss, his wife, the rest of the world - and in doing so he will promise everything. But he is only human, a mere mortal and as such, has limitations. He needs to understand that much of the stress he experiences in his life is SELF INFLICTED because he can not say "no" to any one. What happens is he sets people up to be disappointed in him, which of course feeds his own feelings of deprecation and therefore affirming for himself that he isn't worthy of anything. It's a vicious cycle and will ultimately destroy him. I will do whatever it takes to prevent that from happening. I love him, I care deeply for his well being. I'm not convinced anyone else does, because Zack won't let them.
So, Zack, if you are reading this, we have a journey ahead of us. I am hoping that what you learn with me you will be able to apply to other aspects of your life as well. Because you ARE worthy, you ARE a valuable participant to your community, your family, your workplace -- and especially to me. The world, and my world, would be a much lesser place without you in it.
Zack got to do the laundry - which made him deliciously happy. Although, he did argue with me about how to fold sheets - another lesson for another day -you do NOT argue with your Mistress.
Now, back to obedience.
Like I said - it is easy to say you are obedient, submisive and subservient when you are completing tasks you like to do. That is not to say that a sub shouldn't be assigned tasks they enjoy, but simply that these do not necessarily demonstrate submission. Now, when a slave submits to something they don't particularily want to do, wouldn't do on their own or seek that activity out, but does it solely because they wish to please their Mistress, well, that to me is a pretty accurate demonstration of subservience. Certainly, I could restrain Zack, cover his body with hot wax, use the crop on his ass till it shone bright red, but these aren't things that I choose to do, and when I do, it is rare and is usually when someone or something has displeased me, used to expend some pent up energy.
But something I have had in my mind for many years - even before coming to the discovery of finding myself to be Dominant - pops up once in a while. I told Zack about this fantasy when we began on this journey. In the past, there were many instances when I fantasized about making my husband suck some man's cock, I had even fantasized forcing another man to fuck his ass. I see now that these fantasies were about control and being in control (something I never had with my husband). In those days, I used those fantasies to bring on orgasms - I needed them, because he never could satisfy me sexually. But, I left those fantasies behind a long time ago - they only came up when Zack asked me about fantasies I had ever had. I'll let Zack explain his response to them. At the time, this was NEVER anything I entertaained for Zack. It was my belief that my fantasy of forcing my husband in this way was about "getting even", humiliating him the way he often humiliated me. Recently, this fantasy came up again in conversation between Zack and I. And I began to understand it. Zack is very good for me.
While I was fucking him yesterday, he kept saying that if I wanted him to, he would suck another man's cock for me. I can't describe the jolt that gave me. The orgasm that followed was explosive. Then I came up with an even more extreme form of control.. if I were fucking his ass, while he was sucking that cock - and we all came together - that would be the maximum in control for me. I said that to him and he said yes, he would do that for me, as long as I was controlling the session... God, I do love this man of mine!!!
Oh, we have a long ways to go before we get to that kind of a scenario.. but it may happen. We have a long road ahead of us, lots of trials, tribulations but tons of excitement as well. And we will be on that road together.
We had been making plans to spend the afternoon together yesterday. The apartment was a mess with dishes needing to be put away, sweeping and vacuuming to be done, bed to be changed, and laundry was piling up. I told Zack this and he immediately said he would do it, he WANTED to do it. I asked him if he was sure, and he was adamant that he would get it done before Friday. Ok, I trust him to follow through when he says he will do something.
Long story short:
I got to the apartment on Friday morning and nothing had been done. I knew why then just as much as I had known on Sunday that it wouldn't be done. Zack had done what he often does - makes all kinds of promises (in order to please) that he may not be able to follow through on. I decided then and there that he was going to have to learn a lesson from this.
When he arrived at the apartment, I immediately ordered him to take off his coat and get on his knees and elbows. I wanted his face on the floor. He looked at me quizzically "don't take off my clothes?" (I had set up a protocol that when he came into the apt he was to strip naked and then get on his knees before me. I wanted him to understand that this was different, that "something" was about to happen.) I told him no, and he was not to speak until I said he could. When he was in position, I began. Now, I COULD have punished him physically. I could have gotten him naked and used my crop on his ass all afternoon as punishment. But there were 2 things at play - Zack did not need punishment because he had not done this intentionally, and he would not learn anything from it if all of his focus was on the pain, not on the error or the intended correction. I needed him to be solely focused on my voice, my words. He needed to feel the discipline on an emotional and psychological level if he was going to learn anything.
I said " I have been wondering if you got to be sooo successful at your job by saying you would complete certain tasks and then not do them. Somehow I doubt it. So, then I wonder how you expect to be a successful slave if you tell Me you will complete certain tasks and then don't." He began trying to explain, giving me excuses of a stressful week, busy at work etc etc. I told him I was NOT interested in his excuses - I knew exactly why the chores had not been done. It took him sometime to actually grasp what I was trying to teach him. (Men just aren't very smart sometimes) I made him stay in that position and listen to Me as *I* explained this to him. I think he got it, I know he cried. I made him stay there and listen to me as I finished the cleaning. And I hadn't gotten the laundry done because I couldn't make the machines work. As a result, I was still feeling bitchy. I let him stand and he asked if he could do the laundry - when I said yes, his fucking face lit up like a Christmas tree! I rolled my eyes, he's such a boy; we have a long way to go...
The lesson he needed (and still needs to) learn is to realise his own limitations. He wants to please - me, his boss, his wife, the rest of the world - and in doing so he will promise everything. But he is only human, a mere mortal and as such, has limitations. He needs to understand that much of the stress he experiences in his life is SELF INFLICTED because he can not say "no" to any one. What happens is he sets people up to be disappointed in him, which of course feeds his own feelings of deprecation and therefore affirming for himself that he isn't worthy of anything. It's a vicious cycle and will ultimately destroy him. I will do whatever it takes to prevent that from happening. I love him, I care deeply for his well being. I'm not convinced anyone else does, because Zack won't let them.
So, Zack, if you are reading this, we have a journey ahead of us. I am hoping that what you learn with me you will be able to apply to other aspects of your life as well. Because you ARE worthy, you ARE a valuable participant to your community, your family, your workplace -- and especially to me. The world, and my world, would be a much lesser place without you in it.
Zack got to do the laundry - which made him deliciously happy. Although, he did argue with me about how to fold sheets - another lesson for another day -you do NOT argue with your Mistress.
Now, back to obedience.
Like I said - it is easy to say you are obedient, submisive and subservient when you are completing tasks you like to do. That is not to say that a sub shouldn't be assigned tasks they enjoy, but simply that these do not necessarily demonstrate submission. Now, when a slave submits to something they don't particularily want to do, wouldn't do on their own or seek that activity out, but does it solely because they wish to please their Mistress, well, that to me is a pretty accurate demonstration of subservience. Certainly, I could restrain Zack, cover his body with hot wax, use the crop on his ass till it shone bright red, but these aren't things that I choose to do, and when I do, it is rare and is usually when someone or something has displeased me, used to expend some pent up energy.
But something I have had in my mind for many years - even before coming to the discovery of finding myself to be Dominant - pops up once in a while. I told Zack about this fantasy when we began on this journey. In the past, there were many instances when I fantasized about making my husband suck some man's cock, I had even fantasized forcing another man to fuck his ass. I see now that these fantasies were about control and being in control (something I never had with my husband). In those days, I used those fantasies to bring on orgasms - I needed them, because he never could satisfy me sexually. But, I left those fantasies behind a long time ago - they only came up when Zack asked me about fantasies I had ever had. I'll let Zack explain his response to them. At the time, this was NEVER anything I entertaained for Zack. It was my belief that my fantasy of forcing my husband in this way was about "getting even", humiliating him the way he often humiliated me. Recently, this fantasy came up again in conversation between Zack and I. And I began to understand it. Zack is very good for me.
While I was fucking him yesterday, he kept saying that if I wanted him to, he would suck another man's cock for me. I can't describe the jolt that gave me. The orgasm that followed was explosive. Then I came up with an even more extreme form of control.. if I were fucking his ass, while he was sucking that cock - and we all came together - that would be the maximum in control for me. I said that to him and he said yes, he would do that for me, as long as I was controlling the session... God, I do love this man of mine!!!
Oh, we have a long ways to go before we get to that kind of a scenario.. but it may happen. We have a long road ahead of us, lots of trials, tribulations but tons of excitement as well. And we will be on that road together.
Friday, 9 March 2012
Sarah's control
This has been an incredible day with Mistress.
She has already fucked me three times, once on my face, twice by mounting me, all within about two hours.
Her control is such a turn-on. She looks incredible in her black leather and, earlier on, her fishnet stockings.
The day started with some necessary humiliation to remind me how I need to be corrected.
Mistress then forced me onto my knees,where she proceeded to grind her gorgeous, always tasty pussy in my face. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Later when she was fucking me, I told her that she can order me to suck cock and I will do it for her. I could tell that this was turning her on, which aroused me.
She seemed to have a monumental orgasm...later she played and fucked me again, mounting me like only she does. Again, I talked about her forcing me to suck cock. Again, she came hard and intensely.
I now realize that the photo below is her fantasy. Mistress wants this. Knowing that she wants this makes me eager to give it to her.
Anyone who is reading this blog can comment if they're interested in applying to Mistress Sarah. I love her and I trust her. I will do as she says.
Zack
xoxoxo
She has already fucked me three times, once on my face, twice by mounting me, all within about two hours.
Her control is such a turn-on. She looks incredible in her black leather and, earlier on, her fishnet stockings.
The day started with some necessary humiliation to remind me how I need to be corrected.
Mistress then forced me onto my knees,where she proceeded to grind her gorgeous, always tasty pussy in my face. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Later when she was fucking me, I told her that she can order me to suck cock and I will do it for her. I could tell that this was turning her on, which aroused me.
She seemed to have a monumental orgasm...later she played and fucked me again, mounting me like only she does. Again, I talked about her forcing me to suck cock. Again, she came hard and intensely.
I now realize that the photo below is her fantasy. Mistress wants this. Knowing that she wants this makes me eager to give it to her.
Anyone who is reading this blog can comment if they're interested in applying to Mistress Sarah. I love her and I trust her. I will do as she says.
Zack
xoxoxo
Thursday, 8 March 2012
Zack's Fantasy..
Zack wants us to grow into a TPE relationship (if that opportunity ever, by the grace of God, comes our way to be together 24/7). I am so there with him, I can tell you. He fantasized about us having a TPE ceromony, and that he would actually get a tattoo to mark the occasion. That sounds soooo nice. He is so totally squeamish about anything even remotely like that, so for him to say he would get a tattoo is quite significant. I would love that totally.
So, i went looking for soemthing that i might like to get tattooed on him. Which one do you like, Zack?
So, i went looking for soemthing that i might like to get tattooed on him. Which one do you like, Zack?
The bottom 2 pics are stylized versions of the symbol for bondage. I can't decide which I like best. But if I have my way, Zack will have one of these decorating his body somewhere.
Zack's Reality...
Zack posted below that when I turn into a Bitch it turns him on. Hummmm, it didn't yesterday. We got together to spend a little time together and without going into detail, Zack managed to do something , unwittingly, that turned me into a BITCH.. THE BITCH I do not let people see. I guess he saw it on my face, because he asked what was wrong, was I upset about something?
Fuck..! Was I upset? I had to leave the room, saying "I can't talk to you right now" and compose myself. I went into the bathroom to get dressed and I was shaking. I realised that if I had just unleashed that BITCH inside me - as he so often says I could and he would love me anyway - I knew that he would have left and there would have been a good chance he would not have come back. We talked briefly before he left, but it's taking me a while to get past this. I'm not quite as Bitchy this evening, but I can't say how I will be tomorrow.. especially since Zack and I will be spending the afternoon together at the apt - me in my leather and him in.. ...well, who knows??
No, Zack has no idea what THAT Bitch version is like and if I can help it he will never see it.
Not now, not ever. She scares me very much.
Fuck..! Was I upset? I had to leave the room, saying "I can't talk to you right now" and compose myself. I went into the bathroom to get dressed and I was shaking. I realised that if I had just unleashed that BITCH inside me - as he so often says I could and he would love me anyway - I knew that he would have left and there would have been a good chance he would not have come back. We talked briefly before he left, but it's taking me a while to get past this. I'm not quite as Bitchy this evening, but I can't say how I will be tomorrow.. especially since Zack and I will be spending the afternoon together at the apt - me in my leather and him in.. ...well, who knows??
No, Zack has no idea what THAT Bitch version is like and if I can help it he will never see it.
Not now, not ever. She scares me very much.
Wednesday, 7 March 2012
Mistress Bitch
Every once in a while, Sarah adopts a Bitchy persona. I will confess that this really turns me on. It's the look she gives me. That don't fuck with me look. I feel some fear combined with intense attraction. She's really hitting a primal spot when she does that.
I don't think I could live with the intensity of the Bitch all the time, but I do need to see her every once in a while, just as a reminder of who is in charge of this relationship.
When she's dressed in her leather and holding the crop, it gives me such intense feelings. I can't even describe them in this post.
I'm so lucky to have such a kind, loving, and, yes, sometimes Bitchy Mistress. Sarah is perfect for me. I love her so much.
She can fuck my face anytime she likes.
Zack
I don't think I could live with the intensity of the Bitch all the time, but I do need to see her every once in a while, just as a reminder of who is in charge of this relationship.
When she's dressed in her leather and holding the crop, it gives me such intense feelings. I can't even describe them in this post.
I'm so lucky to have such a kind, loving, and, yes, sometimes Bitchy Mistress. Sarah is perfect for me. I love her so much.
She can fuck my face anytime she likes.
Zack
Monday, 5 March 2012
Back On An Even Keel???
Zack is back. It happens. I'm also back. And everything has changed.
I did something. I went on a vacation. Not just any vacation, but one that has liberated me in more ways that one can imagine. Last year I got it into my mind that I wanted to go to New Orleans - specifically for Mardi Gras. For the first time in my life I went on a vacation without my husband, without any family obligations. A full week of no judgements, no restrictions, no stifling, no responsibility to anyone except myself. As amazing as it may seem to a lot of people, this was a first for me.
Before I left I decided I wanted another tattoo - the symbol for VooDoo Goddess Erzulie. I knew a little about her (she actually has 3 personas - I seem to resonate with qualities of them all) and I liked what I read. What the tattoo guy in the French Quarter told me is that "she is all about fucking" - that works for me. He also said that having her symbol tattooed on me would be like calling her to enter me. Enter away, Erzulie.. I welcome you!!
Last week was particularily bad for me. Sure, I called it a "post vacation slump" but it has been more than that. I felt completely and totally out of control of any part of my life. Where I was strong and independent while I was away, now I felt like I was of no value or had no purpose. It really wasn't Zack's doing, as he might think, but our interactions last week did play a role, I will admit that.
I seem to be gathering Erzulie's strength. Zack has been integral in that. He has been successful in bringing me back, in making me recognize who I really am and in doing so, who he really is. I NEED his submission. But I don't love him simply because he is my slave, simply because he is willing to submit to me. I love him because of the man he is - handsome, intelligent, kind, compassionate, loving and with a remarkable talent for turning me on sexually like no one ever has or ever could.
Yes, I am thinking about introduing other "toys" into our lives. I will actually only have 1 slave - Zack. Any others will merely be toys for me to use for my own amusement. I think Zack needs to be aware that he is not only my slave, my slutty slaveboy - he is also the love of my life. There is no way he could be replaced.
I am stronger. I am more confident in my role as Dominatrix. And most of all, I am more confident in my relationship with Zack. I may not have him 24/7, but I do have him in ways that no one else can touch. He IS mine and he will ALWAYS be mine.
In subsequent posts I add here, I'll share my plans for Zack. I'll share the development of our wonderful apartment, our sanctuary. Much of what I write here will be news to Zack - I can't wait for his reaction. I love keeping that slut guessing...
I did something. I went on a vacation. Not just any vacation, but one that has liberated me in more ways that one can imagine. Last year I got it into my mind that I wanted to go to New Orleans - specifically for Mardi Gras. For the first time in my life I went on a vacation without my husband, without any family obligations. A full week of no judgements, no restrictions, no stifling, no responsibility to anyone except myself. As amazing as it may seem to a lot of people, this was a first for me.
Before I left I decided I wanted another tattoo - the symbol for VooDoo Goddess Erzulie. I knew a little about her (she actually has 3 personas - I seem to resonate with qualities of them all) and I liked what I read. What the tattoo guy in the French Quarter told me is that "she is all about fucking" - that works for me. He also said that having her symbol tattooed on me would be like calling her to enter me. Enter away, Erzulie.. I welcome you!!
Last week was particularily bad for me. Sure, I called it a "post vacation slump" but it has been more than that. I felt completely and totally out of control of any part of my life. Where I was strong and independent while I was away, now I felt like I was of no value or had no purpose. It really wasn't Zack's doing, as he might think, but our interactions last week did play a role, I will admit that.
I seem to be gathering Erzulie's strength. Zack has been integral in that. He has been successful in bringing me back, in making me recognize who I really am and in doing so, who he really is. I NEED his submission. But I don't love him simply because he is my slave, simply because he is willing to submit to me. I love him because of the man he is - handsome, intelligent, kind, compassionate, loving and with a remarkable talent for turning me on sexually like no one ever has or ever could.
Yes, I am thinking about introduing other "toys" into our lives. I will actually only have 1 slave - Zack. Any others will merely be toys for me to use for my own amusement. I think Zack needs to be aware that he is not only my slave, my slutty slaveboy - he is also the love of my life. There is no way he could be replaced.
I am stronger. I am more confident in my role as Dominatrix. And most of all, I am more confident in my relationship with Zack. I may not have him 24/7, but I do have him in ways that no one else can touch. He IS mine and he will ALWAYS be mine.
In subsequent posts I add here, I'll share my plans for Zack. I'll share the development of our wonderful apartment, our sanctuary. Much of what I write here will be news to Zack - I can't wait for his reaction. I love keeping that slut guessing...
Mistress Sarah's new focus
Mistress Sarah is now being quite open about taking a second or third slave. She calls them "toys" and leaves me with the impression that I would still be her primary slave.
For some reason, this escalation is turning me on, though I do worry that I may be jealous when her attention turns elsewhere. I've had this issue in the past.
I must serve Mistress Sarah. I must quash my own desires and remember my place.
I love Mistress Sarah.
Zack
For some reason, this escalation is turning me on, though I do worry that I may be jealous when her attention turns elsewhere. I've had this issue in the past.
I must serve Mistress Sarah. I must quash my own desires and remember my place.
I love Mistress Sarah.
Zack
Sunday, 4 March 2012
Today
Today, Sarah showed a more assertive side when we were in the fuckmobile. She ordered me to put my face between her legs. I don't think she's ever tasted better than today. I tried my best, and sure enough, she had a great orgasm.
Then she straddled me like only she can do. She let me know she is my Boss. She even slapped me hard across my face. I felt it in my jaw.
I needed that. Sarah is becoming more Dominant—and I'm feeling ready for this.
Zack
Then she straddled me like only she can do. She let me know she is my Boss. She even slapped me hard across my face. I felt it in my jaw.
I needed that. Sarah is becoming more Dominant—and I'm feeling ready for this.
Zack
Obsession
I'm obsessing about Sarah now. I know I should be working, but she really embedded herself deeply in my whole being yesterday.
Her inner Bitch came out. It's a little scary for me at those times, but it's also tremendously erotic.
I don't fully understand why I respond this way. She sent a short email with a simple message, saying: "I feel like slapping you around today."
It was like a massive electrical jolt shot through my whole body. It was a sign that this is also what I wanted: Sarah as the aggressive Dominatrix.
She's not always like this. I'm not even sure I would always want her like this because I adore her sweet, loving side.
But yesterday, this was exactly what I needed to hear.
Zack
xoxoxox
Her inner Bitch came out. It's a little scary for me at those times, but it's also tremendously erotic.
I don't fully understand why I respond this way. She sent a short email with a simple message, saying: "I feel like slapping you around today."
It was like a massive electrical jolt shot through my whole body. It was a sign that this is also what I wanted: Sarah as the aggressive Dominatrix.
She's not always like this. I'm not even sure I would always want her like this because I adore her sweet, loving side.
But yesterday, this was exactly what I needed to hear.
Zack
xoxoxox
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