I got another email from Zack after my last post.
I do not want to jinx anything, but he has made a move - he has let it be known that he is looking for another job, and has actually checked out what might be available to him. he doesn't believe it, but he is an incredibly talented man and I just know that once the word gets out within his industry, he will have no limit to the opportunities that will come his way.
What does that mean to us?? Only time will tell, but I am guardedly optimistic..
Keep your fingers crossed, will you?
Now, if only his crazy wife would do a disappearing act....
Wednesday, 1 August 2012
Taking it one day at a time...
Zack showed up. I was more excited to see him than he was to see me, or so it seemed. I think his body showed up but his mind was in a million other places. His first words were "I am sooooo tired" I told him to take off his coat and come lay down on the bed. You would have thought I asked him to run a marathon by the look on his face. That hurt and I supposed my own facial expression showed it as well. We were off to a rip roaring start. He asked me to please not be disapproving.
He looks so beaten. He is being pulled in all directions.Everything, EVERYTHING has become a humongous chore for him - I am included in that, I am afraid. We lay down on the bed and talked about nothing for a while. He began to relax. I tried to keep my hands off, I really did, but that man is so fuckingly irresistible. The next hour was wonderful. For the first time in a long time he was mine to possess, mine to own and own him I did. I had him in subspace faster than you can say "use me for your pleasure, Mistress" - which he said often. And use him I did. For that hour it was just Sarah and Zack. Mistress and slave again.
And then it was over. He had to go. I was so happy to have been able to spend some time with him. But I had hoped this was going to be a step towards getting "us" back. I soon realized it wasn't... far from it.
We have been lovers for 3 years. We have a connection that will always be there, no matter what happens. But this relationship has become just another chore, just another responsibility to attend to for Zack. A while ago he said all he wanted was the joy and the fun back that we used to have. He made it sound like I was the one that sucked the joy out of this affair and I think he seriously believed it too. But I think he finally realizes that it is everything else in his life that has done that. It is his insane workload and insane bosses, his even more insane wife and his almost insane sense of responsibility for them all that has come between us.
So, I have told him our affair is over. We can no longer be lovers. I am letting go of the apartment as of Sept 1. I don't know what the future holds, but I have also told him that I am always here to support him, to listen, to be his friend when he needs one. We know each other better than anyone else knows us and he knows he can tell me anything - that I will always listen and I will never judge him. And I will always love him. I think my ending our love affair has made him sad. I hate that, but I am incredibly sad as well.
I got an email from Zack last night. He finally has come to the realization that he needs to quit that job. He understands, he says, that it is that job that is at the root of our problems. He thinks that my decision to end "us" may have been just the impetus to cause him to re-think his position. Maybe, just maybe, something good is going to come out of this. I am praying it is. I let him know, again, that I am here if he needs me. I will never turn him away. I actually am the only in his life whose support he can always count on. I hope he knows that.
So, like I said....
One day at a time.
He looks so beaten. He is being pulled in all directions.Everything, EVERYTHING has become a humongous chore for him - I am included in that, I am afraid. We lay down on the bed and talked about nothing for a while. He began to relax. I tried to keep my hands off, I really did, but that man is so fuckingly irresistible. The next hour was wonderful. For the first time in a long time he was mine to possess, mine to own and own him I did. I had him in subspace faster than you can say "use me for your pleasure, Mistress" - which he said often. And use him I did. For that hour it was just Sarah and Zack. Mistress and slave again.
And then it was over. He had to go. I was so happy to have been able to spend some time with him. But I had hoped this was going to be a step towards getting "us" back. I soon realized it wasn't... far from it.
We have been lovers for 3 years. We have a connection that will always be there, no matter what happens. But this relationship has become just another chore, just another responsibility to attend to for Zack. A while ago he said all he wanted was the joy and the fun back that we used to have. He made it sound like I was the one that sucked the joy out of this affair and I think he seriously believed it too. But I think he finally realizes that it is everything else in his life that has done that. It is his insane workload and insane bosses, his even more insane wife and his almost insane sense of responsibility for them all that has come between us.
So, I have told him our affair is over. We can no longer be lovers. I am letting go of the apartment as of Sept 1. I don't know what the future holds, but I have also told him that I am always here to support him, to listen, to be his friend when he needs one. We know each other better than anyone else knows us and he knows he can tell me anything - that I will always listen and I will never judge him. And I will always love him. I think my ending our love affair has made him sad. I hate that, but I am incredibly sad as well.
I got an email from Zack last night. He finally has come to the realization that he needs to quit that job. He understands, he says, that it is that job that is at the root of our problems. He thinks that my decision to end "us" may have been just the impetus to cause him to re-think his position. Maybe, just maybe, something good is going to come out of this. I am praying it is. I let him know, again, that I am here if he needs me. I will never turn him away. I actually am the only in his life whose support he can always count on. I hope he knows that.
So, like I said....
One day at a time.
Monday, 23 July 2012
Somehow, I'm Hanging in There....
I don't know how. I haven't seen Zack in 3 weeks. I'm not sure, but i think that might be the longest time we have ever gone without seeing each other. It feels like an eternity.
I did something stupid. I "put myself out there" with some idea of replacing Zack. I mean, although i love him fiercely, if i can't be with him what am i to do? Shrivel up and die? I have just too much life to live. Zack has told me more than once that he wants me to be happy, and if that means taking another lover then he is ok with that. Very magnanimous of him. I would never be that generous.
So, i started chatting with a very interesting man. This looked promising. He is a high level executive who is looking for exactly what i have to offer - domination.
We made a date. That is when the strangest thing happened to me.
You may have read this blog from the beginning so you might know that Zack and I are both married - just not to each other. We have been in this relationship for 3 years. At no point have i experienced an ounce of guilt about "cheating" on my marriage. I have felt nothing for my husband for years. He's a jerk.
Anyway, i made this date. As soon as arrangements were made i was struck with overwhelming feelings of despair. I started crying. For days i cried. I finally realized i could not go on this date. I was taken over by the worst feelings of guilt i have every felt. I was besought, consumed with guilt. This was cheating on Zack. No matter what our situation is, i absolutely can not cheat on him. I cancelled the date and cut off communication.
Now, how crazy twisted is that???
I may be seeing Zack on Wednesday. I have no idea how that is going to go. I don't want to fight with him. I don't even want to discuss this. I just want to love him and feel his love for me. I just can't take any more of the distance between us.
Like it or not, meeting Zack was a watershed moment for me. There is no turning back. My life has completely changed course. There are uncharted waters ahead.
Sarah
Monday, 9 July 2012
How Did We Come To This??
We can't recover.. not at this point. Zack is not doing well with his "other" life - although our relationship is the best thing for us both, he is struggling to manage work, home and us. And "Us" is the only thing we can change right now.
If I had my way, if I had a few million dollars - I would literally buy him away from it all. I would take him far away and take care of him the way he so deserves to be taken care of.
His wife is crazier than ever and he is all she has. His employer is floundering and Zack is the only one holding the company above water. I know, he should not take on that kind of responsibility, and yet, there it is. That is who he is. The characteristics that attracted me to him, that I love so much about him - his committment, his caring, his sense of loyalty and duty - are the very ones that are dragging him under.
I am afraid for him. Afraid for his health, for his wellbeing. But right now, my being so involved, being so close to him is causing him even more stress and anxiety. He is struggling as he tries to meet the needs of everyone - an impossible task. He can't change his wife, he can't change his work. He wants to be with me, he wants to feel the release, the joy and contentment we find together, but I see that he can't, and this is killing him as well.
I have no choice. I have to do what I can to ease some of his burden.
And so, I am leaving the apartment. I am leaving the city - well, at least I am if one of the jobs I have applied for comes through. I hope Zack understands me when I tell him that I love him beyond everything and everyone else. I have told him that I am not leaving him, I am not abandoning him, I am just giving him space. All his has to do is call and I will drop everything and come running. Anywhere, anytime.
I'm at the apartment. I am packing things up. I will sell pretty much everything - everything is a stark reminder of the wonderful times Zack and I had here. The next few weeks are going to be very very difficult. Zack is near by, but I cannot see him. I wish I could hold him, make love to him one more time. I will have to be satisfied with the memories of the last wonderful afternoon we spent here. If only I had known then what the future held....
If I had my way, if I had a few million dollars - I would literally buy him away from it all. I would take him far away and take care of him the way he so deserves to be taken care of.
His wife is crazier than ever and he is all she has. His employer is floundering and Zack is the only one holding the company above water. I know, he should not take on that kind of responsibility, and yet, there it is. That is who he is. The characteristics that attracted me to him, that I love so much about him - his committment, his caring, his sense of loyalty and duty - are the very ones that are dragging him under.
I am afraid for him. Afraid for his health, for his wellbeing. But right now, my being so involved, being so close to him is causing him even more stress and anxiety. He is struggling as he tries to meet the needs of everyone - an impossible task. He can't change his wife, he can't change his work. He wants to be with me, he wants to feel the release, the joy and contentment we find together, but I see that he can't, and this is killing him as well.
I have no choice. I have to do what I can to ease some of his burden.
And so, I am leaving the apartment. I am leaving the city - well, at least I am if one of the jobs I have applied for comes through. I hope Zack understands me when I tell him that I love him beyond everything and everyone else. I have told him that I am not leaving him, I am not abandoning him, I am just giving him space. All his has to do is call and I will drop everything and come running. Anywhere, anytime.
I'm at the apartment. I am packing things up. I will sell pretty much everything - everything is a stark reminder of the wonderful times Zack and I had here. The next few weeks are going to be very very difficult. Zack is near by, but I cannot see him. I wish I could hold him, make love to him one more time. I will have to be satisfied with the memories of the last wonderful afternoon we spent here. If only I had known then what the future held....
Sunday, 8 July 2012
Thursday, 28 June 2012
a Tiny Light at the End of This Very Dark Tunnel...
Zack and I talked today. I mean TALKED. There were times when I know he wanted to bolt - but I give him a lot of credit, he didn't. He hung in there. We talked about the hard stuff - the stuff he doesn't like to talk about. He was that little boy that doesn't want anything to change - he was very happy before all the problems started and he just wants that back. I do too. Very much.
I think we both understand that we can't get things back to the way they were. His work and his home life has become so very complex and that complexity pushes its way into our relationship in ways neither of us could have anticipated. I think he understands that he can not manage all 3 - his wife, his work, and us - no matter how badly he wants it. It is the wanting that has been causing him so much stress. The added stress has him looking at things from all the wrong angles, and doing that has caused him to take on more responsibility for more situations than he needs to, but it isn't his fault. At one point tears welled up in his eyes and he asked me why I wanted him, how could I love him. Silly man - we may not be married but I am as committed to him as if we were - for better or for worse.
He believes I want more than he can give. I believe that we can come to some sort of arrangement that WILL work. We both know that we love each other very much and neither of us wants to lose the other. We have agreed to talk some more, to work out some sort of plan that will meet our needs - not mine, not his - ours. He wants me to keep the apartment so I will, for now.
What was the best part of the morning??? He held me in his arms, it made me insanely happy to be there. We kissed like we haven't kissed in a very long time. His erection pressing against me was a glorious feeling, as was the ache that began deep inside me, spreading heat throughout my body. I have been dreaming about him every night, dreaming of that gorgeous cock of his and it was wonderful to know i still have "that" effect on him. He had to leave, so kissing was as far as it went, but I think we are on a new track to an even better relationship. God - please keep us from getting derailed.
A tiny light is glimmering in the dark...
At this point, I am happy...
I think we both understand that we can't get things back to the way they were. His work and his home life has become so very complex and that complexity pushes its way into our relationship in ways neither of us could have anticipated. I think he understands that he can not manage all 3 - his wife, his work, and us - no matter how badly he wants it. It is the wanting that has been causing him so much stress. The added stress has him looking at things from all the wrong angles, and doing that has caused him to take on more responsibility for more situations than he needs to, but it isn't his fault. At one point tears welled up in his eyes and he asked me why I wanted him, how could I love him. Silly man - we may not be married but I am as committed to him as if we were - for better or for worse.
He believes I want more than he can give. I believe that we can come to some sort of arrangement that WILL work. We both know that we love each other very much and neither of us wants to lose the other. We have agreed to talk some more, to work out some sort of plan that will meet our needs - not mine, not his - ours. He wants me to keep the apartment so I will, for now.
What was the best part of the morning??? He held me in his arms, it made me insanely happy to be there. We kissed like we haven't kissed in a very long time. His erection pressing against me was a glorious feeling, as was the ache that began deep inside me, spreading heat throughout my body. I have been dreaming about him every night, dreaming of that gorgeous cock of his and it was wonderful to know i still have "that" effect on him. He had to leave, so kissing was as far as it went, but I think we are on a new track to an even better relationship. God - please keep us from getting derailed.
A tiny light is glimmering in the dark...
At this point, I am happy...
Thursday, 21 June 2012
Update..
We are closer to the end and this is more painful than I could have imagined.. Zack will not discuss the situation and gets upset every time I broach the subject of our deteriorating relationship. I think it is just too painful for him to even consider that the end is coming. I don't understand how he can keep telling me "this will pass" - it's been 10 weeks and nothing is getting better - nothing. But everything is getting worse. We have not spoken in over 2 weeks - a few emails, that's it.
I am getting rid of my equipment - restraints etc.And my fabulous boots - I actually have 2 pair, so if anyone reading is interested in a fantastic deal, feel free to send me a message. I am giving up the apartment as of Aug. 1. Coming here no longer brings me the sheer joy it used to. On the contrary, it is quite painful to come here now. Zack is too close by. I haven't asked him for his keys yet - I will summon up the courage that I will need for that soon, because the "discussion" will most definitely have to occur then. It is not something I am looking forward to.
I will be completely open - I honestly have no idea why this has happened. The last time we spent an afternoon together (2 1/2 months ago) we were deliciously happy. Zack told me that it amazed him that he loved me more than he have ever loved me. He told me he would always love me. He used the "forever" word. 2 days later it all changed. I have no idea what happened, but I can't fight it any longer. I can't continue the extreme highs and lows I have endured lately. I need peace..
I love him with all my heart. And I know, in my heart, that my love for him will never change. If it isn't Zack in my life, then it is no one.
I am getting rid of my equipment - restraints etc.And my fabulous boots - I actually have 2 pair, so if anyone reading is interested in a fantastic deal, feel free to send me a message. I am giving up the apartment as of Aug. 1. Coming here no longer brings me the sheer joy it used to. On the contrary, it is quite painful to come here now. Zack is too close by. I haven't asked him for his keys yet - I will summon up the courage that I will need for that soon, because the "discussion" will most definitely have to occur then. It is not something I am looking forward to.
I will be completely open - I honestly have no idea why this has happened. The last time we spent an afternoon together (2 1/2 months ago) we were deliciously happy. Zack told me that it amazed him that he loved me more than he have ever loved me. He told me he would always love me. He used the "forever" word. 2 days later it all changed. I have no idea what happened, but I can't fight it any longer. I can't continue the extreme highs and lows I have endured lately. I need peace..
I love him with all my heart. And I know, in my heart, that my love for him will never change. If it isn't Zack in my life, then it is no one.
Monday, 11 June 2012
And So it Goes...
Zack and I have brought you along this journey for almost a year - from the beginning of the discovery of our true selves, through our history - how we met, through our ups and downs, our delicious, wonderful romance. It has been wonderful - not only discovering ourselves but sharing that discovery with our readers.
But, although we would love to believe in "forever" - I'm afraid that "forever" does not exist, no matter how much we may want it. And that is particularly true of a couple in the situation Zack and I are in.
It is with an extremely heavy heart that I write now of watching the beginning of the end for us. Zack says I am over reacting - but I truly do not believe that is the case. The distance between us continues to widen. Zack refuses to discuss this with me, he does not have the courage to say the words I know hang in the air. It really isn't anyone's fault, there is no blame to be laid. It simply is what it is. He is like the little boy that believes if we don't see it, it isn't real, if we don't talk about it, it won't happen. He does not want to hurt people, he does not want to hurt me and he understands how much ending our relationship will hurt us both. So, I have made the decision to pull away. Kind of like Rose and Jack in Titanic - except it will be Zack on the raft and I will simply sink out of sight. Neither of us will have to break us up - we will just be gone in a puff of smoke.
Zack and Mistress Sarah will cease to be.
I will give up the apartment within the next couple of months as we go through this process. My heart is breaking right now, but I will make sure that Zack knows I will ALWAYS be here for him, I will AL:WAYS love him, and if he ever needs me I will ALWAYS come. In this, I must remain the strong one, the one who makes the decisions. It is my desire and my responsibility to make this as painless as I possibly can for Zack. I love that man so very much.
So, thank you, for your support, for your devotion to this blog. I am not going to take it down - I will keep you updated on our situation. I just truly hope that someday you will read that Zack and Mistress Sarah have found their way back to each other.
But, although we would love to believe in "forever" - I'm afraid that "forever" does not exist, no matter how much we may want it. And that is particularly true of a couple in the situation Zack and I are in.
It is with an extremely heavy heart that I write now of watching the beginning of the end for us. Zack says I am over reacting - but I truly do not believe that is the case. The distance between us continues to widen. Zack refuses to discuss this with me, he does not have the courage to say the words I know hang in the air. It really isn't anyone's fault, there is no blame to be laid. It simply is what it is. He is like the little boy that believes if we don't see it, it isn't real, if we don't talk about it, it won't happen. He does not want to hurt people, he does not want to hurt me and he understands how much ending our relationship will hurt us both. So, I have made the decision to pull away. Kind of like Rose and Jack in Titanic - except it will be Zack on the raft and I will simply sink out of sight. Neither of us will have to break us up - we will just be gone in a puff of smoke.
Zack and Mistress Sarah will cease to be.
I will give up the apartment within the next couple of months as we go through this process. My heart is breaking right now, but I will make sure that Zack knows I will ALWAYS be here for him, I will AL:WAYS love him, and if he ever needs me I will ALWAYS come. In this, I must remain the strong one, the one who makes the decisions. It is my desire and my responsibility to make this as painless as I possibly can for Zack. I love that man so very much.
So, thank you, for your support, for your devotion to this blog. I am not going to take it down - I will keep you updated on our situation. I just truly hope that someday you will read that Zack and Mistress Sarah have found their way back to each other.
Monday, 4 June 2012
Looking Up??
Zack told me today he will be back on the blog...
I told him he paid too much for those boots for me to just wear them once
keep your fingers crossed for us..
I told him he paid too much for those boots for me to just wear them once
keep your fingers crossed for us..
Friday, 1 June 2012
Not Much...
... to report these days. It's been a long time since I've posted, that's for sure. Nothing much has changed in the situation, and I am still feeling lost. Zack came over the other evening for dinner, we had the opportunity to talk, but it didn't really make me feel any better about everything.
I've packed all my M/s stuff away into my big leather bag and stowed it in the closet.. I can see it from where I am sitting, and I wonder if I will ever use the toys, outfits and implements again. I miss it. I miss Zack.
I am very very sad.
I've packed all my M/s stuff away into my big leather bag and stowed it in the closet.. I can see it from where I am sitting, and I wonder if I will ever use the toys, outfits and implements again. I miss it. I miss Zack.
I am very very sad.
Monday, 21 May 2012
Evaluating The Situation...
I wonder if others ever go through what Zack and I are going through right now? I wonder if it makes a difference that we were "together" for 2 years before we discovered our inner desires for an M/s relationship? I wonder how different other relationships are to ours?
Right now, Mistress-sub do not exist. Right now, we are just Sarah and Zack - 2 people struggling in a complicated relationship within very complicated lives. There seems to be only 1 certainty, 1 thing we can each count on. That certainty is the love we have for each other. Regardless of the struggles, neither of us can see a future without the other. We are meant to be "together" - regardless of what "together" looks like. I need Zack like I need the air I breath. He feels the same way. I need his submission, he needs my dominance. "Play time" allows us to be free of it all for a while. Unlike other M/s relationships (I think), our "scenes" are not just role play, not just about the whole BDSM thing. Our play time is a time spent in re-connection, in bonding, of wiping away the rest of the world. It is our time for fusion - that moment when 2 people become one. I've been missing that fusion terribly. I love him so much.
I can handle the current situation, as long as it is temporary and as long as it doesn't go on too long. I can say that, but I am not sure what I would do if nothing changed back, if nothing DID get better. I don't want to have to find out. But Zack is struggling trying to find the time for us. As much as I would like it to be different, "us" simply can't be a top priority in his life. It worries him when I talk about my dreams - of kidnapping him, running away together to start new lives - ideally in a 24/7 TPE relationship. Zack wants that. I want that. But he is a realist and says it depresses him, simply because he can't see how it can ever come about. He sometimes thinks that I may want this so much, that I will find someone else to engage in a TPE relationship with. He can't seem to comprehend that I do really want it, but I really want it with HIM. ONLY him.
When we first met, when we first began this affair, he was terrified of getting caught by his wife. (Not to say, I wasn't but he was almost paranoid with the idea) He truly does not want anyone hurt because of him. When I would ask him what he would do if he did get caught, his answer was simple - he would kill himself. I did not doubt that for a second. But recently, we were in bed and I asked him again - and his response has changed. He no longer says he would kill himself. he doesn't know what he would do, but he readily admits now that he would NOT do that. Now that's progress, don't you think??
So, for the time being, we are in limbo - still snatching time together when we can, still in our marriages. I am sure that the first one to make a move will be me - I am coming closer to ending this farce of a marriage I am in. Time will tell.
Good night, folks.. thanks for stopping by!
Sarah.
Right now, Mistress-sub do not exist. Right now, we are just Sarah and Zack - 2 people struggling in a complicated relationship within very complicated lives. There seems to be only 1 certainty, 1 thing we can each count on. That certainty is the love we have for each other. Regardless of the struggles, neither of us can see a future without the other. We are meant to be "together" - regardless of what "together" looks like. I need Zack like I need the air I breath. He feels the same way. I need his submission, he needs my dominance. "Play time" allows us to be free of it all for a while. Unlike other M/s relationships (I think), our "scenes" are not just role play, not just about the whole BDSM thing. Our play time is a time spent in re-connection, in bonding, of wiping away the rest of the world. It is our time for fusion - that moment when 2 people become one. I've been missing that fusion terribly. I love him so much.
I can handle the current situation, as long as it is temporary and as long as it doesn't go on too long. I can say that, but I am not sure what I would do if nothing changed back, if nothing DID get better. I don't want to have to find out. But Zack is struggling trying to find the time for us. As much as I would like it to be different, "us" simply can't be a top priority in his life. It worries him when I talk about my dreams - of kidnapping him, running away together to start new lives - ideally in a 24/7 TPE relationship. Zack wants that. I want that. But he is a realist and says it depresses him, simply because he can't see how it can ever come about. He sometimes thinks that I may want this so much, that I will find someone else to engage in a TPE relationship with. He can't seem to comprehend that I do really want it, but I really want it with HIM. ONLY him.
When we first met, when we first began this affair, he was terrified of getting caught by his wife. (Not to say, I wasn't but he was almost paranoid with the idea) He truly does not want anyone hurt because of him. When I would ask him what he would do if he did get caught, his answer was simple - he would kill himself. I did not doubt that for a second. But recently, we were in bed and I asked him again - and his response has changed. He no longer says he would kill himself. he doesn't know what he would do, but he readily admits now that he would NOT do that. Now that's progress, don't you think??
So, for the time being, we are in limbo - still snatching time together when we can, still in our marriages. I am sure that the first one to make a move will be me - I am coming closer to ending this farce of a marriage I am in. Time will tell.
Good night, folks.. thanks for stopping by!
Sarah.
Friday, 18 May 2012
The End of The Week...
Yesterday was pretty much a disaster. Have you ever had one of those days when everything goes wrong? That was how it was for me. I had invited Zack for dinner - by 8 pm I had not heard a word and that pissed me off big time.The day had been full of it's own trials and tribulations and this was the last straw. I got an email form Zack at 8 pm - He had just got to my email and was now going to pick up his wife. I was so pissed!!! I think it was the day, because I really shouldn't have been so angry or upset, but I was.. I was even throwing things! I left him a voice message at his office. I don't remember what I said, but I know it wasn't very nice.
This morning, when he got to the office, he got my voice message, and although it was only a few words, he certainly got the point. He called me immediately and I could tell he was pissed as well. He asked if he could come over - immediately. Of course I said yes.
To say he was upset would be an understatement. There was no Mistress and slave. We had our first fight - we have been together for 3 years and have never fought before. He yelled, I yelled. The whole thing was a total misunderstanding - he thought the dinner invitation was for Friday when it was for Thursday. But the stress we both have been under caused us both to hit the wall. Suddenly, he started to laugh. I saw the tension in his face completely melt away. Fifteen minutes later we were in each others arms, and he was begging me to fuck him. He was feeling so much better - less stressed, happier - but I was still pissed He wanted to please me, he wanted me to use him for my pleasure. Well,, still being a little pissed, I was not going to give him what he wanted - he needed to suffer a little first. I tried so hard to be hard, to be tough with him. But when I gave him a very stern NO, the look on his pathetic face (that face I truly do love to fuck), the tears welling up in his eyes melted this Mistress's heart. Suddenly fucking him was what I wanted, what I needed more than anything.
I grabbed him by the hair and wrenched his head back, glaring into his eyes. I growled "you pathetic spineless slut, get your fucking clothes off NOW!" He damn near came right there.
He got his clothes off and got on his knees. He asked for a cock ring so he wouldn't cum. It has been a long time for him - months, even. He does not have sex with his wife. He would prefer he not be allowed to cum because he wants to focus solely on my pleasure. He feels like he has been a good boy if he doesn't cum and I get my pleasure. I denied him the cock ring. I had plans.
I ordered him onto the bed, I straddled him. His cock was HUGE. I was so wet in anticipation of how that gorgeous piece of meat was going to feel . Grabbing him by the hair, biting his ear, I guided his cock inside me. As I took it all, he gasped, his eyes glazed over - he was suddenly in subspace. And the feeling was amazing. As I began to move I knew this was not going to take very long - I was going to cum, and cum hard, and I wanted him to cum with me. As I felt myself climbing to the summit, I whispered in his ear "you fucker, you better cum, and cum RIGHT NOW!" He groaned; "no, just take your pleasure, just use me". I told him again to cum NOW. He didn't need to be told again - he exploded inside me. I felt the heat of his juices and the heat ejected me over the top and his mind was blown at the same time. I collapsed on top of him. Fucking him this morning was totally delicious. But I knew what this would do to Zack. I knew that this was going to exhaust him - he has not been sleeping and this kind of fucking wipes him out completely - and he had to get back to work. Very soon. There was no time for a nap for him. I was exhausted.
I sent him on his way. He was happy, I was happy. Life is good. Very good. I am hoping we can plan some quality time - a few hours _ next week to really get down and dirty. I have a deep need to dominate; Zack is feeling the same need for submission. Time will tell.
I may see him tomorrow afternoon - I am keeping my fingers crossed, but I am not applying any pressure. It will happen if it is supposed to.
In hindsight - the fight this morning WAS kind of hot.
I truly do love this man.
Sarah
This morning, when he got to the office, he got my voice message, and although it was only a few words, he certainly got the point. He called me immediately and I could tell he was pissed as well. He asked if he could come over - immediately. Of course I said yes.
To say he was upset would be an understatement. There was no Mistress and slave. We had our first fight - we have been together for 3 years and have never fought before. He yelled, I yelled. The whole thing was a total misunderstanding - he thought the dinner invitation was for Friday when it was for Thursday. But the stress we both have been under caused us both to hit the wall. Suddenly, he started to laugh. I saw the tension in his face completely melt away. Fifteen minutes later we were in each others arms, and he was begging me to fuck him. He was feeling so much better - less stressed, happier - but I was still pissed He wanted to please me, he wanted me to use him for my pleasure. Well,, still being a little pissed, I was not going to give him what he wanted - he needed to suffer a little first. I tried so hard to be hard, to be tough with him. But when I gave him a very stern NO, the look on his pathetic face (that face I truly do love to fuck), the tears welling up in his eyes melted this Mistress's heart. Suddenly fucking him was what I wanted, what I needed more than anything.
I grabbed him by the hair and wrenched his head back, glaring into his eyes. I growled "you pathetic spineless slut, get your fucking clothes off NOW!" He damn near came right there.
He got his clothes off and got on his knees. He asked for a cock ring so he wouldn't cum. It has been a long time for him - months, even. He does not have sex with his wife. He would prefer he not be allowed to cum because he wants to focus solely on my pleasure. He feels like he has been a good boy if he doesn't cum and I get my pleasure. I denied him the cock ring. I had plans.
I ordered him onto the bed, I straddled him. His cock was HUGE. I was so wet in anticipation of how that gorgeous piece of meat was going to feel . Grabbing him by the hair, biting his ear, I guided his cock inside me. As I took it all, he gasped, his eyes glazed over - he was suddenly in subspace. And the feeling was amazing. As I began to move I knew this was not going to take very long - I was going to cum, and cum hard, and I wanted him to cum with me. As I felt myself climbing to the summit, I whispered in his ear "you fucker, you better cum, and cum RIGHT NOW!" He groaned; "no, just take your pleasure, just use me". I told him again to cum NOW. He didn't need to be told again - he exploded inside me. I felt the heat of his juices and the heat ejected me over the top and his mind was blown at the same time. I collapsed on top of him. Fucking him this morning was totally delicious. But I knew what this would do to Zack. I knew that this was going to exhaust him - he has not been sleeping and this kind of fucking wipes him out completely - and he had to get back to work. Very soon. There was no time for a nap for him. I was exhausted.
I sent him on his way. He was happy, I was happy. Life is good. Very good. I am hoping we can plan some quality time - a few hours _ next week to really get down and dirty. I have a deep need to dominate; Zack is feeling the same need for submission. Time will tell.
I may see him tomorrow afternoon - I am keeping my fingers crossed, but I am not applying any pressure. It will happen if it is supposed to.
In hindsight - the fight this morning WAS kind of hot.
I truly do love this man.
Sarah
Thursday, 17 May 2012
Another Day...
I am at the apartment - I really must post some pictures here - it is nothing "special", not really, but I feel so at peace when I arrive. I now spend 2 nights a week here. It's closer to my work, although my husband isn't happy when I don't come home every night. Oh, he doesn't talk to me and we don't do anything - I get home and spend the evening in my room - he just likes me to be there. I do believe he is trying too CONTROL me!!! Oh, how little he knows.
I spoke with Zack last night. He sounds better. He was laughing at me because next week I have to use public transit to get back and forth from the apartment to the hotel. I can not tell you how long it has been since I have been on a bus. He is going to take me on a few trips so i will know what to do. This should be fun!
I am so hoping I get to see him later.. I NEED to see him later, but I do not want to push. Right now I can't be his Mistress, right now he needs my support. He does not need to worry about pleasing me. Mistress or not, I want to protect him, take care of him, keep him safe and happy. I think that is what frustrates me the most right now - I can't get the chance to be there for him.
I'm getting some ink done this afternoon. I want some color on my voodoo tattoo. Zack loves the tattoos - he says they actually hypnotize him.. especially when I am on top of him, have his arms firmly secured to the headboard, with his cock (that big gorgeous cock that I love sooooo much) buried deep inside me. He says the entire scene captivates him so much he never wants it to end. I like that..
If I get him over here tonight, I am going to have him post here. He knows about our readers and how supportive you have been. I want him to let you know how much he appreciates it.
Stay tuned...
Sarah
I spoke with Zack last night. He sounds better. He was laughing at me because next week I have to use public transit to get back and forth from the apartment to the hotel. I can not tell you how long it has been since I have been on a bus. He is going to take me on a few trips so i will know what to do. This should be fun!
I am so hoping I get to see him later.. I NEED to see him later, but I do not want to push. Right now I can't be his Mistress, right now he needs my support. He does not need to worry about pleasing me. Mistress or not, I want to protect him, take care of him, keep him safe and happy. I think that is what frustrates me the most right now - I can't get the chance to be there for him.
I'm getting some ink done this afternoon. I want some color on my voodoo tattoo. Zack loves the tattoos - he says they actually hypnotize him.. especially when I am on top of him, have his arms firmly secured to the headboard, with his cock (that big gorgeous cock that I love sooooo much) buried deep inside me. He says the entire scene captivates him so much he never wants it to end. I like that..
If I get him over here tonight, I am going to have him post here. He knows about our readers and how supportive you have been. I want him to let you know how much he appreciates it.
Stay tuned...
Sarah
Monday, 14 May 2012
For Our Amazing Friends...
You know what? you guys are amazing!!!
Our difficult times continue, and Ket, we definitely need a vacation - we both need to get some alone time and away time > alone together and away from all the crap. I'm actually doing a little better than Zack, though. He agrees he needs to take a vacation from work, but then he says if he isn't at work he has to be home with his crazy wife - she now has pictures of Jesus all around their apartment and makes him kiss the pictures!! She is delusional and mentally ill, but he doesn't know what to do with her, so he just keeps taking care of her. He is the most gentle, giving soul.
We connected last week. It was actually pretty funny.
We both needed to get our needs fulfilled... mine to Dominate, and his to submit, so we arranged to meet at the apartment at 5:30. At quarter to 6, there was Zack at the window.. he forgot his keys!! There I was, all decked out in my leather corset, fishnet stockings, gorgeous gorgeous thigh high leather boots (see the picture below) and he needs me to come out and open the door to the building! Oh, for fuck's sake!! LOL. I threw on a robe (it did not cover everything) and streaked out to let him in, praying to God none of the neighbors spotted me.
He looked terrible - thin in the face, pale and so very very tired. I knew he actually had not had a real meal in a long while - stopping to only grab snacks - so I had cooked for him (this was the first time, besides breakfast) - grilled chicken, roasted baby potatoes, steamed brocollini and salad. It was wonderful to watch him eat, and he ate everything. he was starting to feel pretty good.
I then told him to assume his position - naked and on his knees which he did immediately and obediently. I had recently purchased some door restraints that I wanted to try out by issuing a flogging. Silly me, I didn't take into account that the guy is 6'2". Stringing him up there was a dismal failure.
But, I went easy on him - he was just too tired to be expected to be subjected to my play. I care about him and his welbeing, I love him too much to push him that hard when he is so fragile. Instead, I just got him on the floor and fuck the daylights out of him - and no he wasn't allowed to come. Do you know how amazing he is? His cock was so huge, so rock hard because he was so aroused, but he still held back - He gets great pleasure out of doing that because he knows it makes me happy. I was happy.
We were supposed to have a few of hours - but his stupid wife called right then and he had to go pick her up from wherever the hell she was. So, we fucked, he ate, we professed our undying love and he left - only for us both to come crashing down again the next day.
He says the workload at the office is diminishing again, so he is feeling a bit better - getting the things done that he needed to. I'm trying to get him to convince his wife he has to go to a conference for a couple of days - then I would scoop him up and sweep him away to some remote place for 2 days of fucking, eating and sleeping. He has a sister who lives in Tennesee, I even suggested we could go there since his wife wants nothing to do with his family. Anyway, come hell or highwater, I have got to make things better for him somehow. I wish I could win the lottery - I would buy him away from his wife and employer. I told him that and he was instantly hard. He loves the idea of me owning him lock stock and barrel.
someday, baby, someday..
Sarah
Our difficult times continue, and Ket, we definitely need a vacation - we both need to get some alone time and away time > alone together and away from all the crap. I'm actually doing a little better than Zack, though. He agrees he needs to take a vacation from work, but then he says if he isn't at work he has to be home with his crazy wife - she now has pictures of Jesus all around their apartment and makes him kiss the pictures!! She is delusional and mentally ill, but he doesn't know what to do with her, so he just keeps taking care of her. He is the most gentle, giving soul.
We connected last week. It was actually pretty funny.
We both needed to get our needs fulfilled... mine to Dominate, and his to submit, so we arranged to meet at the apartment at 5:30. At quarter to 6, there was Zack at the window.. he forgot his keys!! There I was, all decked out in my leather corset, fishnet stockings, gorgeous gorgeous thigh high leather boots (see the picture below) and he needs me to come out and open the door to the building! Oh, for fuck's sake!! LOL. I threw on a robe (it did not cover everything) and streaked out to let him in, praying to God none of the neighbors spotted me.
He looked terrible - thin in the face, pale and so very very tired. I knew he actually had not had a real meal in a long while - stopping to only grab snacks - so I had cooked for him (this was the first time, besides breakfast) - grilled chicken, roasted baby potatoes, steamed brocollini and salad. It was wonderful to watch him eat, and he ate everything. he was starting to feel pretty good.
I then told him to assume his position - naked and on his knees which he did immediately and obediently. I had recently purchased some door restraints that I wanted to try out by issuing a flogging. Silly me, I didn't take into account that the guy is 6'2". Stringing him up there was a dismal failure.
But, I went easy on him - he was just too tired to be expected to be subjected to my play. I care about him and his welbeing, I love him too much to push him that hard when he is so fragile. Instead, I just got him on the floor and fuck the daylights out of him - and no he wasn't allowed to come. Do you know how amazing he is? His cock was so huge, so rock hard because he was so aroused, but he still held back - He gets great pleasure out of doing that because he knows it makes me happy. I was happy.
We were supposed to have a few of hours - but his stupid wife called right then and he had to go pick her up from wherever the hell she was. So, we fucked, he ate, we professed our undying love and he left - only for us both to come crashing down again the next day.
He says the workload at the office is diminishing again, so he is feeling a bit better - getting the things done that he needed to. I'm trying to get him to convince his wife he has to go to a conference for a couple of days - then I would scoop him up and sweep him away to some remote place for 2 days of fucking, eating and sleeping. He has a sister who lives in Tennesee, I even suggested we could go there since his wife wants nothing to do with his family. Anyway, come hell or highwater, I have got to make things better for him somehow. I wish I could win the lottery - I would buy him away from his wife and employer. I told him that and he was instantly hard. He loves the idea of me owning him lock stock and barrel.
someday, baby, someday..
Sarah
Friday, 11 May 2012
Who Ever Said...
Whomever said "love conquers all" was the biggest bloody fool this world has ever spawned.
It doesn't. Neither does fucking.
Sarah
It doesn't. Neither does fucking.
Sarah
Thursday, 3 May 2012
Here I Am Again....
We are having a really tough time right now. Oh, not with each other so much, but life is fucking with us both big time. We are both going through a depression; I truly think that we are so cosmically in sync that when one of us is doing poorly, the other one is as well. I think it actually began with Zack, and I unwittingly made it worse. It began with me one day when I was suddenly struck with a huge sense of foreboding- that there was something terribly wrong with Zack. Of course, me being me, I kept at him about "what was going on" which stressed him even more.
I can go into great detail but I won't. Its enough to say we are both experiencing a significant depression right now. Neither of our lives are going as we would like and it's bringing us down. We saw each other briefly last evening, and it surprised me to find that I had no emotional reserve, to learn that I didnt have the emotional strength to be there for him, to even spend time with him.
What I did discover is that I desperately need to fuck him. I don't need a bunch of time, I don't need talk, I just need unadulterated fucking. Just like people do after a death, I need this now - need the physicality of the act to confirm that I, and Zack, are indeed still alive. I think Zack would benefit as well, although he feels he doesn't have the time or energy of it. I think 15 min in the backseat of the fuckmobile would work wonders.
I can go into great detail but I won't. Its enough to say we are both experiencing a significant depression right now. Neither of our lives are going as we would like and it's bringing us down. We saw each other briefly last evening, and it surprised me to find that I had no emotional reserve, to learn that I didnt have the emotional strength to be there for him, to even spend time with him.
What I did discover is that I desperately need to fuck him. I don't need a bunch of time, I don't need talk, I just need unadulterated fucking. Just like people do after a death, I need this now - need the physicality of the act to confirm that I, and Zack, are indeed still alive. I think Zack would benefit as well, although he feels he doesn't have the time or energy of it. I think 15 min in the backseat of the fuckmobile would work wonders.
Sunday, 15 April 2012
To My Readers..
I gave it one more valiant effort. I have been unsuccessful. This blog no longer holds any of the fun or interest that it has in the past.
I'll leave it up, but I won't be writing for you any longer.
You don't contribute.. you don't feed my need. I hate to think I am soooo shallow, but I guess I am. Zack doesn't come here unless he is ordered to.
I have a saying..
"If it is important to you, you will find a way. If it isn't important to you, you'll find an excuse"
I have a saying..
"If it is important to you, you will find a way. If it isn't important to you, you'll find an excuse"
There really isn't any more to say so, I'm leaving.. I am pretty sure I won't be back.
I hope you have enjoyed what we've written for you over the past 10 months. It's been fun.
Ciao..
Sarah
Saturday, 31 March 2012
Should I Feel Bad?
Poor Zack, he has a sore tongue. He's lucky he doesn't have a sore ass; Oh, right. One day he will.
I have to admit.. I truly love fucking that boy's face. I guess it's a bonus for Zack as he says he loves it too.. but poor boy if the day ever comes, when he doesn't enjoy it.. because it will happen regardless and as often as I like, whenever I like.
Just so you know, Zack. The red underwear is a beginning. I know it isn't your "style" (exactly what is your style? Inquiring minds want to know..), but you better get used to new things coming your way - whenever and whatever I chose. This time, there wasn't lace panties, a hood and another boy toy waiting for you to arrive. That doesn't mean there never will be...
I have to admit.. I truly love fucking that boy's face. I guess it's a bonus for Zack as he says he loves it too.. but poor boy if the day ever comes, when he doesn't enjoy it.. because it will happen regardless and as often as I like, whenever I like.
Just so you know, Zack. The red underwear is a beginning. I know it isn't your "style" (exactly what is your style? Inquiring minds want to know..), but you better get used to new things coming your way - whenever and whatever I chose. This time, there wasn't lace panties, a hood and another boy toy waiting for you to arrive. That doesn't mean there never will be...
Mistress Sarah and my face
Mistress Sarah did something yesterday morning that she has never done before.
She fucked my face three times during one visit. Each of her orgasms was more powerful than the previous one.
That's not all. She also instructed me how I must dress in her company. This, too, was new. When I entered the apartment, I was thinking about her earlier instructions: I must strip naked and wear whatever is on the stool by the door.
I did not know what to expect. I wondered if she might even have a hood there, and force me into a situation where there could be a third person in the bedroom.
This wasn't the case. Instead, she had me wear red underwear and a smooth, tight tank top.
She was mostly asleep when I entered, but she quickly woke up and was very affectionate. This time, she wasn't the Dominant Bitch. It's probably for the best. I was exhausted and stressed, and Sarah always seems to know how to calibrate things just right.
Today, I have a sore tongue. I think I know why. I have no regrets. It was an incredible morning—a spectacular escape for me.
I want more. I love Mistress Sarah. I can't wait until her new boots arrive.
Zack
xoxox
She fucked my face three times during one visit. Each of her orgasms was more powerful than the previous one.
That's not all. She also instructed me how I must dress in her company. This, too, was new. When I entered the apartment, I was thinking about her earlier instructions: I must strip naked and wear whatever is on the stool by the door.
I did not know what to expect. I wondered if she might even have a hood there, and force me into a situation where there could be a third person in the bedroom.
This wasn't the case. Instead, she had me wear red underwear and a smooth, tight tank top.
She was mostly asleep when I entered, but she quickly woke up and was very affectionate. This time, she wasn't the Dominant Bitch. It's probably for the best. I was exhausted and stressed, and Sarah always seems to know how to calibrate things just right.
Today, I have a sore tongue. I think I know why. I have no regrets. It was an incredible morning—a spectacular escape for me.
I want more. I love Mistress Sarah. I can't wait until her new boots arrive.
Zack
xoxox
Friday, 30 March 2012
Another Fabulous Friday...
What a great day....
I was out of town on business all week, arriving back at tbe apartment last evening. Zack arranged to get the morning off of work to come and play.. and play we did. The morning wasn't an intense Domination session - oh, Zack definitely knew who was in charge, that's for sure. He was perfectly behaved - followed every order I gave, met all my needs. I can't think of a single thing he could have done differently or better. He even wore the new Calvin Kline underwear I bought him. oh, he felt very very good in it. There is more Calvin in his future - even if the only place he wears it is with me. Well, he did grumble a little, but I told him to suck it up - I could have bought him lace ladies panties to wear.. lol.
It's late afternoon, and I am deliciously tired. I feel all wrapped up in the love and devoton of my whore-boy. I'm going to have Zack write his perceptions of the morning here. I will give him a timeframe to get it done.
Let's see if he can uphold his current record of obedience.
I was out of town on business all week, arriving back at tbe apartment last evening. Zack arranged to get the morning off of work to come and play.. and play we did. The morning wasn't an intense Domination session - oh, Zack definitely knew who was in charge, that's for sure. He was perfectly behaved - followed every order I gave, met all my needs. I can't think of a single thing he could have done differently or better. He even wore the new Calvin Kline underwear I bought him. oh, he felt very very good in it. There is more Calvin in his future - even if the only place he wears it is with me. Well, he did grumble a little, but I told him to suck it up - I could have bought him lace ladies panties to wear.. lol.
It's late afternoon, and I am deliciously tired. I feel all wrapped up in the love and devoton of my whore-boy. I'm going to have Zack write his perceptions of the morning here. I will give him a timeframe to get it done.
Let's see if he can uphold his current record of obedience.
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