Fantasizing again...

I am missing Zack like crazy - he wonders if I obsess about him - I'm here to say oh yeah, I obsess alright. I have this fantasy about kidnapping Zack and spiriting him away to a secret place where I will own him totally - there will be no outside world, no pressures, no interruptions for a couple of days. My realistic mind tells me this is just a fantastic dream of mine, a dream that will never materialize. But there is a part of me that thinks it just might happen if I want it bad enough. And I do want this to happen.. sooooo bad, I think more than anything I have ever wanted. As a result, the scenario has been in My head constantly this week..picking up Zack, locking him in the backseat, nice and secure and blindfolded, completely "in the dark" (in more ways than 1) about where W/we were going. I have the place all picked out - quiet, isolated, a place where no one knows U/us, a place where, if I chose, I could publicly show him off as My slutty slave - and for 2 full days he would be all Mine, My slave meeting only My needs and in doing that, feeling complete for the first time - W/we would both feel complete at last.

I will continue to fantasize - to dream of having Zack all to Myself. In the meantime, I am missing him so much. He is sick this week and all I want is for him feel better and I know I am just the person to do that for him. W/we both always feel better when W/we are together - I hope I get to hold him very soon.

Obsessing about Obsessions

Zack is feeling a little needy right now - he wants Me to write about My obsession for him. Now, I know I shouldn't indulge him too much, but I like keeping him on the edge, and since I practise orgasm denial on him, this keeps him nice and fired up.. it makes him much more willing to serve Me and as a result, makes him a much better slave.

Zack doesn't really have a clear idea of how obsessed I really am about him - suffice it to say, I have an obsessive personality at the best of times. I'm pretty sure I have ADD (so does he) because I am also very very impulsive as well. The combination of these 2 traits not only creates a lot of excitement, it can also cause Me some trouble as well. He knows a little, but he doesn't know how often I have "stalked" him over the past 2 years. Yes, I can be extremely obsessive. That said, I would never do anything that would harm him in anyway. This is NOT a "Fatal Attraction" kind of scenario.

Sarah's wish

I am honored that Sarah trusts me to find her a female slave. I will do this with all the sincerity and dedication I can muster.

I love Sarah. Her pleasure is what motivates me.

Zack

Just So I Am Clear...

The post below does not mean I am replacing Zack.. far from it! Adding a 2nd slave to our play will be as exciting for him as it will be for Me. While I play with the little bitch, Zack will be observing - and also learning new techniques and identifying things that he can do for me as well.

Of course, I will take great pleasure in forcing my 2 slaves to work together for my enjoyment. There are untold scenarios I can come up with!
But first things first - I need to create a list of preferences and then Zack has to figure out how to make it happen for Me. He is a smart boy, I am confident he will come through with a winner - that W/we can both enjoy.

Now I've Gone and Done It!...

I can't sleep. When I do, a new obsession fills my dreams. The dreams are so arousing that I masturbate to relax enough to go back to sleep - knowing the same dreams will re-occur, welcoming that.

In a recent post on the forum at Slaveduties BDSM Community, I talked about ordering Zack to find me another slave. That was a test - I wanted to see how he would respond. He responded perfectly, saying he would do his best to ensure my pleasure and my happiness, even though I know that sharing his Mistress is not on his list of desires.

I have never been with a woman, and have only occasionally fantasized about this throughout My life - never taking it seriously, never wishing to bring the fantasy to life. When I told Zack to find Me another slave, I told him to find a she-bitch. A very submissive woman who knows her place, who will welcome the pain/pleasure I would deliver, who would be as good a slut as I could ever want. A little bitch who would beg Me to use My crop, My teeth, clamps, My whip, My toys on her - and who would experience euphoria as a result.

I read several posts on the Slaveduties community forum last night, many of the posts written by the bitch slaves there - those little sluts have opened a floodgate of visions, of desires, of dreams for Me. Now "she" has occupied my mind, my dreams, my fantasies. Where I was only talking before, testing Zack, I now mean it. I want that little bitch slut under me, and I want her soon!

Zack is about to get some very specific orders - he had better be successful! 

Conditioning Zack for More Control..

Of all the things I want to do with Zack, fucking his ass is number 1 on My hit parade. This in itself is somewhat surprising to Me.. When Zack and I came to the revelation of O/our connection as Mistress and slave, he asked Me if I wanted to get a strap-on and fuck him in the ass. At that time, I was still trying to figure Myself out and how I fit into this life. Getting a strap-on was the furthest from My mind and I told him that. He admitted then that the idea made him very, very nervous as well,.

But, as time goes by, as W/we try different things, the idea keeps coming back to Me. So much so that now, My #1 goal is to fuck him in a way no one has ever done, or ever will do. I want to have the ultimate control and power over him. So, the "training" has begun.

I've done a crazy amount of reading on the topic, watched videos, and bought a variety of anal toys.(Before coming to this lifestyle I was soooo vanilla - and sex shops were evil places to avoid.. LOL - now they are my favourite hangout!) What I have learned is that this is going to be an amazing experience for Zack if  I do it right. As well as just plain old fucking his ass, I have purchased a prostate massager - the video I watched turned me on so much - the thought of turning Zack into that kind of a mindless, blubbering idiot is a huge turn on. So, today I told him that what I was going to do to him was this:  I will get him to accept the prostate massager into the gorgeous tight little ass of his. While he is experiencing that A spot orgasm, I will be fucking his face and sucking on his cock all at the same time. Talk about being fucked!! Zack is going to be one very lucky slave!

So, last week, I got as far as inserting the tip of My finger into his ass. You would have thought I was raping him, he got so worked up. So I stopped. In reflection, I think I am being a little too soft on him. He wants Me to do more, he wants Me to use him, abuse him,  he wants Me to humiliate him - and yet I have been holding back. It's time for me to get my big Mistress boots on and be who I need to be.

I'll make sure Zack posts his thoughts on last week's session, as well as subsequent ones.
Stay tuned!

It Never Takes Me Very Long...,

Zack says I have an insatiable appetite - he's right. But let's face it, he is such a slut he wouldn't have it any other way. So, here I am getting ready for bed and it's been 5 days since I have had the opportunity to use him the way he LOVES to be used. He loves being treated like so much meat.. One thing he finds particularly appealing is when I show up at his work, and order him to come to my car (he has nick-named it the "Fuckmobile"). Actually, I call him at his office and tell him to get his fucking ass into my car - NOW!  he does come running, that's for sure. He makes such a great sex toy -and he has the most perfect cock for me to ride.  And he isn't allowed to cum until he has been very very good. If he does, well, he knows there just might be a risk of him being replaced by a new slave who has a greater ability to restrain himself. The fact that he says I am "just too perfect, just too sexy" doesn't cut him any slack with me. I hope he always keeps this in the back of his mind - keeping him off kilter simply makes him a better slave.
he hasn't been very successful lately at holding off, so, he won't get the opportunity to feel that cock of his inside me anytime soon- which is most unfortunate, but it is a damned good thing his face is so perfect for fucking, because that's all he is going to get for a while.At least I am certain to have an explosive orgasm this way. Last week I fucked his face twice in very short order - I grin when I think about it, because he made the comment that the last time I fucked him like I "definitely meant it" - it was pretty intense.I wonder if he was even able to breath. lol.
I'm going to get him into the fuckmobile tomorrow afternoon - I'm horny and I need that mother fucker soon.
He is supposed to be posting his thoughts here about our last scene - I took him just beyond his edge, so it will be interesting to read that.
Now, it's time to sleep, and to dream (and probably masturbate) about Zack.

Good night, dear readers. Stay tuned.

Every Week a New Lesson...

I wonder when we will ever get the hang of this?
Both Zack and I were sick on the weekend - we were both experiencing dizziness for a couple of days. it was very weird.

Then, Zack sent me an email yesterday saying he was quite "down" - I knew imediately what that was about - unfortunately, he had fallen asleep on Thursday when I was reading to him from the website "The Science Behind BDSM" - he is experiencing "sub-drop". Ironically, i was feeling exactly the same way , but there was no mention of "Dom-drop" anywhere :-(

I kept searching - I mean, there is so much about subs and their care – sub space, after care, sub drop, yet, not a single word about what the Dominant goes through after a scene where she has pushed her slave to the limit and beyond. Maybe we are supposed to be unfeeling bitches that just do what they do and take everything in stride.. like our neurotransmitters remain constant, like we need nothing.. I simply don't beleive it. I suspect there are Doms out there that are EXACTLY like that, but I am not one of them. Lucky for me, I decided to check out one of my favorites sites The Steel-Door.

The entire article is very insightful, but primarily it explains how a Mistress also feels the drain from being the one "in control" whenever they are with their sub. I hope Zack has the time to read it. Not that he has these types of expectations on me, but sometimes I feel like I need to be "in control" whenever we are together. I guess it is a matter of feeling it is necessary for me to ensure his needs are met. i put the pressure on myself. Then, when we are apart I too experience that 'drop". We need to figure out a way to over come that.



OMG!!!...

I am basking in the deliciousness that is Zack. From my perspective, we had an absolutely fantastic afternoon. Zack came with the intent to please me and he came through in spades. He gave it his all. If there were ANY doubt (there wasn't, but if there were) about his ability to be my slut, it does not exist now. I was able to push him to his "edge" and a little bit beyond.

I am not sure he fully understands why I give him pain, or why I want that ass of his. The pain can be fully explained via the link I added this morning "The Science Behind BDSM". Read it, the info there is fascinating.

Turning Pain into Pleasure...

Zack has a hard time with pain. He is terrified of it. He wants to be able to handle it for Me, he wants to experience pain as pleasure, but doesn't know how. I'm trying to help him - I know what I have to do when I have to tolerate pain - I "go to my happy place" - but it's tough to explain the mechanism of that. So, true to form - I'm doing research. Here are some tips I found to how to make that nipple clamping, flogging, or spanking something you only want more of.

The pain in this world is inevitable. A good relationship finds a way to make the experience the best it can be.

Zack Continues to Amaze me...

I actually don't know what to say - What Zack wrote below is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said about Me, or to Me. I'm stuck for words, I am completely caught off guard by his passion and his very obvious devotion to Me.

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of our lives. I have planned things quite carefully, but we all know about the plans of mice and men...
"The best laid schemes of mice and men / Go oft awry" (Robert Burns, 1785)

We'll see if things go as planned, won't we??

Zack wrote me earlier and mentioned that he was experiencing a "little fear". A little fear is good now and then, especially in this kind of relationship. I intentionally keep him a little "off kilter" - this maintains his level of anticipation. An Alpha Bitch always strikes a little fear in the pack - it keeps them on their toes and paying attention. Zack needs to pay attention and to remember that although I love him desperately, I do demand a certain level of respect and servitude from him. I am not playing a game - this is very serious to me. I hope it is as serious to him. I guess we'll see, won't we??

Zack will receive an order to write his thoughts, feelings and impressions of the events of the day on this blog. I simply can't wait to read it

Sarah's feminine charms

I'm working, but I couldn't help but drag myself away because I needed contact with Sarah... even if it's just to read an email or a post from her on this blog.

Normally, I don't venture into all the links that Sarah has placed on this site. But this morning, I was curious to read the BDSM quote of the day. That was something I hadn't seen on the right hand side. I went there, and came across the following blog post. Here's part of what was written....

"Todays question: Do I really need to be a bitch to be dominant?...So yesterday I wondered on the soft side of being Domme. Do I really need to be a bitch to be perceived as a Domme? My answer is no. I actually think that my soft side gives the Domme side of me more impact. I am, in the beautiful sense, a real bitch to a man Sub to me but I am also a loving woman, and the woman side of me is whats makes me a great Domme. I am a powerful and strong minded woman but still in every sense a true woman will all the female attributes....I use my attributes and my strong will to get my Sub were I want...So as much as I love being a bitch I love being a woman - soft and strong at the same time and I do not in any way feel that that makes me any less dominant."
This could have been written by Sarah. She's so beautiful and so feminine. But she's also so strong and decisive. Her feminine side....her beauty, her smile, her love...these things hooked me. But I could sense there was a different undercurrent with her. She would decide when and how to fuck me. She took the initiative. She decided if she was going to do something outrageous, like oral sex in the fuckmobile. Gradually, I became more and more immersed and taken under her spell, to the point where I am now completely wrapped around her finger.

But even though she has a side of her that's a very Dominant Bitch, never lose sight of the fact that she's also a stunningly beautiful, feminine woman.

Any woman who is reading this and who is inspired by Sarah's journey should keep this in mind. Sarah is all woman. Nowhere is this more obvious than when she straddles me, on top, and takes my big hard cock inside her. FOR HER PLEASURE. It's not about me. It's about her. I love Sarah very much.

Zack

The Evolution of the Mistress and the slave...

And here we are, at long last. What I am feeling is quite difficult to explain, to analyze. I'll try.

I love the note Zack wrote below. This is one of those rare times when he has exposed his heart and shared what is there. He feels as I do: safe at last. He has shared his vulnerability. I need that. In a perverse sort of way it defines his suitability to become a very good slave.
I don't think I really believed that before.

I suspect I believed this was just a game he thought he wanted to play and that if the game got a little tough, if *I* got a little tough, he would pack up his toys and go home. In all aspects of my life, that has been the case: constant recriminations for being a strong willed, domineering bitch rather than the demure little lady. So the bitch has been kept under wraps for many years. The chained tiger has been aching to be set free.

I believe Zack now - I am not sure why now and not before, but it doesn't matter. I trust him when he says he will never leave, that there is nothing I could do that would make him leave me. I believe I am safe. I believe I am home.

Now, to Zack: just this one time you will get a pass for telling everyone what you want. It doesn't matter what you want. I will suck your cock when *I* want, I will fuck your face when *I* want. And about that- you like getting your face fucked too much. Its like a reward to you. So now, you are going to have to earn it with your servitude. I will have to come up with some tasks for you to complete if I am to fuck that beautiful face of yours.

Now, what do I want right now? I truly want to feel your tongue inside me, I want to feel you fucking me with your tongue. I want to feel you teasing my clit, driving me crazy until I can't take another second. I want to feel my head explode like it did on friday.

And now I have to go to work with soaking wet panties. I can't wait to get you tied to that bed on Thursday- of course that will be after I have truly marked you as my property before hand like the Alpha Bitch I am.
I am Woman - hear Me roar.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

Sarah has arisen

Sarah is really asserting herself now.

This is having a two-fold effect on me.

1. The first primal reaction is intense desire. It's hard to even put into words the magnitude of the electrical jolt that pulsates through me.
2. The secondary reaction is some fear and anxiety over the unknown. What kind of world am I entering?

I trust and love Sarah. But I recognize that I am losing all control over this relationship. This is an exciting, albeit uncertain time.

She's extremely Dominant. She has this capacity within her, and not just sexually. I have awoken this inside her. She has finally found a situation where she can be herself in her totality.

This is exciting to be so raw and real and authentic. But I do worry about her fucking my virginal ass.

I loved her peeing on me, though. This was a new experience. The intimacy was intense. Maybe, just maybe, the pleasure will continue as we explore other areas of our loving M/s relationship.

Zack

Thoughts about Sarah

Sarah has really gotten into my core. I have avoided the blog because I had been posting at work, and this worried me.

Now, I can write freely. My attraction to Sarah is intensifying. I don't understand this, nor do I seek to understand this. I've become quite obsessed, practically addicted, checking my emails repeatedly throughout the day.

I want Sarah to live in my neighbourhood, and then I feel very guilty about this desire, almost like I don't deserve this for myself. I confuse her with my mixed signals, and this then makes me sad. She deserves clarity and she doesn't always get this from me.

You can see my note below, where I wrote that Sarah is showing a side of herself as a Hot Dominant Bitch. She's extremely loving, incredibly loving, but she also has this within her. I want her to know that I love her. And she can reveal this part of herself without fear of abandonment.

I know she has been reluctant because it's considered socially unacceptable. But I don't care about that.

The fact that she posted my comment on this blog---out of all the comments I made yesterday---suggests to me that at some level, it struck a chord.

Sarah likes hearing from me on the blog because I open up. She's correct. I am the kid in the candy store. I'm attracted to everything, but that doesn't mean that everything will always taste good. I need her guidance to lead me at the correct pace. She has done a spectacular job so far.

Iwish she was here to suck my cock. I wish she was here to push me on the bed and fuck me. I wish she could fuck my face.

I hope she's not too harsh on me when I get very excited. I can't help my deep sexual attraction for Sarah. It's just meant to be. I need Sarah. She keeps me grounded when everything is going astray.

The Way We Are...

I am seriously hoping that the "dry spell" this blog has been struggling under is soon over. Although I started this blog, and there shouldn't be an expectation for anyone else to post here, I find I get bored with it when Zack isn't around. I like reading what Zack has to say - he lets his real thoughts and feelings out here, I learn about him here. yes, we have been together almost 2 1/2 years and I am still learning about him. And we are both learning about ourselves.

Last Friday was sort of a "milestone" for us, I think. We seem to have moved forward.. in great strides.
Today, Zack sent me this e-mail:

"I like this message from you.
At this point in your life, it appears like you need a slave to boss around and fuck...just as I need what only you can give: stern demanding commands underscored by deep love.
We're both coming to terms with the fact that it turns me on to be your complete slut, just as you must have ownership to feel fulfilled.
You're a hot Dominant Bitch. Just thinking about you this way gets me close to cumming, but I won't, because I know it's not permitted."

What I had written was:

You did this - you finally trust me. That trust has allowed you to feel what's inside and to share it with me, knowing you are safe. The impact of that has resulted in me doing the same.


I want you. I WANT to own you, I WANT you as my boy toy, I WANT to control you - and not just sexually (but at this point I'll take what I can get). Not only do I want this for me, for me to take/have that control over someone but because I also know that this kind of relationship makes you feel as complete as I do, brings you as much pleasure as I get.

I have always loved you, from the very first day, but I have not always been happy. There have been times when I have been downright miserable and as a result have made you miserable as well. But "something" made us stick it out, and something made me watch that particular interview (about Dominatrix).

This path we are on is the one we are destined to travel. Being your Mistress is the very best feeling in the world.

I have never felt so strong, so confident. You did that.

Your reward will be endless experiences at my desire, at my will. You will serve me as I wish - sexually for now, but I want to be confident that there is hope for more in the future (and before I am too old to wield the crop or wear those boots lol)

One day I WILL have you naked at the door waiting for your Mistress to arrive home.
One day.

We are spending next Thursday afternoon together. I will order Zack to write about it here. Trust me when I tell you - It is going to be an afternoon neither of us will ever forget.

Sometimes it is Just Too Hard to Analyse....

(This was written Nov. 19 - Zack and I have discussed this, but I still wanted to include this here. I do not know when, or if, Zack will ever get on here to add his thoughts)
It's been a tough week. I had hoped Zack would have gotten on here to share his thoughts and feelings about the last afternoon we spent together. We haven't had the opportunity to talk about it, and that has ended up to be a challenge for me.

In our relationship there is a desire by us both to have new experiences. Zack is very much my little boy in the candy shop - he thinks he wants it all. But as we all know, the candy always looks great, but doesn't necessarily taste the way we hoped - sometimes it can be very distasteful indeed. My focus is always on what is good for him and it is very important to me that every experience he has is a good one.

Some time ago, as we were making out in my car, Zack asked me about the idea of peeing on him, of christening him with my urine. As it was, this was something we both thought we wanted to try. I had no idea how I would feel about it, and there is no way Zack could either. He asked me what was holding us back if we both wanted it?? What was holding me back was the fear that we would do this, and the experience would be so bad for him that he would somehow turn away from me as a result. He has constantly tried to reassure me that this would never happen - but how could he know that for sure?

When we spent our last afternoon together, I pulled out all the stops - there were many new things we engaged in.  There was punishment for Zack as a result of a previous infraction (the crop got a work out on his ass), hot waxing his ass again, as well as some very specific attention being paid to his very virginal, but deliciously enticing, ass. (yep, his ass got a lot of attention that day!) - and then there was the christening. This was the hardest for me - and I watched him the entire time looking for his response. Afterwards, Zack was adamant that he enjoyed every moment. I wanted so much to believe him. I asked him to write his thoughts and perceptions here. What happen after that was solely as a result of my own insecurities.

I knew he was very busy at work. I knew that there were many things going on in his life that prevented him from both writing here and keeping in touch with me. What he was able to tell me afterwards was that he had to process everything that had gone on. I was able to  bask in the afterglow of that afternoon for a few days - actually more than a few days. But the lack of connection with Zack took it's toll and my inner demons reared their ugly heads. One thing that about human nature is that we have to always make sense of those things that are important to us. If we don't have all the facts, then we just make up what seems reasonable to us - we create our own story, regardless of what the truth may actually be. And that is exactly what I did.

Since I wrote this, Zack and I have discussed that afternoon. He assures me he will never leave me, he will never turn away from me. I need to beleive him. I need to stop letting my insecurities take me over.

Three Paths - Only 1 Option?

I had a discussion last week with someone who gave me things I need to consider. The one point that stood out for me was that I needed to "stop waiting" for my life to begin. He was referring to my current living arrangements and my marriage.
My life is far from done, but I  keep waiting - always waiting for someone else to make the first move, someone else to change in a way that will result in me being more content within my life.
And now I realize that I need to practise what I preach - no one can be responsible for your happiness except yourself. I can't wait for anyone else- I am the one who has to change.
So I am back to my 3 paths - but 1 and 2 don't really seem like viable options at the moment. Unless I can come up with an other option, #3 will have to be seriously considered. Why can't life be simpler where people can just live happily ever after?

Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

And Then Everything is Right in the World....

Let Me use an old euphemism "all's right with the world" - at least with MY world. I spent the most delicious time with Zack today - and plenty of it. (of course, I can always spend more time with Zack, but today was awesome) there were many new experiences for both of us, but I am going to let Zack tell you all about it. Suffice it to say, I feel much closer to and more in control of Zack. He proved to me today that he is committed to this relationship and to serving Me in the way a good slave should. He is eager to be trained, equally as eager to please.

We had an interesting discussion today as well. Zack is desperate to do anything for Me so that my needs are met, so that I am happy, and to prove his devotion. He gave an example: if I wanted to tie him to a chair, bring in another man and force him to watch Me fuck him, he would do that if it were something I wanted and it made Me happy. My response was that even IF that scenario were something I wanted to play out, I don't believe it would make him feel secure or happy, and there is no way I could ever intentionally set up something that would hurt him. Zack means everything to Me and causing him any kind of emotional distress is beyond anything I could ever do.

Then I reminded him of another scenario I had proposed. Zack took a trip to new Orleans last summer. I wanted to go with him - this was I suggested we could do: We would go to a lesbian bar there. He would sit off somewhere and watch Me hit on another woman. He would watch while I kissed her, touched her breasts, maybe even slide my hand up under her skirt. then, I would take him and her back to the hotel, tie him to a chair and then force him to watch me fuck HER. Then I would fuck him. And if we were very lucky, perhaps she would fuck him as well - but not his cock. His cock is ALL mine. no one gets that cock. I would let her fuck his face only. I would keep him restrained and blindfolded while she did that. I suspect he may not want to, but too bad - his face is Mine to use as I wish. After she was done, she would pay for his services and leave. THEN, he would get all of my attention.

I think this scenario appeals to Zack. I know it appeals to Me. I just have to get him away to another city, away from here.

After Zack tells you his thoughts about today's activities, I'll share Mine with you. Enjoy!

And The World Tilts Sideways...

I don't know what is happening. Suddenly, I am feeling... well, I am not sure what I am feeling, except a heightened consciousness of Zack. Sure, I have had him in My mind night and day for the past 27 months (and one would think that the excitement, passion and sheer lust wold have worn off or at least diminished by now) but this is new. I hear his voice in My sleep - loud enough to wake Me up, My skin feels his touch long after we have parted, I can still feel his cock buried deep inside Me from yesterday. Suddenly, I WANT this man more than I ever thought possible. My lust for him is insatiable.

Perhaps this is in anticipation of what is to come, a response to the new level our relationship has arrived at. I can feel the Dom coming out in Me - not only with Zack, but in other aspects of My life as well. The feeling is strongest around Zack, but that strength lingers and is now becoming part of who I am at work and in My home life as well.

I've seen a change in Zack. I suspect he is going through an "awakening" of his own. He is giving himself over to me in a greater capacity than before. He is allowing it to become a part of him. I feel that, I sense the desire in him, and I know that he wants and NEEDS this as much as I do.

We are hoping to get some '"play" time next Thursday. I've told Zack that play is going to be more intense, more experiential than ever before. He knows he is going to be disciplined for his indiscretions the last time we were together - selfishly orgasming while I deliriously fucked his face. I am also bringing out the hot wax again - this time I will be better prepared so it won't be so messy in the room (wax flakes EVERYWHERE!! LOL). He will not only feel the burn of the spanking he is going to get but the hot wax on his ass that will follow. Those endorphins should be flowing strong by then. He is going to get fucked every way I can think of. And at some point in the day he will be baptised by My hot urine. Something about this, doing this to him and for the both  of us goes directly to the core of My being, the very most primal part. Yesterday, Zack and I got together for a visit. Can I tell you that just being in his presence causes Me to feel things I had no idea was inside me. I had told him earlier in the week that the next time we play, he will experience My ownership in a new way - he was going to feel the heat of my urine raining on him. We were kissing and he whispered in my ear "I want that, I want you to pee on me. You want to do it, you want it as well, so what is holding us back?" The answer? Nothing, nothing but time and opportunity. His question sent a rush through My body, My mind spun. That was when I ordered him into the back seat of the car - I needed to fuck him right then and there. I needed to settle the rush in my head. I orgasmed almost immediately. It did little to minimize the arousal, the lust, the intense passion I was feeling. I'm doomed. I love it.

I am being consumed. I like it. I welcome it. I am excited for what is to come.