Mistress gets better every day

I had a perfect day with Mistress yesterday. I was finally able to buy her some leather, which I've wanted to do for quite some time. I loved how she collared me in the store. She is my true love.

Sarah is revealing more about her desires and this is really turning me on. For the first time, she talked about Total Power Exchange. I'm a slut, and I had never heard this phrase before.

I must admit that it's extremely enticing, mainly because I know it would make Sarah happy and because she is totally trustworthy. Sarah is not abusive. She gives me what I need and I try to give her what she needs.

I wouldn't consider TPE with anyone but Sarah. She has a very nurturing side in addition to a very Dominant side. She's adorable and powerful. Quite simply, she's the very best Mistress I could ever have.

I especially love it when she pees on me because I love the sensation of her warm urine on my skin. She has only done this twice. These events have a profound effect. It's intimate, but there's also some shame for me at a certain level, which I need to feel periodically as a true submissive. It's very hard to put into words. I don't know why humiliation has some appeal -- not always, but sometimes. I think Sarah would like to give me more of this, but she holds back sometimes because she has so much love in her heart.

Over time, I think she will become more accustomed to forcing me to be a total slut and engaging in this type of behaviour a little more often.

I loved going out to a restaurant with her, and having her tell the waitress what I'll have. I could get very used to her being Bossy in this way much more often.

I love Sarah very much.

Zack

A Glorious Way to End the Year..."

After more than 100 emails in the previous 2 days, Zack and I decided we had to meet this morning. He has been wanting to buy me a leather skirt, and I will admit, I have always wanted one. I checked a store on line, found a skirt I loved and we set the time to meet at the local outlet store. I still wasn't sure if I would let him purchase it for me - I have a bit of a hang up with someone else paying for things for me. I can't really even accept a gift graciously - there is always this feeling of "obligation", that nothing comes without a price tag, or a string or 2 attached.

We met about 30 minutes before the store opened. It was so wonderful to see Zack again!! True to form, the first thing I wanted to do was take him somewhere and fuck his brains out. I'm sure he thinks I only want him for sex - but being the total slut that he is, I doubt that would bother him much anyway! LOL.

We made out in my car, and we talked. We talked a lot about us, and where we were going in this relationship. We talked about my last blog post and what it would be like to be a 24/7 couple. I told him that I had forgotten one detail he would also be responsible for - keeping the fuckmobile clean and stocked with kleenex. He said he would gladly do that, so I told him he was hired. I think he likes the idea.

"What Will Be..."

What would life be for Zack and I as a 24/7 couple? Zack has asked Me to detail what that might be like - what would his role be and what would Mine be? Well, I have demonstrated a pretty creative imagination in the past, and I have a pretty good idea what Zack would like so, let's give it a try...

First of all, W/we would begin O/our life in a completely new city - one that works for U/us both and one where no one knows U/us. I like it warm, so My choice is San Diego - there are great job opportunities for Me there. I would work - possibly as a consultant from home, or perhaps as a college instructor. I would be the provider working outside the home. Oh, Zack could work, if he chose to and as long as I approved not only the work but the time invested as well; his first priority and obligation would be to Me and O/our home.

O/our home. How beautiful that sounds to Me. What a dream. I see U/us in a high rise apartment/condo overlooking the water. I would love lots of glass - lots of windows and lots of view. Being a bit of an exhibitionist, I would be delighted if other buildings had views into O/our home as well. Perhaps those folks would learn something about this kind of relationship. O/our furnishings would be contemporary and simplistic. Definitely appropriately coordinated. And to complete the picture, Zack would be there - naked, wearing his collar and ready to serve.

Since we would be new to the city, we would need to seek out other M/s couples. There is nothing better, I think, than sharing the lifestyle with friends. Everyone needs friends, and W/we would definitely have them. I actually love to entertain, in the right circumstances - and I can see Zack and I hosting many parties. Just think of the play possibilities!

Serving Sarah

As the new year dawns, I feel that Sarah and I are reaching a deeper understanding and an even deeper compatibility. This week, we focused some time on domestic chores. One of my most primal desires is to be her domestic slave. I want to wash dishes, clean the bathroom, and vacuum in the nude for her on an ongoing basis. I learned some new things about voluntary servitude. She was very open to this idea and, in fact, welcomed me as her domestic houseboy, which made me very happy.

Sarah doesn't fully realize how happy I am serving her. She thinks she gets it, but I don't think she comprehends the joy I feel when I do something as simple as fetch her a bucket of ice.

She is also talking a lot more about taking me to meet other couples, where she can put me on display as her slave. I welcome this completely.

I am Sarah's slut. I felt so good when she told me that she needs my submission just as much as I need her Dominance. I think 2012 is going to be a very good year.

Zack

Fantasizing again...

I am missing Zack like crazy - he wonders if I obsess about him - I'm here to say oh yeah, I obsess alright. I have this fantasy about kidnapping Zack and spiriting him away to a secret place where I will own him totally - there will be no outside world, no pressures, no interruptions for a couple of days. My realistic mind tells me this is just a fantastic dream of mine, a dream that will never materialize. But there is a part of me that thinks it just might happen if I want it bad enough. And I do want this to happen.. sooooo bad, I think more than anything I have ever wanted. As a result, the scenario has been in My head constantly this week..picking up Zack, locking him in the backseat, nice and secure and blindfolded, completely "in the dark" (in more ways than 1) about where W/we were going. I have the place all picked out - quiet, isolated, a place where no one knows U/us, a place where, if I chose, I could publicly show him off as My slutty slave - and for 2 full days he would be all Mine, My slave meeting only My needs and in doing that, feeling complete for the first time - W/we would both feel complete at last.

I will continue to fantasize - to dream of having Zack all to Myself. In the meantime, I am missing him so much. He is sick this week and all I want is for him feel better and I know I am just the person to do that for him. W/we both always feel better when W/we are together - I hope I get to hold him very soon.

Obsessing about Obsessions

Zack is feeling a little needy right now - he wants Me to write about My obsession for him. Now, I know I shouldn't indulge him too much, but I like keeping him on the edge, and since I practise orgasm denial on him, this keeps him nice and fired up.. it makes him much more willing to serve Me and as a result, makes him a much better slave.

Zack doesn't really have a clear idea of how obsessed I really am about him - suffice it to say, I have an obsessive personality at the best of times. I'm pretty sure I have ADD (so does he) because I am also very very impulsive as well. The combination of these 2 traits not only creates a lot of excitement, it can also cause Me some trouble as well. He knows a little, but he doesn't know how often I have "stalked" him over the past 2 years. Yes, I can be extremely obsessive. That said, I would never do anything that would harm him in anyway. This is NOT a "Fatal Attraction" kind of scenario.

Sarah's wish

I am honored that Sarah trusts me to find her a female slave. I will do this with all the sincerity and dedication I can muster.

I love Sarah. Her pleasure is what motivates me.

Zack

Just So I Am Clear...

The post below does not mean I am replacing Zack.. far from it! Adding a 2nd slave to our play will be as exciting for him as it will be for Me. While I play with the little bitch, Zack will be observing - and also learning new techniques and identifying things that he can do for me as well.

Of course, I will take great pleasure in forcing my 2 slaves to work together for my enjoyment. There are untold scenarios I can come up with!
But first things first - I need to create a list of preferences and then Zack has to figure out how to make it happen for Me. He is a smart boy, I am confident he will come through with a winner - that W/we can both enjoy.

Now I've Gone and Done It!...

I can't sleep. When I do, a new obsession fills my dreams. The dreams are so arousing that I masturbate to relax enough to go back to sleep - knowing the same dreams will re-occur, welcoming that.

In a recent post on the forum at Slaveduties BDSM Community, I talked about ordering Zack to find me another slave. That was a test - I wanted to see how he would respond. He responded perfectly, saying he would do his best to ensure my pleasure and my happiness, even though I know that sharing his Mistress is not on his list of desires.

I have never been with a woman, and have only occasionally fantasized about this throughout My life - never taking it seriously, never wishing to bring the fantasy to life. When I told Zack to find Me another slave, I told him to find a she-bitch. A very submissive woman who knows her place, who will welcome the pain/pleasure I would deliver, who would be as good a slut as I could ever want. A little bitch who would beg Me to use My crop, My teeth, clamps, My whip, My toys on her - and who would experience euphoria as a result.

I read several posts on the Slaveduties community forum last night, many of the posts written by the bitch slaves there - those little sluts have opened a floodgate of visions, of desires, of dreams for Me. Now "she" has occupied my mind, my dreams, my fantasies. Where I was only talking before, testing Zack, I now mean it. I want that little bitch slut under me, and I want her soon!

Zack is about to get some very specific orders - he had better be successful! 

Conditioning Zack for More Control..

Of all the things I want to do with Zack, fucking his ass is number 1 on My hit parade. This in itself is somewhat surprising to Me.. When Zack and I came to the revelation of O/our connection as Mistress and slave, he asked Me if I wanted to get a strap-on and fuck him in the ass. At that time, I was still trying to figure Myself out and how I fit into this life. Getting a strap-on was the furthest from My mind and I told him that. He admitted then that the idea made him very, very nervous as well,.

But, as time goes by, as W/we try different things, the idea keeps coming back to Me. So much so that now, My #1 goal is to fuck him in a way no one has ever done, or ever will do. I want to have the ultimate control and power over him. So, the "training" has begun.

I've done a crazy amount of reading on the topic, watched videos, and bought a variety of anal toys.(Before coming to this lifestyle I was soooo vanilla - and sex shops were evil places to avoid.. LOL - now they are my favourite hangout!) What I have learned is that this is going to be an amazing experience for Zack if  I do it right. As well as just plain old fucking his ass, I have purchased a prostate massager - the video I watched turned me on so much - the thought of turning Zack into that kind of a mindless, blubbering idiot is a huge turn on. So, today I told him that what I was going to do to him was this:  I will get him to accept the prostate massager into the gorgeous tight little ass of his. While he is experiencing that A spot orgasm, I will be fucking his face and sucking on his cock all at the same time. Talk about being fucked!! Zack is going to be one very lucky slave!

So, last week, I got as far as inserting the tip of My finger into his ass. You would have thought I was raping him, he got so worked up. So I stopped. In reflection, I think I am being a little too soft on him. He wants Me to do more, he wants Me to use him, abuse him,  he wants Me to humiliate him - and yet I have been holding back. It's time for me to get my big Mistress boots on and be who I need to be.

I'll make sure Zack posts his thoughts on last week's session, as well as subsequent ones.
Stay tuned!

It Never Takes Me Very Long...,

Zack says I have an insatiable appetite - he's right. But let's face it, he is such a slut he wouldn't have it any other way. So, here I am getting ready for bed and it's been 5 days since I have had the opportunity to use him the way he LOVES to be used. He loves being treated like so much meat.. One thing he finds particularly appealing is when I show up at his work, and order him to come to my car (he has nick-named it the "Fuckmobile"). Actually, I call him at his office and tell him to get his fucking ass into my car - NOW!  he does come running, that's for sure. He makes such a great sex toy -and he has the most perfect cock for me to ride.  And he isn't allowed to cum until he has been very very good. If he does, well, he knows there just might be a risk of him being replaced by a new slave who has a greater ability to restrain himself. The fact that he says I am "just too perfect, just too sexy" doesn't cut him any slack with me. I hope he always keeps this in the back of his mind - keeping him off kilter simply makes him a better slave.
he hasn't been very successful lately at holding off, so, he won't get the opportunity to feel that cock of his inside me anytime soon- which is most unfortunate, but it is a damned good thing his face is so perfect for fucking, because that's all he is going to get for a while.At least I am certain to have an explosive orgasm this way. Last week I fucked his face twice in very short order - I grin when I think about it, because he made the comment that the last time I fucked him like I "definitely meant it" - it was pretty intense.I wonder if he was even able to breath. lol.
I'm going to get him into the fuckmobile tomorrow afternoon - I'm horny and I need that mother fucker soon.
He is supposed to be posting his thoughts here about our last scene - I took him just beyond his edge, so it will be interesting to read that.
Now, it's time to sleep, and to dream (and probably masturbate) about Zack.

Good night, dear readers. Stay tuned.

Every Week a New Lesson...

I wonder when we will ever get the hang of this?
Both Zack and I were sick on the weekend - we were both experiencing dizziness for a couple of days. it was very weird.

Then, Zack sent me an email yesterday saying he was quite "down" - I knew imediately what that was about - unfortunately, he had fallen asleep on Thursday when I was reading to him from the website "The Science Behind BDSM" - he is experiencing "sub-drop". Ironically, i was feeling exactly the same way , but there was no mention of "Dom-drop" anywhere :-(

I kept searching - I mean, there is so much about subs and their care – sub space, after care, sub drop, yet, not a single word about what the Dominant goes through after a scene where she has pushed her slave to the limit and beyond. Maybe we are supposed to be unfeeling bitches that just do what they do and take everything in stride.. like our neurotransmitters remain constant, like we need nothing.. I simply don't beleive it. I suspect there are Doms out there that are EXACTLY like that, but I am not one of them. Lucky for me, I decided to check out one of my favorites sites The Steel-Door.

The entire article is very insightful, but primarily it explains how a Mistress also feels the drain from being the one "in control" whenever they are with their sub. I hope Zack has the time to read it. Not that he has these types of expectations on me, but sometimes I feel like I need to be "in control" whenever we are together. I guess it is a matter of feeling it is necessary for me to ensure his needs are met. i put the pressure on myself. Then, when we are apart I too experience that 'drop". We need to figure out a way to over come that.



OMG!!!...

I am basking in the deliciousness that is Zack. From my perspective, we had an absolutely fantastic afternoon. Zack came with the intent to please me and he came through in spades. He gave it his all. If there were ANY doubt (there wasn't, but if there were) about his ability to be my slut, it does not exist now. I was able to push him to his "edge" and a little bit beyond.

I am not sure he fully understands why I give him pain, or why I want that ass of his. The pain can be fully explained via the link I added this morning "The Science Behind BDSM". Read it, the info there is fascinating.

Turning Pain into Pleasure...

Zack has a hard time with pain. He is terrified of it. He wants to be able to handle it for Me, he wants to experience pain as pleasure, but doesn't know how. I'm trying to help him - I know what I have to do when I have to tolerate pain - I "go to my happy place" - but it's tough to explain the mechanism of that. So, true to form - I'm doing research. Here are some tips I found to how to make that nipple clamping, flogging, or spanking something you only want more of.

The pain in this world is inevitable. A good relationship finds a way to make the experience the best it can be.

Zack Continues to Amaze me...

I actually don't know what to say - What Zack wrote below is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said about Me, or to Me. I'm stuck for words, I am completely caught off guard by his passion and his very obvious devotion to Me.

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of our lives. I have planned things quite carefully, but we all know about the plans of mice and men...
"The best laid schemes of mice and men / Go oft awry" (Robert Burns, 1785)

We'll see if things go as planned, won't we??

Zack wrote me earlier and mentioned that he was experiencing a "little fear". A little fear is good now and then, especially in this kind of relationship. I intentionally keep him a little "off kilter" - this maintains his level of anticipation. An Alpha Bitch always strikes a little fear in the pack - it keeps them on their toes and paying attention. Zack needs to pay attention and to remember that although I love him desperately, I do demand a certain level of respect and servitude from him. I am not playing a game - this is very serious to me. I hope it is as serious to him. I guess we'll see, won't we??

Zack will receive an order to write his thoughts, feelings and impressions of the events of the day on this blog. I simply can't wait to read it

Sarah's feminine charms

I'm working, but I couldn't help but drag myself away because I needed contact with Sarah... even if it's just to read an email or a post from her on this blog.

Normally, I don't venture into all the links that Sarah has placed on this site. But this morning, I was curious to read the BDSM quote of the day. That was something I hadn't seen on the right hand side. I went there, and came across the following blog post. Here's part of what was written....

"Todays question: Do I really need to be a bitch to be dominant?...So yesterday I wondered on the soft side of being Domme. Do I really need to be a bitch to be perceived as a Domme? My answer is no. I actually think that my soft side gives the Domme side of me more impact. I am, in the beautiful sense, a real bitch to a man Sub to me but I am also a loving woman, and the woman side of me is whats makes me a great Domme. I am a powerful and strong minded woman but still in every sense a true woman will all the female attributes....I use my attributes and my strong will to get my Sub were I want...So as much as I love being a bitch I love being a woman - soft and strong at the same time and I do not in any way feel that that makes me any less dominant."
This could have been written by Sarah. She's so beautiful and so feminine. But she's also so strong and decisive. Her feminine side....her beauty, her smile, her love...these things hooked me. But I could sense there was a different undercurrent with her. She would decide when and how to fuck me. She took the initiative. She decided if she was going to do something outrageous, like oral sex in the fuckmobile. Gradually, I became more and more immersed and taken under her spell, to the point where I am now completely wrapped around her finger.

But even though she has a side of her that's a very Dominant Bitch, never lose sight of the fact that she's also a stunningly beautiful, feminine woman.

Any woman who is reading this and who is inspired by Sarah's journey should keep this in mind. Sarah is all woman. Nowhere is this more obvious than when she straddles me, on top, and takes my big hard cock inside her. FOR HER PLEASURE. It's not about me. It's about her. I love Sarah very much.

Zack

The Evolution of the Mistress and the slave...

And here we are, at long last. What I am feeling is quite difficult to explain, to analyze. I'll try.

I love the note Zack wrote below. This is one of those rare times when he has exposed his heart and shared what is there. He feels as I do: safe at last. He has shared his vulnerability. I need that. In a perverse sort of way it defines his suitability to become a very good slave.
I don't think I really believed that before.

I suspect I believed this was just a game he thought he wanted to play and that if the game got a little tough, if *I* got a little tough, he would pack up his toys and go home. In all aspects of my life, that has been the case: constant recriminations for being a strong willed, domineering bitch rather than the demure little lady. So the bitch has been kept under wraps for many years. The chained tiger has been aching to be set free.

I believe Zack now - I am not sure why now and not before, but it doesn't matter. I trust him when he says he will never leave, that there is nothing I could do that would make him leave me. I believe I am safe. I believe I am home.

Now, to Zack: just this one time you will get a pass for telling everyone what you want. It doesn't matter what you want. I will suck your cock when *I* want, I will fuck your face when *I* want. And about that- you like getting your face fucked too much. Its like a reward to you. So now, you are going to have to earn it with your servitude. I will have to come up with some tasks for you to complete if I am to fuck that beautiful face of yours.

Now, what do I want right now? I truly want to feel your tongue inside me, I want to feel you fucking me with your tongue. I want to feel you teasing my clit, driving me crazy until I can't take another second. I want to feel my head explode like it did on friday.

And now I have to go to work with soaking wet panties. I can't wait to get you tied to that bed on Thursday- of course that will be after I have truly marked you as my property before hand like the Alpha Bitch I am.
I am Woman - hear Me roar.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

Sarah has arisen

Sarah is really asserting herself now.

This is having a two-fold effect on me.

1. The first primal reaction is intense desire. It's hard to even put into words the magnitude of the electrical jolt that pulsates through me.
2. The secondary reaction is some fear and anxiety over the unknown. What kind of world am I entering?

I trust and love Sarah. But I recognize that I am losing all control over this relationship. This is an exciting, albeit uncertain time.

She's extremely Dominant. She has this capacity within her, and not just sexually. I have awoken this inside her. She has finally found a situation where she can be herself in her totality.

This is exciting to be so raw and real and authentic. But I do worry about her fucking my virginal ass.

I loved her peeing on me, though. This was a new experience. The intimacy was intense. Maybe, just maybe, the pleasure will continue as we explore other areas of our loving M/s relationship.

Zack

Thoughts about Sarah

Sarah has really gotten into my core. I have avoided the blog because I had been posting at work, and this worried me.

Now, I can write freely. My attraction to Sarah is intensifying. I don't understand this, nor do I seek to understand this. I've become quite obsessed, practically addicted, checking my emails repeatedly throughout the day.

I want Sarah to live in my neighbourhood, and then I feel very guilty about this desire, almost like I don't deserve this for myself. I confuse her with my mixed signals, and this then makes me sad. She deserves clarity and she doesn't always get this from me.

You can see my note below, where I wrote that Sarah is showing a side of herself as a Hot Dominant Bitch. She's extremely loving, incredibly loving, but she also has this within her. I want her to know that I love her. And she can reveal this part of herself without fear of abandonment.

I know she has been reluctant because it's considered socially unacceptable. But I don't care about that.

The fact that she posted my comment on this blog---out of all the comments I made yesterday---suggests to me that at some level, it struck a chord.

Sarah likes hearing from me on the blog because I open up. She's correct. I am the kid in the candy store. I'm attracted to everything, but that doesn't mean that everything will always taste good. I need her guidance to lead me at the correct pace. She has done a spectacular job so far.

Iwish she was here to suck my cock. I wish she was here to push me on the bed and fuck me. I wish she could fuck my face.

I hope she's not too harsh on me when I get very excited. I can't help my deep sexual attraction for Sarah. It's just meant to be. I need Sarah. She keeps me grounded when everything is going astray.

The Way We Are...

I am seriously hoping that the "dry spell" this blog has been struggling under is soon over. Although I started this blog, and there shouldn't be an expectation for anyone else to post here, I find I get bored with it when Zack isn't around. I like reading what Zack has to say - he lets his real thoughts and feelings out here, I learn about him here. yes, we have been together almost 2 1/2 years and I am still learning about him. And we are both learning about ourselves.

Last Friday was sort of a "milestone" for us, I think. We seem to have moved forward.. in great strides.
Today, Zack sent me this e-mail:

"I like this message from you.
At this point in your life, it appears like you need a slave to boss around and fuck...just as I need what only you can give: stern demanding commands underscored by deep love.
We're both coming to terms with the fact that it turns me on to be your complete slut, just as you must have ownership to feel fulfilled.
You're a hot Dominant Bitch. Just thinking about you this way gets me close to cumming, but I won't, because I know it's not permitted."

What I had written was:

You did this - you finally trust me. That trust has allowed you to feel what's inside and to share it with me, knowing you are safe. The impact of that has resulted in me doing the same.


I want you. I WANT to own you, I WANT you as my boy toy, I WANT to control you - and not just sexually (but at this point I'll take what I can get). Not only do I want this for me, for me to take/have that control over someone but because I also know that this kind of relationship makes you feel as complete as I do, brings you as much pleasure as I get.

I have always loved you, from the very first day, but I have not always been happy. There have been times when I have been downright miserable and as a result have made you miserable as well. But "something" made us stick it out, and something made me watch that particular interview (about Dominatrix).

This path we are on is the one we are destined to travel. Being your Mistress is the very best feeling in the world.

I have never felt so strong, so confident. You did that.

Your reward will be endless experiences at my desire, at my will. You will serve me as I wish - sexually for now, but I want to be confident that there is hope for more in the future (and before I am too old to wield the crop or wear those boots lol)

One day I WILL have you naked at the door waiting for your Mistress to arrive home.
One day.

We are spending next Thursday afternoon together. I will order Zack to write about it here. Trust me when I tell you - It is going to be an afternoon neither of us will ever forget.