A New Day?

Last weekend I got an email from Zack. Several, in fact. He doesn't want it to be "over", he doesn't want us to "disappear from each other". We exchanged a few bits of correspondence over the weekend, and then it was back to work. I really do love that man and I am so weak where he is concerned, so I agreed to wait while he "got his work life in order". Of course, next week his wife is going to New York. I figured that would be a perfect time for us to get some time to re-connect. As a surprise, i booked a hotel room - after all, with his wife away, we could actually spend the entire night together!

I called him after work last night to chat. We laughed about silly stuff, just like old times. Last weekend, he had said there had been some glitches in the trip his wife was taking, but he was working furiously to get them sorted out, to make sure she was able to go. So, while talking to him last night, I asked how that was going. He said it looked like it was going to work out. Then he said, as casual as can be, "Oh, I'm going too." I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. Here he was - can barely find even 10 minutes to have a cup of coffee with me in the past 6 months and now he can suddenly take several days to go away with his wife? Suddenly his work isn't that busy and demanding?

I am such a sap. I have told him that it is my turn to disappear and that he should take this time away to re-group and to think about his future. If he wants me in it, then we can talk when he gets back. If he doesn't, then I told him not to contact me.
I suspect I will never hear from him again.

it's Really Over.....

I called Zack's office last night - for no other reason that to hear his voice. My heart jumped when he answered the phone.
What a mistake. Well, maybe not a mistake. The end result is that I have come face to face with the truth. I think I will always have a glimmer of hope, but it is pretty clear that Zack and Sarah are over. Not once in that 10 minute conversation did I hear any words of love, not once did he even indicate he missed me. He did say how busy he was,he talked about work, his wife but then it became clear that everything, ANYTHING in his life is more important than reaching out to me.

I have become inconsequential to him. Nothing could be more clear now. I have been holding onto a puff of air for the past 4 months. That puff has vanished.There is nothing more to say.

The End.

Wow...

How wrong can one person be?? Especially one who is supposed to be intelligent?
I have not seen or heard from Zack since the last post - except a single 2 sentence email "warning" me that he is very busy. That was 6 days ago.

My fantasy bubble has burst. I am not important to him. I am not worth making the effort to be in contact with. He has become self centered and selfish - he wants me when it is convenient, when he has, apparently, nothing else to take up the 3 minutes of his time that it takes to send me an email. A phone call would take up too much of away from the others in his life. I am so far down on the list that i have become inconsequential.

Well. here I am. And there he is. Fuck him! He is the one losing out on the very best thing he has ever had in his life.

I'm moving on.

And The Sun Shines Again!!!

A day that started out feeling like a doom's day turned out to be the very best day I've had in a very long time!
As I have noted previously, i have sublet the apartment. I went there for the last time yesterday to pack the remainder of my things, clean and... get Zack's set of keys. Things haven't been so great between us since my last blog entry. He has been pushing me further and further away - being basically non-communicable - and working himself into the ground. It was looking like his resolve to find a new job had flown out of the window. I will admit, as patient as I try to be about this, this week I snapped. Yes, he pissed me off so badly that I told him i can't do it anymore, I simply could not sit on the sidelines and watch him destroy himself. He certainly wasn't interested in anything I might be able to do for him, or in listening to what I might have to say.

Of course, he went to that place Zack always goes to at times like this - back to the beginning of our relationship. Back to his excuses that he "always knew" I wanted more than he could give me, that he knew he could never be enough for me, that he would never be able to free up the time i demanded. He says all this as if he actually had a clue about what I wanted! As usual, he made me feel like I was the biggest problem in his life.

I basically told him to fuck off and bring me the apartment keys. Yes, I was pissed, but I was very hurt as well. I was also VERY worried about him - and it has been that depth of concern for him that has made me respond the way I have. He simply refuses to believe that my concern isn't about what I might want, it is about his wellbeing. A good Mistress is not solely focused on what she wants, a good Mistress takes care of her property, her belongings, her slaves. This is what I was trying to do - to take care of my slave and he wasn't letting me. That frustrated me and totally pissed me off. I came to the end of my rope. His interpretation of that was that I was going to leave him, that I was going to walk about of his life - because he felt he wasn't good enough for me.

He came to the apartment about 6 pm. I was packing. He came in and stood in the hallway. When I turned around and looked at him, his face crumbled. I told him I loved him. I told him I was not going to leave him. He started to cry. I wrapped my arms around him and comforted him - much like a mother would comfort a heart broken child. And heart broken he definitely was.

I got him sitting in the arm chair, and I knelt on the floor beside him, looking at his face, into his beautiful eyes and told him how much I loved him. I told him that if he wanted me, I was always going to be there, I wouldn't leave him. And suddenly the sun came out - it shone out of his eyes, out of his beautiful face. Suddenly, my beautiful Zack was back. I had not seen him for a very very long time. He was grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

We talked - a lot. We talked about him, we talked about his burn-out. He had a document that listed and described the signs and symptoms of burn out. He has every single one of them - and recognizes it. This is a first. This is a first step towards his recovery. He has, for the first time in a very long time, a positive outlook. I could not be happier. Through all of this he smiled, he hugged me, he held me.

Suddenly he said "Do I have to sit here? Can I lay down on the bed with you?" Dangerous question - because suddenly the heat flared inside me. The old familiar ache began. It has been a long time but I intended to maintain my resolve. This was not the time for fucking. or so I thought.

We laid down on the bed. He couldn't seem to get close enough to me. He held me so close. I started kissing him - oh that felt soooo good. After a while I pulled back, saying "you are doing it again". He looked at me so innocently (but not really, he knew) "What am I doing?" "You are asking for it, and now you are going to get it".

I pushed him back. I grabbed him by the hair with one hand and grabbed him under the jaw with the other, pulling his head back so he was getting a good look at my face, my eyes. His Mistress had arrived. "You are such a fucking slut" I growled, "and you need reminding of who is in charge here". He groaned. "yes, Mistress, use me however you want to".

It felt so good to take that control. I brought him to the edge of orgasm over and over and over. I know his body and his responses so well, I can tell when he is right at the very edge. I don't know how many orgasms I had. It was fantastic fucking him again.

Then I whispered in his ear "Now, you fuck me" Again, he groaned "If I do that, I will come, I don't want to disobey you". I told him that I wanted him to fuck me, I wanted to feel him explode inside me - I wanted fusion with him once more. I experienced an explosive orgasm when I felt him cum inside me. The heat of his cum spread throughout my belly. My head exploded. I collapsed on top of him. We were one once more.

Touching Base..

I haven't seen Zack since the last meeting I posted here, but we have spoken a few times on the phone. He continues to struggle with his work situation, but he has some deadlines he feels obligated to meet. It just would not be his nature to "desert" the sinking ship. But he isn't just talking - he has made moves towards a new job, and has told the HR person at work of his plans to leave. The deadline he has to meet is the 3rd week of Sept, so i am sitting back, always supporting him, always loving him and he knows I am here. There is no pressure coming from me.

The one bit of news is that his wife is planning to go to New York for an art festival for that 3rd week in Sept. He is very stressed about that, because he doesn't think she should go. But she is determined, so on top of his current workload, he has to book her trip, and make sure that all of her transportation to and from the airport/hotel is arranged for her own safety. My own thoughts on this is that she is always coming up with these schemes and then never follows through, but he says this time she is serious.
Me? I couldn't be more delighted! A week without her around? That week will be heaven for Zack - it is going to cost him  a fortune, but i think it is going to be well worth it. I am hoping she meets some crazy author and decides to live in Greenwich Village - never to be seen again. Oh, if only....

Anyway, I am doing ok. I have sublet the apartment for 4 months. That makes me sad, but it's still ok. We are still together. We may not be lovers right now, but we are definitely still together. So, it is still one day at a time.
Thanks for sticking this out with us. I am determined to have you hearing from Zack again.. as my loving, devoted slave.

Still the same day...

I got another email from Zack after my last post.
I do not want to jinx anything, but he has made a move - he has let it be known that he is looking for another job, and has actually checked out what might be available to him. he doesn't believe it, but he is an incredibly talented man and I just know that once the word gets out within his industry, he will have no limit to the opportunities that will come his way.
What does that mean to us?? Only time will tell, but I am guardedly optimistic..
Keep your fingers crossed, will you?

Now, if only his crazy wife would do a disappearing act....

Taking it one day at a time...

Zack showed up. I was more excited to see him than he was to see me, or so it seemed. I think his body showed up but his mind was in a million other places. His first words were "I am sooooo tired" I told him to take off his coat and come lay down on the bed. You would have thought I asked him to run a marathon by the look on his face. That hurt and I supposed my own facial expression showed it as well. We were off to a rip roaring start. He asked me to please not be disapproving.

He looks so beaten. He is being pulled in all directions.Everything, EVERYTHING has become a humongous chore for him - I am included in that, I am afraid. We lay down on the bed and talked about nothing for a while. He began to relax. I tried to keep my hands off, I really did, but that man is so fuckingly irresistible. The next hour was wonderful. For the first time in a long time he was mine to possess, mine to own and own him I did. I had him in subspace faster than you can say "use me for your pleasure, Mistress" - which he said often. And use him I did. For that hour it was just Sarah and Zack. Mistress and slave again.

And then it was over. He had to go. I was so happy to have been able to spend some time with him. But I had hoped this was going to be a step towards getting "us" back. I soon realized it wasn't... far from it.

We have been lovers for 3 years. We have a connection that will always be there, no matter what happens. But this relationship has become just another chore, just another responsibility to attend to for Zack. A while ago he said all he wanted was the joy and the fun back that we used to have. He made it sound like I was the one that sucked the joy out of this affair and I think he seriously believed it too. But I think he finally realizes that it is everything else in his life that has done that. It is his insane workload and insane bosses, his even more insane wife and his almost insane sense of responsibility for them all that has come between us.

So, I have told him our affair is over. We can no longer be lovers. I am letting go of the apartment as of Sept 1. I don't know what the future holds, but I have also told him that I am always here to support him, to listen, to be his friend when he needs one. We know each other better than anyone else knows us and he knows he can tell me anything - that I will always listen and I will never judge him. And I will always love him. I think my ending our love affair has made him sad.  I hate that, but I am incredibly sad as well.

I got an email from Zack last night. He finally has come to the realization that he needs to quit that job. He understands, he says, that it is that job that is at the root of our problems. He thinks that my decision to end "us" may have been just the impetus to cause him to re-think his position. Maybe, just maybe, something good is going to come out of this. I am praying it is. I let him know, again, that I am here if he needs me. I will never turn him away. I actually am the only in his life whose support he can always count on. I hope he knows that.

So, like I said....
One day at a time.

Somehow, I'm Hanging in There....

I don't know how. I haven't seen Zack in 3 weeks. I'm not sure, but i think that might be the longest time we have ever gone without seeing each other. It feels like an eternity.

I did something stupid. I "put myself out there" with some idea of replacing Zack. I mean, although i love him fiercely, if i can't be with him what am i to do? Shrivel up and die? I have just too much life to live. Zack has told me more than once that he wants me to be happy, and if that means taking another lover then he is ok with that. Very magnanimous of him. I would never be that generous.

So, i started chatting with a very interesting man. This looked promising. He is a high level executive who is looking for exactly what i have to offer - domination.

We made a date. That is when the strangest thing happened to me.

You may have read this blog from the beginning so you might know that Zack and I are both married - just not to each other. We have been in this relationship for 3 years. At no point have i experienced an ounce of guilt about "cheating" on my marriage. I have felt nothing for my husband for years. He's a jerk.

Anyway, i made this date. As soon as arrangements were made i was struck with overwhelming feelings of despair. I started crying. For days i cried. I finally realized i could not go on this date. I was taken over by the worst feelings of guilt i have every felt. I was besought, consumed with guilt. This was cheating on Zack. No matter what our situation is, i absolutely can not cheat on him. I cancelled the date and cut off communication.

Now, how crazy twisted is that???

I may be seeing Zack on Wednesday. I have no idea how that is going to go. I don't want to fight with him. I don't even want to discuss this. I just want to love him and feel his love for me. I just can't take any more of the distance between us.

Like it or not, meeting Zack was a watershed moment for me. There is no turning back. My life has completely changed course. There are uncharted waters ahead.

Sarah

How Did We Come To This??

We can't recover.. not at this point. Zack is not doing well with his "other" life - although our relationship is the best thing for us both, he is struggling to manage work, home and us. And "Us" is the only thing we can change right now.
If I had my way, if I had a few million dollars - I would literally buy him away from it all. I would take him far away and take care of him the way he so deserves to be taken care of.
His wife is crazier than ever and he is all she has. His employer is floundering and Zack is the only one holding the company above water. I know, he should not take on that kind of responsibility, and yet, there it is. That is who he is. The characteristics that attracted me to him, that I love so much about him - his committment, his caring, his sense of loyalty and duty - are the very ones that are dragging him under.

I am afraid for him. Afraid for his health, for his wellbeing. But right now, my being so involved, being so close to him is causing him even more stress and anxiety. He is struggling as he tries to meet the needs of everyone - an impossible task. He can't change his wife, he can't change his work. He wants to be with me, he wants to feel the release, the joy and contentment we find together, but I see that he can't, and this is killing him as well.
I have no choice. I have to do what I can to ease some of his burden.

And so, I am leaving the apartment. I am leaving the city - well, at least I am if one of the jobs I have applied for comes through. I hope Zack understands me when I tell him that I love him beyond everything and everyone else. I have told him that I am not leaving him, I am not abandoning him, I am just giving him space. All his has to do is call and I will drop everything and come running. Anywhere, anytime.

I'm at the apartment. I am packing things up. I will sell pretty much everything - everything is a stark reminder of the wonderful times Zack and I had here. The next few weeks are going to be very very difficult. Zack is near by, but I cannot see him. I wish I could hold him, make love to him one more time. I will have to be satisfied with the memories of the last wonderful afternoon we spent here. If only I had known then what the future held....

The Light Flickered......

But now it's gone out.

a Tiny Light at the End of This Very Dark Tunnel...

Zack and I talked today. I mean TALKED. There were times when I know he wanted to bolt - but I give him a lot of credit, he didn't. He hung in there. We talked about the hard stuff - the stuff he doesn't like to talk about. He was that little boy that doesn't want anything to change - he was very happy before all the problems started and he just wants that back. I do too. Very much.

I think we both understand that we can't get things back to the way they were. His work and his home life has become so very complex and that complexity pushes its way into our relationship in ways neither of us could have anticipated. I think he understands that he can not manage all 3 - his wife, his work, and us - no matter how badly he wants it. It is the wanting that has been causing him so much stress. The added stress has him looking at things from all the wrong angles, and doing that has caused him to take on more responsibility for more situations than he needs to, but it isn't his fault. At one point tears welled up in his eyes and he asked me why I wanted him, how could I love him. Silly man - we may not be married but I am as committed to him as if we were - for better or for worse.

He believes I want more than he can give. I believe that we can come to some sort of arrangement that WILL work. We both know that we love each other very much and neither of us wants to lose the other. We have agreed to talk some more, to work out some sort of plan that will meet our needs - not mine, not his - ours. He wants me to keep the apartment so I will, for now.

What was the best part of the morning??? He held me in his arms, it made me insanely happy to be there.  We kissed like we haven't kissed in a very long time. His erection pressing against me was a glorious feeling, as was the ache that began deep inside me, spreading heat throughout my body. I have been dreaming about him every night, dreaming of that gorgeous cock of his and it was wonderful to know i still have "that" effect on him. He had to leave, so kissing was as far as it went, but I think we are on a new track to an even better relationship. God - please keep us from getting derailed.

A tiny light is glimmering in the dark...

At this point, I am happy...

Update..

We are closer to the end and this is more painful than I could have imagined.. Zack will not discuss the situation and gets upset every time I broach the subject of our deteriorating relationship. I think it is just too painful for him to even consider that the end is coming. I don't understand how he can keep telling me "this will pass" - it's been 10 weeks and nothing is getting better - nothing. But everything is getting worse. We have not spoken in over 2 weeks - a few emails, that's it.

I am getting rid of my equipment - restraints etc.And my fabulous boots - I actually have 2 pair, so if anyone reading is interested in a fantastic deal, feel free to send me a message. I am giving up the apartment as of Aug. 1. Coming here no longer brings me the sheer joy it used to. On the contrary, it is quite painful to come here now. Zack is too close by. I haven't asked him for his keys yet - I will summon up the courage that I will need for that soon, because the "discussion" will most definitely have to occur then. It is not something I am looking forward to.

I will be completely open - I honestly have no idea why this has happened. The last time we spent an afternoon together (2 1/2 months ago) we were deliciously happy. Zack told me that it amazed him that he loved me more than he have ever loved me. He told me he would always love me. He used the "forever" word. 2 days later it all changed. I have no idea what happened, but I can't fight it any longer. I can't continue the extreme highs and lows I have endured lately. I need peace..

I love him with all my heart. And I know, in my heart, that my love for him will never change. If it isn't Zack in my life, then it is no one.

And So it Goes...

Zack and I have brought you along this journey for almost a year - from the beginning of the discovery of our true selves, through our history - how we met, through our ups and downs, our delicious, wonderful romance. It has been wonderful - not only discovering ourselves but sharing that discovery with our readers.

But, although we would love to believe in "forever" - I'm afraid that  "forever" does not exist, no matter how much we may want it. And that is particularly true of a couple in the situation Zack and I are in.

It is with an extremely heavy heart that I write now of watching the beginning of the end for us.  Zack says I am over reacting - but I truly do not believe that is the case. The distance between us continues to widen. Zack refuses to discuss this with me, he does not have the courage to say the words I know hang in the air. It really isn't anyone's fault, there is no blame to be laid. It simply is what it is. He is like the little boy that believes if we don't see it, it isn't real, if we don't talk about it, it won't happen. He does not want to hurt people, he does not want to hurt me and he understands how much ending our relationship will hurt us both. So, I have made the decision to pull away.  Kind of like Rose and Jack in Titanic - except it will be Zack on the raft and I will simply sink out of sight. Neither of us will have to break us up - we will just be gone in a puff of smoke.
Zack and Mistress Sarah will cease to be.

I will give up the apartment within the next couple of months as we go through this process. My heart is breaking right now, but I will make sure that Zack knows I will ALWAYS be here for him, I will AL:WAYS love him, and if he ever needs me I will ALWAYS come. In this, I must remain the strong one, the one who makes the decisions. It is my desire and my responsibility to make this as painless as I possibly can for Zack. I love that man so very much.

So, thank you, for your support, for your devotion to this blog. I am not going to take it down - I will keep you updated on our situation. I just truly hope that someday you will read that Zack and Mistress Sarah have found their way back to each other.

Looking Up??

Zack told me today he will be back on the blog...
I told him he paid too much for those boots for me to just wear them once

keep your fingers crossed for us..

Not Much...

... to report these days. It's been a long time since I've posted, that's for sure. Nothing much has changed in the situation, and I am still feeling lost. Zack came over the other evening for dinner, we had the opportunity to talk, but it didn't really make me feel any better about everything.

I've packed all my M/s stuff away into my big leather bag and stowed it in the closet.. I can see it from where I am sitting, and I wonder if I will ever use the toys, outfits and implements again. I miss it. I miss Zack.
I am very very sad.

Evaluating The Situation...

I wonder if others ever go through what Zack and I are going through right now? I wonder if it makes a difference that we were "together" for 2 years before we discovered our inner desires for an M/s relationship? I wonder how different other relationships are to ours?

Right now, Mistress-sub do not exist. Right now, we are just Sarah and Zack - 2 people struggling in a complicated relationship within very complicated lives. There seems to be only 1 certainty, 1 thing we can each count on. That certainty is the love we have for each other. Regardless of the struggles, neither of us can see a future without the other. We are meant to be "together" - regardless of what "together" looks like. I need Zack like I need the air I breath. He feels the same way. I need his submission, he needs my dominance. "Play time" allows us to be free of it all for a while. Unlike other M/s relationships (I think), our "scenes" are not just role play, not just about the whole BDSM thing. Our play time is a time spent in re-connection, in bonding, of wiping away the rest of the world. It is our time for fusion - that moment when 2 people become one. I've been missing that fusion terribly. I love him so much.

 I can handle the current situation, as long as it is temporary and as long as it doesn't go on too long. I can say that, but I am not sure what I would do if nothing changed back, if nothing DID get better. I don't want to have to find out. But Zack is struggling trying to find the time for us. As much as I would like it to be different, "us" simply can't be a top priority in his life. It worries him when I talk about my dreams - of kidnapping him, running away together to start new lives - ideally in a 24/7 TPE relationship. Zack wants that. I want that. But he is a realist and says it depresses him, simply because he can't see how it can ever come about. He sometimes thinks that I may want this so much, that I will find someone else to engage in a TPE relationship with. He can't seem to comprehend that I do really want it, but I  really want it with HIM. ONLY him.

When we first met, when we first began this affair, he was terrified of getting caught by his wife. (Not to say, I wasn't but he was almost paranoid with the idea) He truly does not want anyone hurt because of him. When I would ask him what he would do if he did get caught, his answer was simple - he would kill himself. I did not doubt that for a second. But recently, we were in bed and I asked him again - and his response has changed. He no longer says he would kill himself. he doesn't know what he would do, but he readily admits now that he would NOT do that. Now that's progress, don't you think??

So, for the time being, we are in limbo - still snatching time together when we can, still in our marriages. I am sure that the first one to make a move will be me - I am coming closer to ending this farce of a marriage I am in. Time will tell.

Good night, folks.. thanks for stopping by!
Sarah.

The End of The Week...

Yesterday was pretty much a disaster. Have you ever had one of those days when everything goes wrong? That was how it was for me. I had invited Zack for dinner - by 8 pm I had not heard a word and that pissed me off big time.The day had been full of it's own trials and tribulations and this was the last straw. I got an email form Zack at 8 pm - He had just got to my email and was now going to pick up his wife. I was so pissed!!! I think it was the day, because I really shouldn't have been so angry or upset, but I was.. I was even throwing things! I left him a voice message at his office. I don't remember what I said, but I know it wasn't very nice.

This morning, when he got to the office, he got my voice message, and although it was only a few words, he certainly got the point. He called me immediately and I could tell he was pissed as well. He asked if he could come over - immediately. Of course I said yes.

To say he was upset would be an understatement. There was no Mistress and slave. We had our first fight - we have been together for 3 years and have never fought before. He yelled, I yelled. The whole thing was a total misunderstanding - he thought the dinner invitation was for Friday when it was for Thursday. But the stress we both have been under caused us both to hit the wall. Suddenly, he started to laugh. I saw the tension in his face completely melt away. Fifteen minutes later we were in each others arms, and he was begging me to fuck him. He was feeling so much better - less stressed, happier - but I was still pissed  He wanted to please me, he wanted me to use him for my pleasure. Well,, still being a little pissed, I was not going to give him what he wanted - he needed to suffer a little first. I tried so hard to be hard, to be tough with him. But when I gave him a very stern NO, the look on his pathetic face (that face I truly do love to fuck), the tears welling up in his eyes melted this Mistress's heart. Suddenly fucking him was what I wanted, what I needed more than anything.

I grabbed him by the hair and wrenched his head back, glaring into his eyes. I growled "you pathetic spineless slut, get your fucking clothes off NOW!" He damn near came right there.

He got his clothes off and got on his knees. He asked for a cock ring so he wouldn't cum. It has been a long time for him - months, even. He does not have sex with his wife. He would prefer he not be allowed to cum because he wants to focus solely on  my pleasure. He feels like he has been a good boy if he doesn't cum and I get my pleasure. I denied him the cock ring. I had plans.

I ordered him onto the bed, I straddled him. His cock was HUGE. I was so wet in anticipation of  how that gorgeous piece of meat was going to feel . Grabbing him by the hair, biting his ear, I guided his cock inside me. As I took it all, he gasped, his eyes glazed over - he was suddenly in subspace. And the feeling was amazing. As I began to move I knew this was not going to take very long - I was going to cum, and cum hard, and I wanted him to cum with me. As I felt myself climbing to the summit, I whispered in his ear "you fucker, you better cum, and cum RIGHT NOW!" He groaned; "no, just take your pleasure, just use me".  I told him again to cum NOW. He didn't need to be told again - he exploded inside me. I felt the heat of his juices and the heat ejected me over the top and his mind was blown at the same time. I collapsed on top of him. Fucking him this morning was totally delicious. But I knew what this would do to Zack. I knew that this was going to exhaust him - he has not been sleeping and this kind of fucking wipes him out completely - and he had to get back to work. Very soon. There was no time for a nap for him. I was exhausted.

I sent him on his way. He was happy, I was happy. Life is good. Very good. I am hoping we can plan some quality time - a few hours _ next week to really get down and dirty. I have a deep need to dominate; Zack is feeling the same need for submission. Time will tell.

I may see him tomorrow afternoon - I am keeping my fingers crossed, but I am not applying any pressure. It will happen if it is supposed to.
In hindsight - the fight this morning WAS kind of hot.
I truly do love this man.

Sarah

Another Day...

I am at the apartment - I really must post some pictures here - it is nothing "special", not really, but I feel so at peace when I arrive. I now spend 2 nights a week here. It's closer to my work, although my husband isn't happy when I don't come home every night. Oh, he doesn't talk to me and we don't do anything - I get home and spend the evening in my room - he just likes me to be there. I do believe he is trying too CONTROL me!!! Oh, how little he knows.

I spoke with Zack last night. He sounds better. He was laughing at me because next week I have to use public transit to get back and forth from the apartment to the hotel. I can not tell you how long it has been since I have been on a bus. He is going to take me on a few trips so i will know what to do. This should be fun!

I am so hoping I get to see him later.. I NEED to see him later, but I do not want to push. Right now I can't be his Mistress, right now he needs my support. He does not need to worry about pleasing me. Mistress or not, I want to protect him, take care of him, keep him safe and happy. I think that is what frustrates me the most right now - I can't get the chance to be there for him.

I'm getting some ink done this afternoon. I want some color on my voodoo tattoo. Zack loves the tattoos - he says they actually hypnotize him.. especially when I am on top of him, have his arms firmly secured to the headboard, with his cock (that big gorgeous cock that I love sooooo much) buried deep inside me. He says the entire scene captivates him so much he never wants it to end. I like that..

If I get him over here tonight, I am going to have him post here. He knows about our readers and how supportive you have been. I want him to let you know how much he appreciates it.
Stay tuned...

Sarah

For Our Amazing Friends...

You know what? you guys are amazing!!!

Our difficult times continue, and Ket, we definitely need a vacation - we both need to get some alone time and away time > alone together and away from all the crap. I'm actually doing a little better than Zack, though. He agrees he needs to take a vacation from work, but then he says if he isn't at work he has to be home with his crazy wife - she now has pictures of Jesus all around their apartment and makes him kiss the pictures!! She is delusional and mentally ill, but he doesn't know what to do with her, so he just keeps taking care of her. He is the most gentle, giving soul.

We connected last week. It was actually pretty funny.
We both needed to get our needs fulfilled... mine to Dominate, and his to submit, so we arranged to meet at the apartment at 5:30. At quarter to 6, there was Zack at the window.. he forgot his keys!! There I was, all decked out in my leather corset, fishnet stockings, gorgeous gorgeous thigh high leather boots (see the picture below) and he needs me to come out and open the door to the building! Oh, for fuck's sake!! LOL. I threw on a robe (it did not cover everything) and streaked out to let him in, praying to God none of the neighbors spotted me.
 He looked terrible - thin in the face, pale and so very very tired. I knew he actually had not had a real meal in a long while - stopping to only grab snacks - so I had cooked for him (this was the first time, besides breakfast) - grilled chicken, roasted baby potatoes, steamed brocollini and salad. It was wonderful to watch him eat, and he ate everything. he was starting to feel pretty good.

I then told him to assume his position - naked and on his knees which he did immediately and obediently. I had recently purchased some door restraints that I wanted to try out by issuing a flogging. Silly me, I didn't take into account that the guy is 6'2". Stringing him up there was a dismal failure.

But, I went easy on him - he was just too tired to be expected to be subjected to my play. I care about him and his welbeing, I love him too much to push him that hard when he is so fragile. Instead, I just got him on the floor and fuck the daylights out of him - and no he wasn't allowed to come. Do you know how amazing he is? His cock was so huge, so rock hard because he was so aroused, but he still held back - He gets great pleasure out of doing that because he knows it makes me happy. I was happy.

We were supposed to have a few of hours - but his stupid wife called right then and he had to go pick her up from wherever the hell she was. So, we fucked, he ate, we professed our undying love and he left - only for us both to come crashing down again the next day.

He says the workload at the office is diminishing again, so he is feeling a bit better - getting the things done that he needed to. I'm trying to get him to convince his wife he has to go to a conference for a couple of days - then I would scoop him up and sweep him away to some remote place for 2 days of fucking, eating and sleeping. He has a sister who lives in Tennesee, I even suggested we could go there since his wife wants nothing to do with his family. Anyway, come hell or highwater, I have got to make things better for him somehow. I wish I could win the lottery - I would buy him away from his wife and employer. I told him that and he was instantly hard. He loves the idea of me owning him lock stock and barrel.
someday, baby, someday..

Sarah

Who Ever Said...

Whomever said "love conquers all" was the biggest bloody fool this world has ever spawned.
It doesn't. Neither does fucking.
Sarah