Mistress Sarah's chocolate desire

I've been getting very horny about Mistress Sarah's desire for chocolate, which seems to almost be consuming her these days.

I used to feel proud that Mistress loved my cock. But she has learned there are cocks much bigger than her slave's.

I'm happy Mistress is finding more pleasure in life.

On a certain level, I just hope and hope and hope that I never become redundant.

I need Mistress.

slave zack

What a Fucking Whore......

...zack is. he is so attentive right now and he wants to know everything that went on between Devon and I.
I have decided i love black men with big black cocks - i need to find one locally that wants to play.
because i want to play - and the bigger the cock, the better.

What I want to know

Mistress Sarah dropped by for a visit this afternoon.
I needed to see her after her out-of-town trip.
I was so turned on because she looked absolutely ravishing.
She opened the rear door of her car and had me sit inside.
I wanted to hear details about what she did with the man who's picture is two images below.
I wanted to know if she sucked his cock.
I wanted to know how much of it she could take in her mouth.
I wanted to know if she made him cum with her talented mouth.
I wanted to know how many times she made that big black cock cum.
I wanted to know how many orgasms she had with her new friend.
I wanted to know what she told him about me.
I wanted to know if she's planning on inviting him to our town.
But she took pity on me and didn't tell me these things...because she didn't want me to cum when she fucked me.
I was a good slave. She fucked me and had a powerful orgasm. And I kept control.
Mainly because she didn't tell me all the things I wanted to know.
If she had told me everything, I doubt I would have been as successful.
I want to be a fantastic slave for Sarah.
That's because I love Sarah.

slave zack

Feeding Zack's Desires...

Enough Said...

Zack's message

Mistress Sarah has stopped posting, but that doesn't prevent me, her slave, from posting. She is off to an out-of-town conference.

This morning before she left, she informed me that she may try to find a black man to fuck while she's away.

As you can imagine, this aroused me incredibly. Regular readers of this blog know that Mistress Sarah has an attraction for black men.

One day, she plans to force me to watch her suck on a big black cock, fuck a big black cock, and have me observe her and her lover having orgasms this way.

As her slut, I'm very eager to experience this.

For now, however, I'm hoping that if she finds what she's seeking at the conference that she'll share the details with me.

It's indescribably erotic thinking of Mistress orgasming in this way...and having a black man cum inside her.

One day when she does this, I hope I'm present so she can immediately fuck my face afterward.

slave zack

It's Time to Come Clean..

So, Gavin got back from his business trip. Seems he had been "doing some thinking" and thinks he needs to get his life straightened out before he takes on a new relationship. So, before it even got started, it's over. Go figure.

I told Zack that my biggest fear about leaving the apartment was that he wouldn't find any time for me. He says he will always find time somehow for us. Big talk. Except for the hour last week, we have barely connected in the past month. I think this is another relationship that is over. His wife is becoming more demanding of his time -despite his assurances that she is getting better and therefore would require less of his time. His work is one crisis after another, despite his assurances that "next week" will be better.

Zack lives in this fantasy world where everything he wants will happen, every wish he has will come true. And I live in a fantasy world where he is right, where his wife and my husband cease to exist and we will be together, where we will have the 24/7 relationship we so keenly desire.

But, I just woke up from a number of dreams (admittedly, in one I was fucking Usher all night, but that isn't what this is about) and I realize that it is not only time to accept reality, it is time to come clean with the readers of this blog. It is time for Zack to wake up and tell me what is real - there is no room for me in his life - anywhere, anytime. No matter what his wishes are, no matter what he wants, no matter who he truly is - there is no place for me. And no matter what my wishes are, no matter what I want, no matter who I truly am, I need to also wake up and hear what is real - there is NO place for me in his life.

And here is where I come clean. You know how Zack and I met, you know our situation, you know what the past 4 years have been. You have been here through the deterioration. You have seen this coming long before I have. Well actually - that isn't really true. I have seen it coming, I have just chosen not to believe it, not to accept it. Zack is the love of my life. He always will be. I will never deny him any request,  whatever he asks of me, he will get. But there will never be a BBC in my life. There will never be another toy, another slave, or another love. I am tired. And I am done.

You see, what you don't know is that it is true that I live in a marriage where there is no passion, no sex, no romance,  not even any companionship. It's what happens after spending 43 years with the same person. And while it is true that I am 10 years older than Zack what you don't know is that Zack will be 53 years old in Aug. That means, yes, I will be 63 years old in Sept. 63.I am simply a stupid old woman who actually should have known better. But for the past 4 years, I lived in a fantasy where I finally had my very own Prince Charming who had come to rescue me. For the past 4 years, I have successfully fooled myself in to believing I had finally found what I had sought my entire life. Oh, Zack has truly been my Prince, I love him more than life. He showed me what is possible, he showed me what passion felt like. He always did say he could never give me what I wanted. He was only half right - I wanted to feel love and passion and he gave me that, he gave me even more than I had ever dreamed for.

But I want him.  I want to grow even older with him. I want him in my bed with me when I am 70, 80, 90 yrs old. I want HIM beside when when I die. Just him. Only him. I believe Zack wants that too. But the reality is that just wanting this does not, can not, will not make it happen. And the very character traits that I love so much about Zack will prevent it from ever happening. Despite our affair, he is an honorable man and he will never deny his wife or his job the time and devotion he believes they are entitled to. They are his obligations, his life, his reality. and they always will be. I finally admit that. I finally believe that. I wonder if Zack has come to that realization as well?

I am so tired. I am tired of trying to have what I clearly will not. I am trapped in a loveless marriage and I am doomed to end my life there. This is my reality. And, since the fantasy is over, dear readers, so is this blog. This will be my very last post.

And at the end of it all - I love you, Zack. I will always love you.

Sarah
.

The End of the Chapter...

Tonight is my last night at the apartment. Pretty much everything is gone, I just have to clean and it's done. It's over. I will leave here tomorrow and there will be no looking back, I guess. I will have no reason to be in the neighborhood again. Zack will have his space; no more pressure from me. No more visits.
For better or worse, this chapter of our life is over.

 The next pages are blank, just waiting to be written. I wonder what they are going to say?

As always,

Love, Sarah

Slaves.. Can't Live With 'em and Can't Live Without "em...

Too fucking complicated, that's what life is! First of all, I had planned to "play" with gavin last Thurs at the apt, I didn't. I just wasn't in the mood. Mistresses don't always have to be in the mood. Besides, I think it was rushing things a bit. There was another reason, though - I didn't want him there. That has been mine and zack's place. I don't want it to be anything but that, so it will be mine and zack's place till the bitter end. Who knew i could be sentimental??

zack came over for a visit on Friday. He was very glad to be there, laying on the bed next to me, holding me, and I was glad he was there as well. I knew he was tired, we both were, so I actually hadn't intended to fuck him, but the urge came upon me in an instant. Suddenly I was very very horny and all I wanted was to feel that big cock deep inside me. I interrupted whatever he was saying (who the fuck cares what he was saying??) and ordered him to get his pants off, which he did promptly. I straddle him and pinned his arms to the bed as I slid down onto him. I was very wet and he slid in oh so easily, even though he felt very large and his cock literally filled me up. I knew this was not going to take long, I needed this in a big way.

Now, I don't know if I have ever mentioned this, but zack has a hard time shutting his mouth. I mean, he never fucking shuts up - pretty much the whole time i am fucking him, it's talk, talk, talk. Sometimes I will tell him to shut up, other times I tell him that if he doesn't shut up I will get a gag to keep him quiet. This time, I let him talk - he gets into a chant of sorts - telling me how perfect I am, how happy he is serving me, how happy it makes him when I decide i want that piece of meat he keeps between his legs. This time he added something else - he said that I was what he had been looking for his whole life, that I was what he had needed his whole life, that when he was fantasizing about the older women he had delivered papers to when he was 13 it was really me he was looking for. I took this one step forward. I whispered in his ear, while I was riding that cock of his, that I would have joyfully fucked him when he was 13 if he had shown up at my door, I would have probably enticed him into my house and kept him tied up while I fucked him day and night.

That was when he came. Suddenly, very unexpectedly, and explosively. Of course, you know what happens when he releases his hot lava into me - I cum as well. But it wasn't the same this time, it wasn't as fulfilling this time because it was unexpected. It was over before it began. No riding the orgasm wave for me.I looked into zack's eyes for what seemed like an eternity. There was clearly a look of shock and foreboding in those eyes. He was very upset, I could tell. He said he was sorry, and followed that with  "it has just been such a long time..."

And then his phone rang. It was his wife and he had to leave immediately - as a result, there was no time to discuss what had happened. But for some reason, I wasn't quite as upset as I should have been. I did, however, send him an email telling him that this was exactly something my husband would say - as if it were my fault it had been "so long". All I can say is he better have a little bit of fear about what is to come.

I told gavin about zack's fuck up. he laughed; he was very glad to hear it - although he was upset for me, he was glad that zack wasn't mr. perfect. gavin plans on being far better at satisfying me. I guess time will tell. gavin has gone out of town on business for the week, so I am hoping that next week I get to visit him at his apartment, see his toys, maybe do some hot wax (he hasn't had that done to him) and generally inflict some well deserved pain. Maybe I will punish him for zack's fuck up. And I suspect it is going to be "a long time" before zack's gets to redeem himself with me. I'm going to be busy breaking in a new toy.

As always,
Love, Mistress Sarah..

Emotional Roller Coasters...

I have been on one, that is for sure. Today was not the best of days - I was at the apartment all day. Since I have the furniture advertised, I had people coming by to buy and pick up. I was actually doing ok, until I agreed to sell the bedroom furniture to the new tenant. I came a little unhinged then and when she left I broke down and cried.

I made this decision to give up the apartment. I have to live with it. I am not going to belabor the reasons or try to rationalize something that doesn't need it. I've listed all my wonderful reasons for making this decision here. At the end of the day, I think it IS the right thing to do - for both of us. But I do love that place, I love that bed, and I love all the times I have spent there with zack. I will grieve this, and that is expected.

I spoke to zack just before I was leaving this evening. he asked how I was doing and I started to cry. I tried not to - but I couldn't help it. He is such a man - and we know how men are when a woman cries. That's the time they run in the opposite direction - the time when you actually need them the most. zack is taking responsibility for my sadness. he feels that it is his fault I am doing this and I am unhappy now as a result. I wish he wouldn't do that. I could have chosen not to give it up. The responsibility is mine. I have 1 more week there. I will spend my last night there next Wed. And the sun will shine again.

We will get through this, of that I am certain.

As always,
Love, Mistress Sarah

Sharing the New Development...

zack and I have chatted. At first, he was concerned, reluctant and every other "conventional" emotion one would expect in a vanilla relationship. I knew this was how he would react. All he needed was some time and reassurances.
It didn't take him long to let go of the vanilla responses and become excited about what is to come. He has already been asking questions, offering a variety of scenarios. He's in.

So, what is the news? I was contacted the other night by a former potential slave. I had been considering him  9 months ago. We had met a couple of times, he seemed to want this.. and then he was gone. oh well, shit happens. Now he is back - back and eager to be at my service. He is aware of zack, and although, he has never gone that route, he is more than willing to participate in any activity I come up with - with or without zack. And here is the beauty of this. he is a complete opposite to zack, not just in the things he will do but in physical attributes - where zack is tall,  he is short, where zack is dark, he is blonde.Where zack can't take pain, gavin can and will take whatever I dish out - he is eager for it. where zack has not been able to participate in my desire to fuck his ass, gavin wants it, craves it, has already begged for me to fuck him. he wants his limits and boundaries pushed. I am excited - i too will get to expand my boundaries, get to experience new things, new challenges. Yes, indeed, I am very excited.

I want to make it clear here that I accept that these 2 are so different. I do not want them to be the same, I do not need them to be the same. zack will give me things, satisfy needs gavin cannot and gavin will satisfy needs that zack simply cannot. This very lucky Mistress will have the best of both worlds.

gavin and I met at the apartment this afternoon. He actually came prepared to get his ass paddled. he even brought a butt plug to wear during the exercise. This is how eager he is to please. But, I kept him waiting - anticipation is good for the soul. We talked about expectations, rules, concerns and assurances. He is preparing himself to become good at orgasm denial, he has never been denied an orgasm  - he has been ordered to masturbate to the brink of orgasm, to stop, and once the urge has diminished, to do it again - 3 times in a row. he has been doing it - he says his balls ache. LOL. I promised him release before he goes on a business trip on Sunday.

So, it looks like I am going to be a little busy - but never too busy to share all the details here.

I will let zack post his own thoughts about this situation. Dare I say this is going to be an interesting week?

as always,
Love, Mistress Sarah

PS i just got a message from gavin asking permission to lick zack's balls while I am fucking him... shows you what an eager beaver he is!!!

Just When You Least Expect It...

Wishes come true out of the most unlikely of circumstances. The sun comes out, and life takes a whole new turn in another direction. Something that both zack and I have talked about, fantasized about, is about to come true. No, it does not involved a black cock, or a woman,  but it is something that has me very excited!

I have to share with zack before I can post it here - but suffice it to say, at the end of the day zack will be a much better slave, he will be happier and most of all - I will be a better Mistress and much happier as well.

This is going to get exciting, I promise, so please stay tuned!! zack's boundaries are definitely about to expand!

As always,
Love, Mistress Sarah

PS - I have told zack the news. Until I am certain how he truly feels about it, I will have to wait before sharing it here. He says he is fine with what i want to do, and yet, the excitement he expressed about my penchant for dark chocolate was not there, so I am not sure. What I know about zack is that regardless of his apparent self centeredness, he really does want me to have everything that will bring me pleasure. Because of this, he will agree to anything I say - regardless of how he may truly feel about it. I have written this to him:

"It is essential that I know what you are thinking about this – ambivalent, tolerant, excited, whatever. I know you. I know how you respond to things – and your past responses make it difficult for me to make decisions now. I KNOW you want me happy. I KNOW you want to make sure my needs are met, I KNOW you want me to fulfill my need to Dominate.  I also KNOW that you don’t feel you are able or capable of providing any of that for me – at least not as wholly as you would like. So, I also KNOW that you will agree to anything I want if you think it will please me. I know that you will do that – even if at the end of the day you are unhappy about it,  or feel as if you will lose me as a result, or feel like a failure because you haven’t met all of my needs. You will say all the right words.. and then withdraw into your shell to await what you fear the most – that I will leave you for someone else. Please, please, please believe me when I say I love you, that you are the most important person in the world to me, and your wellbeing is first and foremost in my mind. I can live without this. There is no way in this world this is worth hurting you. Mistresses aren't supposed to give a shit about their slaves, not really. They are supposed to just take what they want and to hell with everyone else. I am sorry if I don’t fit the model, but in every case I care deeply about you. I always will. I know this beyond a shadow of a doubt".

He is very busy this weekend with work and I haven't had a response yet. I will keep you posted!

My Deep Desire...

My very first sexual encounter was with a black man at the age of 17. I have never forgotten that, even though it wasn't the best experience. I think "black" has been in the back of my mind my entire life and I find myself typically and almost unconsciously checking out every black man I see.

Zack is correct - I want this. But what i learned from Janelle is that I want this with Zack there. I want him to understand that he can be replaced, that he cam even be out-performed. I want to be staring him right in the eye when my gorgeous piece of dark chocolate makes me cum. I want him watching me take that big black cock into my mouth all the way down my throat. I want him to watch while that black cock releases its hot juices. I want him to understand who is in control of the situation. I want him restrained so he can do nothing but watch and listen. And if he dares to close his eyes?? He will figure out very quickly that that does not please me in the slightest.

yes, I am very much looking forward to this opportunity to put zack in his proper place.

As always,
Love Mistress Sarah

Mistress sets the rules

From her comment in the post below, it's clear that Mistress is going to do what she wants—which is the way it should be.

For some reason, she has an intense chocolate fantasy, which seems to be heightened when I tell her that it also turns me on.

I'm not sure how this will eventually play out, but I'm now pretty certain that it will happen.

Mistress has a deep attraction to physically fit black men who are capable of being highly sexual.

This is her chocolate delight...and she wants to savour this in my presence as her slave.

I won't be surprised if I'm forced to watch her take a hard black cock inside of her...and afterward, she may just decide to take her second orgasm by fucking my face.

She knows I will be a willing participant because I am her slave.

Mistress expands boundaries

Mistress has given me posting privileges again.

My arousal for her has been extremely intense this morning.

I always get that way when she talks about forcing me to watch her play with a black man.

I want to please her so much in this scenario.

There's something about being her slave cuckhold that is such a turn-on.

I have a feeling that the day will come when she will force me to take a big black cock in my mouth for her, just because she has that level of power and control over me.

I also get turned on by the thought of her forcing me to allow a Chinese guy to suck my cock for her with her watching and observing.

I don't know if either of these scenarios will occur...but they might.

Mistress has expanded my boundaries in ways I never imagined possible before.

Back to Basic Black...

The idea of hooking up with a woman was a complete flop. It didn't really turn zack on that much, and as a result, I wasn't that into it either. I think I'm done with that idea for a while. Back to the drawing board.

I sent zack and notice on craiglist about how he could present his woman with a BBC surprise (Big Black Cock) and told him to "surprise me".

I think he will add his comments about his responses here, but his response to this was exactly what I have been looking for. it was intense to say the least, and as a result my level of arousal matched his.. I then sent him a message that I would have to buy him a cock cage to wear as he would be restrained and forced to watch me enjoying that BBC. Then I told him that I would hold him by the hair as I force that BBC into his mouth - and I don't give a fuck how big it is. He deserves this, wouldn't you say? As I wrote that message to him, I experienced a spontaneous orgasm myself. THAT is how intense this is for me.

Stayed tuned for developments.

As always,
Love, Sarah

WOW!!!

I am busy this weekend - I have a paper to write. Janelle was aware and was very supportive - urging me on, providing words of wisdom to stop procrastinating. She too had work to do around her condo. The plan was that we get it all done Sat & Sun and then get together at the apartment on Monday. (a holiday here)

A few hours later I got a email saying that she was very lonely, very horny, had put an ad on Craigslist under casual encounters and was going out on a date tonight with some random man - that she needed to get fucked. Wow! Do I ever know how to pick them! I have learned that she has done this often. I told her fine, but I wasn't really interested in being with someone who participates in random sex - and I have no idea if it's safe sex or not. one thing zack and I have always been firm on - we would never do anything to put the other at risk.  I also told her that she was never going to find the "life partner" she was looking for this way, but hey, whatever floats your boat.

So, that's over before it began. It's for the best and I am actually glad she told me so that I didn't put my health as well as zack's at risk. Phewww!!!!

I sure could use some time with zack right about now. I am missing him terribly.

As always,
Love Sarah

Out on a Date and I am Hopeless!

Yesterday "Janelle" came to my apartment. It was a very casual visit and she was very comfortable there. She lay on my bed while we talked. she was wearing a long skirt, which she allowed to ride up while she lounged so i could see her legs.  We had talked about taking things as they come and "going slow" no pressure on anyone, so I didn't make any moves although in hindsight she was giving off signals. 

We soon went to my car and went out for dinner, where we talked for hours. It was very casual, no stress no awkward moments. It was all very easy. At one point in the conversation she told me that she was submissive and always relied on the other person to "make the first move". I laughed and told her I was dominate and had no problem making moves. I told her I was always on top lol.

I told her about zack. well, not all about zack - just that he existed and that I fuck him once in a while. Not that he is my part time slave. Seems she is in a similar situation. The talk got to threesomes. She wondered if I might be interested in meeting her guy "he is tall,  has a great body, and also has a fantastic cock". She asked if she could send him my pic and vice versa. I told her yes.

Unfortunately, I had to go home early - there wasn't an opportunity to hang out in my "lovenest". But when I took her back to her car, we sat in mine for a while and talked some more. I put my hand on her leg, I slid my hand under her skirt and stroked her thigh. Her skin is very soft, as I expected it would be. I suppose I should have kissed her, but I didn't. Something was holding me back.

I fantasized on the way home. In my mind I say her and I with her guy in between us in bed. And I saw zack - tied to a chair, naked and hooded. he could  listen while the 3 of us romped in the bed - me eating her pussy, she eating mine, me fucking her guy's face, her sucking zack's cock, her guy sucking zack's cock,. or me forcing zack to suck his. i mean, put 4 horny people in a room and anything can happen. zack, however, would simply be one of the toys to be used for our pleasure.

Later, laying in bed, I realized what held me back. It was zack. And it was guilt. ironically, I never experienced guilt when i started the affair with zack. I am such a bitch, I never gave my husband a 2nd thought. I never have - not from the very first day.  But I LOVE zack. If zack isn't a part of this, the interest isn't there for me. I guess the attraction is being with a woman while zack watches. Just the thought of him being in the room listening arouses me. 

so, I guess we wait and see..

As always, 

Love, Sarah

on a Different Train of Thought.....

 Met "her" for coffee last evening. She is very beautiful and interesting. I suspect she may be a bit "high maintenance" however, and she talked a lot about herself (sigh), but we had a good time and seemed to connect - we walked and  talked for  over  an  hour after the coffee  shop closed. There definitely  was  chemistry and  we are  getting together  on Friday again.

She has  had some interesting  sexual  experiences-including three-somes.   there may be hope for Zack watching  the action  after all .

As always,

Love, Sarah

Relationships ... Who Knew???

Today is a new day. In the clear light of day it is evident that relationships are not simple, they aren't cut and dried and they definitely aren't smooth - sailing off into the sunset. Relationships are usually tumultuous, often confusing, complicated and often cause you to end up wondering if it really is worth it. zack will tell you that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.  It is for this simple reason that any relationship is going to have times when one of the players is confused about the state of things. It is that way for every "normal" relationship - 2 people together. zack and I have many odds against us - the first one is the inability to actually communicate on a regular basis. And when I say "communicate" I mean talk, not email.

Unfortunately, email has become our main method of expressing ourselves to each other. Trust me, that is a very dangerous place to get to, because you can type the words, but you have no idea what is happening for that other person when they read them.. I think we oght to expect any kind of reaction, and usually not the one we are expecting.

 I will be the first to say that in our relationship I have had my fair share of times when I behaved irrationally about us. But when I talk about this past weekend, I am being very honest when I say that zack blew me out of the water. I did not expect his responses to me.  And this is one time when I will say that I was a totally innocent victim. zack pushed me to the wall and pinned me there (figuratively) and I pushed back. Ergo - he got the "fuck you" response.

I am not going to make excuses for zack. Myself, you are so correct, he is always front and center in his mind - although he would never admit to that. I actually think he hasn't read your comments here because he doesn't like it when people see him in that light. I see it, I know it exists in him. I am not blind to his behavior. Simply put, he is what he is. and for better or worse, I love him anyway. We are all selfish at one point or another in our lives.  But not only does he think mostly about what he wants, he also takes all the blame for everything as well - and last weekend he was taking all of the blame for my mood. So, his "selfishness" isn't just in his favor, but to his detriment as well.

I need to work on that. You know why I let him be that way, but I will confess it gets to me as well sometimes. I read once that in an M/s relationship it is actually the sub who is in control - because the Dom needs to always be aware of what is going on for them and pull back when it isn't working. The sub's responses to any situation actually control the Dom's next move - whether in discipline or punishment or taking pleasure. So, I guess you can say that zack control's what happens in this relationship. What I need to learn is how to take back some of that control - not to such a point that it doesn't work for him, but to a point where my needs are being addressed more often.

He's a man. He told me on the weekend that he was "a (occupation) so he wasn't that dense" I told him he was also a man, and as such, he is dense in many things.  So, he needs reminding - over and over and over. I told him what he needs to do EVERY TIME I am upset about something is to ASK if he has done something to upset me - rather than jumping to a conclusion that he has and then get defensive.

Anyway, we continue to move forward. I have no fucking idea where we are going, but we are still going. This will not be our last dispute, of that I am certain.

As always,
Love, Sarah