We are closer to the end and this is more painful than I could have imagined.. Zack will not discuss the situation and gets upset every time I broach the subject of our deteriorating relationship. I think it is just too painful for him to even consider that the end is coming. I don't understand how he can keep telling me "this will pass" - it's been 10 weeks and nothing is getting better - nothing. But everything is getting worse. We have not spoken in over 2 weeks - a few emails, that's it.
I am getting rid of my equipment - restraints etc.And my fabulous boots - I actually have 2 pair, so if anyone reading is interested in a fantastic deal, feel free to send me a message. I am giving up the apartment as of Aug. 1. Coming here no longer brings me the sheer joy it used to. On the contrary, it is quite painful to come here now. Zack is too close by. I haven't asked him for his keys yet - I will summon up the courage that I will need for that soon, because the "discussion" will most definitely have to occur then. It is not something I am looking forward to.
I will be completely open - I honestly have no idea why this has happened. The last time we spent an afternoon together (2 1/2 months ago) we were deliciously happy. Zack told me that it amazed him that he loved me more than he have ever loved me. He told me he would always love me. He used the "forever" word. 2 days later it all changed. I have no idea what happened, but I can't fight it any longer. I can't continue the extreme highs and lows I have endured lately. I need peace..
I love him with all my heart. And I know, in my heart, that my love for him will never change. If it isn't Zack in my life, then it is no one.
