I am not always soft. I can be a real Bitch at times. Zack hasn't really seen that side of me - not yet. There are times when I don't give a fuck about anything, or anyone. It just so happens, one of those times is right now.
Its a challenge, being a part time Mistress. When I need something from Zack, he can't always be there. I have found having Zack as My slave particularly beneficial when it is those times that I need to release tension, clear stress from the day - especially when something significant has occurred. So far, this has been a fairly symbiotic relationship - he wants to just be a sexual slave, he wants that "release from the everyday pressures of life" and obtains that through submissiveness to Me. Dominating and fucking him helps me release tension and stress. W/we both win. Usually.
I have to give allowances for the fact that he does have "another life" away from Me. His other life brings with it many pressures and responsibilities. In essence, Zack is not just My whore, he is whore to several other masters as well. Being My whore is just more fun for U/us both.
Where things tend to go sideways for me is when I need my slave and he is not available. Not his fault. The times when I need him most are, understandably, when I am not in control of a situation, when I am feeling abused and when I am not feeling respected, or appreciated. That is when a slave comes in handy.
Tonight just happens to be one of those nights.
Saturday 27 August 2011
What turns me on
Sarah and I can't go public with our M/s love for many reasons. But it excites me to know that people are reading this blog and discovering what a slut I am, and how Sarah is such a loving Dominant. I wish you could see her in her fishnets, her boots, and her crop, with me in a collar and leashed, just as an in the illustration above. She is really enjoying forcing me to give her oral pleasure. These days, it seems practically mandatory. And I love it, especially when she forces my face into her pussy so all I can do is absorb her juices all over my face and tongue. And when she orgasms on my face, oh, that pleasure is very hard to put into words.
Sarah has mentioned that she likes the way I please her orally. And she's thinking about making my slut mouth available to please others. I'm sure you'll hear more about that later.
A true slut trusts his Mistress and does what he's told.
Zack
Sarah has mentioned that she likes the way I please her orally. And she's thinking about making my slut mouth available to please others. I'm sure you'll hear more about that later.
A true slut trusts his Mistress and does what he's told.
Zack
Sarah's last post
Sarah has just informed me, via this blog, that she is going to fuck me in the way that she described. I am going to describe my physiological reaction.
As I started reading, my cock instantly hardened. I had that shortness of breath that accompanies arousal. I had this feeling that I was sliding into a different form of consciousness, something more subterranean and, in a way, more authentic.
It's like this is who I really am, even though I'm not aware of this in my day-to-day existence. It's a surreal feeling that Sarah elicits from me -- surreal and fucking hot.
It's such a privilege that she has accepted me as her slave. A true slave doesn't question. A true slave trusts Mistress. I trust Sarah. I trust her to fuck me in this way because I trust that she is doing this because she knows it's for my own good.
I am a slut.
Zack
As I started reading, my cock instantly hardened. I had that shortness of breath that accompanies arousal. I had this feeling that I was sliding into a different form of consciousness, something more subterranean and, in a way, more authentic.
It's like this is who I really am, even though I'm not aware of this in my day-to-day existence. It's a surreal feeling that Sarah elicits from me -- surreal and fucking hot.
It's such a privilege that she has accepted me as her slave. A true slave doesn't question. A true slave trusts Mistress. I trust Sarah. I trust her to fuck me in this way because I trust that she is doing this because she knows it's for my own good.
I am a slut.
Zack
How Amazingly Powerful the Mind is....
I just woke up from a rather incredible night, and I wanted to share My experience here. I can't wait for Zack to read this - for many reasons.
When Zack and I first began O/our discussions about possibly entering into an M/s relationship, one question he asked was "Are You interested in getting a strap-on and fucking me in the ass, darling?".
I was taken aback; the idea was as foreign to Me as was space travel. But not just foreign, the idea was repugnant - anal sex had always definitely been a "no-fly zone" for me. Before Zack and I had even met I had made THAT very clear - no matter whatever else transpired between us, this was one activity I would never consent to. Zack let me know he had absolutely no interest in anal sex either. I was, then, rather stunned to have him ask THAT question. This was very different from a man wanting to have anal sex with his girlfriend, this was Zack asking if *I* was interested in fucking HIM this way?? It made Me wonder what he wasn't telling Me about his past. My response was a resounding NO, THAT would NEVER happen. (you would have thought life had taught Me to "never say never")
As the months have gone by, W/we have openly discussed a wide variety of experiences W/we might want to try. Zack has a very vivid imagination. Sometimes, I wonder if he says those things, asks those things to see if he can shock Me. Perhaps he is testing Me - I have told him often that there is nothing he could say, nothing he could do that would cause Me to turn away from him. A topic that has come up, and you have read it here, is anal play. You have also read that I have become interested, curious about the experience, and the idea now of fucking My darling slave has caused a rather interesting response in Me. The idea is arousing to Me, and I believe that, although he has some trepidation, it is arousing for Zack as well. I need him to understand that when W/we do engage in this experience, it will be done with love. I have no wish to pound into him with brute force, but with an intent of this being as sensual an experience for him as it will be for Me. I love Zack - as much as I am able to Dominate him, spank, pinch and bite him, humiliate him in private and use his body for My pleasure, I love him. It is essential that he derives pleasure from my Domination as well. It is My job to ensure that happens, even when he thinks it won't.
I have been exploring/reading everything I can about anal sex, particularly girl on guy. I have a greater understanding of how to prepare and how erotic it can be for a man - that the end result can be the most amazing, explosive orgasms they have experienced. I understand the prep work involved. I want this to be very sexual for Zack, so I want this to be right. One thing I haven't been able to understand is what the Mistress gains from it, except being in a position of great control and authority. I'm greedy, I want the sexual experience as well. More research was to be done.
In my exploration, I have found an amazing toy - a strapless strap on. The description peaked my curiosity, so I got in touch with the retailer. "K" has been wonderfully helpful - and the toy is enroute to Me as I type. This toy has many features that are appealing: the cock end is relatively small (in comparison to others I have seen) so, easier for Zack. It also has a vibrator (THAT should be interesting). But- it is also double ended - the female end holds the whole toy in place not with straps, but by being inserted inside the pussy and held there by the Keigel muscles. It too vibrates. Goody. We have a way to go before we get there, however. Training Zack's ass correctly is essential.
So, this toy, this experience has been on My mind. Last evening, before I went to sleep, Zack and I were emailing and, in a way only he has, he got Me VERY aroused. In My last post, you will have read that Zack's upcoming training will also involve that delicious ass of his. What else has been on My mind is "are My keigels strong enough?" I've been exercising <grin> and it seems I exercise in My sleep as well.
I remember the dream quite vividly. My beautiful, blue toy had arrived and I was anxious to try it out. It would seem that all the prep work had been done, because in the next scene, I was dressed in my Dom outfit - crotchless fishnet stockings, thigh high black patent leather boots, pleather mini skirt and black leather corset (Zack hasn't seen that yet). Zack wore his collar, his leash in my hand and was bound, wrists and ankles to the bed - feet on the floor, upper body on the bed, arms stretched out in front of him, his juicy ass beautifully exposed for my pleasure. A pair of My panties were stuffed in his mouth - if he got noisy (as he often does) I needed to keep the volume down, so as not to disturb the neighbors. He's a slut, and a whore, but they don't need to know that. And I figured he was going to be very noisy, indeed.
I began the session with a little stimulation - several lashes with My crop across his sweet ass turned it a beautiful bright pink. Zack moaned with every smack of the leather on his ass. And with each lash, he pushed his ass up towards me, asking for more. In this dream, he was enjoying this, very very much. When his ass was the warmth and color I wanted, I kissed it gently. I whispered in Zack's ear "Mother is going to fuck you now". He moaned and said "oh, yes, Mother, please...." I positioned my toy inside me, and applied lots of lubricant to the other end. I mounted Zack's ass, - slowly, gently, lovingly pressing that blue cock into his beautiful opening. He moaned and asked for more - and more is what he got. I turned on the vibrator, and began thrusting. I could feel my own arousal, and as I held his cock with my free hand, I felt his as well. I was very close to orgasm.
That was when I woke up. and this is the incredible part. When I woke up, I was face down in my bed. my hips were thrusting up and down as I "pushed that cock into Zack's ass" in my dream. My arms were spread and I was clutching the sides of my bed tightly. I was fully engaged in an incredible orgasm. This was an orgasm experience that I had never had before - completely independent of touch - it was neither vaginal or clitoral - it was purely mental. And it felt amazing; it was a very unique experience, it was very enjoyable - except for one thing.
When it was over, my pussy ached like it had never ached before. I needed Zack. I needed his huge cock pushed deep inside me. I realized that nothing, no kind of play, no toy is EVER going to be able to replace that feeling. That feeling of his cock coming inside me, that feeling of fusion. No matter what other incredible experiences we have together, I know that nothing will ever top fusion with Zack. Not Ever.
If you are reading this, I would love to hear your thoughts. Please feel free to comment on my dream - I wonder - do others have these kinds of orgasms during dreams?
When Zack and I first began O/our discussions about possibly entering into an M/s relationship, one question he asked was "Are You interested in getting a strap-on and fucking me in the ass, darling?".
I was taken aback; the idea was as foreign to Me as was space travel. But not just foreign, the idea was repugnant - anal sex had always definitely been a "no-fly zone" for me. Before Zack and I had even met I had made THAT very clear - no matter whatever else transpired between us, this was one activity I would never consent to. Zack let me know he had absolutely no interest in anal sex either. I was, then, rather stunned to have him ask THAT question. This was very different from a man wanting to have anal sex with his girlfriend, this was Zack asking if *I* was interested in fucking HIM this way?? It made Me wonder what he wasn't telling Me about his past. My response was a resounding NO, THAT would NEVER happen. (you would have thought life had taught Me to "never say never")
As the months have gone by, W/we have openly discussed a wide variety of experiences W/we might want to try. Zack has a very vivid imagination. Sometimes, I wonder if he says those things, asks those things to see if he can shock Me. Perhaps he is testing Me - I have told him often that there is nothing he could say, nothing he could do that would cause Me to turn away from him. A topic that has come up, and you have read it here, is anal play. You have also read that I have become interested, curious about the experience, and the idea now of fucking My darling slave has caused a rather interesting response in Me. The idea is arousing to Me, and I believe that, although he has some trepidation, it is arousing for Zack as well. I need him to understand that when W/we do engage in this experience, it will be done with love. I have no wish to pound into him with brute force, but with an intent of this being as sensual an experience for him as it will be for Me. I love Zack - as much as I am able to Dominate him, spank, pinch and bite him, humiliate him in private and use his body for My pleasure, I love him. It is essential that he derives pleasure from my Domination as well. It is My job to ensure that happens, even when he thinks it won't.
I have been exploring/reading everything I can about anal sex, particularly girl on guy. I have a greater understanding of how to prepare and how erotic it can be for a man - that the end result can be the most amazing, explosive orgasms they have experienced. I understand the prep work involved. I want this to be very sexual for Zack, so I want this to be right. One thing I haven't been able to understand is what the Mistress gains from it, except being in a position of great control and authority. I'm greedy, I want the sexual experience as well. More research was to be done.
In my exploration, I have found an amazing toy - a strapless strap on. The description peaked my curiosity, so I got in touch with the retailer. "K" has been wonderfully helpful - and the toy is enroute to Me as I type. This toy has many features that are appealing: the cock end is relatively small (in comparison to others I have seen) so, easier for Zack. It also has a vibrator (THAT should be interesting). But- it is also double ended - the female end holds the whole toy in place not with straps, but by being inserted inside the pussy and held there by the Keigel muscles. It too vibrates. Goody. We have a way to go before we get there, however. Training Zack's ass correctly is essential.
So, this toy, this experience has been on My mind. Last evening, before I went to sleep, Zack and I were emailing and, in a way only he has, he got Me VERY aroused. In My last post, you will have read that Zack's upcoming training will also involve that delicious ass of his. What else has been on My mind is "are My keigels strong enough?" I've been exercising <grin> and it seems I exercise in My sleep as well.
I remember the dream quite vividly. My beautiful, blue toy had arrived and I was anxious to try it out. It would seem that all the prep work had been done, because in the next scene, I was dressed in my Dom outfit - crotchless fishnet stockings, thigh high black patent leather boots, pleather mini skirt and black leather corset (Zack hasn't seen that yet). Zack wore his collar, his leash in my hand and was bound, wrists and ankles to the bed - feet on the floor, upper body on the bed, arms stretched out in front of him, his juicy ass beautifully exposed for my pleasure. A pair of My panties were stuffed in his mouth - if he got noisy (as he often does) I needed to keep the volume down, so as not to disturb the neighbors. He's a slut, and a whore, but they don't need to know that. And I figured he was going to be very noisy, indeed.
I began the session with a little stimulation - several lashes with My crop across his sweet ass turned it a beautiful bright pink. Zack moaned with every smack of the leather on his ass. And with each lash, he pushed his ass up towards me, asking for more. In this dream, he was enjoying this, very very much. When his ass was the warmth and color I wanted, I kissed it gently. I whispered in Zack's ear "Mother is going to fuck you now". He moaned and said "oh, yes, Mother, please...." I positioned my toy inside me, and applied lots of lubricant to the other end. I mounted Zack's ass, - slowly, gently, lovingly pressing that blue cock into his beautiful opening. He moaned and asked for more - and more is what he got. I turned on the vibrator, and began thrusting. I could feel my own arousal, and as I held his cock with my free hand, I felt his as well. I was very close to orgasm.
That was when I woke up. and this is the incredible part. When I woke up, I was face down in my bed. my hips were thrusting up and down as I "pushed that cock into Zack's ass" in my dream. My arms were spread and I was clutching the sides of my bed tightly. I was fully engaged in an incredible orgasm. This was an orgasm experience that I had never had before - completely independent of touch - it was neither vaginal or clitoral - it was purely mental. And it felt amazing; it was a very unique experience, it was very enjoyable - except for one thing.
When it was over, my pussy ached like it had never ached before. I needed Zack. I needed his huge cock pushed deep inside me. I realized that nothing, no kind of play, no toy is EVER going to be able to replace that feeling. That feeling of his cock coming inside me, that feeling of fusion. No matter what other incredible experiences we have together, I know that nothing will ever top fusion with Zack. Not Ever.
If you are reading this, I would love to hear your thoughts. Please feel free to comment on my dream - I wonder - do others have these kinds of orgasms during dreams?
Thursday 25 August 2011
A Fantastic Morning...
Wed. Aug. 24, 1000 hrs.
I honest to God wish I could start every day like I started today. Spending a jam-packed hour with Zack is better than spending an entire week with anyone else. Truly!
He is such a good slave. He showed up right on time – although, he didn’t quite have the raging hard-on I had ordered and he WAS a tad slow getting his pants off when I got him in the back seat of the fuckmobile. He did redeem himself, however. The hard-on appeared promptly (with a little encouragement from the mouth of yours truly) and it felt sooo good sliding into My pussy; it took no time at all before I orgasmed all over him. That cock hits all the right spots. That orgasm felt so good – I was in need of that release of tension - sexual and otherwise. He was very obedient and did not cum, although I could tell it was hard for him. I could have pushed him over the edge easily, but I knew he wanted to succeed and who am I to discourage him so early in his training?? When I felt he was going to “lose it”, I told him to think of something else – that did the trick. He told Me later he thought of his boss and that took the sexual excitement down several notches LOL.
Like I posted yesterday - I am greedy for it all, and this morning was no exception. It is tough for Me to figure out what I enjoy most – riding that gorgeous cock of his (we all know how much I LOVE that tool), fucking his face, or drinking in his cum. I couldn’t decide this morning, so I decided “Fuck it!” I will do all three. And that is exactly what I did. After a very brief recovery period after fucking him there in the back seat of My car (yes, Zack, it IS a good thing I have tinted windows AND that I am not near as noisy as you are - with all those people walking around) I grabbed him by the hair, shoved his face into My pussy (which I had shaved last night so it was smooth as a baby’s bottom for him – I sent him a picture of it, which I think might have surprised him a little, I have never done that before) and fucked his face as well. Like I said before, the 2nd orgasm is always stronger than the first and this morning was no exception. That blew My mind, there was no doubt. He’s pretty good at what he does. I think Zack thought I had died – when I opened My eyes he was stroking My leg and looking at Me with a rather concerned look on his face. Then I started laughing. Man!! Did I feel good!! I kissed him all over his face so I could taste My juices on him.
While I was doing that he asked Me if I wanted him to cum inside Me before I fuck his face next time – that he would “clean up Mother’s pussy” if that was what I wanted. I admit, that idea had crossed My mind before – but I am trying to take each step slowly, trying to savor the wonder of it all and not to rush him to new things, new experiences to quickly. I think Zack is even more excited than I am to do it all. He is such a slut, truly. And he is MY slut, My personal little whore. I am pretty lucky, and when he is fully trained, well, there won’t be any limits to what W/we will experience.
It wasn’t long before I had that cock in My mouth. I also decided it was a good time for a little training as well. Zack has very sensitive nipples – just brushing them, or licking them seems to cause him pain. I actually like to bite, and he needs to get over that nipple sensitivity damned quick. So, I figure the best way to start that process was to have him experience that pain mixed with the pleasure of me sucking on his cock - pinching his very tiny, little boy nipples at the same time As he came, I gave one a really hard squeeze - I will leave it to him to describe that experience for you. I am curious to read his thoughts and feeling about this. I guess it doesn’t really matter, though, because it is going to happen again.. and again and again, so he just better to learn to fucking love it. I also let him know that there will be more training coming – training assignments that he will have to complete independently and then report to me. He is very curious, but I am going to keep him in suspense until I have everything set. I will give a hint, though - it does involve that very delicious ass of his..
Spending time in the fuckmobile is great, but it can’t replace the full on experience of him naked and collared and me in my oh so delicious fishnet stockings, thigh high boots and riding crop. I need that, and I need that soon. Zack has to figure that out, though – He has a very busy life, and sometimes finding time can be a big challenge.
Stay tuned – pictures will be posted on this site soon!
Tuesday 23 August 2011
Strange Developments...
Something has changed. I have no idea what. Maybe my own personal challenges of the past weekend have caused a shift in me. Maybe I have fully accepted this new role and I am like a kid in a candy shop. I want it all, and I want to gorge myself on the delights before me. Maybe Zack has convinced me that I am who I am - and I am fantastic. I have no idea,whatever it is, I have never felt like this before.
But I can't move forward with this until I catch up the past. The colossal explosion of past and present has to happen. Over the past 2 years, Zack and I have had some very difficult times. We didn't communicate well. I often felt that my being in his life caused him more stress that it was worth. I couldn't bear the idea that having an affair with me could be worse for him that never having met me at all. When I would express this, Zack's response would be along the lines of "I think you want to dump me; well go ahead if that is what you want". I don't think he knew the pain that attitude caused me - it felt like he didn't care if I was in his life or not. We played this self destructive game over and over. In hindsight, I see that neither of us knew how we should be with the other. We loved each other, we THOUGHT we were communicating - clearly, we were not.
Last winter was the worst, the absolute worst time for both of us. Both of us were going through our own private hell. And I really think that any other couple in our situation would have ended it, right then and there. Somehow, we held on - no matter how much both of us were hurting the other. We knew we loved the other very very much. We just didn't know how to get back on track.
For me, I felt that we had hit rock bottom. Then, I viewed an interview online with a woman who had written a book about Dominatrixes (is that a word??). I was intrigued. More than intrigued - I was capitvated. Something, somewhere deep inside me stirred. I mentioned it to Zack; he had also viewed the video. He began asking me probing questions about what it was that interested me, how did certain things make me feel and so on. (Remember his profile at the very beginning of this?? "Light BDSM"? He knew which way to take me) To make a short story even shorter, we went from 0 to 120 in about 60 seconds. Suddenly, we were questioning each other, and with each conversation "we" became more and more clear. Our previous problems were rooted, I am convinced, in our lack of recognition of who we were, who we are. Zack suspected things about himself, but I really had no clue - as the truth began to dawn on me, that I really was very Dominant, I realized that in my whole life I was the most unhappy when I was not in control of the situation or when someone was trying to dominate me.
Zack was pretty funny when I had this revelation - I could almost hear him sigh "At Last!!" The last 4 months have been a whirlwind (yes, we have only come to this withn the last 4 months) and it has not been perfection, let me tell you. I have messed up plenty. We both have lots to learn, but we are now committed to learning it together. It is my responsibility to teach Zack how he can be my slave, how he can be to please me. I want to be the best Mistress I can be for him. He deserves the best and I intend to be that. I will not settle for anything less.
Now, here comes a twist. I am going to try to articulate this, although we have not been very successful in doing so. Zack can join in with whatever thoughts he might have.
Remember that I am older than Zack. Remember that we both lost our mothers at a very young age - mothering was a component of life we both missed out on. As a mother myself, I have managed to make up for that loss by being nurturing, compassionate, caring and well, motherly. Zack has had no way to make up for that loss - he has never had anyone feel for him, care for him that way. He has gone through life starving for what everyone needs. I love Zack, with all my heart and soul. He needs me - not just the sexual part, but all of me. The mothering I bring with me is as necessary to him as the air he breathes.
When we fuck, we experience that colossal explosion - we call it fusion - the release of enough energy to combine 2 separate beings into 1. It is an experience like nothing else we have experienced. Zack says it is like "coming home". He loves the way I make him feel (and of course, the feeling is quite mutual) - like he is being loved, cared for, and protected like a mother loves, cares for and protects a child. I feel that kind of love for him as well. When we experience fusion in this context - Mother and son - we feel more complete than either of us have felt in a lifetime. I am sure to some readers that sounds REALLY weird, and I am not sure I have explained it properly. Like I said, it is difficult to articulate.
When I fuck Zack in that "Mother" context, there isn't a feeling of "yes, here I am, fucking my son". He is not thinking that he is fucking his Mother. It's not concrete in that way. It is the sense of belonging, of being loved unconditionally, without expectation, without judgement that we feel. (Help me out, Zack - I am not explaining this very well)
And yet, if I whisper in his ear "Do you want Mother to fuck you?" fusion is only a split second away. So, the "M/s Relationship" titled here is not only "Mistress/slave" but also "Mother/son". And this Mother loves this son like no one has ever loved another human being.
I love you, Zack.
But I can't move forward with this until I catch up the past. The colossal explosion of past and present has to happen. Over the past 2 years, Zack and I have had some very difficult times. We didn't communicate well. I often felt that my being in his life caused him more stress that it was worth. I couldn't bear the idea that having an affair with me could be worse for him that never having met me at all. When I would express this, Zack's response would be along the lines of "I think you want to dump me; well go ahead if that is what you want". I don't think he knew the pain that attitude caused me - it felt like he didn't care if I was in his life or not. We played this self destructive game over and over. In hindsight, I see that neither of us knew how we should be with the other. We loved each other, we THOUGHT we were communicating - clearly, we were not.
Last winter was the worst, the absolute worst time for both of us. Both of us were going through our own private hell. And I really think that any other couple in our situation would have ended it, right then and there. Somehow, we held on - no matter how much both of us were hurting the other. We knew we loved the other very very much. We just didn't know how to get back on track.
For me, I felt that we had hit rock bottom. Then, I viewed an interview online with a woman who had written a book about Dominatrixes (is that a word??). I was intrigued. More than intrigued - I was capitvated. Something, somewhere deep inside me stirred. I mentioned it to Zack; he had also viewed the video. He began asking me probing questions about what it was that interested me, how did certain things make me feel and so on. (Remember his profile at the very beginning of this?? "Light BDSM"? He knew which way to take me) To make a short story even shorter, we went from 0 to 120 in about 60 seconds. Suddenly, we were questioning each other, and with each conversation "we" became more and more clear. Our previous problems were rooted, I am convinced, in our lack of recognition of who we were, who we are. Zack suspected things about himself, but I really had no clue - as the truth began to dawn on me, that I really was very Dominant, I realized that in my whole life I was the most unhappy when I was not in control of the situation or when someone was trying to dominate me.
Zack was pretty funny when I had this revelation - I could almost hear him sigh "At Last!!" The last 4 months have been a whirlwind (yes, we have only come to this withn the last 4 months) and it has not been perfection, let me tell you. I have messed up plenty. We both have lots to learn, but we are now committed to learning it together. It is my responsibility to teach Zack how he can be my slave, how he can be to please me. I want to be the best Mistress I can be for him. He deserves the best and I intend to be that. I will not settle for anything less.
Now, here comes a twist. I am going to try to articulate this, although we have not been very successful in doing so. Zack can join in with whatever thoughts he might have.
Remember that I am older than Zack. Remember that we both lost our mothers at a very young age - mothering was a component of life we both missed out on. As a mother myself, I have managed to make up for that loss by being nurturing, compassionate, caring and well, motherly. Zack has had no way to make up for that loss - he has never had anyone feel for him, care for him that way. He has gone through life starving for what everyone needs. I love Zack, with all my heart and soul. He needs me - not just the sexual part, but all of me. The mothering I bring with me is as necessary to him as the air he breathes.
When we fuck, we experience that colossal explosion - we call it fusion - the release of enough energy to combine 2 separate beings into 1. It is an experience like nothing else we have experienced. Zack says it is like "coming home". He loves the way I make him feel (and of course, the feeling is quite mutual) - like he is being loved, cared for, and protected like a mother loves, cares for and protects a child. I feel that kind of love for him as well. When we experience fusion in this context - Mother and son - we feel more complete than either of us have felt in a lifetime. I am sure to some readers that sounds REALLY weird, and I am not sure I have explained it properly. Like I said, it is difficult to articulate.
When I fuck Zack in that "Mother" context, there isn't a feeling of "yes, here I am, fucking my son". He is not thinking that he is fucking his Mother. It's not concrete in that way. It is the sense of belonging, of being loved unconditionally, without expectation, without judgement that we feel. (Help me out, Zack - I am not explaining this very well)
And yet, if I whisper in his ear "Do you want Mother to fuck you?" fusion is only a split second away. So, the "M/s Relationship" titled here is not only "Mistress/slave" but also "Mother/son". And this Mother loves this son like no one has ever loved another human being.
I love you, Zack.
Craving Sarah
Sarah has been busy today and it has left me feeling a bit adrift. I am fantasizing about more extreme forms of submission with her today. I think that her love has given me permission to really open myself up to new experiences.
I adore the feeling of being Sarah's bitch--available to her in any form she likes. I told her by email today that I'm her slutbitch. And my mouth is at her service.
I like the idea of Sarah giving me instructions to fulfill, so I can prove my loving devotion. I miss the feel of her crop against my ass. I miss the feel of her tugging on my hair and force-feeding me her pussy. If I'm good, perhaps she will reward me tomorrow morning.
Zack
I adore the feeling of being Sarah's bitch--available to her in any form she likes. I told her by email today that I'm her slutbitch. And my mouth is at her service.
I like the idea of Sarah giving me instructions to fulfill, so I can prove my loving devotion. I miss the feel of her crop against my ass. I miss the feel of her tugging on my hair and force-feeding me her pussy. If I'm good, perhaps she will reward me tomorrow morning.
Zack
Sarah's last email
I just received an email....Sarah told me she's fucking hungry and I had better show up tomorrow with a raging hard-on. Sarah will get her wish. I am her fuckslave, her fuckwhore. I hope she deigns to come on my face.
Zack
Zack
Sarah's latest demand
I'm so aroused right now. Sarah has left a phone message telling me that I am required to meet her in the fuckmobile tomorrow morning before work. I can barely type I'm so excited. When she issues orders, I can think of nothing else.
I hope she orders me to unzip my pants and show her my hard cock. If you're a regular reader of this blog, you'll probably have noticed that Sarah isn't shy about saying how much she likes my cock. It feels so perfect inside her. Last time, it was so big and hard it took a little bit of time for her to take all of me inside her, but she did. And then she fucked me, taking her pleasure.
I am Sarah's willing, obedient fucktoy. If she wants to fuck me again tomorrow, she will. She's left me the impression that she might fuck me, then force me to lick her delicious pussy.
Sarah is my Mistress. My job is to please her. In giving my Queen what she deserves, I feel a sense of fulfilment.
Zack
I hope she orders me to unzip my pants and show her my hard cock. If you're a regular reader of this blog, you'll probably have noticed that Sarah isn't shy about saying how much she likes my cock. It feels so perfect inside her. Last time, it was so big and hard it took a little bit of time for her to take all of me inside her, but she did. And then she fucked me, taking her pleasure.
I am Sarah's willing, obedient fucktoy. If she wants to fuck me again tomorrow, she will. She's left me the impression that she might fuck me, then force me to lick her delicious pussy.
Sarah is my Mistress. My job is to please her. In giving my Queen what she deserves, I feel a sense of fulfilment.
Zack
Sunday 21 August 2011
Back in Time....
So, I'm going to take a break from the present and go back in time. Right now the immediate present is a little more than I want to think about right now, so I'll go back - but just in summary. I'll try not to bore anyone <vbg>
Ok, I take that back, no summary after all -I am going to go to the day that I first fucked Zack. I had my sights set on him right from the beginning - although I am not sure he really knew it - yet. I was going to a conference in town, and took this opportunity to set things up. I checked into a hotel the afternoon before the conference. Zack had plans to stop by before going home after work.
I was so nervous. I did not have the body of a 20 yr old - far from it. What if he found me repulsive? I couldn't take that kind of rejection. That would be the ultimate crusher. We knew what we hoped to do that afternoon - we had discussed it already. We had had the "safe sex" talk, so condoms were the order of the day. I had no idea what I was going to do, or how this was going to go. It had been a LONG time since I had had sex with anyone but my husband.
Zack arrived. I let him into the room, and then sat in the armchair. He came and sat by me - I think he knew how nervous I was - like a virgin teenager. He was so sweet, he told me we didn't have to do anything, we could just talk if that was as much as I could handle. He laid down on the bed and I lay down with him, where he just held me in his arms. His hands on me felt delicious! He was delicious! It did not take long before I had him naked under the covers - my inhibitions were long gone.
I undressed and got under the covers with him. We made out, kissing, touching everything, caressing each other. I wanted so badly to move down his body and take his huge, beautiful cock into my mouth - that would have been a new experience for me, something i had never done before, but for some reason I wanted to do that, badly. I was drawn to his swollen cock like a moth to a flame. I just didn't have the courage or the confidence to do that. Not yet. It wasn't long before I was fully aroused, so wet, and aching to feel him inside me. I climbed on top of him, and slid that beautiful cock inside my pussy. He gasped, and as I lowered myself down onto his cock, I felt it filling me up and it was a feeling like no other. I was kissing him and riding that cock - up and down, up and down - before I knew what was happening I could feel his hot juices gushing inside of me, and when I felt that, my own orgasm was instantaneous and explosive. I literally felt like my head was going to explode - I had, as I always like to say, just been fucked blind. And it was glorious. It took my breath away and I collapsed on top of him.
Zack's response was equally as overwhelming - but I think I'll let him explain it. The whole "safe sex" discussion had gone out the window. No condoms, there was nothing between us except raw passion. Then and now.
He came back the next morning - yes, I was late for the conference, and he was late for work, but it was bloody well worth it.
A new time in our lives had begun. There was no turning back now and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Ok, I take that back, no summary after all -I am going to go to the day that I first fucked Zack. I had my sights set on him right from the beginning - although I am not sure he really knew it - yet. I was going to a conference in town, and took this opportunity to set things up. I checked into a hotel the afternoon before the conference. Zack had plans to stop by before going home after work.
I was so nervous. I did not have the body of a 20 yr old - far from it. What if he found me repulsive? I couldn't take that kind of rejection. That would be the ultimate crusher. We knew what we hoped to do that afternoon - we had discussed it already. We had had the "safe sex" talk, so condoms were the order of the day. I had no idea what I was going to do, or how this was going to go. It had been a LONG time since I had had sex with anyone but my husband.
Zack arrived. I let him into the room, and then sat in the armchair. He came and sat by me - I think he knew how nervous I was - like a virgin teenager. He was so sweet, he told me we didn't have to do anything, we could just talk if that was as much as I could handle. He laid down on the bed and I lay down with him, where he just held me in his arms. His hands on me felt delicious! He was delicious! It did not take long before I had him naked under the covers - my inhibitions were long gone.
I undressed and got under the covers with him. We made out, kissing, touching everything, caressing each other. I wanted so badly to move down his body and take his huge, beautiful cock into my mouth - that would have been a new experience for me, something i had never done before, but for some reason I wanted to do that, badly. I was drawn to his swollen cock like a moth to a flame. I just didn't have the courage or the confidence to do that. Not yet. It wasn't long before I was fully aroused, so wet, and aching to feel him inside me. I climbed on top of him, and slid that beautiful cock inside my pussy. He gasped, and as I lowered myself down onto his cock, I felt it filling me up and it was a feeling like no other. I was kissing him and riding that cock - up and down, up and down - before I knew what was happening I could feel his hot juices gushing inside of me, and when I felt that, my own orgasm was instantaneous and explosive. I literally felt like my head was going to explode - I had, as I always like to say, just been fucked blind. And it was glorious. It took my breath away and I collapsed on top of him.
Zack's response was equally as overwhelming - but I think I'll let him explain it. The whole "safe sex" discussion had gone out the window. No condoms, there was nothing between us except raw passion. Then and now.
He came back the next morning - yes, I was late for the conference, and he was late for work, but it was bloody well worth it.
A new time in our lives had begun. There was no turning back now and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Life happens, no matter what we do...
I can not sleep. It has been a very stressful day. I wish Zack could be here with Me, to hold Me and to tell me everything is going to be ok. I am his Mistress, I know I am supposed to be the strong one, the one in control of every situation. But that is the uniqueness of an M/s relationship - it isn't simply about Domination and submission, it isn't always Mistress and slave. Our relationship is also about friendship and love. Zack is My slave, but he is also My friend, and right now a friend is what I need.
My life is about to take a rather dramatic turn in its path, and I am not so sure I will be able to negotiate the trip. I'm not sure I am strong enough. I need to be strong, I need to hold my resolve, I need not to cave in to 20 years of emotional abuse. Zack is the only one who knows every detail of my life, he knows more about Me that any other person in this universe. He is the only one I can rely on to help Me figure things out. The decisions I need to make will impact My family, and in the end, I have no doubt I will be left standing alone. Except for Zack. He is the only one I trust not to judge Me, not to abandon Me.
I know this is likely freaking him out, messing with his mind as well. I have promised to protect him always, and I will die before he is hurt by any of My "stuff". I don't want him to worry - about Me or about himself. I can get through this if I know I have him to lean on, have him by My side.
Now I need to try to sleep....
My life is about to take a rather dramatic turn in its path, and I am not so sure I will be able to negotiate the trip. I'm not sure I am strong enough. I need to be strong, I need to hold my resolve, I need not to cave in to 20 years of emotional abuse. Zack is the only one who knows every detail of my life, he knows more about Me that any other person in this universe. He is the only one I can rely on to help Me figure things out. The decisions I need to make will impact My family, and in the end, I have no doubt I will be left standing alone. Except for Zack. He is the only one I trust not to judge Me, not to abandon Me.
I know this is likely freaking him out, messing with his mind as well. I have promised to protect him always, and I will die before he is hurt by any of My "stuff". I don't want him to worry - about Me or about himself. I can get through this if I know I have him to lean on, have him by My side.
Now I need to try to sleep....
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