I have been on one, that is for sure. Today was not the best of days - I was at the apartment all day. Since I have the furniture advertised, I had people coming by to buy and pick up. I was actually doing ok, until I agreed to sell the bedroom furniture to the new tenant. I came a little unhinged then and when she left I broke down and cried.
I made this decision to give up the apartment. I have to live with it. I am not going to belabor the reasons or try to rationalize something that doesn't need it. I've listed all my wonderful reasons for making this decision here. At the end of the day, I think it IS the right thing to do - for both of us. But I do love that place, I love that bed, and I love all the times I have spent there with zack. I will grieve this, and that is expected.
I spoke to zack just before I was leaving this evening. he asked how I was doing and I started to cry. I tried not to - but I couldn't help it. He is such a man - and we know how men are when a woman cries. That's the time they run in the opposite direction - the time when you actually need them the most. zack is taking responsibility for my sadness. he feels that it is his fault I am doing this and I am unhappy now as a result. I wish he wouldn't do that. I could have chosen not to give it up. The responsibility is mine. I have 1 more week there. I will spend my last night there next Wed. And the sun will shine again.
We will get through this, of that I am certain.
As always,
Love, Mistress Sarah
Wednesday 22 May 2013
Tuesday 21 May 2013
Sharing the New Development...
zack and I have chatted. At first, he was concerned, reluctant and every other "conventional" emotion one would expect in a vanilla relationship. I knew this was how he would react. All he needed was some time and reassurances.
It didn't take him long to let go of the vanilla responses and become excited about what is to come. He has already been asking questions, offering a variety of scenarios. He's in.
So, what is the news? I was contacted the other night by a former potential slave. I had been considering him 9 months ago. We had met a couple of times, he seemed to want this.. and then he was gone. oh well, shit happens. Now he is back - back and eager to be at my service. He is aware of zack, and although, he has never gone that route, he is more than willing to participate in any activity I come up with - with or without zack. And here is the beauty of this. he is a complete opposite to zack, not just in the things he will do but in physical attributes - where zack is tall, he is short, where zack is dark, he is blonde.Where zack can't take pain, gavin can and will take whatever I dish out - he is eager for it. where zack has not been able to participate in my desire to fuck his ass, gavin wants it, craves it, has already begged for me to fuck him. he wants his limits and boundaries pushed. I am excited - i too will get to expand my boundaries, get to experience new things, new challenges. Yes, indeed, I am very excited.
I want to make it clear here that I accept that these 2 are so different. I do not want them to be the same, I do not need them to be the same. zack will give me things, satisfy needs gavin cannot and gavin will satisfy needs that zack simply cannot. This very lucky Mistress will have the best of both worlds.
gavin and I met at the apartment this afternoon. He actually came prepared to get his ass paddled. he even brought a butt plug to wear during the exercise. This is how eager he is to please. But, I kept him waiting - anticipation is good for the soul. We talked about expectations, rules, concerns and assurances. He is preparing himself to become good at orgasm denial, he has never been denied an orgasm - he has been ordered to masturbate to the brink of orgasm, to stop, and once the urge has diminished, to do it again - 3 times in a row. he has been doing it - he says his balls ache. LOL. I promised him release before he goes on a business trip on Sunday.
So, it looks like I am going to be a little busy - but never too busy to share all the details here.
I will let zack post his own thoughts about this situation. Dare I say this is going to be an interesting week?
as always,
Love, Mistress Sarah
PS i just got a message from gavin asking permission to lick zack's balls while I am fucking him... shows you what an eager beaver he is!!!
It didn't take him long to let go of the vanilla responses and become excited about what is to come. He has already been asking questions, offering a variety of scenarios. He's in.
So, what is the news? I was contacted the other night by a former potential slave. I had been considering him 9 months ago. We had met a couple of times, he seemed to want this.. and then he was gone. oh well, shit happens. Now he is back - back and eager to be at my service. He is aware of zack, and although, he has never gone that route, he is more than willing to participate in any activity I come up with - with or without zack. And here is the beauty of this. he is a complete opposite to zack, not just in the things he will do but in physical attributes - where zack is tall, he is short, where zack is dark, he is blonde.Where zack can't take pain, gavin can and will take whatever I dish out - he is eager for it. where zack has not been able to participate in my desire to fuck his ass, gavin wants it, craves it, has already begged for me to fuck him. he wants his limits and boundaries pushed. I am excited - i too will get to expand my boundaries, get to experience new things, new challenges. Yes, indeed, I am very excited.
I want to make it clear here that I accept that these 2 are so different. I do not want them to be the same, I do not need them to be the same. zack will give me things, satisfy needs gavin cannot and gavin will satisfy needs that zack simply cannot. This very lucky Mistress will have the best of both worlds.
gavin and I met at the apartment this afternoon. He actually came prepared to get his ass paddled. he even brought a butt plug to wear during the exercise. This is how eager he is to please. But, I kept him waiting - anticipation is good for the soul. We talked about expectations, rules, concerns and assurances. He is preparing himself to become good at orgasm denial, he has never been denied an orgasm - he has been ordered to masturbate to the brink of orgasm, to stop, and once the urge has diminished, to do it again - 3 times in a row. he has been doing it - he says his balls ache. LOL. I promised him release before he goes on a business trip on Sunday.
So, it looks like I am going to be a little busy - but never too busy to share all the details here.
I will let zack post his own thoughts about this situation. Dare I say this is going to be an interesting week?
as always,
Love, Mistress Sarah
PS i just got a message from gavin asking permission to lick zack's balls while I am fucking him... shows you what an eager beaver he is!!!
Monday 20 May 2013
Just When You Least Expect It...
Wishes come true out of the most unlikely of circumstances. The sun comes out, and life takes a whole new turn in another direction. Something that both zack and I have talked about, fantasized about, is about to come true. No, it does not involved a black cock, or a woman, but it is something that has me very excited!
I have to share with zack before I can post it here - but suffice it to say, at the end of the day zack will be a much better slave, he will be happier and most of all - I will be a better Mistress and much happier as well.
This is going to get exciting, I promise, so please stay tuned!! zack's boundaries are definitely about to expand!
As always,
Love, Mistress Sarah
PS - I have told zack the news. Until I am certain how he truly feels about it, I will have to wait before sharing it here. He says he is fine with what i want to do, and yet, the excitement he expressed about my penchant for dark chocolate was not there, so I am not sure. What I know about zack is that regardless of his apparent self centeredness, he really does want me to have everything that will bring me pleasure. Because of this, he will agree to anything I say - regardless of how he may truly feel about it. I have written this to him:
"It is essential that I know what you are thinking about this – ambivalent, tolerant, excited, whatever. I know you. I know how you respond to things – and your past responses make it difficult for me to make decisions now. I KNOW you want me happy. I KNOW you want to make sure my needs are met, I KNOW you want me to fulfill my need to Dominate. I also KNOW that you don’t feel you are able or capable of providing any of that for me – at least not as wholly as you would like. So, I also KNOW that you will agree to anything I want if you think it will please me. I know that you will do that – even if at the end of the day you are unhappy about it, or feel as if you will lose me as a result, or feel like a failure because you haven’t met all of my needs. You will say all the right words.. and then withdraw into your shell to await what you fear the most – that I will leave you for someone else. Please, please, please believe me when I say I love you, that you are the most important person in the world to me, and your wellbeing is first and foremost in my mind. I can live without this. There is no way in this world this is worth hurting you. Mistresses aren't supposed to give a shit about their slaves, not really. They are supposed to just take what they want and to hell with everyone else. I am sorry if I don’t fit the model, but in every case I care deeply about you. I always will. I know this beyond a shadow of a doubt".
He is very busy this weekend with work and I haven't had a response yet. I will keep you posted!
I have to share with zack before I can post it here - but suffice it to say, at the end of the day zack will be a much better slave, he will be happier and most of all - I will be a better Mistress and much happier as well.
This is going to get exciting, I promise, so please stay tuned!! zack's boundaries are definitely about to expand!
As always,
Love, Mistress Sarah
PS - I have told zack the news. Until I am certain how he truly feels about it, I will have to wait before sharing it here. He says he is fine with what i want to do, and yet, the excitement he expressed about my penchant for dark chocolate was not there, so I am not sure. What I know about zack is that regardless of his apparent self centeredness, he really does want me to have everything that will bring me pleasure. Because of this, he will agree to anything I say - regardless of how he may truly feel about it. I have written this to him:
"It is essential that I know what you are thinking about this – ambivalent, tolerant, excited, whatever. I know you. I know how you respond to things – and your past responses make it difficult for me to make decisions now. I KNOW you want me happy. I KNOW you want to make sure my needs are met, I KNOW you want me to fulfill my need to Dominate. I also KNOW that you don’t feel you are able or capable of providing any of that for me – at least not as wholly as you would like. So, I also KNOW that you will agree to anything I want if you think it will please me. I know that you will do that – even if at the end of the day you are unhappy about it, or feel as if you will lose me as a result, or feel like a failure because you haven’t met all of my needs. You will say all the right words.. and then withdraw into your shell to await what you fear the most – that I will leave you for someone else. Please, please, please believe me when I say I love you, that you are the most important person in the world to me, and your wellbeing is first and foremost in my mind. I can live without this. There is no way in this world this is worth hurting you. Mistresses aren't supposed to give a shit about their slaves, not really. They are supposed to just take what they want and to hell with everyone else. I am sorry if I don’t fit the model, but in every case I care deeply about you. I always will. I know this beyond a shadow of a doubt".
He is very busy this weekend with work and I haven't had a response yet. I will keep you posted!
Sunday 19 May 2013
My Deep Desire...
My very first sexual encounter was with a black man at the age of 17. I have never forgotten that, even though it wasn't the best experience. I think "black" has been in the back of my mind my entire life and I find myself typically and almost unconsciously checking out every black man I see.
Zack is correct - I want this. But what i learned from Janelle is that I want this with Zack there. I want him to understand that he can be replaced, that he cam even be out-performed. I want to be staring him right in the eye when my gorgeous piece of dark chocolate makes me cum. I want him watching me take that big black cock into my mouth all the way down my throat. I want him to watch while that black cock releases its hot juices. I want him to understand who is in control of the situation. I want him restrained so he can do nothing but watch and listen. And if he dares to close his eyes?? He will figure out very quickly that that does not please me in the slightest.
yes, I am very much looking forward to this opportunity to put zack in his proper place.
As always,
Love Mistress Sarah
Zack is correct - I want this. But what i learned from Janelle is that I want this with Zack there. I want him to understand that he can be replaced, that he cam even be out-performed. I want to be staring him right in the eye when my gorgeous piece of dark chocolate makes me cum. I want him watching me take that big black cock into my mouth all the way down my throat. I want him to watch while that black cock releases its hot juices. I want him to understand who is in control of the situation. I want him restrained so he can do nothing but watch and listen. And if he dares to close his eyes?? He will figure out very quickly that that does not please me in the slightest.
yes, I am very much looking forward to this opportunity to put zack in his proper place.
As always,
Love Mistress Sarah
Mistress sets the rules
From her comment in the post below, it's clear that Mistress is going to do what she wants—which is the way it should be.
For some reason, she has an intense chocolate fantasy, which seems to be heightened when I tell her that it also turns me on.
I'm not sure how this will eventually play out, but I'm now pretty certain that it will happen.
Mistress has a deep attraction to physically fit black men who are capable of being highly sexual.
This is her chocolate delight...and she wants to savour this in my presence as her slave.
I won't be surprised if I'm forced to watch her take a hard black cock inside of her...and afterward, she may just decide to take her second orgasm by fucking my face.
She knows I will be a willing participant because I am her slave.
For some reason, she has an intense chocolate fantasy, which seems to be heightened when I tell her that it also turns me on.
I'm not sure how this will eventually play out, but I'm now pretty certain that it will happen.
Mistress has a deep attraction to physically fit black men who are capable of being highly sexual.
This is her chocolate delight...and she wants to savour this in my presence as her slave.
I won't be surprised if I'm forced to watch her take a hard black cock inside of her...and afterward, she may just decide to take her second orgasm by fucking my face.
She knows I will be a willing participant because I am her slave.
Mistress expands boundaries
Mistress has given me posting privileges again.
My arousal for her has been extremely intense this morning.
I always get that way when she talks about forcing me to watch her play with a black man.
I want to please her so much in this scenario.
There's something about being her slave cuckhold that is such a turn-on.
I have a feeling that the day will come when she will force me to take a big black cock in my mouth for her, just because she has that level of power and control over me.
I also get turned on by the thought of her forcing me to allow a Chinese guy to suck my cock for her with her watching and observing.
I don't know if either of these scenarios will occur...but they might.
Mistress has expanded my boundaries in ways I never imagined possible before.
My arousal for her has been extremely intense this morning.
I always get that way when she talks about forcing me to watch her play with a black man.
I want to please her so much in this scenario.
There's something about being her slave cuckhold that is such a turn-on.
I have a feeling that the day will come when she will force me to take a big black cock in my mouth for her, just because she has that level of power and control over me.
I also get turned on by the thought of her forcing me to allow a Chinese guy to suck my cock for her with her watching and observing.
I don't know if either of these scenarios will occur...but they might.
Mistress has expanded my boundaries in ways I never imagined possible before.
Back to Basic Black...
The idea of hooking up with a woman was a complete flop. It didn't really turn zack on that much, and as a result, I wasn't that into it either. I think I'm done with that idea for a while. Back to the drawing board.
I sent zack and notice on craiglist about how he could present his woman with a BBC surprise (Big Black Cock) and told him to "surprise me".
I think he will add his comments about his responses here, but his response to this was exactly what I have been looking for. it was intense to say the least, and as a result my level of arousal matched his.. I then sent him a message that I would have to buy him a cock cage to wear as he would be restrained and forced to watch me enjoying that BBC. Then I told him that I would hold him by the hair as I force that BBC into his mouth - and I don't give a fuck how big it is. He deserves this, wouldn't you say? As I wrote that message to him, I experienced a spontaneous orgasm myself. THAT is how intense this is for me.
Stayed tuned for developments.
As always,
Love, Sarah
I sent zack and notice on craiglist about how he could present his woman with a BBC surprise (Big Black Cock) and told him to "surprise me".
I think he will add his comments about his responses here, but his response to this was exactly what I have been looking for. it was intense to say the least, and as a result my level of arousal matched his.. I then sent him a message that I would have to buy him a cock cage to wear as he would be restrained and forced to watch me enjoying that BBC. Then I told him that I would hold him by the hair as I force that BBC into his mouth - and I don't give a fuck how big it is. He deserves this, wouldn't you say? As I wrote that message to him, I experienced a spontaneous orgasm myself. THAT is how intense this is for me.
Stayed tuned for developments.
As always,
Love, Sarah
WOW!!!
I am busy this weekend - I have a paper to write. Janelle was aware and was very supportive - urging me on, providing words of wisdom to stop procrastinating. She too had work to do around her condo. The plan was that we get it all done Sat & Sun and then get together at the apartment on Monday. (a holiday here)
A few hours later I got a email saying that she was very lonely, very horny, had put an ad on Craigslist under casual encounters and was going out on a date tonight with some random man - that she needed to get fucked. Wow! Do I ever know how to pick them! I have learned that she has done this often. I told her fine, but I wasn't really interested in being with someone who participates in random sex - and I have no idea if it's safe sex or not. one thing zack and I have always been firm on - we would never do anything to put the other at risk. I also told her that she was never going to find the "life partner" she was looking for this way, but hey, whatever floats your boat.
So, that's over before it began. It's for the best and I am actually glad she told me so that I didn't put my health as well as zack's at risk. Phewww!!!!
I sure could use some time with zack right about now. I am missing him terribly.
As always,
Love Sarah
A few hours later I got a email saying that she was very lonely, very horny, had put an ad on Craigslist under casual encounters and was going out on a date tonight with some random man - that she needed to get fucked. Wow! Do I ever know how to pick them! I have learned that she has done this often. I told her fine, but I wasn't really interested in being with someone who participates in random sex - and I have no idea if it's safe sex or not. one thing zack and I have always been firm on - we would never do anything to put the other at risk. I also told her that she was never going to find the "life partner" she was looking for this way, but hey, whatever floats your boat.
So, that's over before it began. It's for the best and I am actually glad she told me so that I didn't put my health as well as zack's at risk. Phewww!!!!
I sure could use some time with zack right about now. I am missing him terribly.
As always,
Love Sarah
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