I got another email from Zack after my last post.
I do not want to jinx anything, but he has made a move - he has let it be known that he is looking for another job, and has actually checked out what might be available to him. he doesn't believe it, but he is an incredibly talented man and I just know that once the word gets out within his industry, he will have no limit to the opportunities that will come his way.
What does that mean to us?? Only time will tell, but I am guardedly optimistic..
Keep your fingers crossed, will you?
Now, if only his crazy wife would do a disappearing act....
Wednesday 1 August 2012
Taking it one day at a time...
Zack showed up. I was more excited to see him than he was to see me, or so it seemed. I think his body showed up but his mind was in a million other places. His first words were "I am sooooo tired" I told him to take off his coat and come lay down on the bed. You would have thought I asked him to run a marathon by the look on his face. That hurt and I supposed my own facial expression showed it as well. We were off to a rip roaring start. He asked me to please not be disapproving.
He looks so beaten. He is being pulled in all directions.Everything, EVERYTHING has become a humongous chore for him - I am included in that, I am afraid. We lay down on the bed and talked about nothing for a while. He began to relax. I tried to keep my hands off, I really did, but that man is so fuckingly irresistible. The next hour was wonderful. For the first time in a long time he was mine to possess, mine to own and own him I did. I had him in subspace faster than you can say "use me for your pleasure, Mistress" - which he said often. And use him I did. For that hour it was just Sarah and Zack. Mistress and slave again.
And then it was over. He had to go. I was so happy to have been able to spend some time with him. But I had hoped this was going to be a step towards getting "us" back. I soon realized it wasn't... far from it.
We have been lovers for 3 years. We have a connection that will always be there, no matter what happens. But this relationship has become just another chore, just another responsibility to attend to for Zack. A while ago he said all he wanted was the joy and the fun back that we used to have. He made it sound like I was the one that sucked the joy out of this affair and I think he seriously believed it too. But I think he finally realizes that it is everything else in his life that has done that. It is his insane workload and insane bosses, his even more insane wife and his almost insane sense of responsibility for them all that has come between us.
So, I have told him our affair is over. We can no longer be lovers. I am letting go of the apartment as of Sept 1. I don't know what the future holds, but I have also told him that I am always here to support him, to listen, to be his friend when he needs one. We know each other better than anyone else knows us and he knows he can tell me anything - that I will always listen and I will never judge him. And I will always love him. I think my ending our love affair has made him sad. I hate that, but I am incredibly sad as well.
I got an email from Zack last night. He finally has come to the realization that he needs to quit that job. He understands, he says, that it is that job that is at the root of our problems. He thinks that my decision to end "us" may have been just the impetus to cause him to re-think his position. Maybe, just maybe, something good is going to come out of this. I am praying it is. I let him know, again, that I am here if he needs me. I will never turn him away. I actually am the only in his life whose support he can always count on. I hope he knows that.
So, like I said....
One day at a time.
He looks so beaten. He is being pulled in all directions.Everything, EVERYTHING has become a humongous chore for him - I am included in that, I am afraid. We lay down on the bed and talked about nothing for a while. He began to relax. I tried to keep my hands off, I really did, but that man is so fuckingly irresistible. The next hour was wonderful. For the first time in a long time he was mine to possess, mine to own and own him I did. I had him in subspace faster than you can say "use me for your pleasure, Mistress" - which he said often. And use him I did. For that hour it was just Sarah and Zack. Mistress and slave again.
And then it was over. He had to go. I was so happy to have been able to spend some time with him. But I had hoped this was going to be a step towards getting "us" back. I soon realized it wasn't... far from it.
We have been lovers for 3 years. We have a connection that will always be there, no matter what happens. But this relationship has become just another chore, just another responsibility to attend to for Zack. A while ago he said all he wanted was the joy and the fun back that we used to have. He made it sound like I was the one that sucked the joy out of this affair and I think he seriously believed it too. But I think he finally realizes that it is everything else in his life that has done that. It is his insane workload and insane bosses, his even more insane wife and his almost insane sense of responsibility for them all that has come between us.
So, I have told him our affair is over. We can no longer be lovers. I am letting go of the apartment as of Sept 1. I don't know what the future holds, but I have also told him that I am always here to support him, to listen, to be his friend when he needs one. We know each other better than anyone else knows us and he knows he can tell me anything - that I will always listen and I will never judge him. And I will always love him. I think my ending our love affair has made him sad. I hate that, but I am incredibly sad as well.
I got an email from Zack last night. He finally has come to the realization that he needs to quit that job. He understands, he says, that it is that job that is at the root of our problems. He thinks that my decision to end "us" may have been just the impetus to cause him to re-think his position. Maybe, just maybe, something good is going to come out of this. I am praying it is. I let him know, again, that I am here if he needs me. I will never turn him away. I actually am the only in his life whose support he can always count on. I hope he knows that.
So, like I said....
One day at a time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)