A day that started out feeling like a doom's day turned out to be the very best day I've had in a very long time!
As I have noted previously, i have sublet the apartment. I went there for the last time yesterday to pack the remainder of my things, clean and... get Zack's set of keys. Things haven't been so great between us since my last blog entry. He has been pushing me further and further away - being basically non-communicable - and working himself into the ground. It was looking like his resolve to find a new job had flown out of the window. I will admit, as patient as I try to be about this, this week I snapped. Yes, he pissed me off so badly that I told him i can't do it anymore, I simply could not sit on the sidelines and watch him destroy himself. He certainly wasn't interested in anything I might be able to do for him, or in listening to what I might have to say.
Of course, he went to that place Zack always goes to at times like this - back to the beginning of our relationship. Back to his excuses that he "always knew" I wanted more than he could give me, that he knew he could never be enough for me, that he would never be able to free up the time i demanded. He says all this as if he actually had a clue about what I wanted! As usual, he made me feel like I was the biggest problem in his life.
I basically told him to fuck off and bring me the apartment keys. Yes, I was pissed, but I was very hurt as well. I was also VERY worried about him - and it has been that depth of concern for him that has made me respond the way I have. He simply refuses to believe that my concern isn't about what I might want, it is about his wellbeing. A good Mistress is not solely focused on what she wants, a good Mistress takes care of her property, her belongings, her slaves. This is what I was trying to do - to take care of my slave and he wasn't letting me. That frustrated me and totally pissed me off. I came to the end of my rope. His interpretation of that was that I was going to leave him, that I was going to walk about of his life - because he felt he wasn't good enough for me.
He came to the apartment about 6 pm. I was packing. He came in and stood in the hallway. When I turned around and looked at him, his face crumbled. I told him I loved him. I told him I was not going to leave him. He started to cry. I wrapped my arms around him and comforted him - much like a mother would comfort a heart broken child. And heart broken he definitely was.
I got him sitting in the arm chair, and I knelt on the floor beside him, looking at his face, into his beautiful eyes and told him how much I loved him. I told him that if he wanted me, I was always going to be there, I wouldn't leave him. And suddenly the sun came out - it shone out of his eyes, out of his beautiful face. Suddenly, my beautiful Zack was back. I had not seen him for a very very long time. He was grinning like a Cheshire Cat.
As I have noted previously, i have sublet the apartment. I went there for the last time yesterday to pack the remainder of my things, clean and... get Zack's set of keys. Things haven't been so great between us since my last blog entry. He has been pushing me further and further away - being basically non-communicable - and working himself into the ground. It was looking like his resolve to find a new job had flown out of the window. I will admit, as patient as I try to be about this, this week I snapped. Yes, he pissed me off so badly that I told him i can't do it anymore, I simply could not sit on the sidelines and watch him destroy himself. He certainly wasn't interested in anything I might be able to do for him, or in listening to what I might have to say.
Of course, he went to that place Zack always goes to at times like this - back to the beginning of our relationship. Back to his excuses that he "always knew" I wanted more than he could give me, that he knew he could never be enough for me, that he would never be able to free up the time i demanded. He says all this as if he actually had a clue about what I wanted! As usual, he made me feel like I was the biggest problem in his life.
I basically told him to fuck off and bring me the apartment keys. Yes, I was pissed, but I was very hurt as well. I was also VERY worried about him - and it has been that depth of concern for him that has made me respond the way I have. He simply refuses to believe that my concern isn't about what I might want, it is about his wellbeing. A good Mistress is not solely focused on what she wants, a good Mistress takes care of her property, her belongings, her slaves. This is what I was trying to do - to take care of my slave and he wasn't letting me. That frustrated me and totally pissed me off. I came to the end of my rope. His interpretation of that was that I was going to leave him, that I was going to walk about of his life - because he felt he wasn't good enough for me.
He came to the apartment about 6 pm. I was packing. He came in and stood in the hallway. When I turned around and looked at him, his face crumbled. I told him I loved him. I told him I was not going to leave him. He started to cry. I wrapped my arms around him and comforted him - much like a mother would comfort a heart broken child. And heart broken he definitely was.
I got him sitting in the arm chair, and I knelt on the floor beside him, looking at his face, into his beautiful eyes and told him how much I loved him. I told him that if he wanted me, I was always going to be there, I wouldn't leave him. And suddenly the sun came out - it shone out of his eyes, out of his beautiful face. Suddenly, my beautiful Zack was back. I had not seen him for a very very long time. He was grinning like a Cheshire Cat.
We talked - a lot. We talked about him, we talked about his burn-out. He had a document that listed and described the signs and symptoms of burn out. He has every single one of them - and recognizes it. This is a first. This is a first step towards his recovery. He has, for the first time in a very long time, a positive outlook. I could not be happier. Through all of this he smiled, he hugged me, he held me.
Suddenly he said "Do I have to sit here? Can I lay down on the bed with you?" Dangerous question - because suddenly the heat flared inside me. The old familiar ache began. It has been a long time but I intended to maintain my resolve. This was not the time for fucking. or so I thought.
We laid down on the bed. He couldn't seem to get close enough to me. He held me so close. I started kissing him - oh that felt soooo good. After a while I pulled back, saying "you are doing it again". He looked at me so innocently (but not really, he knew) "What am I doing?" "You are asking for it, and now you are going to get it".
I pushed him back. I grabbed him by the hair with one hand and grabbed him under the jaw with the other, pulling his head back so he was getting a good look at my face, my eyes. His Mistress had arrived. "You are such a fucking slut" I growled, "and you need reminding of who is in charge here". He groaned. "yes, Mistress, use me however you want to".
It felt so good to take that control. I brought him to the edge of orgasm over and over and over. I know his body and his responses so well, I can tell when he is right at the very edge. I don't know how many orgasms I had. It was fantastic fucking him again.
Then I whispered in his ear "Now, you fuck me" Again, he groaned "If I do that, I will come, I don't want to disobey you". I told him that I wanted him to fuck me, I wanted to feel him explode inside me - I wanted fusion with him once more. I experienced an explosive orgasm when I felt him cum inside me. The heat of his cum spread throughout my belly. My head exploded. I collapsed on top of him. We were one once more.
