Date #2 - the most magical of all...

We finally parted that first day (2 years ago today, as a matter of fact - Happy Anniversary!), but neither of us had had our fill. "Hungry" doesn't describe how I felt about Zack, but hungry I was, for more, much more, of him.

We made a date to meet again 2 days later - a beautiful Sunday morning. We arranged to meet at a local tourist spot. I was there early. I am always early. I was nervous, more nervous that day then I was for our 1st date. I had so many questions, doubts going on in my head. What if I just wanted it to be "something", what if it was merely a lark for him. What if I was so desperate for attention, affection that I imagined how he was feeling? What if he was just playing me - me, the pathetic older woman, the older woman trying so hard to get something out of this life. It's not like I hadn't been played before - it was the story of my life from the instant I got to be a 13 yr old with big breasts. I didn't have a lot of boyfriends, until that happened. Then they swarmed like bears to honey. It didn't take long to figure out that they weren't interested in me, my very large bosom represented "sex pot" to them. I admit, I fucked a few. The only man that stayed around after he got what he wanted was my husband. I was so desperate to have someone love me that I married him at age 19 - I was certain there wasn't another man alive who would ever want me. Biggest mistake of my life, as it has turned out.
 Little did I know that someone DID exist - although he was only 9 at the time <grin>

But I digress. As I waited for Zack to show, so certain he wouldn't, he drove by. My heart skipped many beats. I watched him pass me in his car. I was certain he had seen me and was going to just keep going. But he didn't. Instead he parked and got out. I called to him, and when he saw me, his face lit up like the proverbial Christmas Tree. And there was that little boy look again.. a look, an expression that I have come to love intensely. He really seemed genuinely happy to see me.

We went for a walk. We held hands like a couple of teenagers. We talked. He made my heart pound. (still does, btw)  It was so wonderful being with him. We stopped at a coffee shop. It was a cute, old fashioned little place with a wicker loveseat and coffee table in the corner where we chose to sit. We sat there drinking our coffee, sitting very close. When no one was looking our way, we kissed. As often as we could. At one point, as we were talking, I looked out the window -and there it was. Across the street. A Motel. I pointed it out to Zack. I have a suspicion that the look on my face said it all. I wanted him. (I wonder if it was the "cougar after her prey" look?)  What I wanted to do was grab his hand and race him across the street to get a room. What the hell was I thinking?? This was crazy! I had to do something, before I did "something" very foolish. we finished ourcoffee and left.

We walked - away from the motel. We walked and talked, ending up in the park. There along the path was a huge rock. (to this day I consider that as "our rock" although we have never been back there). Zack sat on the rock and pulled me to him. I didn't care who was around, I didn't care who might be watching - the entire world had ceased to exist. His arms were around me, pulling me close and making me feel so safe, so protected and yes, so loved. It truly was something I had never really felt before. When Zack held me, when he kissed me that day, it was likke I ceased to exist. I know that sounds crazy, but it was like we had melted into each other. I was dizzy, I was lightheaded, I was oblivious to everything around me. There is no doubt he could have put his hands anywhere on my body, he could have removed my clothes if he wanted and I would have welcomed it. Joyfully.

At one point, I was leaned up against him, my back to him, and he had his arms around me, kissing my neck. It felt as natural as breathing. It felt sooooo good. My phone rang. It was my husband. I didn't move from the spot I was in, answering it. (I'm sorry for that, Zack - it was very insensitive of me) It could have been a telemarketer, for all it mattered, for all I cared. What kind of woman was I? There I was, in the arms of an almost perfect stranger, having a casual, very guilt free conversation with my HUSBAND, Telling him I would be home in a few hours. How much more immoral does a person get? But I hung up the phone, and immediately turned my attentions back to Zack, as if the phone call hadn't even happened. Because where I was, at that moment, was exactly where I was supposed to be.

We continued to make out, talking in between kisses. We moved to a park bench along the shore, watching the boats, interspersed with more talking, more kissing. We talked about everything. There was never a moment when I felt uncomfotable or ill at ease. I couldn't have felt more comfortable there than if we had known each other all our lives.

I sat sideways whith my legs across Zack's lap. I wanted his hands on me. I needed his touch. I was beginning to realize that I needed more than that. I needed whatever Zack wanted to give me. As insane as it might sound, I was already falling in love with this man and it felt wonderful. (Of course, anyone reading this is going to think "stupid woman! has no idea of the difference between lust and love and they might have been right , then. Not now) I want to add that Zack was then, and still is, a perfect gentleman. He has never pushed me to do anything I wasn't prepared to do. But I can tell you, I was prepared to do plenty.

Time had stood still for me that day, but as it always does, the time came for us to part. He had to head home and so did I. Always the gentleman, he walked me to my car. I didn't want to leave - I mean, who would want to end the most perfect day of their life??? But life happens, and I headed home. I barely remember the drive. I could still feel his hands - in mine while we walked, on my body when we kissed. I was floating on air. I had met the most wonderful man i had ever met and although it wasn't the plan - I was falling for him. That made me happy, scared, confused and anxious all at the same time. Again, I felt like a 16 yr old, coming home from her first date. "What am I going to do now??" was all I could think about. The coming turmoil was beginning to form.

Sarah is right...

I did have no idea that she would have "done it" right there, in the parking lot. Of course, I was too much of a gentleman to rip off her clothes, but she did affect me like no other woman before. It was magical—this sense that I could lose myself in her. You don't get to see Sarah's photo, at least not yet, but she has a face that is so utterly enchanting. And when she gets aroused, a look comes across her face that is utterly indescribable. At those times, she looks hungry. It makes me feel like I'm her prey and she's going to devour me. I like being Sarah's prey. I really came to know that feeling on our second date, which remains one of the most memorable events of my life.

Zack

That first morning 2 years ago...

He tapped me on the shoulder as I stood looking at a pamphlet in the lobby of the hotel. I turned around. There he stood - tall, dark, and handsome (in a very cute, little boy way) - just like I had ordered up. And before I had a clue what I was doing - I stepped directly into his arms! I have no idea what he was thinking, but all I could think was how very good it felt to be there.

We did the expected - we went into the coffee shop for breakfast. I wish I could remember what he ate. I ordered a bagel. I was nervous, suddenly, and couldn't eat. The bagel tasted like sawdust. And all I could do was look at him. The rest of our time there is pretty much a blur - the highlights included going up to the mezzanine where we found a couple of chairs in an "out of the way" hall. We sat down there, and just like we had known each other for ever, we kissed.. over and over and over..

At one point, when Zack came up for air, he looked up to see a video camera pointing right at us! We both started to laugh and hoped that no one that would ever see that tape would recognize either of us.

We left the chairs then, and soon found a sofa we could sit on. It was only moments before I had my legs stretched across his as we sat there held hands and talked. He apologized for wearing a pair of jeans that had been stained with curry - I called them his curry pants. What was funny was that as particular I am about how I dress or how I look, it didn't matter to me in the slightest. As a matter of fact, I thought it was very cute. I loved the curry pants. I actually have missed them - I guess he had to wash them at some point.

Those moments that morning were so intensely intimate - it was crazy! I had never felt so connected to someone in my entire life. I felt as if Zack knew me better than anyone ever had, definitely not my family. And as unlikely as it may be, I think I starting falling in love with him right then and there.

Neither of us wanted to part that morning - I walked him to his car in the parkade - we made out. He walked me back upstairs on the elevator - we made out. Then it was back down to the parkade. We made out some more. At one point, he pushed me up against the car and pushed his pelvis into mine. He had a raging hard-on. And what he doesn't know, is that I wanted it, I wanted him - then and there would have been fine with me.

We spent 2 1/2 hours there, getting to know each other better. It was amazing. What I had absolutely no idea about was just how amazing this relationship was going to get.

Elaboration

My first date with Sarah generated a deep, carnal desire within me. You can imagine my surprise when the second date took it to an entirely different level. I am eager to read Sarah's take on our early meetings.

Sarah's invitation...

I felt a jolt seeing an email from Sarah in my in box. It was an invitation to contribute to the blog "Within an M/s Relationship." Sarah understands me, often better than I understand myself. Sarah wants what's best for me, more than what I want what's best for myself. Sarah doesn't judge me for my desires.

Sarah mentioned earlier that she is 10 years older than me, but you wouldn't know this if you saw her. She is gorgeous, with the warmest, most mischievous smile. Every time I see her, I'm struck by her beauty. She always looks better in person than I imagine.

I could reveal many things in this, my first post, on the "Within an M/s Relationship" blog. But I prefer Sarah to take the lead.

I will say this, though. The first time I saw her, I was electrified. I wanted her. I didn't fully understand this desire and sometimes, desire is what it is and it can't be explained. But she affected me on a deep level. Now, I'm beginning to better understand why.

Zack

Its been a while...

Just like every diary I have ever written, my good intentions have flown directly out of the window. Today that will change, because today I shared this with Zack. He seems excited about the blog, and he is eager to write here as well. He has already been suggesting pictures to add! I don't think we are at that point yet, so we'll see.

He will add his own comments, his own thoughts about our journey. I will continue in a chronological manner - or at least try to. I let him know that I will be including the dark times we have gone through, a fact I don't think he is very happy about, but to me, they represent our struggle to find ourselves, to find how we fit in this world and together. It was the not knowing who we really are that caused those dark times; it is nothing short of a miracle that we came through them pretty much intact. They are most definitely a testament to the love we have for each other. If there were any doubt before, that is all gone now.

So, I will go back to the beginning, back to that day we first met. The real begining of this journey...