Zack Has a Way of Making Me Crazy...

Some times I wonder: Who is managing this relationship? Mistress or slave?
Earlier I posted about the challenges of not being able to see Zack and having to keep My lust for him pushed way back into the recesses of My mind. I had been pretty successful and then, along comes Zack, with a few well chosen words and the obsession begins anew. He knows how to work Me.

Another Weekend...

 Zack says he gets disorientated when we have not had enough opportunity to spend time together. I have a similar effect - except that the longer I go without being with him the more depressed I get. Lets see if I can explain it.

My past sexual experiences have been far less than satisfactory. Being married to a man who only had fulfilling his own needs in mind, I became very successful at not letting myself become aroused, to simply "turn off" - who wants to be highly aroused, ready for that "head explosion" and then have your partner roll over and go to sleep because he's done? You just don't respond. You lay there, let it happen, and then go to sleep yourself.

There are times lately, when I feel myself going back into that - I think it becomes an automatic response of self preservation.  It has nothing to do with Zack's ability to fulfill my every sexual need - he is amazing at what he does. I have NEVER been left dissatisfied when I have been with him. I don't expect I ever will be.

Being disconnected has its price. When I know I am not able to see Zack, I simply "shut off" the arousal switch. I don't think there is anything worse than being aroused, wanting him so badly and then not being able to make it happen. That has occurred, often is seems, lately (probably not as often as it feels like) - through no fault of his or mine. It is what it is. But as you can tell, the separation takes it's toll on us both. "Switching off" doesn't always work, though. Then Zack gets a very forceful telephone message about my need.

I promised Zack I would write him an erotic blog post today. I'll try, but I hope he understands that I am feeling a little less than sexual these days. I need him to get my groove back.

Yes, I have asked Zack to come with me tomorrow for a hike. He needs that more than anything. He needs to get away from work, from home. Nothing in more invigorating and beneficial that getting out into nature. Nothing, except getting out into nature with me. You see, Zack thinks going for a walk in the woods would be boring.

He doesn't know the surpises I could spring on him. Like being tied to a tree, while I suck on that gorgeous big cock of his. I like taking it way into the back of my throat. I love teasing him this way. Of course, he would not be allowed to cum - that is forbidden. Or, laying the blanket out in a clearing and fucking his face - I could sure use that orgasm right now. I LOVE fucking that perfectly fuckable face of his. Or maybe, he would get one of the new butt plugs shoved in his ass to wear while we walk. He needs that kind of training anyway, maybe tomorrow will be day 1.

Or maybe I will bring his collar and leash, and lead him down the garden path, so to speak. Of course, there will be people around - they will see what a wonderfully obedient slave I have. I could simply park the fuckmobile in the trees and use him in the back seat in every way that comes to mind. Or, maybe I would make him sit in the front seat and listen to me pleasure myself in the backseat - listening and so wishing it was him making me feel sooooo good. No, boring is never what you will experience when you are with me, Zack, darling. You should know better - and perhaps I will bring my crop just to remind you.

Sarah and perfection

I know Sarah likes to be good at everything she does. And she's exceptionally good, outstanding, pretty close to perfect. She's like this at work, with kids, and with her slave.

She demonstrated that this week when I was very rattled at work. I wasn't able to see her, and she accepted this without any rancour. I wish I had her inner strength.

I'm feeling disoriented right now because it's been too long since I've seen Sarah. Things have been too busy at work. When I don't see Sarah for a while, I lose my bearings. I need her firm discipline and Domination to keep me centred.

She wants to walk in the woods tomorrow. I just want her to fuck me and fuse with me and take control and help me escape from all the stress.

I love her crop so much. I ache to see her in her boots. I want her to suck my cock but order me not to cum. I want her to fuck me hard and order me not to cum. I want her to ram my face into her pussy and just feel like she can cum all over me.

I love being Sarah's slave. It's the perfect escape. I miss Sarah more than she knows.

Zack

Making Choices...

It is amazing how a change in environment can change one's perspective. Escaping from the oppression I seem to live under allows me to feel stronger, to BE stronger. Once again I am reminded that when I am not in control I am not happy. I am now back in control and making decisions.
Today I am exploring My options- I am looking for My own place, a place I can call "dungeon", a place where I AM the Mistress, where I control everything that goes on there. I have informed Zack that if he is very good, I may hang his collar by the door - next to My crop and whatever else I have in the discipline dept. It will be exciting to have a home for My toys. It is exciting to anticipate the activities that I may engage in there. Zack has offered up many scenarios and there once was a time when I would have vehemently not entertained any of them.

But Zack is My slave, he belongs to Me and his goal is to meet My needs, satisfy My desires. It is enticing to Me that he throws out ideas and scenarios to consider. It is almost as if he lurks in the deep recesses of My mind, seeking out the fantasies there that I have not yet even dreamed of. I look forward to exploring new pleasures with My slave - he truly is a slut, My slut, and I know he is as eager for the experiences as I am!
First things first, however - setting the stage. The place I am looking at today is very near where Zack lives. I find it exciting to anticipate him being at home or work (which is also near by) and wondering if I am there - and if I am, what I'm doing and with whom? I mean, who says you can only have 1 slave anyway??

Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

Limbo....

And I don't mean the dance...

It's ironic how "Life" gets in the way of what we want the most. "Life" pushes us along, until we come to a crossroad - then, we have to choose. At least, we are supposed to chose, we should chose if we are moral, ethical, trusted elements in the lives of others.

2 years ago, I met Zack - Life had brought me to a crossroad of sorts. There was a strange twist in that road - it actually didn't go one way or another, there was a third "option" - 2 paths that ran side by side - parallel to each other. Very different paths, but close enough together, with very few obstacles that could prevent me from being on either path on any given day. 2 paths close enough together that I could easily hop from one to the other, with no one the wiser, no one watching.

What I have been unaware of was that someone WAS watching - not sure of what I was doing, but aware that the other path existed, and that perhaps I WAS jumping back and forth. Now, the "watcher" has chosen to reveal themselves, has come forward and demands I chose one path or the other. I suppose it all was just a matter of time.

Now, I am expected to behave in a manner that those who live on the oldest path want & expect. Now, crossing from 1 path to the other is more of a challenge. The situation is not insurmountable - I can make a choice. I can leave the path where Zack is and continue on the old path. (although, leaving Zack is certainly not much of an option) I can create another path, my own path, that runs along side Zack's - a path I can stray off of whenever I want without anyone watching, scrutinizing me.  Or I can find a new path, separate yet again from the others. I can chose a path where I am alone. The choices are many. The choices now seem impossible. I'm afraid none will lead to my happiness.

I am worried about Zack. He is travelling the same parallel paths - one with me and the other with his day to day life. He is very cautious, but is he cautious enough?  Is anyone watching him as well? I don't believe that is a risk I want to take, or one he should take - I would give my life to protect his. I haven't been able to talk to him about this. I don't know how he is feeling right now. All I know is I worry about him constantly for many reasons. I can not put his well-being at risk. I would die first.

I love you Zack.
Out of everything we have been through,  everything we have experienced, that is the most important thing I can tell you. To me, nothing else matters.