And The World Tilts Sideways...

I don't know what is happening. Suddenly, I am feeling... well, I am not sure what I am feeling, except a heightened consciousness of Zack. Sure, I have had him in My mind night and day for the past 27 months (and one would think that the excitement, passion and sheer lust wold have worn off or at least diminished by now) but this is new. I hear his voice in My sleep - loud enough to wake Me up, My skin feels his touch long after we have parted, I can still feel his cock buried deep inside Me from yesterday. Suddenly, I WANT this man more than I ever thought possible. My lust for him is insatiable.

Perhaps this is in anticipation of what is to come, a response to the new level our relationship has arrived at. I can feel the Dom coming out in Me - not only with Zack, but in other aspects of My life as well. The feeling is strongest around Zack, but that strength lingers and is now becoming part of who I am at work and in My home life as well.

I've seen a change in Zack. I suspect he is going through an "awakening" of his own. He is giving himself over to me in a greater capacity than before. He is allowing it to become a part of him. I feel that, I sense the desire in him, and I know that he wants and NEEDS this as much as I do.

We are hoping to get some '"play" time next Thursday. I've told Zack that play is going to be more intense, more experiential than ever before. He knows he is going to be disciplined for his indiscretions the last time we were together - selfishly orgasming while I deliriously fucked his face. I am also bringing out the hot wax again - this time I will be better prepared so it won't be so messy in the room (wax flakes EVERYWHERE!! LOL). He will not only feel the burn of the spanking he is going to get but the hot wax on his ass that will follow. Those endorphins should be flowing strong by then. He is going to get fucked every way I can think of. And at some point in the day he will be baptised by My hot urine. Something about this, doing this to him and for the both  of us goes directly to the core of My being, the very most primal part. Yesterday, Zack and I got together for a visit. Can I tell you that just being in his presence causes Me to feel things I had no idea was inside me. I had told him earlier in the week that the next time we play, he will experience My ownership in a new way - he was going to feel the heat of my urine raining on him. We were kissing and he whispered in my ear "I want that, I want you to pee on me. You want to do it, you want it as well, so what is holding us back?" The answer? Nothing, nothing but time and opportunity. His question sent a rush through My body, My mind spun. That was when I ordered him into the back seat of the car - I needed to fuck him right then and there. I needed to settle the rush in my head. I orgasmed almost immediately. It did little to minimize the arousal, the lust, the intense passion I was feeling. I'm doomed. I love it.

I am being consumed. I like it. I welcome it. I am excited for what is to come.

Reflections...

While I drive to work my mind is always in action. This morning, after listening to Brian Melo's song "Anywhere But Here", I had to reflect on my current situation. I no longer feel regret over the last 20 or so years of my marriage, I just wish it were over. For a number of reasons, it can't be, so here I am - listening to a song I can easily relate to; my future is anywhere but here.

Which leads me to Zack and our relationship. I had never had an affair before, there has never been anyone else in my life but my husband. But there came a point in my life when I was examining everything in it, and along came Zack.

I Can't Sleep...

Thoughts of my meeting with Zack yesterday afternoon are filling My mind, making it impossible to sleep.
Every encounter seems to open another door for us to step through. Yesterday I saw (on his face) and heard (in his voice as well as in his words) how much Zack wants My Domination, NEEDS My Domination, and I realize how much I need to Dominate him. He is quite right - My confidence in this IS deepening with every date we have. What is curious, and I think unique to us, is that I don't have these feelings, this need, for anyone else. I have a husband whom I suspect just might welcome a certain level of sexual dominance from Me, yet I have no interest there. Zack tells Me the same- that he only feels this way with Me. He only want ME as his Mistress.

Zack, Zack, Zack....

My darling, I do not want you to feel any insecurities. When I say "time will tell" it simply means that over time we will see how things evolve. Nothing more than that.


I PROMISE TO NEVER LET YOU DOWN. I WILL NOT DISRUPT YOUR LIFE. That would hurt you and that is the very last thing I want to do. We will work around the obstacles so that we both get what we want and need from this relationship.
 
Each time we are together we seem to make a new discovery about each other. Today was no different. I needed you so desperately today - My almost instant orgasm when your beautiful, huge cock slid inside Me was clear evidence of how much. Even I was caught off guard by it.
 
We both want more in this relationship. You are ready to surrender yourself to Me. I am ready to take us both to greater heights in this relationship. Our only stumbling block will be time and opportunity. I hope we can work around our limitations because I want to play with you - I want to do it all, experience it all, but I do not want to rush you. I want to build you up to these experiences so that not only can you look forward to them, but you can get extreme pleasure from them as well.
 
I do not take you or this relationship for granted. It is serious to Me, and you are the most important person in my life. Your joy and happiness is paramount in My mind.
 
I love you.
Sarah

response to Sarah's last post on structure

This note of Sarah's offered me insights that I hadn't considered. I feel Sarah's desire to Dominate more fully, more completely, and more frequently. Consciously, I welcome this.

Perhaps Sarah is right about some unconscious resistance. But if it is unconscious, it's invisible to me. I have always had some resistance to authority. Maybe it's because authority figures have often let me down. I don't feel that Sarah will let me down, but I do worry when I see her write words like "time will tell". It heightens my insecurity somewhat.

We both know that I could fall into 24/7 servitude, which would thoroughly disrupt my life. I definitely have this in me. Sarah knows this, too.

Zack

Sarah is my true Mistress. My Mistress always knows what is best for me, even when I don’t or might not agree. Because she is my Mistress it is my duty and desire to be her perfect slave, to follow all of her orders and instructions without question and to do everything in my power to please her. My Mistress brings balance and fulfillment to my life; without her I am no longer whole.

This is my mantra. I must never forget it. Mistress owns me in all ways, including my mouth.
She can use my mouth whenever she likes. I'm so happy to know that she is really coming to a point where she loves fucking my face.

She still doesn't get how much I enjoy that. The first time she did it was like a dream come true. It's what I've always desired --- being used like a cheap slut.

She can do whatever she wants with me.

Zack

Sarah's confidence level

I feel that Sarah is becoming increasingly confident and sure of herself. She has always had this quality, but it's becoming even more apparent to me.

She's growing into her role as a 24/7 Dominant. It really is a major part of her being, and one that she wasn't fully aware of in the past.

I find myself extremely attracted to her inner strength and this self-assurance she carries with her. Her career has taken off in recent years. I think this is related to the way others see her.

Sarah commands respect. She deserves respect. And when she's feeling a bit cranky, I hope that she feels comfortable driving over to my work area, ordering me to join her in the fuckmobile, and forcing me to service her orally. A good slave does what he's told.

I want to be Sarah's good slave. I don't always succeed. But this is what makes me feel complete.

Zack

Sarah, Zack and Structure..

It's like "Structure" has become our problem child. To hear Zack talk, you would have thought I was trying to pack him up into a nice tight box, and that is ridiculous. I am as unstructured as the he is, maybe even more so if I allowed it. This is the little boy in him - pushing back at an authority figure trying to control him - wanting it, but not wanting it all at the same time. Again, he doesn't understand that I DO know what is best for him and again, I can't help but feel that he is not yet into this 100%. that, or he is simply confused about my expectations. I do not doubt that he loves Me, that he needs Me, that he wants My Dominance, I just think he hasn't gotten to a point of total acceptance - not yet. His subconscious is doing the "push back".

Sarah and structure

Sarah believes I need structure, but I don't think she's aware that I've never had structure in my life. I basically raised myself, and the whole notion of having a structured, planned life is a very foreign concept.

I know she is trying to introduce structure because she knows it's best for me. I think she wants to structure my diet as well.

Then when I don't respond well to this, she feels I'm somehow disrespecting her.

I'm not sure that Sarah fully comprehends why I have such trouble with structure. I hope she never confuses this difficulty I have with a lack of love for her, because there is no lack of love.

I adore Sarah. I adore the way she looks at me. I adore her wild side. She's unpredictable. I need her control in my life. Without it, I'm lost at sea.

Zack