Zack and I talked today. I mean TALKED. There were times when I know he wanted to bolt - but I give him a lot of credit, he didn't. He hung in there. We talked about the hard stuff - the stuff he doesn't like to talk about. He was that little boy that doesn't want anything to change - he was very happy before all the problems started and he just wants that back. I do too. Very much.
I think we both understand that we can't get things back to the way they were. His work and his home life has become so very complex and that complexity pushes its way into our relationship in ways neither of us could have anticipated. I think he understands that he can not manage all 3 - his wife, his work, and us - no matter how badly he wants it. It is the wanting that has been causing him so much stress. The added stress has him looking at things from all the wrong angles, and doing that has caused him to take on more responsibility for more situations than he needs to, but it isn't his fault. At one point tears welled up in his eyes and he asked me why I wanted him, how could I love him. Silly man - we may not be married but I am as committed to him as if we were - for better or for worse.
He believes I want more than he can give. I believe that we can come to some sort of arrangement that WILL work. We both know that we love each other very much and neither of us wants to lose the other. We have agreed to talk some more, to work out some sort of plan that will meet our needs - not mine, not his - ours. He wants me to keep the apartment so I will, for now.
What was the best part of the morning??? He held me in his arms, it made me insanely happy to be there. We kissed like we haven't kissed in a very long time. His erection pressing against me was a glorious feeling, as was the ache that began deep inside me, spreading heat throughout my body. I have been dreaming about him every night, dreaming of that gorgeous cock of his and it was wonderful to know i still have "that" effect on him. He had to leave, so kissing was as far as it went, but I think we are on a new track to an even better relationship. God - please keep us from getting derailed.
A tiny light is glimmering in the dark...
At this point, I am happy...
