A new Day....

I come here tonight somewhat hesitantly. I do not want to lead you on, nor do I want to lead myself on. That said, I would like to share with you my guarded optimism about Zack and Sarah. We began communicating again this past weekend. It almost seemed like old times. As a result, we have made arrangements to spend an afternoon together next week.

I have learned a lot about us in our relationship and about myself. What I have learned is that my emotion and deep love for Zack is detrimental to our well being  What Zack needs from me is dominance. Where I went wrong was letting him make decisions. Any decisions. Oh, and letting him beleive that his decisions mattered and affected me. I think in his eyes, as my slave, that made me weak to him. And that weakness pushed him away from me.

The game is changing - I feel stronger and in better control. I have let him know that I have changed, that I am no longer his girlfriend and i will no longer put up with his nonsense. I am his Mistress. And as his Mistress, I expected him to behave appropriately or be punished. I believe he is ready for me to take control again - more ready now than ever. His work and his home life continues to create a ton of pressure. He needs to have that managed through subservience to me.

Today I sent him instructions about his behavior, how I expect him to be when he is with me. I think it will excite him. I know he has missed this as much as I have and I look forward to sharing the details of our first session in over 6 months. It feels like the anticipation of a being a virgin looking forward to the wedding night.

Please wish us luck.