Limbo....

And I don't mean the dance...

It's ironic how "Life" gets in the way of what we want the most. "Life" pushes us along, until we come to a crossroad - then, we have to choose. At least, we are supposed to chose, we should chose if we are moral, ethical, trusted elements in the lives of others.

2 years ago, I met Zack - Life had brought me to a crossroad of sorts. There was a strange twist in that road - it actually didn't go one way or another, there was a third "option" - 2 paths that ran side by side - parallel to each other. Very different paths, but close enough together, with very few obstacles that could prevent me from being on either path on any given day. 2 paths close enough together that I could easily hop from one to the other, with no one the wiser, no one watching.

What I have been unaware of was that someone WAS watching - not sure of what I was doing, but aware that the other path existed, and that perhaps I WAS jumping back and forth. Now, the "watcher" has chosen to reveal themselves, has come forward and demands I chose one path or the other. I suppose it all was just a matter of time.

Now, I am expected to behave in a manner that those who live on the oldest path want & expect. Now, crossing from 1 path to the other is more of a challenge. The situation is not insurmountable - I can make a choice. I can leave the path where Zack is and continue on the old path. (although, leaving Zack is certainly not much of an option) I can create another path, my own path, that runs along side Zack's - a path I can stray off of whenever I want without anyone watching, scrutinizing me.  Or I can find a new path, separate yet again from the others. I can chose a path where I am alone. The choices are many. The choices now seem impossible. I'm afraid none will lead to my happiness.

I am worried about Zack. He is travelling the same parallel paths - one with me and the other with his day to day life. He is very cautious, but is he cautious enough?  Is anyone watching him as well? I don't believe that is a risk I want to take, or one he should take - I would give my life to protect his. I haven't been able to talk to him about this. I don't know how he is feeling right now. All I know is I worry about him constantly for many reasons. I can not put his well-being at risk. I would die first.

I love you Zack.
Out of everything we have been through,  everything we have experienced, that is the most important thing I can tell you. To me, nothing else matters.