Obsessing about Obsessions

Zack is feeling a little needy right now - he wants Me to write about My obsession for him. Now, I know I shouldn't indulge him too much, but I like keeping him on the edge, and since I practise orgasm denial on him, this keeps him nice and fired up.. it makes him much more willing to serve Me and as a result, makes him a much better slave.

Zack doesn't really have a clear idea of how obsessed I really am about him - suffice it to say, I have an obsessive personality at the best of times. I'm pretty sure I have ADD (so does he) because I am also very very impulsive as well. The combination of these 2 traits not only creates a lot of excitement, it can also cause Me some trouble as well. He knows a little, but he doesn't know how often I have "stalked" him over the past 2 years. Yes, I can be extremely obsessive. That said, I would never do anything that would harm him in anyway. This is NOT a "Fatal Attraction" kind of scenario.



I am learning to put a filter on both my obsessiveness as well as my impulsiveness, but that doesn't stop Me from fantasizing about what I want to do - and that pretty much always involves Zack. I've likened him to the kid in the candy shop - he wants it all. Well, he has awakened the "kid" inside Me as well. Before W/we met I was not a sexual being at all, I figured it was just Me. Then I met Zack - who unleashed the beast inside. Now, I feel like a fucking nymphomaniac. I crave him all the time. I mean ALL THE TIME. Even at this very moment I am aching inside, aching to have him restrained, blindfolded and to feel his big cock deep inside Me, aching to fuck his face, aching to possess him - mind, body and soul. I go to sleep with these images in my head, I wake up with them there as well. I think about Zack day and night. Even when I am working, he is constantly on my mind.

I suspect that people think that Dominants do not feel this kind of stuff, but believe me, they do - at least I do. Today, I got up in a total "purple funk" as I used to call it. I was just down - I couldn't get out of the black cloud. Even hearing for Zack a lot this afternoon didn't really help, although the funk didn't have anything to do with him.. or so I thought.

Then he sent Me an email - he is so insightful - that told Me what he thought the problem was. He actually sent a list of things, including that I wasn't getting enough "happy drops" going on in my brain and that I was feeling a disconnect from those around me, in part because of Christmas.
Well, he was partly right: he is the only one that gives me those "happy drops" so yes, I was missing them alright; and I AM feeling a disconnect.. but the disconnect I am feeling is from him.. especially at this time of the year. I realised that it is right now that I want to be closer to him, that I want to be able to love him intimately, that I need to have him physically close by. Yes, I am obsessing about him - but just as I always do. (Actually, I am fantasizing about having him restrained and blindfolded and force feeding him Christmas Cake - but I'll save that for another time)

I don't think he realises how much I want to experience everything with him. I may not enjoy everything we do, neither will he, but W/we will do it anyway. We both have vivid imaginations - so we are not at any shortage of activities, I'm sure. What we need is opportunity. What is problematic for me, I am finding, is that my impulsiveness is experienced through spontaneity - so the way our current situation works is we have to plan our time together. This has been fine, but I am beginning to find that My spontaneity  is being lost in the planning of our sessions - and although I totally enjoy the time we are together, it sometimes feels too structured. That really came through last Friday - I was staying at a hotel and Zack came by in the morning. He had said he might, but I didn't think he would.

I was still asleep when he arrived. He was frazzled by some events at home. I knew right away that he wasn't needing to be dominated, he needed to be loved. I told him to get into bed with me and I just held him and let him talk. It wasn't long before I was on top of him and had that big cock inside me - where it belonged. I told him to cum just as I was - and we had fusion once more. We were one. All in a single, spontaneous moment. It was what we both needed, and I think what we both had been missing.

I love this man, I want him more than I have ever wanted anyone or anything. Zack is my life. I have what he needs, for sure, but he has what I need as well. I need his submission as much as he needs my dominance. He doesn't get that. My life would be a meaningless, hollow shell without him. And as much as he tries to reassure me, I am scared to death that some day I will lose him. As a result of THAT insecurity, I have been intensely fantasizing about kidnapping him,- of showing up at his work, ordering him into the fuckmobile and driving away. I look at my marriage, I look at what my life would be without Zack, and all I want to do is grab him and go far far away. Even as far as Nova Scotia.

Don't ever doubt how I feel, Zack. Don't EVER think I will leave you. It will never happen.

Yes, darling, I have a true obsession. And that Obsession's name is Zack.