Zack has a hard time with pain. He is terrified of it. He wants to be able to handle it for Me, he wants to experience pain as pleasure, but doesn't know how. I'm trying to help him - I know what I have to do when I have to tolerate pain - I "go to my happy place" - but it's tough to explain the mechanism of that. So, true to form - I'm doing research. Here are some tips I found to how to make that nipple clamping, flogging, or spanking something you only want more of.
The pain in this world is inevitable. A good relationship finds a way to make the experience the best it can be.
1) Mindset: Feeling sick in anticipation of the pain
Deal with it: Remember your strengths
Those who believed they could tolerate the pain perform much better than those who doubt their ability to withstand pain. Think of all the other challenging things you've done in your life to remind yourself of how strong and capable you are.
2) Mindset: Struggling with act itself
Deal with it: Accept the pain with purpose
Don't dwell on how much you hurt. Rather, focus on your reason for being here. Tell yourself, "I'm dealing with this because my Mistress asks me to and pleasing her comes before all else...' Focus on the end result, focus on your goal.
3) Mindset: When is this going to be over so I can be rewarded?
Deal with it: Repeat a Mantra
If you connect pain with a negative emotion, you'll feel more pain. Connect it with a positive thought, and you'll feel less. Create a positive affirmation you can call upon during tough parts. "My Mistress's pleasure comes before anything else" for example.
4) Mindset: I can't do this
Deal with it: Distract yourself
Focus on something else while also staying in the moment and find a way to channel the pain. "Remove" yourself from the pain. Think about the last time your Mistress gave you intense pleasure and focus only on that feeling.
Very often in our lives we are forced to portray the roles society lies out for us; the BDSM lifestyle changes that and gives us a way to escape the everyday pressures put upon us. Men who are generally pressured to take charge, can give up control. The BDSM lifestyle encourages and rewards this behavior, this ability to surrender. The rewarding is twofold for a Domme. The control elements at the hand of the Domme may not be experienced outside of the BDSM setting. When the sub has a breakthrough - gets the extreme pleasure of "subspace" - it is rewarding for the Domme; extreme pleasure and satisfaction can be taken in knowing they had participated in the mental growth of another individual.
The BDSM lifestyle isn't about kinks, fetishes or sex but rather about mental growth. The reality is that the BDSM relationship is also about trust, respect and growth between two people.
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