I'm doing ok. I am having good days and bad days - today happens to be a bad one.
I got a few emails from zack on Sunday and Monday. he doesn't agree with me. He continues in his usual mindset of "once I get through this week..." he continues to think he can see that light at the end of the tunnel. he hasn't figured out that the only way that light will be lit again is if he runs down that fucking tunnel and switches it on himself. No one is going to fix this for him. H doesn't see what I see, and doesn't understand what I am feeling. For example, every Thursday morning he does a 10 minute radio interview. This is not part of his job - he does it because he enjoys it. I listened to him this morning. he was cheerful, chipper even. He would not understand how it feels to know that he would rather do that than see me. He would never pass up that Thursday radio spot so he could meet me for coffee. He would rather do anything else. I am learning that I am so far down on his fucking totem pole, i might as well be the part stuck in the ground.
But in his eyes, I am being dramatic.
I left him a voice message this morning. I told him I would be working at the apartment all day today and tomorrow and that if he wanted to come over he could - but that this just may be his last opportunity.
I still love him. I am the biggest sucker that ever existed, but I still love him. That won't keep me from moving on, however. he is replaceable.
As Always,
Love Sarah
Mistress has sent me a very powerful message. I deserve a good whacking from her. I love Mistress. I was destabilized by some of her recent messages.
ReplyDeleteI want Mistress to punish me by forcing me to suck a cock under her firm and commanding direction. I want Mistress to call me a slut when she does this.
I want Mistress to know that I'm her whore forever -- if she'll have me.
Slave Zack
I need Mistress. I'm feeling very needy and quite destabilized. I crave Mistress's control.
ReplyDeleteI want her to decide everything.
24/7 TPE is incredibly alluring.
I love Mistress.
slave zack
:/ maybe i'm out of bounds here but why is it always you you you? Every one of you posts "i need my Mistress and her control... i DESERVE a good whacking from her."
ReplyDeleteI am having a very bad day so i will say what is on my mind. You do not DESERVE anything from her. You need to EARN it. You want to be her whore? SHOW her. You want her to force you to do things? Answer when she talks to you. You want the support of a strong Domme? Then fucking BE there and stop whining about it!
Do you read how heartbroken she is when you ignore her? How much she cares about you and how you are doing? How much she wants you to be the best you can? How she misses her "slave"? I do.
Honestly i don't know your situation outside, i don't know what demands your work make of you, i don't know what goes on with your wife, i don't know. But it seems as if you use Her, get your fix, and you can ignore it for awhile then you NEED it again. Addiction.
And i feel for HER. For one aspiring to belong completely you sure use the word "I" a LOT. It is her you should be concerned about, not what you think you need, not what you want her to give you, not how happy you are when she accepts you for your short play-times then your back to ignoring her instructions and advise.
SHE DESERVES MORE FROM YOU