New Beginnings.... ???

I met with Mr. Researcher on Friday. Damn! He is one fine specimen to look at. And in addition to being tall, dark and very handsome, he also a very nice man. We met a a coffee shop near the apartment. We talked about the proposal, he gave me is thoughts and it looks like it's a go. We just need to draw up a contract and we will start working. The proposal has to be written by Sept. It isn't something that I can't do, but the subject matter is totally foreign to me and that has me a little concerned. When I voiced these concerns (because it is my intention always to do the very best job I can) he made an interesting suggestion - that I ought to travel to where the work/project for this proposal is being done, see and explore the concepts first hand. The company would pay for this to happen. Where is the project? In Greece!! And Mr. Researcher would be my guide...Yummmm.

We talked over coffee and got to know each other better, especially since we will be working quite closely. The grant the research company is applying for is 1 million dollars. This is a BIG deal and needs to be done right. I for one do NOT want to be the cause of them losing the grant. Yikes! Why do they need me, you might ask? The language in this industry, as I said, is extremely technical. My. Researcher needs someone who can transpose the technical into common language. "Dumb it up" as they say. The fact that I do not know anything about it actually makes me a good candidate - because I will make sure I understand the concepts I will be writing about. So, it looks like a trip to Greece may be in my future. We'll see.

Mr. Researcher, as I said, is very nice - polite, respectful, easy to talk to and funny all at the same time. Not the least bit boring as I had suspected a researcher would be. As we chatted about everyday stuff, I asked him if he might be able to do me a favor. I needed to get the TV out of the apartment and into the car. I had asked zack a couple of times, but it didn't happen. He was delighted to help, actually seemed thrilled to be of assistance, so we walked the couple of blocks to my building. My!!! He is very tall - 6'6" he says. It was a pleasure watching him flex his muscles as he wrapped my 47" flat screen up in a blanket and put it into the trunk of my car. I drove him to his car and then headed home. We are going to meet again next week.

Now about zack. There isn't much to say. He is trying to work himself to death - he is all consumed about work and of course caring for his wife. It actually isn't caring for his wife I am concerned about. I recognize this zack - he showed up last year about this same time. And you all know what last year was like. For those that don't know, it was horrific. I called him while I was driving home on Friday. My intent was just to touch base and lend my support. Regardless of past promises to stay connected, to keep us both "grounded",  he is repeating his old ways and pushing me away. Again. He was far less than responsive on the phone. Actually, his first words were "Didn't you get my email??" yes, I got it. I got the single sentence that said "I am fucked for time these days". I listened to the curt comments about how busy he was, swamped, over loaded, that he is afraid he is going to be fired because caring of his wife has impacted his work, so he is working even longer hours - I have no doubt not sleeping and not eating either. I did not get to say a single word before he hung up.

I can't do this again. I can not sit on the sidelines and watch him self destruct. I can not be his very occasional  release valve. He can hire a Dom to be that for him a few hours every couple of months.  It takes 2 people to make a relationship - be it a marriage or a part time M/s relationship. We are neither. From where I sit, we've come to the end of the line. It is evident that it is impossible to get back whatever it was we had. . I cannot continually put my needs aside to meet his. I can not continually feel like I am an inconvenience. And I certainly cannot continue to get blasted at because zack is stressed. I have told zack that I am giving up the apartment and this time I mean it. By June 1, I will be gone from there.

Mr. Researcher, in the few times we have spoken, has really made me see how it feels to be respected, and to be valued. He actually seems to want to hear what I have to say. I think I might be on to something here.

You better stay tuned.
As Always,
Love, Sarah (no one's Mistress)