Sunday 12 May 2013
There is No Way I Can Win Here...
zack and his ego seem to always think everything is all about him.
Yes, I told him to fuck off. - because he believes that **I** am the one that creates the drama in his life. He thinks that my mood has to do with his not being available to me last week.. when in reality In reality I was disappointed, but I never gave it another thought. I was not upset because he couldn't get away.. He doesn't want me to depend on him to meet my needs , and yet when I don't, he still makes it all about him.
I am depressed. I have crap going on in my life that I would love to just run away from. I was at the apartment on Friday working and I told zack that if he could stop by, I could use some sense of control, I could use the opportunity to get rid of some tension on his ass. he is my release valve and that is it. He couldn't make it. Now he seems to think that my mood is related to his unavailability. Jesus!! How stupid can one person be?? I was in a bad frame of mind BEFORE Friday.. so whatever did or didn't happen Friday has nothing to do with it.
So, this morning, he started his usual "you should find someone who won't disappoint you like I do" routine.
I tried several times to explain that my mood now is not because he is or isn't available. It is because of the crap that is going on elsewhere in my life - at work and in my family, there is something going on with my vision and I am not able to get the work done that I need to get done because I can't fucking see. I have to sell the furniture at the apartment but I am not getting any responses to my ads. I have a co-worker lording it over me, stealing my work and passing it off as her own. I have almost 30 work projects to get done. Don't even get me started on my school stuff - which includes setting up research fo my thesis. My daughter's ex-husband is trying to take her kids away from her. Oh, and the woman I had hoped to connect with? She just can't get into a relationship with me if I am not going to tell my husband about it because she doesn't think it's "fair". Fine, She can fuck off too. (BTW zack hasn't even been gracious enough to ask me what is going on in my life that has me so upset - proof positive to me that it is irrelevant in his mind). I have enough fucking drama in my life - I sure don't need to create more.
He thought I was out on a date last night. that got him all excited and horny. He misunderstood what I told him - I wasn't on a date. I went to the movies, planned on going alone but my husband invited himself to tag along - my "date". His comments here, and emails he sent me, makes me think that this is all he wants from me. If I am not arousing him, if I actually allow life to get in the way of that, then I guess in his eyes I am creating drama.
yes indeed, I told him to fuck off. The whole fucking world can get blown to smitherines and I wouldn't give a rat's ass. Who needs it anyway??
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I didn't ask you about her because you told me you weren't going through with it.
ReplyDeleteIt has nothing to do with me not giving a shit.
For the first time, I feel like this situation probably can't be rescued. She's just too convinced I don't care about her...and she couldn't give a shit anyway.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's best for her to find a better slave who won't piss her off so much and will have less ego and maybe be able to understand her.
I love Sarah. I wish she understood that.
ReplyDeleteAnd I wish you could understand that this has nothing to do with you. My mood, my depression, my despair (yes, despair)is not because of you, your work, your responsibilities, or your availability. it has nothing to do with me thinking you don't love me. I wanted nothing from you except an ear and perhaps an opportunity to vent.
ReplyDeleteYou took it to the next level- and then tell me all I do is create crises and drama. I wonder how that is supposed to make me feel. Maybe you can tell me.
I love zack. i will always love zack. i can not tell you how many times I have told him that whether he is in my life or not, I do not want to look for another "slave". he keeps telling me to go find someone else. Perhaps that is what he wants me to do. perhaps that is his way of ending our relationship without feeling like he did it.
I don't know. Right now, I know very little.
Zack after reading all your "comments" I am seriously not surprised she told you to fuck off, I think I would have to..., I believe in not jumping to conclusions or assuming anything, perhaps you should take that on board and you should have alsked why She was upset instead of making it all about you.... Very disappointed, I personally don't see why She puts up with you other than that She loves you and you seem to be pushing Her away....
ReplyDeleteSorry if I have upset Mistress Sarah with my comments, feel free to delete my post if it has offended you
Ket
Mistress sarah, I hope everything sorts itself out , sorry you are going through a tough time at the moment and everything sorts itself out for you, big hugs :-)
ReplyDeleteket
Sigh... the drama here isn't just "created" its really there and some just don't see the problem. Me and my guy have that problem. Men just don't see things the same.
ReplyDeletezack. Even after reading her posts (which i assume you did) all you think about is what you want, and what you want from her. What makes you feel good, what you want for the future, its always all about you. Do you simply not see the problems Sarah is having? Because here you seem to ignore them.
Sarah... Good luck with everything. I hope it all works through, but most of the time lately i'm hating the world too. I agree that it could get blown and i'd not care... sigh. Not the most cheery of thoughts, but somehow we'll all muddle through!