Sarah, Zack and Structure..

It's like "Structure" has become our problem child. To hear Zack talk, you would have thought I was trying to pack him up into a nice tight box, and that is ridiculous. I am as unstructured as the he is, maybe even more so if I allowed it. This is the little boy in him - pushing back at an authority figure trying to control him - wanting it, but not wanting it all at the same time. Again, he doesn't understand that I DO know what is best for him and again, I can't help but feel that he is not yet into this 100%. that, or he is simply confused about my expectations. I do not doubt that he loves Me, that he needs Me, that he wants My Dominance, I just think he hasn't gotten to a point of total acceptance - not yet. His subconscious is doing the "push back".

What Zack doesn't seem to understand is that our "scattered minds" NEED some level of routine to be less scattered. And what he doesn't understand is that my assigning him tasks in an attempt to bring a little structure/routine to his life is also my attempt at maintaining some semblance of control in this part time M/s relationship. I NEED to feel some kind of control in this, and not JUST when we are together. Perhaps if I knew I had that, I would feel more comfortable, more confident in a belief that he really is MY slave, while others give him orders.

Right now I wonder if Zack may not want me impinging on his day to day life. Perhaps it isn't a matter of not wanting, but not being able to wrap his head around me being any part of his regular life.  I have therories about that and we have discussed them. We both know that Zack could easily fall into the slave role completely, which would cause havoc and distress to his life. Is it possible he beleives that inviting me in, even remotely, would be his ruination?
I have anticipated challenges in our relationship. Now I just have to figure out my own mind about it. As I become more comfortable in my Mistress role, in my increasing need to Dominate, to be in control of my situations, I sometimes wonder if Zack will be able to go there with me. I guess time will tell.


I know Zack is going to say I am making a big deal out of a small thing - he will call this "drama" - but this isn't drama, this isn't play - this is our lives.