Date #2 - the most magical of all...

We finally parted that first day (2 years ago today, as a matter of fact - Happy Anniversary!), but neither of us had had our fill. "Hungry" doesn't describe how I felt about Zack, but hungry I was, for more, much more, of him.

We made a date to meet again 2 days later - a beautiful Sunday morning. We arranged to meet at a local tourist spot. I was there early. I am always early. I was nervous, more nervous that day then I was for our 1st date. I had so many questions, doubts going on in my head. What if I just wanted it to be "something", what if it was merely a lark for him. What if I was so desperate for attention, affection that I imagined how he was feeling? What if he was just playing me - me, the pathetic older woman, the older woman trying so hard to get something out of this life. It's not like I hadn't been played before - it was the story of my life from the instant I got to be a 13 yr old with big breasts. I didn't have a lot of boyfriends, until that happened. Then they swarmed like bears to honey. It didn't take long to figure out that they weren't interested in me, my very large bosom represented "sex pot" to them. I admit, I fucked a few. The only man that stayed around after he got what he wanted was my husband. I was so desperate to have someone love me that I married him at age 19 - I was certain there wasn't another man alive who would ever want me. Biggest mistake of my life, as it has turned out.
 Little did I know that someone DID exist - although he was only 9 at the time <grin>

But I digress. As I waited for Zack to show, so certain he wouldn't, he drove by. My heart skipped many beats. I watched him pass me in his car. I was certain he had seen me and was going to just keep going. But he didn't. Instead he parked and got out. I called to him, and when he saw me, his face lit up like the proverbial Christmas Tree. And there was that little boy look again.. a look, an expression that I have come to love intensely. He really seemed genuinely happy to see me.

We went for a walk. We held hands like a couple of teenagers. We talked. He made my heart pound. (still does, btw)  It was so wonderful being with him. We stopped at a coffee shop. It was a cute, old fashioned little place with a wicker loveseat and coffee table in the corner where we chose to sit. We sat there drinking our coffee, sitting very close. When no one was looking our way, we kissed. As often as we could. At one point, as we were talking, I looked out the window -and there it was. Across the street. A Motel. I pointed it out to Zack. I have a suspicion that the look on my face said it all. I wanted him. (I wonder if it was the "cougar after her prey" look?)  What I wanted to do was grab his hand and race him across the street to get a room. What the hell was I thinking?? This was crazy! I had to do something, before I did "something" very foolish. we finished ourcoffee and left.

We walked - away from the motel. We walked and talked, ending up in the park. There along the path was a huge rock. (to this day I consider that as "our rock" although we have never been back there). Zack sat on the rock and pulled me to him. I didn't care who was around, I didn't care who might be watching - the entire world had ceased to exist. His arms were around me, pulling me close and making me feel so safe, so protected and yes, so loved. It truly was something I had never really felt before. When Zack held me, when he kissed me that day, it was likke I ceased to exist. I know that sounds crazy, but it was like we had melted into each other. I was dizzy, I was lightheaded, I was oblivious to everything around me. There is no doubt he could have put his hands anywhere on my body, he could have removed my clothes if he wanted and I would have welcomed it. Joyfully.

At one point, I was leaned up against him, my back to him, and he had his arms around me, kissing my neck. It felt as natural as breathing. It felt sooooo good. My phone rang. It was my husband. I didn't move from the spot I was in, answering it. (I'm sorry for that, Zack - it was very insensitive of me) It could have been a telemarketer, for all it mattered, for all I cared. What kind of woman was I? There I was, in the arms of an almost perfect stranger, having a casual, very guilt free conversation with my HUSBAND, Telling him I would be home in a few hours. How much more immoral does a person get? But I hung up the phone, and immediately turned my attentions back to Zack, as if the phone call hadn't even happened. Because where I was, at that moment, was exactly where I was supposed to be.

We continued to make out, talking in between kisses. We moved to a park bench along the shore, watching the boats, interspersed with more talking, more kissing. We talked about everything. There was never a moment when I felt uncomfotable or ill at ease. I couldn't have felt more comfortable there than if we had known each other all our lives.

I sat sideways whith my legs across Zack's lap. I wanted his hands on me. I needed his touch. I was beginning to realize that I needed more than that. I needed whatever Zack wanted to give me. As insane as it might sound, I was already falling in love with this man and it felt wonderful. (Of course, anyone reading this is going to think "stupid woman! has no idea of the difference between lust and love and they might have been right , then. Not now) I want to add that Zack was then, and still is, a perfect gentleman. He has never pushed me to do anything I wasn't prepared to do. But I can tell you, I was prepared to do plenty.

Time had stood still for me that day, but as it always does, the time came for us to part. He had to head home and so did I. Always the gentleman, he walked me to my car. I didn't want to leave - I mean, who would want to end the most perfect day of their life??? But life happens, and I headed home. I barely remember the drive. I could still feel his hands - in mine while we walked, on my body when we kissed. I was floating on air. I had met the most wonderful man i had ever met and although it wasn't the plan - I was falling for him. That made me happy, scared, confused and anxious all at the same time. Again, I felt like a 16 yr old, coming home from her first date. "What am I going to do now??" was all I could think about. The coming turmoil was beginning to form.