It was a very interesting day indeed! I started out by buying "stuff" for the apartment. The furniture won't be delivered until next Friday, but I wanted to get the rest of the place set up. I told Zack I would be there around 10 if he were able to come over - I wanted to show him the place, give him his keys, but I assured him there was NOT going to be any play - not until I have everything set up.
I got a lot of stuff done, and waited until 12:30 - Zack hadn't showed up yet, so I went to a nearby coffee shop for coffee and to work on my laptop. As these things usually go, I no sooner sat down with coffee and got the laptop turned on when he called - he was at the apartment, and where was I? (I was a block away). I told him I would be right there. Mr. Anxious couldn't wait for me there, he came to meet me. :-)
We got into the apartment and I showed him around - all 2 rooms of it. It was the first time he had seen it and he was quite pleased. We sat on the floor and talked, made out, but like I said - no play. Besides he had an appointment at 2. He said the appointment would be brief and he would be right back. I told him to hurry, because I had a surprise for him. My resolve had weakened and I did want to play after all. It's what happens when I am around Zack. I know, I'm weak.
I had my play stuff there, so I changed into my "Mistress Persona" and was ready for him. He had a key so he could let himself in. I was ready for him - sitting on the counter, flogger in hand. I waited.
And I waited. 3:30 came and went. By 3:45 I was pissed. I put the chain on the door. There was no way he was going to just saunter on in. I was going to give him until 4 pm, at which time I was changing and leaving. Fuck him and he was going to pay for this. At 3:58 he opened the door.
Of course, he couldn't get in, because of the chain. I could tell by his voice that this confused him. I told him to wait a minute and went to open the door. What he saw when he came through the door was his Mistress and she was not happy - and I told him so. I went back into the kitchen. His confusion continued. I am sure he had no idea why I was pissed. Typical thoughtless, stupid man. He asked what he could do to make it better. I told him to get his fucking clothes off and get into position in front of me. He was very prompt. Once he was on his knees, he asked if he could explain. I told him no. I also told him that one thing that was going to change immediately was that I no longer wanted to hear all his fucking excuses when he messed up. What I wanted was for him to apologise and take responsibility it. That and to take the discipline that would result like a man. He apologised. We'll have to see how he takes the discipline.
Now one thing I do know is that you never discipline or punish when you are angry. I'm pretty sure if I had started using the flogger it would have made me feel better, but it would not have been good for Zack. And I want never to betray his trust in me that way. Instead, I sent him into the other room.
When I got in there, he was in position, on his knees, waiting for me. I won't go into the step by step, but what I finally did was fuck him - but it wasn't truly sexual. He was ordered not to cum. And I fucked him like an Alpha Bitch - with the intent of him understanding who was in charge, who was in control. I think he got the picture.
He didn't get disciplined today. But he will. One thing I am beginning to realise is that I HAVE been soft on him. I don't regret that, I think it has been necessary for us both to work through situations and develop an unconditional trust. But now he needs discipline. I think he understands that I want him to be the very best slave he can be, and in doing so, he will become a better man in all aspects of his life as well. I wholeheartedly believe that. I love him and I want him to be the very best he can be. He is worth it, he is worthy of my love and he is worthy of my direction. I have been challenged in this part of our M/s relationship - I am not a sadist, it doesn't bring me pleasure to cause pain. But just as a mother disciplines her child, discipline borne out of love and a desire for the child to be successful and happy, so must a Mistress discipline her sub, her slave.
What Zack doesn't know (but will once he reads this) is that once the apartment is ready, he will be disciplined on a regular basis. The discipline is not punishment - being subservient requires a person to be disciplined in their actions, in their lives. Zack is most definitely not disciplined. Just as athletes make sacrifices to be the best, living very disciplined lives, so must those who serve Mistresses and Masters. Being the best doesn't come easily, nor does it come without some level of discomfort and suffering. The discipline will remind Zack that he must try harder. What Zack also needs to know and understand is that I will discipline with great love. Because he is my great love. I do not take this effort or make this commitment to anyone else. I will no longer let his lapses slide. I will no longer accept his excuses or his blaming a million events or others for his faltering. And he will falter - I know that. But I know he will do his best, and that with each error he will try harder to be better. He believes he can be the best slave I could have. I guess time will tell.
I love you Zack. I want you to be the very best you can be. I want you to be as happy as I can possibly make you. Today is the first day of the rest of our lives.
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