I have often said Zack is like a kid in a candy store. I truly don't know if there is anything like his thirst, his hunger, his greed. I believe him when he says he will do anything I ask - as long as I am the one in control of the situation and of him. That demonstrates a trust he has been slow to come to. I suspect we will be able to move along into a deeper M/s relationship more quickly as a result.. I know I want that - more than anything. Zack makes me feel almost invincible. He meets all my needs - my innate need to nurture and my thirst and passion to exercise my nature - Domination. He accepts me for all I am, and all I will become. It is so surreal, and yet, here we are. He repeatedly says he needs my control, my Domination but I do need his submission easily as much - if not more.
Zack has asked me if I think his obsession with this M/s relationship is becoming pathological. Remember the little boy in the candy store? That little boy has always been there, deep inside of Zack, aching for an opportunity to explore that "store", to taste everything, to enjoy being allowed to explore, taste and experience everything without recrimination, without judgement and with only love and support. That is not pathology - that is freedom. For the first time in his life, he is free to explore his inner core, his true self and know that no matter what, he will not be abandoned, he will always be loved. He has that with me.
He is becoming more and more of a slut everyday. I am pretty sure Zack doesn't watch porn, but I do - all kinds. And as a result, I have all kinds of images going on in my mind, all kinds of games to possibly play. Zack seems eager to get that cock into his mouth (and vice versa) for me. This will very likely become another one of those activities he will say he is "forced" to do, but ends up actually begging for it in his head - just so I will be pleased and fuck him every which way but loose afterwards. My whore boy will always get what he wants, when he does what his Mistress wants and pleases her. Always.
But first things first. Before anything else happens, we have to move along to me gaining that level of control over him where I can fuck his ass the way I want so badly. This has to happen because I realise that what I want to eventually happen is me fucking his ass while he sucks another slave's cock. (I say slave because in my ideal scenario, the "toy" will also be forced to submit to this - will be bound and blindfolded during the scene. Once he comes, he will be ordered out so I can finish up with Zack) Just writing that now is mind boggling. 10 months ago, when we discovered this drive within ourselves and for each other, Zack asked me if one day I wanted to put on a strap-on and fuck his ass. Nothing was further from my mind. As a matter of fact, I was positive that this was something I would never want to do. Like they say - never say never. As our relationship evolves, as we learn more and understand each other better, as we learn to trust more fully we both seem to have the capacity to go deeper into the kink.
Our "kink" may never be what is depicted in the XXX rated sites, in the books, in the movies, in the clubs, but it will be ours. It will work for us. It will work for us because we will always be open and honest with each other, we will always discuss each step as it comes up. Whatever we do, we both will understand that we each have agreed on the role of the other. Just like in vanilla relationships, different things work for different people. We will simply be Sarah and Zack - deeply in love and totally committed to each other as Mistress and slave.
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