Back On An Even Keel???

Zack is back. It happens. I'm also back. And everything has changed.

I did something. I went on a vacation. Not just any vacation, but one that has liberated me in more ways that one can imagine. Last year I got it into my mind that I wanted to go to New Orleans - specifically for Mardi Gras. For the first time in my life I went on a vacation without my husband, without any family obligations. A full week of no judgements, no restrictions, no stifling, no responsibility to anyone except myself. As amazing as it may seem to a lot of people, this was a first for me.

Before I left I decided I wanted another tattoo - the symbol for VooDoo Goddess Erzulie. I knew a little about her (she actually has 3 personas - I seem to resonate with qualities of them all) and I liked what I read. What the tattoo guy in the French Quarter told me is that "she is all about fucking" - that works for me. He also said that having her symbol tattooed on me would be like calling her to enter me. Enter away, Erzulie.. I welcome you!!

Last week was particularily bad for me. Sure, I called it a "post vacation slump" but it has been more than that. I felt completely and totally out of control of any part of my life. Where I was strong and independent while I was away, now I felt like I was of no value or had no purpose. It really wasn't Zack's doing, as he might think, but our interactions last week did play a role, I will admit that.

I seem to be gathering Erzulie's strength. Zack has been integral in that. He has been successful in bringing me back, in making me recognize who I really am and in doing so, who he really is. I NEED his submission. But I don't love him simply because he is my slave, simply because he is willing to submit to me. I love him because of the man he is - handsome, intelligent, kind, compassionate, loving and with a remarkable talent for turning me on sexually like no one ever has or ever could.

Yes, I am thinking about introduing other "toys" into our lives. I will actually only have 1 slave - Zack. Any others will merely be toys for me to use for my own amusement. I think Zack needs to be aware that he is not only my slave, my slutty slaveboy - he is also the love of my life. There is no way he could be replaced.

I am stronger. I am more confident in my role as Dominatrix. And most of all, I am more confident in my relationship with Zack. I may not have him 24/7, but I do have him in ways that no one else can touch. He IS mine and he will ALWAYS be mine.

In subsequent posts I add here, I'll share my plans for Zack. I'll share the development of our wonderful apartment, our sanctuary. Much of what I write here will be news to Zack - I can't wait for his reaction. I love keeping that slut guessing...