The Journey..

I enjoy writing my thoughts down here on this blog. Doing so allows me to reflect on the past, the present and the future. I feel myself getting stronger, less "what will he/she/they think?" It isn't so much that I don't care, but that my entire life doesn't hang in the balance as a result. This applies to Zack as well. That doesn't mean that if I lost him out of my life I wouldn't care, it doesn't mean I wouldn't be heart broken, but it does mean that I know I would be able to pick myself up rather quickly and move on.

I have experienced many losses in my life. They didn't kill me. and you know what they say "That which doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger"  Perhaps they help you develop a shell, an armour that gets you to a point where you don't give a fuck about anything. Perhaps recent events in my life have given me that "who gives a fuck?" attitude, I don't know. What I do know is "who gives a fuck?" protects you from pain. There is nothing sensual or sexual about the pain of lost relationships.

That is where I am at right now. This is actually going to benefit Zack in many ways - his training will become more structured and effective. My instruction and expectations are going to become more clear. This alone will give him a better opportunity for success, if he wants it. He won't feel so much pressure from me - although his success or failure is very important to me, it will be more important to him. His success will garner him many rewards. His success will feed my need to be perfect. We both win.

Zack already told you that we are not in a position to be public about our relationship - and not just the M/s one, but any and all connection of any kind must be kept under wraps. This in itself is unfortunate. Nothing would delight me more than to show up at Zack's office, his personalized collar and leash in hand and announce that it is time for me to take my slave for a walk, buckle on his collar and then lead him out. I know the idea of this not only excites Zack, but also would cause him significant anxiety - mainly because he knows now not to put anything past me. :-) One thing Zack knows is that he shouldn't ever dare me to do anything because I can never pass up a dare. Like the expression "be careful what you wish for", Zack needs to be careful of what he dares me to do because  I definitely have a very naughty side to me.

Right now, I own Zack. But I know not to be complacent about this either.  I am fully aware that the circumstances could change on a dime. I know that I could get a call tomorrow from him saying he is moving to, say, Paris, New York, or anywhere. I hope I am not training him for some other Mistress somewhere else, but if that were the case, I will be proud that I have trained him to be the very best slave ever.

I love you Zack.