Sarah's orders

Sarah,

I’ve been thinking a lot about what you’ve written about fucking me in the ass with your toy. It’s both frightening and highly erotic and intimate.

You know that I’ve never had my ass played with before. It’s not something that comes easily to me.

But there was one brief period in my life when I had fantasies about being fucked in the ass. I was living with a miserable woman. I moved out for a month into a room where I was all by myself. This was about 15 years ago.

For some reason at that time, I would sometimes fantasize about being fucked by a man in the ass. Maybe it was a brief flirtation of switching to the other team, as they say. I don’t know. I never acted on that, but I did masturbate a couple of times in this position.

I do know that at that time, I was very distraught by the relationship I was in. I returned to that relationship and those fleeting thoughts vanished. Maybe there’s a part of me that has been buried in my unconscious…a forbidden part of myself that I refused to acknowledge.

Sexuality is a mysterious thing. Sometimes, I wonder if humans move up and down. Kinsey suggested this.

You know my primary desire is most definitely women. But you wanted honesty. I had another moment like this when I was very young. I was training an obviously gay man to fill in for me at my job. For some reason, I suddenly felt very aroused, went to the washroom and masturbated. Those feelings went dormant.

But I felt a similar sexual jolt not long ago when you mentioned your fantasy about having your husband suck cock. I revealed this to you. I could imagine being forced by you to suck cock on demand for you if it pleased you and this is what YOU wanted as my Mistress.

I would prefer that if this occurred, the cock was covered with a condom because I’m petrified of diseases. I don’t think I could handle being fucked by a man. It’s not something I fantasize about. I don’t even fantasize about sucking cock. But I love being your complete slave and slut, and I would do this for you—particularly if you had me under your complete control, tied up, and bound, so I had no choice in the matter. But I would need to hear your voice, be assured that you were in control. Otherwise, it’s far too frightening, uncomfortable, and foreign.

I need you to be with me if we ever go down that road. And I don’t need to go down that road, either.

If you fuck me, I would like you to do that in exactly the way you described. I’m still very squeamish about having this cavity invaded. I can’t even bring myself to have a prostate examination, let alone do this. But I feel such a deep, intimate connection with you, Sarah, that I'm willing to try. I love you. I have a deep need to please you. I can imagine you calling me a slut, using your crop on my ass, telling me that I’m your prisoner, your slave, your whore, and then taking me slowly, giving me a chance to say no.

I like the thought of this with you because I feel it would deepen our connection. But I very much doubt I’ll like it as much as you fucking me in the conventional way. I’m willing to try, though.

In this whole area of BDSM, I think one of my favourites is when you tie me up, bind me, and force-feed me your pussy. This way, I experience the euphoria that comes with your orgasm, Sarah. Your orgasms are what drive me sexually. If I don't think you're experiencing this pleasure, it has no interest for me.

You mentioned in your dream that you were highly aroused by fucking me. This is a major reason why I want to try this. For me, it's all about your pleasure. If you don't experience a sexual high, then I want to try something else that will give you a sexual high.

I think you get high on sexual power, having this power, this control. Fucking me in this way could reinforce these erotic feelings for you. I have a hunch, though, that ordering me to suck cock might have a greater effect on you. I don't know. It's just a hunch.

I hope I have fulfilled your instructions, my love.

Zack