Zack asks a lot of questions. He has a lot of things going on in his head, and seems to need to know everything that is going on in Mine as well, even before I do.
When I read his latest blog post (his assignment which was due today), I wrote him with a simple "WOW!" I think he thought it was the content that got me fired up. It was, in a way, but what fired me up was that he was pulling out stuff he has hidden away for a long time. I think this is monumental. Zack is an amazing man - extremely intelligent, very talented, more sensitive to people's plights or feelings than anyone I have ever met. He gives everything he can give to everyone without a single though to himself - and regardless of what the impact might be on him.
We are alike in many ways and one of them is an intense sense of insecurity. Through my association with Zack, my love, my experiences for and with him, I am learning to believe in Myself, to believe in my own talents, and my strength. He has become my rock, when I need him to lean on, I can count on him to be there. I can not begin to thank him enough for that, and for saving Me.
I owe it to him to try to do the same for him. He needs to believe in himself, he needs to learn to love himself, he needs to know that he is good, pure, kind. I want him to love himself as much as I love him. I am confident I can help him do this. I am no shrink, but I do believe that if we love ourselves, we can handle anything that comes at us. It isn't easy, especially for people like Zack and I. What is so great about U/us is that W/we know W/we can count on the other to boost U/us up when W/we need it. I needed that this week. I was definitely not in My comfort zone, I was not in control of what was happening to, and around, Me. I needed My slave, My slut, My whore (he loves it when I call him that! <vbg>) - I needed MY Zack - and he was there. He has no idea how much that meant to Me, but I will make sure he knows soon.
Zack's response to my assignment was better than he knows. What he doesn't know is that I am going to demand more of that - going into the deep recesses of his mind and pulling out the "monsters" he has hidden there. We all have them, I have them as well. Mine lie not far beneath the surface - I can sense them lurking there, like sea monsters swimming around in the black deep water - looking for the chance to consume Me, and everyone around Me. I am not at a point where I can fish them out and expose them to the light. I don't have enough confidence in Myself or My relationships to do that. I can not trust anyone with them yet. Perhaps I never will, but I know that if I ever do, it will be Zack who will be there for me. He already knows the "smaller" ones - it's those huge, all consuming monsters with the big teeth that will take some time to extricate - if they ever can be. We'll see.
But my focus is Zack. I believe he is in the same spot as I am. Still not quite sure what he wants to share, what he can trust me with. His first assignment was beautifully completed.
What I was looking for was for him to tell me how he felt about what I proposed to do with him at some point in our M/s Relationship. What he gave me was not only a complete outpouring of loyalty and submission to Me, but he admitted to and brought out thoughts in his subconscious that he had buried a long time ago, thoughts that shamed him. In doing that he laid himself over to me - he opened himself up to either being eviscerated by the vicious cougar as he showed his perceived " weaknesses" or to a loving, compassionate, protective Mother who would always want and keep him safe, loved and accepted no matter what. He got - and always will get - Mother.
Zack, it wasn't the content that moved Me, that caused that "WOW" reaction. It was your pure, child-like adoration, genuine love and trust that you gave Me in your response. I accept your gift and will always protect it and hold it close to My heart.
I love you, Zack, I love you with the very core of My existence. NOTHING is ever going to change that, or take that from us. NOTHING. I promise you this with everything that is in me.
(Enough of the sugar and mush- My next posts will get down to what Mistress is planning for Her very obedience slave whore - stay tuned!)
No comments:
Post a Comment