I can not sleep. It has been a very stressful day. I wish Zack could be here with Me, to hold Me and to tell me everything is going to be ok. I am his Mistress, I know I am supposed to be the strong one, the one in control of every situation. But that is the uniqueness of an M/s relationship - it isn't simply about Domination and submission, it isn't always Mistress and slave. Our relationship is also about friendship and love. Zack is My slave, but he is also My friend, and right now a friend is what I need.
My life is about to take a rather dramatic turn in its path, and I am not so sure I will be able to negotiate the trip. I'm not sure I am strong enough. I need to be strong, I need to hold my resolve, I need not to cave in to 20 years of emotional abuse. Zack is the only one who knows every detail of my life, he knows more about Me that any other person in this universe. He is the only one I can rely on to help Me figure things out. The decisions I need to make will impact My family, and in the end, I have no doubt I will be left standing alone. Except for Zack. He is the only one I trust not to judge Me, not to abandon Me.
I know this is likely freaking him out, messing with his mind as well. I have promised to protect him always, and I will die before he is hurt by any of My "stuff". I don't want him to worry - about Me or about himself. I can get through this if I know I have him to lean on, have him by My side.
Now I need to try to sleep....
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