Every Woman Should have a Slut-Slave - just not Mine!

I wonder if other M/s couples are as compatible as Zack and I are. We totally "fit"- physically, sexually, emotionally and I think intellectually (although Zack is very intelligent, so I'm not sure I keep up all the time). W/we fit even before W/we made this discovery; this development in O/our relationship has simply maximized what we had.
If anyone read My first blog post, they might remember that Zack's preference for "light BDSM" scared Me. I was naïve, I was biased and completely ignorant to what this meant - I was more vanilla than vanilla. It is still a little surreal to be where I am at right now.
Knowing who I am, and having a partner who compliments my every wish, My every need, My every desire is something I could never have anticipated. Hell, I didn't even know it was possible to feel this way.
An M/s (or D/s, whichever you want) relationship is so far from what people (vanilla) think it is. It isn't weird, it isn't perverted, it isn't twisted, it definitely isn't sick. Those are the things it isn't.
When the right people come together in an M/s relationship- it is beautiful. This relationship not only requires honesty, openness and trust, it fosters these things. The relationship simply can not work without it. It is essential that one partner knows the other. They must communicate their deepest fears, needs, desires. Without these, it can not survive.
I have realized the deep irony of this. This is nothing special. These requirements are necessary for ANY relationship to be successful - BDSM, vanilla, work, play. These characteristics are essential for our success in all aspects of life.
But what is unique about BDSM is that if any part of the trust, honesty, openness is missing, the relationship will quickly disintegrate. The effect of any dishonesty or lack of openness or trust would be immediately evident. In any vanilla relationship this can easily be hidden or concealed, allowing the relationship to continue albeit not in as happily or satisfactorily manner.
With Zack I feel completely free. I trust him, I accept him for everything he is - he has no faults, because it all comes together into the completeness that is my soul mate. I never want him to change a single thing. He needs my control, he needs me to free him of the day to day stress he bears making decisions that many rely on, free him of the responsibilities of his life. As much as he wants to please me, to give me what I need, is as much as I want the same for him. He knows that I need to be able to take control as much as he needs to relinquish it.
I am ready - I am ready to take control of Zack - to use him for my pleasure, to wipe his mind free of everything except Me and My needs, to teach him the pleasure of pain, to take him to the wonder of subspace, to free him of his burdens. He needs that as much as I need to do that.
I can honestly say W/we are perfect for each other.
Sent from my BlackBerry

I am Sarah's slut

If you read the post below, you'll know that Zack is a slut for Sarah. It gives me great pleasure to know she loves my cock. I love looking at her when her mouth is full of my cock. I loved how she brazenly took my cock in her mouth in the woods on the weekend. Just thinking about that makes me squirm with desire.

I still don't think Sarah fully realizes how much I want to please her without limits. I loved how she took me in the fuckmobile. She ordered me into the back seat, sternly told me to sit in the right position, and when I pulled off my shorts, my hard cock made what looked like a tent in my underwear.

I love watching her peel off her panties because I know that she's going to fuck me. She fucks me so well. My cock was aching for her, and this time, it was swollen in a way that made it a little more awkward to enter her. But it was well worth it.

I like holding off on an orgasm and let her just use me and take me like her pleasure post. I want Sarah to use me for sex. I'm ready to fuck her again. I need Sarah.

Zack

Sunday, Sunday, So Good To Me...

Zack and I met last Sunday for O/our "walk in the woods". W/we were meeting at the park, and I arrived first. I saw him drive up and as usual, My heart skipped about a million beats, the heat began to spread through My loins and I immediately wanted to fuck him. Which is pretty funny, because today, Zack said "you always turn me on - any theories why I get so aroused thinking about you being sexual?" I get the same feelings, but they are 10 times greater when I see him. It seems crazy sometimes - we have been together for 2 years and the excitement has not only NOT diminished, it has escalated to greater levels for Me. I always try to act so cool, casual and nonchalant when he arrives (I wonder if he notices?), but inside  I am all "a-quiver". On this day he wore shorts, as I had instructed. He has fabulously sexy legs and I wanted to see them. Actually, I wanted to feel them, I wanted to be naked between them! But I contained myself, I kept under control. This day was about de-stressing Zack. But then, he finished me off. He was wearing a great pair of sunglasses. I had never seen him in sunglasses before. His hair is a little longer than usual (I love his hair and I hope he keeps it longer - all the better for tugging on) and he looked quite dashing; actually, he looked incredibly sexy. He laughed and said well, he WAS a minor celebrity. That made Me laugh. He makes My life so happy.

Zack Has a Way of Making Me Crazy...

Some times I wonder: Who is managing this relationship? Mistress or slave?
Earlier I posted about the challenges of not being able to see Zack and having to keep My lust for him pushed way back into the recesses of My mind. I had been pretty successful and then, along comes Zack, with a few well chosen words and the obsession begins anew. He knows how to work Me.

Another Weekend...

 Zack says he gets disorientated when we have not had enough opportunity to spend time together. I have a similar effect - except that the longer I go without being with him the more depressed I get. Lets see if I can explain it.

My past sexual experiences have been far less than satisfactory. Being married to a man who only had fulfilling his own needs in mind, I became very successful at not letting myself become aroused, to simply "turn off" - who wants to be highly aroused, ready for that "head explosion" and then have your partner roll over and go to sleep because he's done? You just don't respond. You lay there, let it happen, and then go to sleep yourself.

There are times lately, when I feel myself going back into that - I think it becomes an automatic response of self preservation.  It has nothing to do with Zack's ability to fulfill my every sexual need - he is amazing at what he does. I have NEVER been left dissatisfied when I have been with him. I don't expect I ever will be.

Being disconnected has its price. When I know I am not able to see Zack, I simply "shut off" the arousal switch. I don't think there is anything worse than being aroused, wanting him so badly and then not being able to make it happen. That has occurred, often is seems, lately (probably not as often as it feels like) - through no fault of his or mine. It is what it is. But as you can tell, the separation takes it's toll on us both. "Switching off" doesn't always work, though. Then Zack gets a very forceful telephone message about my need.

I promised Zack I would write him an erotic blog post today. I'll try, but I hope he understands that I am feeling a little less than sexual these days. I need him to get my groove back.

Yes, I have asked Zack to come with me tomorrow for a hike. He needs that more than anything. He needs to get away from work, from home. Nothing in more invigorating and beneficial that getting out into nature. Nothing, except getting out into nature with me. You see, Zack thinks going for a walk in the woods would be boring.

He doesn't know the surpises I could spring on him. Like being tied to a tree, while I suck on that gorgeous big cock of his. I like taking it way into the back of my throat. I love teasing him this way. Of course, he would not be allowed to cum - that is forbidden. Or, laying the blanket out in a clearing and fucking his face - I could sure use that orgasm right now. I LOVE fucking that perfectly fuckable face of his. Or maybe, he would get one of the new butt plugs shoved in his ass to wear while we walk. He needs that kind of training anyway, maybe tomorrow will be day 1.

Or maybe I will bring his collar and leash, and lead him down the garden path, so to speak. Of course, there will be people around - they will see what a wonderfully obedient slave I have. I could simply park the fuckmobile in the trees and use him in the back seat in every way that comes to mind. Or, maybe I would make him sit in the front seat and listen to me pleasure myself in the backseat - listening and so wishing it was him making me feel sooooo good. No, boring is never what you will experience when you are with me, Zack, darling. You should know better - and perhaps I will bring my crop just to remind you.

Sarah and perfection

I know Sarah likes to be good at everything she does. And she's exceptionally good, outstanding, pretty close to perfect. She's like this at work, with kids, and with her slave.

She demonstrated that this week when I was very rattled at work. I wasn't able to see her, and she accepted this without any rancour. I wish I had her inner strength.

I'm feeling disoriented right now because it's been too long since I've seen Sarah. Things have been too busy at work. When I don't see Sarah for a while, I lose my bearings. I need her firm discipline and Domination to keep me centred.

She wants to walk in the woods tomorrow. I just want her to fuck me and fuse with me and take control and help me escape from all the stress.

I love her crop so much. I ache to see her in her boots. I want her to suck my cock but order me not to cum. I want her to fuck me hard and order me not to cum. I want her to ram my face into her pussy and just feel like she can cum all over me.

I love being Sarah's slave. It's the perfect escape. I miss Sarah more than she knows.

Zack

Making Choices...

It is amazing how a change in environment can change one's perspective. Escaping from the oppression I seem to live under allows me to feel stronger, to BE stronger. Once again I am reminded that when I am not in control I am not happy. I am now back in control and making decisions.
Today I am exploring My options- I am looking for My own place, a place I can call "dungeon", a place where I AM the Mistress, where I control everything that goes on there. I have informed Zack that if he is very good, I may hang his collar by the door - next to My crop and whatever else I have in the discipline dept. It will be exciting to have a home for My toys. It is exciting to anticipate the activities that I may engage in there. Zack has offered up many scenarios and there once was a time when I would have vehemently not entertained any of them.

But Zack is My slave, he belongs to Me and his goal is to meet My needs, satisfy My desires. It is enticing to Me that he throws out ideas and scenarios to consider. It is almost as if he lurks in the deep recesses of My mind, seeking out the fantasies there that I have not yet even dreamed of. I look forward to exploring new pleasures with My slave - he truly is a slut, My slut, and I know he is as eager for the experiences as I am!
First things first, however - setting the stage. The place I am looking at today is very near where Zack lives. I find it exciting to anticipate him being at home or work (which is also near by) and wondering if I am there - and if I am, what I'm doing and with whom? I mean, who says you can only have 1 slave anyway??

Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

Limbo....

And I don't mean the dance...

It's ironic how "Life" gets in the way of what we want the most. "Life" pushes us along, until we come to a crossroad - then, we have to choose. At least, we are supposed to chose, we should chose if we are moral, ethical, trusted elements in the lives of others.

2 years ago, I met Zack - Life had brought me to a crossroad of sorts. There was a strange twist in that road - it actually didn't go one way or another, there was a third "option" - 2 paths that ran side by side - parallel to each other. Very different paths, but close enough together, with very few obstacles that could prevent me from being on either path on any given day. 2 paths close enough together that I could easily hop from one to the other, with no one the wiser, no one watching.

What I have been unaware of was that someone WAS watching - not sure of what I was doing, but aware that the other path existed, and that perhaps I WAS jumping back and forth. Now, the "watcher" has chosen to reveal themselves, has come forward and demands I chose one path or the other. I suppose it all was just a matter of time.

Now, I am expected to behave in a manner that those who live on the oldest path want & expect. Now, crossing from 1 path to the other is more of a challenge. The situation is not insurmountable - I can make a choice. I can leave the path where Zack is and continue on the old path. (although, leaving Zack is certainly not much of an option) I can create another path, my own path, that runs along side Zack's - a path I can stray off of whenever I want without anyone watching, scrutinizing me.  Or I can find a new path, separate yet again from the others. I can chose a path where I am alone. The choices are many. The choices now seem impossible. I'm afraid none will lead to my happiness.

I am worried about Zack. He is travelling the same parallel paths - one with me and the other with his day to day life. He is very cautious, but is he cautious enough?  Is anyone watching him as well? I don't believe that is a risk I want to take, or one he should take - I would give my life to protect his. I haven't been able to talk to him about this. I don't know how he is feeling right now. All I know is I worry about him constantly for many reasons. I can not put his well-being at risk. I would die first.

I love you Zack.
Out of everything we have been through,  everything we have experienced, that is the most important thing I can tell you. To me, nothing else matters.

In Answer to Zack's Questions...

Zack asked several questions last Wednesday. Zack asks lots of questions - he keeps Me on my toes!

Zack asks:

Does Sarah get off sexually at the thought of two men together?

In reality, this isn't something I have contemplated. At one point in My life, the answer would have been yes. I don't think now it would be the fact that it was 2 men that I would "get off on" (how totally eloquent, Zack!) - I believe that what turns Me on is the passion between 2 people - and this isn't anything you see in porn videos - they are so fake, so totally asexual from my perspective. Just plain fucking - without any substance behind it - if that makes any sense.

Does she ever watch gay male porn and masturbate to it?
See above - I have watched gay porn, and yes, early on, it did turn me on enough to masturbate - but the fakeness of it all does nothing for me now. I rarely watch any porn anymore. I am curious about watching 2 people fucking, though.. but the real thing - lust, passion, urgency - not the fake shit.

Does she want to see a man suck my big hard cock?
I'm pretty sure that your big hard cock is going to be owned solely by Me. I am a very possessive woman - I doubt I will ever want to share the taste of you with anyone else. But, I have learned to "never say never" so, who knows???? I think, though, I want to be the ONLY one turning you on - and i could be wrong, but having your cock sucked - by anyone - would have to be a "turn on". Again, I am far too possessive.

Would she enjoy watching this as she fucks my face?
What I enjoy watching when I fuck your gorgeous face is your gorgeous face.
 
At the end of the day, I am not sure I will ever share you with anyone. My property is MY property. I never learned to share as a child, I doubt I will be very good at sharing as a Mistress.
 
W/we'll see...

The End of a VERY Long Week...

Zack asks a lot of questions. He has a lot of things going on in his head, and seems to need to know everything that is going on in Mine as well, even before I do.

When I read his latest blog post (his assignment which was due today), I wrote him with a simple "WOW!" I think he thought it was the content that got me fired up. It was, in a way, but what fired me up was that he was pulling out stuff he has hidden away for a long time. I think this is monumental. Zack is an amazing man - extremely intelligent, very talented, more sensitive to people's plights or feelings than anyone I have ever met. He gives everything he can give to everyone without a single though to himself - and regardless of what the impact might be on him.

We are alike in many ways and one of them is an intense sense of insecurity. Through my association with Zack, my love, my experiences for and with him, I am learning to believe in Myself, to believe in my own talents, and my strength. He has become my rock, when I need him to lean on, I can count on him to be there. I can not begin to thank him enough for that, and for saving Me.

I owe it to him to try to do the same for him. He needs to believe in himself, he needs to learn to love himself, he needs to know that he is good, pure, kind. I want him to love himself as much as I love him. I am confident I can help him do this. I am no shrink, but I do believe that if we love ourselves, we can handle anything that comes at us. It isn't easy, especially for people like Zack and I. What is so great about U/us is that W/we know W/we can count on the other to boost U/us up when W/we need it. I needed that this week. I was definitely not in My comfort zone, I was not in control of what was happening to, and around, Me. I needed My slave, My slut, My whore (he loves it when I call him that! <vbg>) - I needed MY Zack - and he was there. He has no idea how much that meant to Me, but I will make sure he knows soon.

Zack's response to my assignment was better than he knows. What he doesn't know is that I am going to demand more of that - going into the deep recesses of his mind and pulling out the "monsters" he has hidden there. We all have them, I have them as well. Mine lie not far beneath the surface - I can sense them lurking there, like sea monsters swimming around in the black deep water - looking for the chance to consume Me, and everyone around Me. I am not at a point where I can fish them out and expose them to the light. I don't have enough confidence in Myself or My relationships to do that. I can not trust anyone with them yet. Perhaps I never will, but I know that if I ever do, it will be Zack who will be there for me. He already knows the "smaller" ones - it's those huge, all consuming monsters with the big teeth that will take some time to extricate - if they ever can be. We'll see.

But my focus is Zack. I believe he is in the same spot as I am. Still not quite sure what he wants to share, what he can trust me with. His first assignment was beautifully completed.

What I was looking for was for him to tell me how he felt about what I proposed to do with him at some point in our M/s Relationship. What he gave me was not only a complete outpouring of loyalty and submission to Me, but he admitted to and brought out thoughts in his subconscious that he had buried a long time ago, thoughts that shamed him. In doing that he laid himself over to me - he opened himself up to either being eviscerated by the vicious cougar as he showed his perceived " weaknesses" or to a loving, compassionate, protective Mother who would always want and keep him safe, loved and accepted no matter what. He got - and always will get - Mother.

Zack, it wasn't the content that moved Me, that caused that "WOW" reaction.  It was your pure, child-like adoration, genuine love and trust that you gave Me in your response. I accept your gift and will always protect it and hold it close to My heart.

I love you, Zack, I love you with the very core of My existence. NOTHING is ever going to change that, or take that from us. NOTHING. I promise you this with everything that is in me.


(Enough of the sugar and mush- My next posts will get down to what Mistress is planning for Her very obedience slave whore - stay tuned!)

Sarah's directing this show

Sarah seemed so sedate and reasonable in her last post. But I can tell you that when I heard her phone message after reading my last post, she sure sounded aroused. I think it made her soaking wet, which is a good thing.

Sarah is discovering herself. She knows I love her, which has given her the confidence to own her Dominance and incorporate it into her being. I believe this is giving her a new zest for life.

Her reaction to my last post makes me wonder about a few things.

Does Sarah get off sexually at the thought of two men together?

Does she ever watch gay male porn and masturbate to it?

Does she want to see a man suck my big hard cock?

Would she enjoy watching this as she fucks my face?

When I write these things, I am contemplating all of this with her in mind, directing the show, ordering me as her slut.

Sarah is the sexiest woman on the planet. I think regular readers of this blog already know this.

Zack

The Psychology of It All...

Zack's last post was very revealing, athough he may not realize it. You may remember, that I am new to not only this "lifestyle", but these insights about myself as well. Learning more about myself is what has allowed me to develop the strength in me that Zack so readily accepts and longs for. My goal is to faciliate Zack's own discovery into himself - not only discovery but self acceptance as well. He so needs to learn to love himself as much I love him.

Mistress and the last email

I woke up early to see a message from Mistress in my private email account. She informed me that she wants to watch me suck cock....actually, she wants to order me to suck cock and she will teach me how to take it in the back of my throat.

After the man ejaculates and leaves, I am to go to the shower. There she will pee on me to show me that she is the alpha bitch.

The act of sucking cock worries me a little, but the thought of being forced to do this to please Sarah is indescribably erotic, perhaps because for me, it's forbidden. If I'm tied up, restrained, and forced to do this -- with no ability to resist -- it could be interesting. I am going to sound needy right now. But I really feel like I need Sarah's presence now, and if we do that.

I could also imagine the possibility of being ordered to pull out my cock and feeding it to another male slut on Sarah's instructions. But she may not want me to do that. For the first time, I'm wondering what it would be like to be ordered to do this. .... but only if it is something Sarah desires. I am her slut.

I enjoy writing these posts knowing that Sarah and others are reading them. I love Sarah. I love her so much that she could order a man to masturbate on my face, ejaculating his semen on my cheeks and chin, and I would accept this as a sign of my devotion to Mistress -- if this is what SHE desires.

It's all about pleasing her. My pleasure comes from pleasing her. I think this is why I love it so much when she fucks my face.

I can tell that it turns her on to have complete control in this way. She feels my devotion, but she also is in her natural state when she's force-fucking my face. Maybe one day she'll find a female slut who needs to fuck a face, and offer mine up. I probably wouldn't even know it, because she covers me with a blindfold.

Then again, I would probably figure it out because no one could taste as sweet as Sarah.

Zack

Sarah's slut

I'm Sarah's slave-slut and it's hard to think of anything more enjoyable than being forced to please her orally. She knows she can face-fuck me whenever she likes because I'm a cheap whore for her.

If anyone is reading this blog and has any ideas about how I can be an even better whore, please feel free to make any suggestions. Is there anything you would like me to do for Sarah?

Zack

Tasks and Success...

It has been a challenging day, not at all the way I would have liked it to be. The saving grace is Zack. Zack is my rock. I know I can rely on him. I trust him. Always.

He was quite prompt in completing his instructions, and he did very well. If I were a teacher, I would give him an 90% on this assignment. I beleive the only part he missed out was how he would feel if he changed his mind about the scene and I shut it down and just left.

But that part is minor, mainly because I doubt it would happen.

The new toy has arrived. I will get a picture of it and post it here soon. The next step in Zack's training is coming...

Sarah's sadness

Sarah is feeling very sad because of events in her personal life. I'm wishing her the very best. If you don't hear from her for a while, this is the reason.

Zack

Sarah's orders

Sarah,

I’ve been thinking a lot about what you’ve written about fucking me in the ass with your toy. It’s both frightening and highly erotic and intimate.

You know that I’ve never had my ass played with before. It’s not something that comes easily to me.

But there was one brief period in my life when I had fantasies about being fucked in the ass. I was living with a miserable woman. I moved out for a month into a room where I was all by myself. This was about 15 years ago.

For some reason at that time, I would sometimes fantasize about being fucked by a man in the ass. Maybe it was a brief flirtation of switching to the other team, as they say. I don’t know. I never acted on that, but I did masturbate a couple of times in this position.

I do know that at that time, I was very distraught by the relationship I was in. I returned to that relationship and those fleeting thoughts vanished. Maybe there’s a part of me that has been buried in my unconscious…a forbidden part of myself that I refused to acknowledge.

Sexuality is a mysterious thing. Sometimes, I wonder if humans move up and down. Kinsey suggested this.

You know my primary desire is most definitely women. But you wanted honesty. I had another moment like this when I was very young. I was training an obviously gay man to fill in for me at my job. For some reason, I suddenly felt very aroused, went to the washroom and masturbated. Those feelings went dormant.

But I felt a similar sexual jolt not long ago when you mentioned your fantasy about having your husband suck cock. I revealed this to you. I could imagine being forced by you to suck cock on demand for you if it pleased you and this is what YOU wanted as my Mistress.

I would prefer that if this occurred, the cock was covered with a condom because I’m petrified of diseases. I don’t think I could handle being fucked by a man. It’s not something I fantasize about. I don’t even fantasize about sucking cock. But I love being your complete slave and slut, and I would do this for you—particularly if you had me under your complete control, tied up, and bound, so I had no choice in the matter. But I would need to hear your voice, be assured that you were in control. Otherwise, it’s far too frightening, uncomfortable, and foreign.

I need you to be with me if we ever go down that road. And I don’t need to go down that road, either.

If you fuck me, I would like you to do that in exactly the way you described. I’m still very squeamish about having this cavity invaded. I can’t even bring myself to have a prostate examination, let alone do this. But I feel such a deep, intimate connection with you, Sarah, that I'm willing to try. I love you. I have a deep need to please you. I can imagine you calling me a slut, using your crop on my ass, telling me that I’m your prisoner, your slave, your whore, and then taking me slowly, giving me a chance to say no.

I like the thought of this with you because I feel it would deepen our connection. But I very much doubt I’ll like it as much as you fucking me in the conventional way. I’m willing to try, though.

In this whole area of BDSM, I think one of my favourites is when you tie me up, bind me, and force-feed me your pussy. This way, I experience the euphoria that comes with your orgasm, Sarah. Your orgasms are what drive me sexually. If I don't think you're experiencing this pleasure, it has no interest for me.

You mentioned in your dream that you were highly aroused by fucking me. This is a major reason why I want to try this. For me, it's all about your pleasure. If you don't experience a sexual high, then I want to try something else that will give you a sexual high.

I think you get high on sexual power, having this power, this control. Fucking me in this way could reinforce these erotic feelings for you. I have a hunch, though, that ordering me to suck cock might have a greater effect on you. I don't know. It's just a hunch.

I hope I have fulfilled your instructions, my love.

Zack

I need Sarah

I need Sarah's punishment.
I need Sarah's taste.
I need Sarah's crop.
I need Sarah's collar.
I need Sarah's leash.
I need Sarah's control.
I need Sarah's anger.
I need Sarah's orgasm.
I need Sarah's love.

Regarding Sarah's earlier post

I only want to be trained to be Sarah's submissive. I do not want to be trained, let go, and then left with anyone else. I'm Sarah's slut. I want to be used by Sarah. If my mouth pleases another Mistress, I want this only to occur with Sarah's instructions. There is no point doing this without Sarah's loving guidance.

Zack.

Sarah's last post

I will be gladly responding in detail to Sarah's post. This will occur by September 2. Now is not the best time to do it, so I am going to write down other thoughts and feelings swirling around inside me.

Sarah has become much more assertive and more Dominant. She is finding her true self. I feel this is making her less dependent on me to help complete her life because she is finding this wholeness within herself. On the one hand, I'm glad that our trust has helped her get to this point. She can be a Dominant Bitch, when she's feeling this way, and she won't be judged for this. She can slap my ass, push my face into the carpet, force me to lick her pussy and yes, maybe even pee on me. I will love her.

I know she is also going to own and fuck my ass. Sarah is changing right before my eyes and the eyes of everyone reading this blog. This is a good thing. We should all strive for authenticity.

But I will confess that there will be times when I miss the Sarah who had a needy side, and who needed me in her life. Maybe that made me feel more useful in my way.

We all grow and evolve. She's at a point in her life where she must express this Dominant side of her being, which has always been there. I'm lucky she has chosen me as her slut, because she is loving. She doesn't want to hurt people.

But Sarah is recognizing within herself that she has discovered there is something very erotic about administering pain in a safe way. I can imagine that this new Sarah is very capable of collecting other sluts if I don't please her, whereas the old Sarah wouldn't do this. This keeps me on edge and makes me feel less secure.

I'm looking forward to Sarah fucking my ass. Maybe this will help convince her that I deeply want to be her slave. Sometimes, I'm not sure she truly comprehends this desire of mine to be her slut slave-whore.

I love you Sarah.

Zack

Zack's first "Public" Display of Reverence for his Mistress....

I was just laying here in bed, reading Zack's recent posts, thinking about his training. Something I have asked him to do in the past has not yet come to be. I'm now hoping that giving him instruction here will "force" him to comply. He's a smart man, he has a way with words, let's see if he can find the words I am looking for. This should be easy - but when I ask him to express his true feelings, he manages to change the subject.

Zack, by the end of this week - Sept 2, 2011, I want to read a detailed description of your inner most thoughts and feelings about getting your ass fucked by me - in about the way I described in an earlier post. I want to hear what you think it is going to be like, (the thrashing you are going to get first) what it is going to feel like, and how you are going to feel being dominated in that way and knowing you have no choice in the matter. Will you feel humiliated? I want to read if this has been something you have fantasized about in the past. I want to know if you are afraid of loving it so much you won't be able to get enough. I want our readers to learn what you are afraid of. And I want them to know how you will feel if you disappoint me and I end the play session right then and there.

I will know if you write a snow job, so you better write this from your heart. Our readers will be waiting..and then they will be voting on my little poll...

Ciao, Baby

The Journey..

I enjoy writing my thoughts down here on this blog. Doing so allows me to reflect on the past, the present and the future. I feel myself getting stronger, less "what will he/she/they think?" It isn't so much that I don't care, but that my entire life doesn't hang in the balance as a result. This applies to Zack as well. That doesn't mean that if I lost him out of my life I wouldn't care, it doesn't mean I wouldn't be heart broken, but it does mean that I know I would be able to pick myself up rather quickly and move on.

I have experienced many losses in my life. They didn't kill me. and you know what they say "That which doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger"  Perhaps they help you develop a shell, an armour that gets you to a point where you don't give a fuck about anything. Perhaps recent events in my life have given me that "who gives a fuck?" attitude, I don't know. What I do know is "who gives a fuck?" protects you from pain. There is nothing sensual or sexual about the pain of lost relationships.

That is where I am at right now. This is actually going to benefit Zack in many ways - his training will become more structured and effective. My instruction and expectations are going to become more clear. This alone will give him a better opportunity for success, if he wants it. He won't feel so much pressure from me - although his success or failure is very important to me, it will be more important to him. His success will garner him many rewards. His success will feed my need to be perfect. We both win.

Zack already told you that we are not in a position to be public about our relationship - and not just the M/s one, but any and all connection of any kind must be kept under wraps. This in itself is unfortunate. Nothing would delight me more than to show up at Zack's office, his personalized collar and leash in hand and announce that it is time for me to take my slave for a walk, buckle on his collar and then lead him out. I know the idea of this not only excites Zack, but also would cause him significant anxiety - mainly because he knows now not to put anything past me. :-) One thing Zack knows is that he shouldn't ever dare me to do anything because I can never pass up a dare. Like the expression "be careful what you wish for", Zack needs to be careful of what he dares me to do because  I definitely have a very naughty side to me.

Right now, I own Zack. But I know not to be complacent about this either.  I am fully aware that the circumstances could change on a dime. I know that I could get a call tomorrow from him saying he is moving to, say, Paris, New York, or anywhere. I hope I am not training him for some other Mistress somewhere else, but if that were the case, I will be proud that I have trained him to be the very best slave ever.

I love you Zack.

The Power I Have...

I see My little slut has been posting. I like it when I am able to distract him from his work. I know his work suffers, but it is just another way he is able to show the power I have over him - even subconsciously. He is trying to learn, he is trying to figure out what he needs to do to please me - sadly for him, I am a bit of a moving target. I will admit, I do it a little on purpose - I like keeping him off balance.

Zack does have a little petulance in him - he can get like a little boy having a temper tantrum, especially when he gets stressed. I've let it go in the past, I've even felt bad about it, because I do understand, and this is the little boy part of him I love so much. But those days will come to an end soon. A good Mistress/Mother has to provide guidance and correction. Zack gets overwhelmed with life sometimes - I will teach him how to manage it better. I only want the very best for him, and when he is able to handle the day to day shit better, he will be happier - as a productive employee and as a slave.

A bitchier Sarah is busting out of her cocoon, but she will still be very very loving - Zack doesn't have to worry.

Sarah's evolution

She has admitted that she's feeling bitchier and she is going to be more demanding. I take from this that she will also be less forgiving.

This makes me a little fearful because I don't want to lose her. I will try to do what I must to keep her happy and in my life.

I love Sarah very much.

Zack

M/s

I'm Sarah's slut, but I'm also her fuckson. She's 10 years older than me, and I just love it when she plays the role of my mother and wants to fuck me. It's possibly the most erotic times I have ever had...but then again, when Sarah forces me to be her fuckface, that ranks up there, too. And when she fucks me in the fuckmobile. And when she makes me wear a leash and collar.

I'm still in training. I know I'm not the perfect slave. But I want to improve for her. I couldn't bear not having Sarah in my life.

Zack

Sarah's training

I should be working, but I'm in a mood to express what a complete and total slut I am. The woman who plays the role of mother, Sarah, knows this. She is going to teach me to be her perfect whore. I have confidence in Sarah because she understands how I think. She knows that I need training. It takes a bit of time. She might even pee on me at some point in the future if she feels that this is what I deserve.

I love Sarah. I want to take whatever she chooses to give me. I know she loves me and she has my best interest at heart.

Zack

Late Night Reflections...

I am not always soft. I can be a real Bitch at times. Zack hasn't really seen that side of me - not yet. There are times when I don't give a fuck about anything, or anyone. It just so happens, one of those times is right now.

Its a challenge, being a part time Mistress. When I need something from Zack, he can't always be there. I have found having Zack as My slave particularly beneficial when it is those times that I need to release tension, clear stress from the day - especially when something significant has occurred.  So far, this has been a fairly symbiotic relationship - he wants to just be a sexual slave, he wants that "release from the everyday pressures of life" and obtains that through submissiveness to Me. Dominating and fucking him helps me release tension and stress. W/we both win. Usually.

I have to give allowances for the fact that he does have "another life" away from Me. His other life brings with it many pressures and responsibilities. In essence, Zack is not just My whore, he is whore to several other masters as well. Being My whore is just more fun for U/us both.

Where things tend to go sideways for me is when I need my slave and he is not available. Not his fault. The times when I need him most are, understandably, when I am not in control of a situation, when I am feeling abused and when I am not feeling respected,  or appreciated. That is when a slave comes in handy.

Tonight just happens to be one of those nights.

What turns me on

Sarah and I can't go public with our M/s love for many reasons. But it excites me to know that people are reading this blog and discovering what a slut I am, and how Sarah is such a loving Dominant. I wish you could see her in her fishnets, her boots, and her crop, with me in a collar and leashed, just as an in the illustration above. She is really enjoying forcing me to give her oral pleasure. These days, it seems practically mandatory. And I love it, especially when she forces my face into her pussy so all I can do is absorb her juices all over my face and tongue. And when she orgasms on my face, oh, that pleasure is very hard to put into words.

Sarah has mentioned that she likes the way I please her orally. And she's thinking about making my slut mouth available to please others. I'm sure you'll hear more about that later.

A true slut trusts his Mistress and does what he's told.
Zack

Sarah's last post

Sarah has just informed me, via this blog, that she is going to fuck me in the way that she described. I am going to describe my physiological reaction.

As I started reading, my cock instantly hardened. I had that shortness of breath that accompanies arousal. I had this feeling that I was sliding into a different form of consciousness, something more subterranean and, in a way, more authentic.

It's like this is who I really am, even though I'm not aware of this in my day-to-day existence. It's a surreal feeling that Sarah elicits from me -- surreal and fucking hot.

It's such a privilege that she has accepted me as her slave. A true slave doesn't question. A true slave trusts Mistress. I trust Sarah. I trust her to fuck me in this way because I trust that she is doing this because she knows it's for my own good.

I am a slut.

Zack

How Amazingly Powerful the Mind is....

I just woke up from a rather incredible night, and I wanted to share My experience here. I can't wait for Zack to read this - for many reasons.

When Zack and I first began O/our discussions about possibly entering into an M/s relationship, one question he asked was "Are You interested in getting a strap-on and fucking me in the ass, darling?".

I was taken aback; the idea was as foreign to Me as was space travel. But not just foreign, the idea was repugnant - anal sex had always definitely been a "no-fly zone" for me. Before Zack and I had even met I had made THAT very clear  - no matter whatever else transpired between us, this was one activity I would never consent to. Zack let me know he had absolutely no interest in anal sex either. I was, then, rather stunned to have him ask THAT question. This was very different from a man wanting to have anal sex with his girlfriend, this was Zack asking if *I* was interested in fucking HIM this way?? It made Me wonder what he wasn't telling Me about his past. My response was a resounding NO, THAT would NEVER happen. (you would have thought life had taught Me to "never say never")


As the months have gone by, W/we have openly discussed a wide variety of experiences W/we might want to try. Zack has a very vivid imagination. Sometimes, I wonder if he says those things, asks those things to see if he can shock Me. Perhaps he is testing Me - I have told him often that there is nothing he could say, nothing he could do that would cause Me to turn away from him. A topic that has come up, and you have read it here, is anal play. You have also read that I have become interested, curious about the experience, and the idea now of fucking My darling slave has caused a rather interesting response in Me. The idea is arousing to Me, and I believe that, although he has some trepidation, it is arousing for Zack as well. I need him to understand that when W/we do engage in this experience, it will be done with love. I have no wish to pound into him with brute force, but with an intent of this being as sensual an experience for him as it will be for Me. I love Zack - as much as I am able to Dominate him, spank, pinch and bite him, humiliate him in private and use his body for My pleasure, I love him. It is essential that he derives pleasure from my Domination as well. It is My job to ensure that happens, even when he thinks it won't.

I have been exploring/reading everything I can about anal sex, particularly girl on guy. I have a greater understanding of how to prepare and how erotic it can be for a man - that the end result can be the most amazing, explosive orgasms they have experienced. I understand the prep work involved. I want this to be very sexual for Zack, so I want this to be right. One thing I haven't been able to understand is what the Mistress gains from it, except being in a position of great control and authority. I'm greedy, I want the sexual experience as well. More research was to be done.

In my exploration, I have found an amazing toy - a strapless strap on. The description peaked my curiosity, so I got in touch with the retailer. "K" has been wonderfully helpful - and the toy is enroute to Me as I type. This toy has many features that are appealing: the cock end is relatively small (in comparison to others I have seen) so, easier for Zack. It also has a vibrator (THAT should be interesting). But- it is also double ended - the female end holds the whole toy in place not with straps, but by being inserted inside the pussy and held there by the Keigel muscles. It too vibrates. Goody. We have a way to go before we get there, however. Training Zack's ass correctly is essential.

So, this toy, this experience has been on My mind. Last evening, before I went to sleep, Zack and I were emailing and, in a way only he has, he got Me VERY aroused. In My last post, you will have read that Zack's  upcoming training will also involve that delicious ass of his. What else has been on My mind is "are My keigels strong enough?" I've been exercising <grin> and it seems I exercise in My sleep as well.

I remember the dream quite vividly. My beautiful, blue toy had arrived and I was anxious to try it out. It would seem that all the prep work had been done, because in the next scene, I was dressed in my Dom outfit - crotchless fishnet stockings, thigh high black patent leather boots, pleather mini skirt and black leather corset (Zack hasn't seen that yet). Zack wore his collar, his leash in my hand and was bound, wrists and ankles to the bed - feet on the floor, upper body on the bed, arms stretched out in front of him, his juicy ass beautifully exposed for my pleasure. A pair of My panties were stuffed in his mouth - if he got noisy (as he often does) I needed to keep the volume down, so as not to disturb the neighbors. He's a slut, and a whore, but they don't need to know that. And I figured he was going to be very noisy, indeed.


I began the session with a little stimulation - several lashes with My crop across his sweet ass  turned it a beautiful bright pink. Zack moaned with every smack of the leather on his ass. And with each lash, he pushed his ass up towards me, asking for more. In this dream, he was enjoying this, very very much. When his ass was the warmth and color I wanted, I kissed it gently. I whispered in Zack's ear "Mother is going to fuck you now". He moaned and said "oh, yes, Mother, please...." I positioned my toy inside me, and applied lots of lubricant to the other end. I mounted Zack's ass, - slowly, gently, lovingly pressing that blue cock into his beautiful opening. He moaned and asked for more - and more is what he got. I turned on the vibrator, and began thrusting. I could feel my own arousal, and as I held his cock with my free hand, I felt his as well. I was very close to orgasm.

That was when I woke up. and this is the incredible part. When I woke up, I was face down in my bed. my hips were thrusting up and down as I "pushed that cock into Zack's ass" in my dream. My arms were spread and I was clutching the sides of my bed tightly. I was fully engaged in an incredible orgasm. This was an orgasm experience that  I had never had before - completely independent of touch - it was neither vaginal or clitoral - it was purely mental. And it felt amazing; it was a very unique experience, it was very enjoyable  - except for one thing.

When it was over, my pussy ached like it had never ached before. I needed Zack. I needed his huge cock pushed deep inside me. I realized that nothing, no kind of play, no toy is EVER going to be able to replace that feeling. That feeling of his cock coming inside me, that feeling of fusion. No matter what other incredible experiences we have together, I know that nothing will ever top fusion with Zack. Not Ever.

If you are reading this, I would love to hear your thoughts. Please feel free to comment on my dream - I wonder - do others have these kinds of orgasms during dreams?

A Fantastic Morning...

Wed. Aug. 24, 1000 hrs.

I honest to God wish I could start every day like I started today. Spending a jam-packed hour with Zack is better than spending an entire week with anyone else. Truly!

He is such a good slave. He showed up right on time – although, he didn’t quite have the raging hard-on I had ordered and he WAS a tad slow getting his pants off when I got him in the back seat of the fuckmobile. He did redeem himself, however. The hard-on appeared promptly (with a little encouragement from the mouth of yours truly) and it felt sooo good sliding into My pussy; it took no time at all before I orgasmed all over him. That cock hits all the right spots. That orgasm felt so good – I was in need of that release of tension - sexual and otherwise. He was very obedient and did not cum, although I could tell it was hard for him. I could have pushed him over the edge easily, but I knew he wanted to succeed and who am I to discourage him so early in his training?? When I felt he was going to “lose it”, I told him to think of something else – that did the trick. He told Me later he thought of his boss and that took the sexual excitement down several notches LOL.

Like I posted yesterday - I am greedy for it all, and this morning was no exception. It is tough for Me to figure out what I enjoy most – riding that gorgeous cock of his (we all know how much I LOVE that tool), fucking his face, or drinking in his cum. I couldn’t decide this morning, so I decided “Fuck it!” I will do all three. And that is exactly what I did. After a very brief recovery period after fucking him there in the back seat of My car (yes, Zack, it IS a good thing I have tinted windows AND that I am not near as noisy as you are - with all those people walking around) I grabbed him by the hair, shoved his face into My pussy (which I had shaved last night so it was smooth as a baby’s bottom for him – I sent him a picture of it, which I think might have surprised him a little, I have never done that before) and fucked his face as well. Like I said before, the 2^nd orgasm is always stronger than the first and this morning was no exception. That blew My mind, there was no doubt. He’s pretty good at what he does. I think Zack thought I had died – when I opened My eyes he was stroking My leg and looking at Me with a rather concerned look on his face. Then I started laughing. Man!! Did I feel good!! I kissed him all over his face so I could taste My juices on him.

While I was doing that he asked Me if I wanted him to cum inside Me before I fuck his face next time – that he would “clean up Mother’s pussy” if that was what I wanted. I admit, that idea had crossed My mind before – but I am trying to take each step slowly, trying to savor the wonder of it all and not to rush him to new things, new experiences to quickly. I think Zack is even more excited than I am to do it all. He is such a slut, truly. And he is MY slut, My personal little whore. I am pretty lucky, and when he is fully trained, well, there won’t be any limits to what W/we will experience.

It wasn’t long before I had that cock in My mouth. I also decided it was a good time for a little training as well. Zack has very sensitive nipples – just brushing them, or licking them seems to cause him pain. I actually like to bite, and he needs to get over that nipple sensitivity damned quick. So, I figure the best way to start that process was to have him experience that pain mixed with the pleasure of me sucking on his cock - pinching his very tiny, little boy nipples at the same time As he came, I gave one a really hard squeeze - I will leave it to him to describe that experience for you. I am curious to read his thoughts and feeling about this. I guess it doesn’t really matter, though, because it is going to happen again.. and again and again, so he just better to learn to fucking love it. I also let him know that there will be more training coming – training assignments that he will have to complete independently and then report to me. He is very curious, but I am going to keep him in suspense until I have everything set. I will give a hint, though - it does involve that very delicious ass of his..

Spending time in the fuckmobile is great, but it can’t replace the full on experience of him naked and collared and me in my oh so delicious fishnet stockings, thigh high boots and riding crop. I need that, and I need that soon. Zack has to figure that out, though – He has a very busy life, and sometimes finding time can be a big challenge.

Stay tuned – pictures will be posted on this site soon!

Strange Developments...

Something has changed. I have no idea what. Maybe my own personal challenges of the past weekend have caused a shift in me. Maybe I have fully accepted this new role and I am like a kid in a candy shop. I want it all, and I want to gorge myself on the delights before me. Maybe Zack has convinced me that I am who I am - and I am fantastic. I have no idea,whatever it is, I have never felt like this before.

But I can't move forward with this until I catch up the past. The colossal explosion of past and present has to happen. Over the past 2 years, Zack and I have had some very difficult times. We didn't communicate well. I often felt that my being in his life caused him more stress that it was worth. I couldn't bear the idea that having an affair with me could be worse for him that never having met me at all. When I would express this, Zack's response would be along the lines of "I think you want to dump me; well go ahead if that is what you want". I don't think he knew the pain that attitude caused me - it felt like he didn't care if I was in his life or not. We played this self destructive game over and over. In hindsight, I see that neither of us knew how we should be with the other. We loved each other, we THOUGHT we were communicating - clearly, we were not.

Last winter was the worst, the absolute worst time for both of us. Both of us were going through our own private hell. And I really think that any other couple in our situation would have ended it, right then and there. Somehow, we held on - no matter how much both of us were hurting the other. We knew we loved the other very very much. We just didn't know how to get back on track.

For me, I felt that we had hit rock bottom. Then, I viewed an interview online with a woman who had written a book about Dominatrixes (is that a word??). I was intrigued. More than intrigued - I was capitvated. Something, somewhere deep inside me stirred. I mentioned it to Zack; he had also viewed the video. He began asking me probing questions about what it was that interested me, how did certain things make me feel and so on. (Remember his profile at the very beginning of this?? "Light BDSM"? He knew which way to take me) To make a short story even shorter, we went from 0 to 120 in about 60 seconds. Suddenly, we were questioning each other, and with each conversation "we" became more and more clear. Our previous problems were rooted, I am convinced, in our lack of recognition of who we were, who we are. Zack suspected things about himself, but I really had no clue - as the truth began to dawn on me, that I really was very Dominant, I realized that in my whole life I was the most unhappy when I was not in control of the situation or when someone was trying to dominate me.

Zack was pretty funny when I had this revelation - I could almost hear him sigh "At Last!!" The last 4 months have been a whirlwind (yes, we have only come to this withn the last 4 months) and it has not been perfection, let me tell you. I have messed up plenty. We both have lots to learn, but we are now committed to learning it together. It is my responsibility to teach Zack how he can be my slave, how he can be to please me. I want to be the best Mistress I can be for him. He deserves the best and I intend to be that. I will not settle for anything less.

Now, here comes a twist. I am going to try to articulate this, although we have not been very successful in doing so. Zack can join in with whatever thoughts he might have.

Remember that I am older than Zack. Remember that we both lost our mothers at a very young age - mothering was a component of life we both missed out on. As a mother myself, I have managed to make up for that loss by being nurturing, compassionate, caring and well, motherly. Zack has had no way to make up for that loss - he has never had anyone feel for him, care for him that way. He has gone through life starving for what everyone needs. I love Zack, with all my heart and soul. He needs me - not just the sexual part, but all of me. The mothering I bring with me is as necessary to him as the air he breathes.

When we fuck, we experience that colossal explosion - we call it fusion - the release of enough energy to combine 2 separate beings into 1. It is an experience like nothing else we have experienced. Zack says it is like "coming home". He loves the way I make him feel (and of course, the feeling is quite mutual) - like he is being loved, cared for, and protected like a mother loves, cares for and protects a child. I feel that kind of love for him as well. When we experience fusion in this context - Mother and son - we feel more complete than either of us have felt in a lifetime. I am sure to some readers that sounds REALLY weird, and I am not sure I have explained it properly. Like I said, it is difficult to articulate.

When I fuck Zack in that "Mother" context, there isn't a feeling of "yes, here I am, fucking my son". He is not thinking that he is fucking his Mother. It's not concrete in that way. It is the sense of belonging, of being loved unconditionally, without expectation, without judgement that we feel. (Help me out, Zack - I am not explaining this very well)

And yet, if I whisper in his ear "Do you want Mother to fuck you?" fusion is only a split second away. So, the "M/s Relationship" titled here is not only "Mistress/slave" but also "Mother/son". And this Mother loves this son like no one has ever loved another human being.

I love you, Zack.

Craving Sarah

Sarah has been busy today and it has left me feeling a bit adrift. I am fantasizing about more extreme forms of submission with her today. I think that her love has given me permission to really open myself up to new experiences.

I adore the feeling of being Sarah's bitch--available to her in any form she likes. I told her by email today that I'm her slutbitch. And my mouth is at her service.

I like the idea of Sarah giving me instructions to fulfill, so I can prove my loving devotion. I miss the feel of her crop against my ass. I miss the feel of her tugging on my hair and force-feeding me her pussy. If I'm good, perhaps she will reward me tomorrow morning.

Zack

Sarah's last email

I just received an email....Sarah told me she's fucking hungry and I had better show up tomorrow with a raging hard-on. Sarah will get her wish. I am her fuckslave, her fuckwhore. I hope she deigns to come on my face.

Zack

Sarah's latest demand

I'm so aroused right now. Sarah has left a phone message telling me that I am required to meet her in the fuckmobile tomorrow morning before work. I can barely type I'm so excited. When she issues orders, I can think of nothing else.

I hope she orders me to unzip my pants and show her my hard cock. If you're a regular reader of this blog, you'll probably have noticed that Sarah isn't shy about saying how much she likes my cock. It feels so perfect inside her. Last time, it was so big and hard it took a little bit of time for her to take all of me inside her, but she did. And then she fucked me, taking her pleasure.

I am Sarah's willing, obedient fucktoy. If she wants to fuck me again tomorrow, she will. She's left me the impression that she might fuck me, then force me to lick her delicious pussy.

Sarah is my Mistress. My job is to please her. In giving my Queen what she deserves, I feel a sense of fulfilment.

Zack

Back in Time....

So, I'm going to take a break from the present and go back in time. Right now the immediate present is a little more than I want to think about right now, so I'll go back - but just in summary. I'll try not to bore anyone <vbg>

Ok, I take that back, no summary after all -I am going to go to the day that I first fucked Zack. I had my sights set on him right from the beginning - although I am not sure he really knew it - yet. I was going to a conference in town, and took this opportunity to set things up. I checked into a hotel the afternoon before the conference. Zack had plans to stop by before going home after work.

I was so nervous. I did not have the body of a 20 yr old - far from it. What if he found me repulsive? I couldn't take that kind of rejection. That would be the ultimate crusher. We knew what we hoped to do that afternoon - we had discussed it already. We had had the "safe sex" talk, so condoms were the order of the day. I had no idea what I was going to do, or how this was going to go. It had been a LONG time since I had had sex with anyone but my husband.

Zack arrived. I let him into the room, and then sat in the armchair. He came and sat by me - I think he knew how nervous I was - like a virgin teenager. He was so sweet, he told me we didn't have to do anything, we could just talk if that was as much as I could handle. He laid down on the bed and I lay down with him, where he just held me in his arms. His hands on me felt delicious! He was delicious! It did not take long before I had him naked under the covers - my inhibitions were long gone.

I undressed and got under the covers with him. We made out, kissing, touching everything, caressing each other.  I wanted so badly to move down his body and take his huge, beautiful cock into my mouth - that would have been a new experience for me, something i had never done before, but for some reason I wanted to do that, badly. I was drawn to his swollen cock like a moth to a flame. I just didn't have the courage or the confidence to do that. Not yet. It wasn't long before I was fully aroused, so wet, and aching to feel him inside me. I climbed on top of him, and slid that beautiful cock inside my pussy. He gasped, and as I lowered myself down onto his cock, I felt it filling me up and it was a feeling like no other. I was kissing him and riding that cock - up and down, up and down - before I knew what was happening I could feel his hot juices gushing inside of me, and when I felt that, my own orgasm was instantaneous and explosive. I literally felt like my head was going to explode - I had, as I always like to say, just been fucked blind. And it was glorious. It took my breath away and I collapsed on top of him.
Zack's response was equally as overwhelming - but I think I'll let him explain it. The whole "safe sex" discussion had gone out the window. No condoms, there was nothing between us except raw passion. Then and now.
 He came back the next morning - yes, I was late for the conference, and he was late for work, but it was bloody well worth it.


A new time in our lives had begun. There was no turning back now and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Life happens, no matter what we do...

I can not sleep. It has been a very stressful day. I wish Zack could be here with Me, to hold Me and to tell me everything is going to be ok.  I am his Mistress, I know I am supposed to be the strong one, the one in control of every situation. But that is the uniqueness of an M/s relationship - it isn't simply about Domination and submission, it isn't always Mistress and slave. Our relationship is also about friendship and love. Zack is My slave, but he is also My friend, and right now a friend is what I need.

My life is about to take a rather dramatic turn in its path, and I am not so sure I will be able to negotiate the trip. I'm not sure I am strong enough. I need to be strong, I need to hold my resolve, I need not to cave in to 20 years of emotional abuse. Zack is the only one who knows every detail of my life, he knows more about Me that any other person in this universe. He is the only one I can rely on to help Me figure things out. The decisions I need to make will impact My family, and in the end, I have no doubt I will be left standing alone. Except for Zack. He is the only one I trust not to judge Me, not to abandon Me.

I know this is likely freaking him out, messing with his mind as well. I have promised to protect him always, and I will die before he is hurt by any of My "stuff". I don't want him to worry - about Me or about himself. I can get through this if I know I have him to lean on, have him by My side.

Now I need to try to sleep....

11 Elements of an M/s Relationship

First element is honesty

Complete and total honesty between the slave and Mistress. Without such honesty, the relationship can not exist in it's fullness; from honesty all things grow.

Second element is trust

Trust grows from honesty. Only through the knowledge that the Mistress is, and always will be, completely honest can the slave also give complete trust, and only through the knowledge that the slave is completely honest with Her, can the Mistress trust the slave.

Third Element is respect

Respect for each other grows from the knowledge of complete honesty and the giving of complete trust.

Fourth Element is submission

The slave must willfully and completely submit to the Mistress. This he can do because of the trust he has in Her.

Fifth element is possession
The Mistress fully possesses the slave - his  thoughts, mind, body and soul. The slave gives himself completely to the Mistress and the Mistress assumes ownership of the slave. Everything that was his is now Hers to do with as She sees fit.

Sixth element is obedience

The slave must always obey the Mistress's every comand. He obeys not only because he is owned and possessed but because he desires to please his Mistress in every way he can.

Seventh element is caring and devotion

The Mistress cares for the slave and will always be devoted to his welfare. The slave must care for the Mistress and be devoted to Her well-being as well. The slave serves, not only out of duty, but also out of his devotion to his Mistress. He must learn Her every desire; Her every whim is to be his life. His destiny is to serve with all of his soul because of this devotion.

Eighth element is protection

The Mistress assumes the responsibility of complete and utter protection of the slave. He is Her property and as such is to be protected at all times from all harmful influences, be it from another person or society at large.

Ninth element is honor

To be a true Mistress, She must have honor in every action She takes, in every thought She thinks.  The slave must honor his Mistress and do everything in his power to protect that honor through his own actions, words and thoughts.

Tenth element is friendship

The most lasting relationships are based on friendship while the Mistress Dominates and the slave serves. They must become friends or the relationship is doomed.

Eleventh element is love

If,and only if, all the previous elements have been met can love bloom between the Mistress and the slave.  This is the greastest of the elements, the most difficult to attain but at the same time the most fragile and strongest. It binds the Mistress to the slave and the slave to the Mistress with an unbreakable bond - the bond of love. http://blackoasisskjern.tripod.com/blackoasisofskjerntruegor/index.html

Still Here... and Still Now...

I'm not sure when I will get back to the reiteration of our journey - not today, anyway. Like a dog with a bone, I am going back to the day before yesterday.


Like most slaves do, Zack has glossed over the parts where he wasn't being the perfect slave. He is not going to be happy that I share that here, but that's life. He is a slave in training, and that training does not always consist of pleasantries. Sometimes that training consists of admonishment - when rebuke is necessary as correction. Public admonishment just might get my point across - simply giving the instruction doesn't seem to work very well.


Admittedly, the visit ended very well, and I shared that yesterday. It actually allowed Zack to save the day. Zack is smart - even when he doesn't think he is. But I'm smart too.


In his post, he said "It was a rough day, and I won't bore you with all the details about how I was feeling".  (Nice try, Zack. You really didn't think you were going to slide that one by your Mistress, did you?)


When we first met, I drove a large SUV that we nicknamed the "Beast". I would pick up Zack in the Beast and we would spend some time together - talking, making out. Last year, I got a new car - I LOVE my car. It's smaller than the Beast, but I figured out this summer that it can actually be quite roomy in the back seat - enough room for me to fuck Zack. The new car was aptly named (by Zack) as the "Fuckmobile". When the Fuckmobile rolls into town, I have the ability to call Zack's ass out - as his Mistress.


But I am reasonable, I am a part time Mistress. Our lives are complicated. Zack has many Masters and i am at the bottom of a long line of people calling the shots for him. These are people he HAS to perform for. These are people more important to his life for a variety of reasons - employer, family and yes, wife. There are times when I simply do not fit, when I am optional in his life. I understand that and I am ok with that. I have choices as well - I do not have to be a part time Mistress. There are other worms out there who would love to be on the receiving end of my crop, or my strap-on.


At this point in my life, I have chosen Zack under these terms. He is a very lucky slave.


And the day in question was one of those times when I was "optional". 


I have given Zack instruction that if I do come to town and he is busy with work or other demands (I know he could be in a meeting, or deeply involved in his work) he is to tell Me. I understand that, I GET THAT.


I had stopped by the day before, had seen him and knew how tired he was. When he got into the car this time, I expected to see his exhaustion and to hear him unwind, to vent even, about the demands made on him, which is exactly what he did. However, it took a bit for it to sink in - it was Me he was venting about, that his angst was as a result of Me stopping by - not only that day, but the day before as well. I was a little taken aback by this. I reminded him again that if he is busy he is to TELL ME, that I expect his honesty about this. I would never be upset, this would not disappoint me because I understand. Zack does not upset Me,   he does confuse Me at times.


His response was that he didn't tell me he was busy, because he wanted to see Me - this right after saying that it is very hard when I call and he "has to drop everything to come out to the car". So, when he got into the fuckmobile, he was conflicted - torn between wanting to see me and staying with his work. Whether he intended it or not, I felt it was My fault he was feeling this conflict. I reminded him that there was no way of Me knowing if he was busy, and that I had instructed him in the past that it was his responsibility to communicate with Me honestly.


I told him to go back to work. I actually wanted to kick his ass out of the fuckmobile right then and there. He didn't want to go; he put his arm around Me, kissed Me and as always happens, I melted. He was very right - I had not planned on fucking him that afternoon. But fuck him, I did. Actually, I FUCKED him.


Looking back, I think the orgasm I experienced that afternoon, there in the backseat of the fuckmobile, was so explosive because it was related to Zack's behavior - it was as if it were his punishment. I was going to have the best orgasm ever - and he was not. I suspect it is going to be some time before he get's that opportunity again - that opportunity to blow his wad inside me, inside my mouth or my pussy.  Oh, I will make sure he gets lots of arousal - I know exactly how to turn him on, but to actually orgasm???? Not on your life. There is work to be done before that happens again.


Oh, and Zack, darling, the next time we get a play session, I assure you, the crop will get a much better workout. You have a lesson to learn. This relationship is about what ***I*** want, not what you want. If I come to town and call you, and you are busy, I don't care if you want to see me regardless. You are to be honest and tell me you are busy. Am I making myself clear???


Trust me, you will be tested again - and probably very soon.

Sarah showed a different side

Sarah's last post gives you an indication why I'm so happy with her. I just got so hard reading it because it brought me back to that moment. I am a slut for her. I'm proud to write this. I'm hoping she expands my boundaries. She already has with her pure love, which is accompied by such delicious carnal desire.

I don't fuck Sarah. She fucks me. She takes me and devours me. If she thinks my cock was bigger than normal yesterday, it's because she takes me places I've never been before. I get such a sense of relaxation in her presence. I feel I can tell her anything without judgement.

I want to be in a collar and on a leash (see photo above) and pleasing her that way. It feels good when she tugs on her leash. I feel like I belong to her. This is the best feeling I can ever have.

I love you Sarah.

Zack
xoxoxoxox

In the Here and Now...

It appears that I am going to shift back and forth between past and present – at some point the two will meet. I have to wonder what will happen then. A colossal explosion as they collide?

Zack will lead you to believe that this is boring. He is probably right, but it is important to me to get this all down - it's the main reason I started this blog in the first place. It would be a challenge to relay the development of this relationship of ours if we started with today, now wouldn't it?

I was surprised that he didn't comment on my 2nd date post, but it's fine. He is a bit of an enigma at times - Zack doesn't want to look back, to re-hash what has been. But he doesn't want to look forward either, so it's simply the here and now.. I'll do my best.

Zack beat me to the events of yesterday. It was interesting reading his perspective. He is such a slut. He loves me using him for my pleasure and I am always happy to oblige him. He was right - he does have a huge gorgeous cock, and although I didn't tell him, it was particularly huge yesterday. I love the way he tastes. I will admit, I AM a little greedy - I want it all. I love making him cum in my mouth. I love the way he tastes, I love the feel of his juices sliding down my throat, and I love that I can "taste" him for hours later.


But I also love it when his big cock slides inside me, it is one of the best feelings in the world. I love the feeling of him inside me - he positively fills me up. And I love having his underneath me - I'm a Top in more ways than 1. But there will be much more about that at a later date.

 Oh yeah, I love fucking his face - the feel of his mouth on my pussy is delicious!!  It took me a while to get to this point, but now I want it all.. all the time. Tying him up and sitting on his face is one of my favorite activities!

Zack will tell you I am pretty much insatiable, and he would be right. I can never get enough of this man. Well, except yesterday - yesterday, he blew my mind. That orgasm was positively explosive.

But, you have read his observations and perspective of yesterday's events, so I won't bore with my own rendition. I don't want anyone to fall asleep, right Zack?  :-)

I am Sarah's fucktoy

Sarah has been telling you the stories of our early dates and I know she wants to go through all of this. And that's fine for those who want to hear this. But I have a hunch that if anyone is checking into this blog, they want to hear something vivid and sexual, too.

Yesterday, Sarah drove to a parkade near where I work. She called me out. It was a rough day, and I won't bore you with all the details about how I was feeling. Sarah eventually got me relaxed. Then she let me know she wanted me to unzip my pants, which I did in the back seat of the car.

She tells me that she likes my cock. There's nothing better you can tell a man than this (written with a big big smile). Then she started slowly sucking on it. Right there in the back seat. It's a good thing she has tinted windows.

I started feeling so good. I love the look of her head going up and down this way. It's so sensuous. I told her that I wanted her to fuck me, like only she can. She said she didn't plan on this...as she was pulling down her panties.

She instructed me that I was not to come. This was for her pleasure. And she climbed on top of me, took me inside her, and started grinding her hips. My hard cock was so swollen that it didn't slide in at first. She had to work it, but as she became more lubricated, I pushed in deeper.

I love the sounds Sarah makes as she gets close to orgasm. My job was to sit there and let her take her pleasure. Which she did. Fully. Completely. I think she had a great orgasm. And like a good obedient fucktoy, I didn't come. I felt so good giving her this pleasure. I love Sarah. Just writing this makes me want her to do it again.

I'm not going to give away too much about our relationship because I don't want to spoil Sarah's narrative. But I would like to read any comments by anyone who might have stumbled across this blog. It's a turn-on for me to know that somebody might be reading this.

If so, you can ask any questions you like. I love being Sarah's slave.....her fuck slave. I want her to enjoy my hard, swollen cock.

Back to the Journey...

Now where was I before I got caught up in Zack's additions to this blog?? Oh yes, we had experienced Date # 2...

The next couple of dates were equally as much fun, but for the record, it seems that date #2, even after all this time, is our favorite, the most magical, the one that really set us on this path. The next date we had was a hike.. a hike that was to have taken about 2 hours, but ended up taking us 4! We actually got lost! I didn't mind in the least - I was lost on a mountain with Zack. He was so obvious. At points, he would get himself postioned behind me - he did confess it was to look at my ass in my black yoga pants, rather than to ensure my safety - he is such a MAN! :-). It was a lot of fun, despite getting lost. Of course, you know it wasn't all hiking - we stopped to make out several times, and I became acutely aware of how aroused I was being with him, and how aroused he was - easily recognized by the huge bulge in his pants. As time passed, the more I wanted to get to know that bulge intimately.  I had no idea how I was going to orchestrate that, but somehow I was going to figure it out - and soon. It was becoming more and more apparent to me how very much I wanted to get naked with this man and find out as much about his body as I possibly could. I wanted to feel his cock inside me, I wanted to know what making love to him would be like.

Sex had never been a priority in my life - and my experiences before and during my marriage had been far less than satisfactory. I had lost my virginity at the age of 16 - I was considered "slow" in this regard, as my friends had been having sex for a few years already.  I was so naive'- I was 14 before I experienced my first kiss and that was a terrifying experience for me. My mother had committed suicide when I was 10, and being the only girl, there really wasn't anyone to tell me all about the "birds and bees". All I knew was what I saw on TV and what I had read in a book of my oldest brother's about venereal disease - how pathetic is THAT? What I "knew" from TV was that a man and woman would kiss, and the next thing you knew, she was pregnant. (I'm sure you can see where this is going) When I experienced that kiss (and he was gorgeous too, btw) I wanted it, but I was also positive I was going to get pregnant from this as well. What a beautiful baby we would have! lol. My first sexual experience was basically a "here goes nothing" episode. It was rough, painful, and very unsatisfying. When it was over, he drove me home, and I never really saw him again, even though we had been dating for several months, and I had even met his family. My assumption was that I was simply a "lousy lay". I had a few more of those types of instances before I got married. I had rarely experienced good sex even with my husband, so it really surprised me and caught me a little off guard to be so attracted and aroused by Zack - this was very new for me.

Our last "pre-sex" date ended up to be a very funny story. We had decided to skip a few hours of work one beautiful summer morning. Zack and I met at a park where we walked, talked, found another rock <vbg> and ended up in my car making out and talking. We spent a couple of hours together before we decided it was time to get to work for both of us. Zack got out of my car and I went to start it - but no deal. My car would not start. I was very surprised and at that instant the anxiety set in for me. I had to resort to calling a towing company to come and see what was wrong. I was very anxious that somehow my husband would learn that I had been there with another man - that someone at the park would recognize me and tell him. Always the gentleman, Zack refused to leave until I was on my way - even though he too needed to get to work. The longer we had to wait for the tow truck, the more anxious both of us became. We talked, trying to pass the time in relative calm, but as the minutes ticked by, our anxious states mounted - exactly WHEN was that stupid truck going to arrive??? At last, after another hour and a half, it did arrive. And when it did, we both experienced the same reaction - complete and total disappointment! lol. The car started immediately after getting boosted - I had drained the battery playing the radio while we sat in the car earlier. We were doing great - lost on the previous date, stranded on this one. But both times, we got added time to get to know each other better, to learn that we wanted each other - in every way. The foundation had been laid - and soon, so would we be.

Learning new things

Sarah has posted links to other sites she enjoys visiting. Before I saw this list, I had no idea that she had done so much reading about BDSM. I was able to visit some of these sites this morning, which created intense arousal. It gives me pleasure to know that my Mistress is such an ardent student of BDSM. This further increases my level of trust, though I already trust her implicitly.

I love her psychological Domination--when she gets that look in her eye that commands me to obey or else I will face unpleasant consequences. A little fear can be extremely sensuous. What Sarah may not fully recognize is it's not so much the fear of physical consequences, but the trepidation I feel over the possibility of her rejecting me.

Sometimes when I'm at work, I can get nothing done because I'm feeling so immersed in the experience of being Sarah's loving submissive. I need the collar. I need her control. When she takes me on a leash, I feel like I've truly come home. There's something very sensuous about being dragged on a leash by Sarah.

Maybe it's because in that moment, I feel truly owned.

The depths of my emotion..

 I am beginning to understand. Reading how this relationship makes Zack feel gives me immense pleasure as well. The problem is that now I just can't get enough of him.

Opening up...

I feel like I can be increasingly open with Sarah. Things that I never knew I would be interested in have suddenly acquired a forbidden appeal. If you look at the image above -- a man in a collar, there to please Mistress -- you get a sense of how I enjoy serving Sarah. I derive immense pleasure from being ordered to please her. When she looks at me with a somewhat menacing stare, I drift into a state of sexual and romantic bliss as I strive to give Her what She deserves: devotion. A slavelike devotion. After all this time, I still don't think she fully comprehends the extent to which I would go to please her. When she orgasms all over my face, I feel complete. I have been a good loving slave. I have given Mistress the respect and the devotion she deserves. I don't need an orgasm myself. Serving her is more than enough of a reward.

With the signals...

on this site, you know that I am Sarah's loving slut. I hope you're enjoying reading about the evolution of our relationship. Stay tuned. It's going to get more interesting.

Z

And so it goes...

I have no intention of going into so much detail for every date we have ever had - that would be waaaaay to strenuous and waaaaay too boring. Zack wants me to get to the "good stuff" - I will try to get there as quickly as i can, but i still need to do the preliminary work, to add the "meat" to the story, so to speak.

The most important thing I can add at this point is that although this new relationship may have had a high level of lust to it, there was something more, something very different from anything I/we had experienced before. There was a connection, one that went beyond anything phsyical. From the very beginning there was never a moment of discomfort, there were never any of those "awkward silences", and never have been, even when we aren't talking. I know this sounds corny, but I am convinced that this is not our "first time around". I think we were destined to meet now because we have an unfinished relationship from another life. We are our destiny.

I felt something for this man I hadn't felt for any other human being - not friends, family, not my children, not my husband. I came to realize there was nothing Zack could say, nothing he could do, nothing he could tell me that would change the way I felt about him. It took only an instant to understand that there were no "conditions" on my relationship with him, on the way I felt about him. That feeling only gets more intense, more ingrained as time passes. I'm not sure he came to that thought about me until recently, but it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. He is my world.